When do you remove a Collar?

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When do you remove a Collar? - 7/16/2006 10:31:07 AM

MistressJan

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline

I am curious as to when you all would consider removing a collar from your sub/slave. I have put my slave under consideration once, but did not take the collar back. I had no intention of taking it back. I just wanted him to cease the behavior he was doing, and he did.
I see a lot of sub/slaves collars removed, and the Dom/Domme continues with punishment after the collar is gone.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

Post #: 1

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/16/2006 10:48:23 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I remove a collar when it is obvious that the relationship can not continue further. I do not use it as a punishment, though. That's just personal preference. I feel the person should still feel owned and know the punishment is because he is owned and did something that is against my rules or preferences. If there is a continual need for punishment or we are obviously not compatible, the collar will be removed and he is free to look elsewhere to find someone more suitable.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 2

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/16/2006 10:58:20 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

Losing a collar means something was done that is bad enough to be a deal breaker.

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 3

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/16/2006 11:51:40 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

The only time I would remove a collar is when there is a clear and unequivocal termination of the relationship, i.e. the submissive is released.

I do not take collaring lightly, so I am not an advocate of removing a collar for punishment. I feel that misbehavior not serious enough to result in release can be handled in a different manner.

Submissives have told Me that it can be emotionally devastating to have their Dominant remove their collar, and I would not put someone through that unless it was very clear that W/we were through for good.

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 7/16/2006 11:52:20 AM >

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 4

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/16/2006 12:04:45 PM

DreamyLadySnow

Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

Ditto what MysticFireTopaz said, it's the end of the relationship, not a punishment.

LS

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 5

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/16/2006 12:33:56 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I agree taking back a collar means the relationship is over and the sub/slave is free to go.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 6

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/16/2006 4:31:04 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

I would not remove a collar unless I intended the release of the slave. Once uncollared. they are never recollared.

Lady Ursa

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 7

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/16/2006 4:32:04 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MistressJan, Ladies and Gentlemen;

As a dominant, my power and authority is connected to the collar, as a symbol/representation of my relationship with that submissive/slave.

Punishment of a slave/submissive is while that individual is collared to me. Should the slave do something so horrible, as to remove the collar; in my mind's eye the trust broken and so is the relationship. Other than caring for someone as a human being, the loss of collar or it's removal means we are no longer as Master/Mistress-slave. My removal of the collar also removes my power and authority over that slave. So, what they do is no longer an issue but, perhaps still an embarrassing individual to which caused the need to punish/discipline.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 8

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/16/2006 5:05:47 PM

Controladora

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/14/2006
Status: offline

Collaring requires a huge emotional investment on the part of the sub/slave and I would not use that as a form of punishment. When I remove a collar it is a definite.. you are released and required to go. I think there are more effective alternatives that can be used.

Controladora

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 9

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 6:12:06 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJan
I am curious as to when you all would consider removing a collar from your sub/slave. I have put my slave under consideration once, but did not take the collar back. I had no intention of taking it back. I just wanted him to cease the behavior he was doing, and he did.
I see a lot of sub/slaves collars removed, and the Dom/Domme continues with punishment after the collar is gone.

A collar is not a weapon for punishment in my life. If it's gone, that means the relationship is too.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 10

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 6:18:19 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJan
I see a lot of sub/slaves collars removed, and the Dom/Domme continues with punishment after the collar is gone.

I know there are other schools of thinking out there but personaly, removing the collar is a one shot deal. Once I have decided that the actions/behaviour of the slave is beyond the point of no return, I remove the collar. They are no longer mine and that is that, they will NEVER be mine again. All their chances to correct their attitude/actions/behaviour are used up BEFORE I remove the collar. It is a parting of the ways and an end of the relationship.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 11

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 7:16:08 AM

MistressJan

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for your fine information here. I agree 100 percent. I think using a collar as punishment is mentally unhealthy for a sub/slave. That is what has happened to my sub friend. I am going to copy this thread and send it to her.
I adviced her to run like heck. He took her collar, and comes over to her house and virtually beats the crap out of her. It is confusing her, and she does not know what to do about it.
She is at a turning point in this relationship. I told her there are other fish in the sea.
I am proud to be a part of such fine folks that actually care about subs/slaves well being.

