RE: If you could walk away....

RE: If you could walk away.... (Full Version)

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MiaCastle -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 8:50:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilithMorrigan quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant There are people that are in the lifestyle, then with some, the lifestyle is IN them. You will find that one can walk away, and the other will never escape themselves. So, are you in the lifestyle or is it in you? This resonates with me. I'm definitely the latter. I could walk away from the community, but I was into nonconsent scenes before I knew sex existed. If I could extract kink from myself, I wouldn't. Living on societal margins is sometimes difficult, but it breeds empathy, and personality types like mine are great at assisting the normalization of taboos. So you are so uber prodom that you started out a bully into forcing people to do things they didn't agree to? That's just not right. Why don't you stop trying to be uber dom for the green and just be who you are. Or are you a bully that could be compared to a rapist of sorts? Not everyone you meet is young and clueless and will fall for this crud.

camille65 -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 9:02:15 AM)
FR If you mean do I sometimes wish I coul eradicate part of my personality? Yes, on occasion I do think life might be easier. But at the same time I've grown to not only like myself but cherish those parts that make up my being submissive. And I've learned that every type if life has its struggles. I doubt I could actually change being submissive even if I tried, it is a huge facet of being me.

RockaRolla -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 9:17:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MiaCastle quote: ORIGINAL: LilithMorrigan quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant There are people that are in the lifestyle, then with some, the lifestyle is IN them. You will find that one can walk away, and the other will never escape themselves. So, are you in the lifestyle or is it in you? This resonates with me. I'm definitely the latter. I could walk away from the community, but I was into nonconsent scenes before I knew sex existed. If I could extract kink from myself, I wouldn't. Living on societal margins is sometimes difficult, but it breeds empathy, and personality types like mine are great at assisting the normalization of taboos. So you are so uber prodom that you started out a bully into forcing people to do things they didn't agree to? That's just not right. Why don't you stop trying to be uber dom for the green and just be who you are. Or are you a bully that could be compared to a rapist of sorts? Not everyone you meet is young and clueless and will fall for this crud. Yeah, no. That's not what I gathered from her post at all. Let's not turn this into yet another prodom-bashing thread, or perpetuate bullshit stereotypes about sex workers.

MiaCastle -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 9:29:56 AM)
I am not prodom bashing. I'm going on her domly stance of non consent and other things she has said, all adding up to what some submissive men will pay for. Force me. Humiliate me. Take all I have princess. I have never heard a prodom that I have respected and there have been many, say anything like a proprincess would.

RockaRolla -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 9:41:12 AM)
Ah, I see. Just kink-bashing then. There are plenty of Doms into nonconsent scenes. If you're not pro-dom bashing, try not using "uber dom" and "domly" as a slur. Who says she's not being who she really is? Obviously she's into what she's doing. So she makes a living doing something others will enjoy. That's like saying I'm not a "real" baker because I make money from my profession, rather than maintain a baking blog for randoms on the internet to enjoy. Nobody here is the kink police, and it's not our place to attack people for being into kinks that we personally can't respect. My 2 cents here, and I'm done hijacking the thread. (My apologies to the OP.)

cyprian -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 9:49:08 AM)
How do you walk away from who you are? The vanilla world is there, I participate, but in relationships vanilla doesn't feel normal. I like feeling normal. Is it easier to find s great vanilla relationship than lifestyle relationship? Dunno, but being true to yourself is the best way to find your partner. I love these forums because of the openess and acceptance of our differences. That is harder to find in vanilla settings.

MiaCastle -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 9:52:49 AM)
You assume much but then I may have said something in a way that promoted that. Kink bashing because I used uber dom as an insult or slur? You are mistaken on my intent and I admit, my words may seem like that, but I know uber doms and respect them. Uber is not a bad word. ACTING uber for profit is common. Right or wrong isn't playing into it for me other than the act. As I tried to state, I know prodoms. I like them. I have assisted some that wanted to get started. As for sex workers; I have called many of them friend. Is she acting? You say no, this could be who she is and I say, yes she is. Each of us have an opinion and you have mine.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 10:00:18 AM)
Don't make me get the Orangupotamus... it'll get ugly in here!

