RE: How would you differentiate "domination" from "fetishes"?

RE: How would you differentiate "domination" from "fetishes"? (Full Version)

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MariaB -> RE: How would you differentiate "domination" from "fetishes"? (6/29/2015 2:24:45 AM)
I can only go on my own experiences so I'll do that. I'm a regular of the famous London fetish clubs that can have upwards of two thousand party goers on a Saturday night. I would say that 95% of those party goers aren't genuine fetishists. They enjoy dressing in latex, uniforms and the like but they don't need those outfits to get turned on. They tie each other up, spank each others asses but its just a bit of exhibitionist fun. There are plenty of dominants and submissives that go to such events because they too enjoy dressing up and showing off their dominance or submission within a public space. They don't need this exhibitionism to get turned on but they do enjoy it now and again. Amongst all those party goers we get a few very genuine fetishists. Most of those we call fetishists don't get turned on by what they do, they just do it because its fun. I'm less of a regular at BDSM clubs because they tend to be a lot more serious and have far fewer people. They usually wear black which tends to make the venue look dowdy and they like the music, if any, to be turned down low (not my cup of tea). If you sit and chat to a stranger, rather than a fun conversation that I find in the Fet clubs, you usually get lumbered with someone trying to convince you about just how serious and 'real' their lifestyle is. For me, the difference between fetish (and this is not the dictionary definition but fetish used in its general sense on the scene) and BDSMers is, BDSMers are more likely to take it a lot more seriously and invest far too much time convincing others they were born to be a slave or born to be a dominant. The fetishists that I love and know tend to be kinksters who are up for most things and do this because its fun. If you were to ask a BDSMer if they could live without D/s or BDSM the majority would say 'no' but if you asked the fet crowd the same question, they would more likely say, I'd miss it but it doesn't change my life enough to need it. BDSM and fetishism has intertwined ever since I've been on the scene, which is a long time. I won't judge one over the other except to say, for me at least, one is more fun than the other.

Kana -> RE: How would you differentiate "domination" from "fetishes"? (6/29/2015 4:34:27 PM)
quote: Mmmm you can very easily have fetish without any domination but I would say that domination broken down into its many parts are different forms of fetish so whilst you can have fetish without domination I do not think you can have domination without fetish. Yes I can dominate someone without anything that I personally class as fetish being involved but if the person I am dominating needs a particular action, dress code, verbal tone etc to make the session satisfying for them then that is their fetish, the act of being dominated can in itself be someones fetish. I dont think you can fully separate the two however fetish is so diverse and so individual sometimes that they are impossible to quantify, you couldnt list them all if you tried, they are highly personal and do not more often than not involve any form of dominace Chortles "But" means ignore everything I just said because now I'm about to tell you how I really feel. The above may be true for you, but not this cat. As noted in the definitions above, fetish involves an "abnormal, excessive and/or irrational commitments." i.e-the fetish is the driver behind the actions. Think an obsession nearing compulsion. Now for some folk, that may well be the case. But Kana? Kana rules Kana. Not fetish. Not obsession. Not compulsion. Me. I control. I can beat someone senseless and never have sex. I can also have and enjoy just plain sex. And it doesn't rule my life. It's not something that is at the forefront of every decision every day. TTTWD is something I do when I enjoy. But Kana you say-aren't you in a long standing TPE...you know, one that's 24/7/365. To which I not, "yep. Sure am." And I'm in it because I garner joy and satisfaction out of said interaction. The day I don't I won't be in it. But the interaction doesn't run Me. I run it. On my terms at my whim. But I suspect this a definitional/nuance thing. I see a fetish as being the controlling force. I personally reject all that shit because anything that runs me also enchains me...and I ain't about that. I like chaining, not being chained. So I prefer not to let anything, external or internal, deed, thought or emotion, run my life without my consent. Color me strange, but I see that as one of the hallmarks of an emotionally mature person. Grins. I'll also note that I don't arrange things to satisfy the slave. I haven't worried about that in years. Their satisfaction comes from serving. That's what slaves are for. I arrange things to my satisfaction, to make my life easy, to please moi. If that hits her fancy, terrific. If not, well, the great thing about America is that it produces amazing snatch every single second and there's an ocean of it out there looking. Edited because Maria hopped in and I didn't want it to look as if I was responding to her.

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