RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal?

RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

AAkasha -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 9:26:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iliv2servher quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha In other words, do a lot of subs really need/want to know that their Mistress is getting "turned on" sexually by their submission, or is it rewarding enough that the Mistress is simply really enjoying herself? Of course we do. However, I do need to qualify the "we" party by explaining that the collective "we" refers to the consensus of submissives (both male and female) who's satisfaction is primarily derived from knowledge that his or her Dom/Domme is being satisfied. Having said that, and in the aforementioned Mistress/slave scenario, I do not know how to separate the realm of sexual satisfaction from any other need to be satisfied. quote: But then there is the other type of arousal in a scene - sexual arousal - and often I communicate that to a sub as well. It's always there anyway (In other threads about "is bdsm sexual" I know I commented that for me, sexual arousal definitely happens, but I am not after the almighty orgasm, I'm too wrapped up in the power rush), so often I will show my sub how much he is getting me wet. It's also a sinister little act in itself - there is something so wonderfully devious about the suffering of a man who cares about me resulting in a pair of very wet panties. I would assume that this kind of arousal is much more of a turn on to a sub, and also more motivating for him to "take more" for his Mistress. But is the other type pretty satisfying as well? Not to simplify the issue, but for this topic I break down arousal into two kinds: sexual arousal and non-sexual arousal. The "Is BDSM sexual?" topic has been knocked about for years, but since you bought it up... Please explain what you mean by "non-sexual arousal." Where does it come from? Is the feeling of having power over someone else a result of sexual desire? Does the gratification obtained by exercising power over another equal sexual gratification, or aren't we just taking about the same thing? I am sure that we have all heard/read that experts in the field of human behavior view the act of rape as a power issue rather than a sexual issue, but where is the dividing line between "power over another individual" and "sex?" I believe that, even though consentual BDSM is not rape, it still falls within the topic of "power over another individual." Non-sexual arousal is hard to define because I don't know how other people feel it. It's a rush, a high, a feeling that can result in a climax-like peak but all the while it requires no direct sexual stimulation. I can be fully clothed. If I had some experience taking drugs, maybe I could compare it to one; I know it feels really good, and I know I crave it. I also know it makes me incredibly wet. If I am engaging in hot bdsm for an hour, not sexual in nature, no nudity, no sexual touching, my panties will be soaking wet when I am done. However, I am not aroused in an "oh my god, MUST HAVE ORGASM" way - the sexual arousal is a mere side effect not requiring any attention. On the other hand, if I engage in one hour of sexual foreplay - fondling, making out, nudity, carressing -- and, I get totally wet -- I MUST have an orgasm. To deny that would frustrate me endlessly. BDSM arousal, for me, does not need to end in sexual orgasm. It's a nice added touch, but when given the choice, "more bdsm, more intensity" or "stop now and have an orgasm" it's a no-brainer - I want more BDSM. Akasha

Donnalee -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 9:39:49 AM)
I want to see the fire in the eyes of anyone I'm playing with...that 'lit up' feeling is what I want, and want to give. The spine tingle...the smirk....the gasp of breath....that's the good stuff. There are so many ways that can be brought to the fore, and have it last way longer than sex. Sexual arousal is another aspect of what I'm looking for, but by no means the only one. Sometimes it all comes together, sometimes not. Not every heady rush goes straight to my erotice center, but if that bell keeps getting rung, then it'll end up sexual for me. Who would enjoy getting flogged by a Don who's more into a sports game on TV? D/s is about being intensely connected to another person...if one partner's head isn't joining in, it's not much fun or rewarding.