MiaCastle -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 10:05:22 AM)
We may need a leash and a cage.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 10:07:08 AM)
I often think Vanilla is just what someone is until you get to know them.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 10:08:19 AM)
There's no subduing the Orangupotamus! The poo flinging accuracy of an orangutang, fused centaur-like with a hippopotamus... do you know the poo production capacity of a hippo? Needless to say, "ugly in here" was putting it mildly.

Musicmystery -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 11:29:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pleasure5ub I am wondering how many people in this lifestyle would walk away if they could? As in, if there was a way for you to find contentment in vanilla interactions and let go of bdsm, would you do it? Why or why not? The reason I ask is because I would like to walk away and wonder if I am the only one. As a heterosexual male submissive, I find this is a very dead end lifestyle in terms of finding a compatibly minded female partner. The numbers just don't allow it...and then there are all kinds of other issues relating to whether there is a connection between you and another. In addition, there are a host of other bad experiences that I'm just not going to get into but the bottom line is... I would like to walk away! I have been trying for years and looking for the means to do so. I believe I have found many pieces of the puzzle and have actually detailed them as best as I can here: http://m4sculinsm.blogspot.com/ I realize that not everyone is drawn to a particular D/s role for the same reason, and I also realize there are many that would not want to walk away; but I thought it would be informative to discuss. What's the problem? So walk. Problem solved.

Cell -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 11:39:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance I often think Vanilla is just what someone is until you get to know them. That's an interesting view. I don't know though... @Tyrant, That's quite an image. 0_0

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 12:03:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cell quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance I often think Vanilla is just what someone is until you get to know them. That's an interesting view. I don't know though... @Tyrant, That's quite an image. 0_0 Even the so called vanilla guys I dated liked kinky sex . . .once they knew it was an option. D/s and M/s, now that's a finer brush.

LilithMorrigan -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 2:53:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RockaRolla quote: ORIGINAL: MiaCastle quote: ORIGINAL: LilithMorrigan quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant There are people that are in the lifestyle, then with some, the lifestyle is IN them. You will find that one can walk away, and the other will never escape themselves. So, are you in the lifestyle or is it in you? This resonates with me. I'm definitely the latter. I could walk away from the community, but I was into nonconsent scenes before I knew sex existed. If I could extract kink from myself, I wouldn't. Living on societal margins is sometimes difficult, but it breeds empathy, and personality types like mine are great at assisting the normalization of taboos. So you are so uber prodom that you started out a bully into forcing people to do things they didn't agree to? That's just not right. Why don't you stop trying to be uber dom for the green and just be who you are. Or are you a bully that could be compared to a rapist of sorts? Not everyone you meet is young and clueless and will fall for this crud. Yeah, no. That's not what I gathered from her post at all. Let's not turn this into yet another prodom-bashing thread, or perpetuate bullshit stereotypes about sex workers. In my personal life I switch. The vast majority of nonconsent scenes I fantasize about cast myself as the victim. On this thread, I am responding as someone who is personally as well as professionally kinky - this is my lived experience. That you are assuming it is part of a persona, rather than making an actual attempt at understanding, means you are failing to approach me as someone beyond the work I do. I don't go into great detail about my switching/submissive tendencies or vanilla life on my profile because it is professional. I also don't talk about my relationships when advertising my web design skills. It's not relevant. I am not less myself because I'm focusing on a part of the spectrum for work - I did that in food service, did that in classrooms, do that with certain social groups. It's normal functioning in society. I tie findom stuff into it because, while it is closer to lifestyle D/s for me, it has such a stigma associated with it that I don't want to expose my loved ones to possible backlash. It blows my mind that flogging, pet play, needles, knives, electro play, etc are all fine if they get you off, but somehow I'm lesser for pursuing something that turns me on because it also pays the bills.

