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AAkasha -> RE: A couple pain questions (5/19/2015 12:27:09 PM)
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I can only speak of my own desires and experiences as a femdom.
What turns me on is authentic vulnerability. Also, I am really turned on by subtle, honest, physical bodily reactions, sounds, movements.
As a teen just playfully making out with boys in the backseat for example, I learned that I loved to pull hair. Moreso, I loved to caress hair, then take a fistful, harmlessly, but slowly tighten my first until the guy let out a whimper or had to exhale in pain. Later I learned it was even more fun to make him look me in the eyes while I did it. We're just talking about hair pulling. Always slow, deliberate. The moment pain registered in his eyes, a little vulnerability, a change in his breathing, maybe the tensing of his shoulders - I was off the charts turned on.
That's before I knew what "turned on" was. I had never had an orgasm. Never been naked in front of a guy. We were just kids making out like all teenagers do.
Much later I learned about sadism. I don't have this "need" to inflict pain. I have a need to see vulnerability, reaction, surrender. In fact, it's almost easier for me when a man is tentative about pain, and definitely NOT a masochist. That way, I don't have to go to great lengths to inflict pain to get the reactions I want - unless he's a skilled, empathetic, intuitive bottom who really knows how to push buttons. He's probably acting half the time, but I don't care.
I can use a flogger, a riding crop, whatever. It's ok. I found that if I restrained a man and did these things to him (I was much older by then), it wasn't QUITE the same rush, but it created a physical arousal in me for sure. But it's a lot of work. It's a process. It's super draining. It's sometimes a little too much on the edge.
I found that my sweet spot is a mixture of bondage (my favorite), humiliation (when done right) and pain as an enhancement, usually just what I can deliver with my bare hands or mouth through biting, light slapping, hair pulling. I get off on the surrender and vulnerability (hate to sound like a broken record, but I worked hard to narrow my definition and it works). How I get to that moment with a man depends on his responsiveness to bondage, pain or humiliation and if those responses click with me and get me going.
I've had men who were total painsluts and they exhausted me, but it was fun. I've had men who had a very low tolerance for pain and they really rocked my world while I barely hurt them at all.
The other key component: Simple chemistry.
Does it make you closer? Hell yes.
Akasha
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