Sinergy -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 10:01:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iliv2servher Please explain what you mean by "non-sexual arousal." Where does it come from? Is the feeling of having power over someone else a result of sexual desire? Does the gratification obtained by exercising power over another equal sexual gratification, or aren't we just taking about the same thing? Hello A/all, I am not certain how relevant my answer is to the question, as I am describing it from the other side of the flogger, but I will give it a go. I once posted about Peak Experiences in another thread. I tend to view what I do to/with my partner when I am scening as something that allows me to get into that elusive peak experience headspace. It is difficult for me to describe. I feel completely consumed in the moment itself, and any cares and things on my mind simply melt away. I suppose the easiest way to describe it would be the Zen concept of "No mind." Im really not thinking about anything in that zone, yet I am fully present when I am there. As far as sexual arousal. Mr. Tiny usually is not standing at attention when Im scening. Im really not thinking about my own orgasms while I am doing that as I am too busy chasing her and my headspaces. On the other hand, part of my headspace is found making her orgasm repeatedly. Now "aftercare" is another thing altogether. I am usually incredibly randy during that time, although I tend to damp it down while she is flying unless she responds in a way that lets me know she wants it then. I have been told at times that orgasms and subspace tend to not mix well, and I tend to relish the feeling as the endorphins send her into orbit and she melts in my grasp. Sex will happen, I just dont generally mix the two since what I am seeking in sex or scening are two different things. quote: I am sure that we have all heard/read that experts in the field of human behavior view the act of rape as a power issue rather than a sexual issue, but where is the dividing line between "power over another individual" and "sex?" I believe that, even though consentual BDSM is not rape, it still falls within the topic of "power over another individual." I personally do not think the power issue is that much different between rape and WIITWD. My own personal view on this issue is that BDSM crosses the line and becomes rape at the point where it is non-consensual. Susan Brownmiller wrote an excellent book on the subject, although slightly dated at this point, called "Men, Women, and Rape." In that book, and in various other books written during the Second Wave of Feminism, any number of authors went so far as to consider penetration with a phallus to be a form of rape. I could see their point. I was always struck by the general insistence that it was a "Bad Thing." People I have been with generally seemed to enjoy my, umm, "doing" them. But as usual, that is just me and I could be wrong. Sinergy

ownedgirlie -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 10:37:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Donnalee Who would enjoy getting flogged by a Don who's more into a sports game on TV? D/s is about being intensely connected to another person...if one partner's head isn't joining in, it's not much fun or rewarding. Ohhhh I dunno...I actually love tending to him in various ways while he is working or relaxing, whether his focus is on me or not. Heh, it gives me a bit of a rush when I do that and he makes "good girl" comments with a pat on my head while continuing what he is doing. My service to him is about him, however. If flogging me while watching the game is what is giving him enjoyment at the time, then I'm bending over happily to receive it. I get the gist of your point, although I had fun sucking on his toes turing the World Cup...lol.

iliv2servher -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 12:51:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: iliv2servher quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Non-sexual arousal is hard to define because I don't know how other people feel it. It's a rush, a high, a feeling that can result in a climax-like peak but all the while it requires no direct sexual stimulation. I can be fully clothed. If I had some experience taking drugs, maybe I could compare it to one; I know it feels really good, and I know I crave it. It's hard to define because maybe...just maybe...it comes from the same space and has the same degree of energy. Do you agree that sexual desire originates in the mind? And if what it is that we do is prompted by the same enorphin rush as love, lust, drugs, etc., then why can't all of the above be catagorized as coming from the same or similar origins? quote: I also know it makes me incredibly wet. If I am engaging in hot bdsm for an hour, not sexual in nature, no nudity, no sexual touching, my panties will be soaking wet when I am done. However, I am not aroused in an "oh my god, MUST HAVE ORGASM" way - the sexual arousal is a mere side effect not requiring any attention. On the other hand, if I engage in one hour of sexual foreplay - fondling, making out, nudity, carressing -- and, I get totally wet -- I MUST have an orgasm. To deny that would frustrate me endlessly. I think that the greatest orgasm can come from fantasy fulfillment which begins as an idea. And whether or not the actual activity culminates in a physical orgasm, the result can be just as powerful, if not more so. quote: BDSM arousal, for me, does not need to end in sexual orgasm. It's a nice added touch, but when given the choice, "more bdsm, more intensity" or "stop now and have an orgasm" it's a no-brainer - I want more BDSM. You have obviously developed into one who appreciates the highest level of eroticism that BDSM can bring to us. Those of us who evolve into beings who can appreciate eroticism without having to experience orgasm as a means to an end will not doubt understand it and appreciate BDSM for what it is.

