herblond
Posts: 3
Joined: 6/2/2015
Status: offline
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Hi, new here and this is my first post. Yeah me. :) I am still discovering a lot about myself so this the best I can do as to why and how.
I grew up in a very strict Austrian household. My mother was the dominant parent and all us kids knew not to disobey her. Being the youngest girl of the family, I got away with more than most but when I was punished it tended to be worse than my other siblings. Like I was disappointing her more than they were when I misbehaved. Flash forward to 3 years ago. I was in a abusive relationship with a man for several years at this point. I had very low self esteem, hated to be touched and tended to do anything asked of me to avoid conflict. We hadn't had sex in literally years at this point so I was also one horny lady.
I transferred to a new office for my job and met a very large and aggressive black woman. When I told her about the abuse, she took me under her wing, protected me and gave me a pace to stay away from my bf until I finally got the nerve up to leave him. So naturally I felt very obligated, safe and grateful towards her.
Soon after moving into her apartment, she started hitting on me. Subtly at first. Touches of the hand when we spoke. Long lingering hugs for any reason. She is 6 feet tall and extremely busty and I had a strong aversion to being touched because of the abuse so the hugs were very awkward, uncomfortable and embarrassing for me. But I went along with everything she did to avoid any conflict and seen ungrateful. She was always saying I was being silly for not wanting to be touched and this is a way for me to get over that. Flash back to my mother and remember I had a strong desire to please authoritative women. I should mention I was not into women in any way at this point.
Over time, the hugs and subtle touching became not so subtle. To the point of near molestation. I had no where else to go. I felt obligated to her for all she did for me and I wanted desperately to please her any way I could. So I rarely objected to anything she did to me. Of course, this was a sign for her to do even more. But by now I was obviously getting excited by what she was doing to me. I mean shortness of breath, goose bumps, that familiar red blush on my chest I get when excited. Hard nipples and moans were all part of it.
She noticed how clearly excited I was getting, you couldn't miss it, despite my feeble objections. To the point of her giving me orders and chores to do for her and I often found myself pinned against the wall or beneath her on the car seat, bed or couch. Please don't take this the wrong way. I never once gave her any clear signals I wanted her to stop. Quit the opposite I am sure. All my struggles were internal inside my head. I was more than ready sexually for her but I was struggling with "letting go" and fully giving into her. She never went past kissing and fondling me. She was waiting for me to fully submit to her. But even still, to show you how conflicted I was, when she stopped whatever she was doing, I would go to my room and masturbate to a huge orgasm then cry myself to sleep for having done it. I could think of nothing all day but having sex with her but then when she started kissing me, I would freeze up and feel guilty for wanting it. So that my body was reacting to her but I just sort of stood there and did nothing but let it react.
Finally one day I just let go and fully gave myself to her. Best day of my life. I have never looked back. I still have moments of doubt and even dispair for what I am doing with her but they are diminishing. :)
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RE: Personal beginnings and relationship beginings... - 
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