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What am I? - 6/2/2015 8:15:49 AM

herblond

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I am new to all this so I don't know many of the terms and such. I am a female subby I guess but maybe I am using the wrong term? My gf is much larger than me and dominant in bed. I am treated like a princess out of the bedroom but in bed I am subject to her whims. But it's more a physical dominance were she uses her size and strength to take what she wants from me. Often very forcibly. Consensual and very enjoyably on my part I might add. :) I.E. we both love it!

Oh, we "play" at me being subservient mentally too. Withheld orgasms, me begging or submitting or obeying her. But underneath it all, it's about her physical dominance to be ale to overpower me that drives our sex life.

So I was wondering, am I using the right term in calling myself a subby? Or is there some other term or whatever that suits me better?

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RE: What am I? - 6/2/2015 8:26:37 AM

ExiledTyrant

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From: Exiled
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Bottom.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to herblond)

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RE: What am I? - 6/2/2015 8:28:59 PM

Tumbler

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I don't see the difference between calling the op a bottom or a submissive.
same thing to me.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

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RE: What am I? - 6/3/2015 2:28:08 AM

dreamlady

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tumbler

I don't see the difference between calling the op a bottom or a submissive.
same thing to me.

I would go with bedroom submissive. A bottom, if BDSM activities are centered around bondage, spanking or impact play, edge play, kinks like that. A fetishist, if activities revolve around specific fetishes.

Submissives are usually bottoms, but not all bottoms are submissive; just like all slaves are submissives, but not all subs are slaves.

A bottom is the catcher to the pitcher, the Top. Nothing more, nothing less.

A sadist is a Top because sadists inflict or give pain.
A masochist is a bottom because masos receive pain.

A sadist doesn't have to be Dominant. There are sadistic non-Dominants (a Top-switch, sadistic subs are a rarity, though).
A masochist doesn't have to be submissive. Many masos are emphatically NOT subs. There are also masochistic Dominants.

Not understanding that these are not synonymous or not interchangeable terms could signify that you don't know whether you are a sub, a bottom, or a fetishist yourself.

DreamLady

< Message edited by dreamlady -- 6/3/2015 2:43:11 AM >

(in reply to Tumbler)

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RE: What am I? - 6/3/2015 7:18:10 AM

herblond

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Oh my more things to ponder. Well, I am a bottom as I often find myself under her. LOL. Sadist and masochist I can pretty much rule out as the only pain inflicted is accidental and from over zealousness on her part and being so much larger than me. Though she does like to bite me but not hard enough to really hurt or draw blood. More like cat nips.

We do do edge play and she dosn't tie me up because she dosn't need to. She can just hold me down. But I am not adverse to being bound. She "Queens" me a lot. Does that count as a fetish. :) Uhm, a little embarrassed but we are into "force play." It's the idea of me resisting her until I get so turned on I submit totally we like. And often it does center around that. But not exclusive to.

So it sounds like a bedroom submissive is the closest to what I am.

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RE: What am I? - 6/3/2015 4:00:03 PM

preytolife

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From: LaLa Land
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If you wanna call yourself a subby you go ahead. There's no licensing board. However, if you like the idea of labels, enjoy them and are looking for some other ideas for what to call yourself... there's really no limit.

Or you could just call yourself a princess ;)

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"No man is so good as to be free from all evil, nor so bad as to be worth nothing." - Norse Proverb

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RE: What am I? - 6/8/2015 3:52:50 PM

CelticPrince

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herblond,

Just drop the terminal "by" and all will be good.

CP

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RE: What am I? - 6/9/2015 10:24:39 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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After reading and digesting everything I am going to go with, "happy."

Once you've reached that point who the hell cares?

(in reply to CelticPrince)

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RE: What am I? - 6/13/2015 7:21:36 PM

TheWriter13

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Joined: 6/29/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tumbler

I don't see the difference between calling the op a bottom or a submissive.
same thing to me.

My thoughts exactly.

_____________________________

Men have called me mad; but the question is not settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest of intelligence...-Edgar Allan Poe

(in reply to Tumbler)

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RE: What am I? - 6/14/2015 5:40:51 AM

dreamlady

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheWriter13

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tumbler
I don't see the difference between calling the op a bottom or a submissive.
same thing to me.