Respectfully,
Mistress_Jan

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 12

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 8:26:32 AM

LadyElaine

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I've never even heard of removing a collar for punishment until now.
If I give one for training, it would be a temporary one to be worn during a session
and kept until the next. But once a slave is collared as Mine, it would stay on permanently ,
through work, showers, whatever.

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 13

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 8:38:13 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJan

Thank you all for your fine information here. I agree 100 percent. I think using a collar as punishment is mentally unhealthy for a sub/slave. That is what has happened to my sub friend. I am going to copy this thread and send it to her.
I adviced her to run like heck. He took her collar, and comes over to her house and virtually beats the crap out of her. It is confusing her, and she does not know what to do about it.
She is at a turning point in this relationship. I told her there are other fish in the sea.
I am proud to be a part of such fine folks that actually care about subs/slaves well being.

Respectfully,
Mistress_Jan

Never mind the collar, Jan. That screams abuse and non-consensuality. Calling the police, rather than emailing her friends, seems like a more affirmative action step out of this terrible situation.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 14

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 8:41:29 AM

MistrssM

Posts: 45
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

For me the removing of the "collar" literally and figuratively is something to be done at the end of the relationship and is never something to be enjoyed or used for punishment... its a very sad time.

One thing I did do in the past....is my boy would always wear a leather collar when we went to fetish parties and he had done something very wrong at one time and I truly considered ending things... when he would be the parties he would always wear the collar with a "Property of Mistress M" dog tag........I had him remove the tag from the collar before we went to the party at that time. He still wore the collar and was still "owned" but something about being unlabled/untagged....or as I put it... "just another stray bitch in a collar"... really hit home for him. It gave him a taste of what he had and what he might be losing. After that night I never had to do that again.....

(in reply to LadyElaine)

Post #: 15

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 10:30:00 AM

janiceleeinsc

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

Mistress Pandora:

I agree. I have been worried to death about her. She is involved in a local bdsm club in her area which is Canada. The two Dommes in charge are telling her the same thing we are. Hopefully, she will get rid of that one.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

(in reply to MistrssM)

Post #: 16

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 12:29:03 PM

LindaLashes

Posts: 170
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

The removing of a collar should never be used as a punishment, it´s too much for a slave to be left hanging for his dear life as someone´s slave. The collar is too strong a symbol of the D/s relationship to be used in such trivial things as a punishment.

_____________________________

Smack me around and call me Suzy...

(in reply to janiceleeinsc)

Post #: 17

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 6:19:25 PM

janiceleeinsc

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

I just heard from my friend. She is ok for now. They are trying to work through this situation, and she informed him that she wishes to use her safe words. She doesn't want the relationship to end, but I would feel better if it did.
She read all of the threads that I sent to her, and thanks you all for them.

Respectfully, Mistress_Jan

(in reply to LindaLashes)

Post #: 18

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/17/2006 7:53:37 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I suppose its all part of the $300,000.00 relocation plan.

(in reply to LadyElaine)

Post #: 19

RE: When do you remove a Collar? - 7/18/2006 6:08:19 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJan

I am curious as to when you all would consider removing a collar from your sub/slave. I have put my slave under consideration once, but did not take the collar back. I had no intention of taking it back. I just wanted him to cease the behavior he was doing, and he did.
I see a lot of sub/slaves collars removed, and the Dom/Domme continues with punishment after the collar is gone.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

The collar, to Me, is a symbol of the relationship between Me and My sub. Removing My collar from her neck would signify the end of the relationship. I would not end the relationship as punishment and threatening to do so or implying that I would end the relationship would put our relationship on shaky and unsure ground. As her Mistress, part of My responsibility to her is to create and maintain a safe and secure environment for our relationship to expand, grow and evolve. I want her to know that mistakes or behaviors that I find unacceptable aren't the end of the world, but a tool with which to learn how to become better.

Living under the threat of losing the relationship would create a skittish, unsure, insecure and scared submissive who would be spending all of her time worried that I'm going to release her.

Punishment, IMO, should begin and end in affirmation of the person, the sub, and the relationship.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to MistressJan)

Post #: 20

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