Curiossdragnlily -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 1:27:39 PM)
What ever it is, my Master's pleasure is always foremost in my mind. Whether it is just my pleasuring Him or He pleasures me, which He loves to do especially with toys, Him watching me masterbate, or the ultimate goal is intercourse. with respect, lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios srn 308-692-331

IronBear -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 1:35:58 PM)
I'm going to enjoy following this thead. Seeing it is targeted at subs and not slaves or the arousal of male Dominants, I'll just sit on the sidelines and see what I can learn.. [:D]

BitaTruble -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 1:43:56 PM)
quote: responses from female subs too. ... do a lot of subs really need/want to know that their Mistress is getting "turned on" sexually by their submission, or is it rewarding enough that the Mistress is simply really enjoying herself? My hope is that Himself is getting exactly what he desires out of my submission. Normally, for him, that means the power dynamic is in place. What he does with it is up to him. For me, having sex is not a service I perform. It's an act of pure pleasure. That I can ask for sex is a privilege, when he grants it, it's an honor and pleasure. The power comes into play as he determines if and when, where and how. As he is a major slut, he doesn't, usually, say no unless BBC is showing Are You Being Served. ::chuckles:: Celeste

MichMasochist -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 2:13:42 PM)
Speakin' for myself the mistress needs to give the impression that she is personally enjoying herself and her subbies submision to her. Otherwise it's just another lack-luster waste of time. Mistress' sexual excitement makes it all that much better. Even important. Yes to me this includes her achieving climax. Even if all I get out it are beatings from her and to be the instrument of her sexual climax, even if she does not reciprocate in kind. This is were most pros who are into this activity fall seriously short in my oppinion. I mean it's like banging a hooker, because she is there only for the money. All her bravodo and claims is just a sales pitch to get us in her door. Let's face it some women simply cann't act and their attempt to fain excitement, sexual or otherwise, is personally insulting. Kinda like shrimping some women and men like it. I've done it when I have been told to do so, asked in vanilla relationships, It holds no interest for myself but is exciting if the woman appears to genuinely enjoys recieving. Now there are many who say it's not about sex or orgasms. However I still am unable to grasp such a concept. Kinda like when a certain mistress would make me rim her hot swetty bottom. Is that sexual? Not really, it's very humiliating and degrading even if the woman is obviously getting aroused by both the act itself and and the power to make someone do that. Yet it's exciting, not arousing, to me in and of the act itself, but in the act of her compelling me physically to do so. This applies equally so to a certain other sex act. Unfortunately it is the intrinsic (?) value of the acts in a specific context that is exciting, non sexual, or arousing, sexually, that many fall short in grasping. As seeing only one single aspect of an act. Good example of a non sexually based act is when being whipped. Let's be honest whips hurt, single tails hurt alot. However to be bound and beating, consemntually, by a beautiful half naked, or fully naked woman, who truely enjoys swing a whip on a subbie is what makes the difference. The best whip cracker I know, she, sequeals with laughter which is unmistakably genuine in nature. Mich

BreakingGlass -> RE: How important is your dom's sexual arousal? (7/16/2006 5:58:57 PM)
I'll define non-sexual arousal for me as emotional/intellectual/spiritual stimulation...what have you. THAT is what is important, THAT is what I strive to provide. The sexual arousal...that's icing on the cake. We arouse each other, non-sexually and sexually; I wouldn't term it service per se, since we do what we do to please each other.

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125