My thoughts exactly.

This may not apply to either one of you, but a masochist is the bottom-receiver of a sadist-giver. There are masochists who simply enjoy receiving pain, engage in BDSM sensation/edge play, and do not want to be dominated. They do not identify as submissive.
There are Dominants who get on the receiving end of a flogger, a paddle and/or a cane. Some Dominants will want to get spanked by a spanking Top, and they do not suddenly become submissive or seek to be dominated.

There are fetishists who identify as submissive, but who are not on the receiving end of their fetish. Take a foot fetishist, as a prime example. Who is doing the giving, and who is doing the receiving? Is the fetishist being the Dominant one? (He could be if he were a shoe fetishist in charge of the scene with his submissive.)

Goreans, from what I understand, adhere to the M/s form of D/s. Their submissives are slaves, but not bottoms. Why? Because Goreans do not believe in practicing BDSM as a general rule. Some might, but they believe their form of Male Supremacist-like D/s is not BDSM play.

Therefore, it is misleading to characterize a bottoming activity as being the same as a submissive activity, or of a BDSM bottom as being a D/s submissive. This often leads to the hurling of the "fake" sub or "fake" Dominant label, because they are not one and the same.

Just saying,
DreamLady

(in reply to TheWriter13)

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RE: What am I? - 6/14/2015 10:51:15 AM

TheWriter13

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Joined: 6/29/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheWriter13

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tumbler
I don't see the difference between calling the op a bottom or a submissive.
same thing to me.

My thoughts exactly.

This may not apply to either one of you, but a masochist is the bottom-receiver of a sadist-giver. There are masochists who simply enjoy receiving pain, engage in BDSM sensation/edge play, and do not want to be dominated. They do not identify as submissive.
There are Dominants who get on the receiving end of a flogger, a paddle and/or a cane. Some Dominants will want to get spanked by a spanking Top, and they do not suddenly become submissive or seek to be dominated.

There are fetishists who identify as submissive, but who are not on the receiving end of their fetish. Take a foot fetishist, as a prime example. Who is doing the giving, and who is doing the receiving? Is the fetishist being the Dominant one? (He could be if he were a shoe fetishist in charge of the scene with his submissive.)

Goreans, from what I understand, adhere to the M/s form of D/s. Their submissives are slaves, but not bottoms. Why? Because Goreans do not believe in practicing BDSM as a general rule. Some might, but they believe their form of Male Supremacist-like D/s is not BDSM play.

Therefore, it is misleading to characterize a bottoming activity as being the same as a submissive activity, or of a BDSM bottom as being a D/s submissive. This often leads to the hurling of the "fake" sub or "fake" Dominant label, because they are not one and the same.

Just saying,
DreamLady

Okay I see your point and I'll admit that does sound like me slightly.

_____________________________

Men have called me mad; but the question is not settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest of intelligence...-Edgar Allan Poe

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RE: What am I? - 6/14/2015 10:52:24 AM

Arturas

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One burden I carry is to free women. To begin I find where they are in their walk and I use these critera at the Dungeon of House Arturas, may it always lead women to their freedom.

1. The bottom only submits during play. She plays only at freedom.
2. The submissive in most things. She is testing and tasting freedom.
3. The slave in all things. She is free.

So I think you are a 1.2 to 1.4 based briefly on your description.

Live well.

Arturas

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

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RE: What am I? - 6/20/2015 2:17:18 PM

Andalusite

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I don't necessarily feel submissive at all when I'm bottoming. It depends on the interaction with the other person. "Bedroom submissive" is probably a good descriptor for someone who does react submissively during play, but isn't interested in submitting in other aspects of their relationship. Personally, I don't view it as a D/s relationship unless the submissive one is subsuming their will to the dominant in other areas of their life.

Herblond, there's nothing wrong with exploring different labels to see what fits best, but if you already have a partner and aren't looking for anyone, it probably doesn't really matter that much whether she calls you her subby, pet, princess, girl, sweetie, slut, etc. or all of the above at different times. :)
--Anda the toppy/bottomy switchy flying purple people pleaser

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RE: What am I? - 6/21/2015 9:59:48 AM

IcarusBurning

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why is a name important? if what you feel is genuine, what you are doing is enjoyable and you like following her lead, why do you have to put a label on it?

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