pleasure5ub -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 2:54:45 PM)
I guess I should be clearer...having read everything here, I guess I have a strange history with kink and for reasons that may have nothing to do with being kinky at all. There's a lot of people writing here that seem to find fulfillment and a sense of belonging through kink. I on the other hand...yes, from a very young age, I liked scenarios of power play and has masochistic tendencies; before I knew there was a name for it, I fantasized about it...and then I learned the word "Dominatrix" and typed that into google and PHWOOOOSH I was never the same. But I started out way too lonely and way too needy and WAY too self loathing...I needed acceptance from a woman to validate myself, and that led to some HORRIBLE interactions with some HORRIBLE people...lots of catfishing and a lot of psycho Dommes, which has left it's mark. I just strongly identified with the role and could not leave it behind. But I did things for these people for acceptance that, yes they turned me on, but I was never really proud of them...so on the level of pain/humiliation, I have let go of a lot of it by finding a different view of myself. I don't have to go as far down that hole or go down it as frequently anymore. Being submissive...well, I don't see a problem with it per se as long as I'm not out to hurt myself or in a mindset that leads me to being taken advantage of. Hell, I love making a woman feel good if I like her and I don't need to let that go, I think it's great. But the bottom line is that, as someone else wrote, I meet people that I connect with outside of this lifestyle. I meet great women that I trust and can have a great time doing anything (or nothing!) with...and the only thing that keeps me from being with them is that my sexuality is too attached to the D/s dynamic. And yet, it's even harder for me to find someone that can satisfy that D/s dynamic that I can build a loving relationship with, because I always ask "if you love me why do you abuse me?" In the past 6-7 years, I have only encountered about 5 positive minded Dommes...ones that take control to nurture rather than to punish and abuse; that's something I could get behind, but hey there is distance and maybe we don't really connect on that level anyway. So I am neither here nor there...part of me is here and part of me is there and I am trying to get my house in order. I want to open the doors to a satisfying vanilla sex life, not just because of numbers, but because I have actually had to avoid getting involved with some great women... That's why I have been writing the blog I did, which is really geared towards documenting my experiences at using self awareness to reprogram one's own mind; in this case, one's sexuality. I have made a lot of progress with it, but time will tell how far it can go...even if I don't manage to leave, I have a great deal more self respect and self control than I once did, so I am better off. Who knows, you chase one thing and you find another...we'll see where it ends up.

ResidentSadist -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 10:04:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance I often think Vanilla is just what someone is until you get to know them. An astute observation that applies to my understanding of human sexuality. I would go further and say people are vanilla until they are aware enough to know themselves. It takes some degree of self awareness to overcome and go against society's mainstream sexual stereotypes impressed upon us.

ResidentSadist -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 10:07:41 PM)
I didn't discover the lifestyle, it discovered me and I did walk away. But it has followed me ever since . . . and I am OK with that. They reality of it as I see it is that you don't discover the lifestyle, you discover yourself and reveal your own nature. How do you walk away from yourself?

dreamlady -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/20/2015 10:54:14 PM)
This would depend on what one's definition of the "lifestyle" is. I may have little to nothing in common with another kinky person, other than for us to be able to talk openly about kinks and fetishes. I have open-minded vanilla friends with whom I can discuss all sorts of topics openly, the deep-down personal stuff. I don't need to confine my social life to travelling within BDSM circles, don't have an emotional or professional investment in WIITWD, so it wouldn't be much of an adjustment for me to make to walk away. D/s, on the other hand, is something which is a part of me. I wanted, found and lived varying degrees of D/s within vanilla relationships, more so than with kink. I don't see that ever changing. What I turn my back on is when any of this (D/s, BDSM) becomes an issue of non-consent, manipulative game-playing, and fucking with other people's heads (i.e., immature bullshit). Lopsided power plays, feeding overinflated egos, and parasitical behaviors don't turn me on. They don't in the vanilla world or with any other lifestyle, or any subsets contained within them. DreamLady

Cell -> RE: If you could walk away.... (5/21/2015 2:08:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance quote: ORIGINAL: Cell quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance I often think Vanilla is just what someone is until you get to know them. That's an interesting view. I don't know though... @Tyrant, That's quite an image. 0_0 Even the so called vanilla guys I dated liked kinky sex . . .once they knew it was an option. D/s and M/s, now that's a finer brush. Hmmm... I'm not even sure I know what's kinky and what's not anymore...[8D]

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