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Communication - 11/28/2004 10:41:11 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
Please bear with me, this is my first post. But is an issue I have struggled with especially of late. Communication being imperative in any interaction with others, how can someone that sees themselves as a sub get answers from one who is dominant in personality? Yes, I realize that is a silly question easily answered simply by asking questions. And although I have asked things, I get no replies, none. Almost like it's part of training, could it be? Yet I am asked to prove myself in limits I could be comfortable in if some of my questions were answered. This Dominant personality (I cant say Dom yet in this instance mostly due to the lack of Communication) did mention that he is Dom, but lacks communication skills. I have started to remove myself from this relationship due to this, Yet some mental tie still binds. Your Thoughts?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 11:16:14 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		As you said, he lacks communication skills. That is a human flaw. Sounds like you're confused, though, because you make it sound like he should automatically have good communication skills simply because he's dominant. Personality traits don't change magically with titles; anyone who has had an idiot for a boss knows that the title "manager" doesn't mean that someone knows what they're doing.

Also, these "what the matter with this other person" posts are always self-serving; for all we know you could be asking such annoying questions that they deserve to be ignored. Regardless, if you're not satisfied with it then you should move on as you say.


_____________________________

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(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 11:49:36 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I expected that to be turned around on me, so please let me try to clarify. The question's I've asked are simple things, sometimes sexual, sometimes just life, they are not daily, nor are they repeated over and over. They are asked only so I can please better. You do have a point that not everyone regardless of position can communicate. My intent was not to throw stones, it was more of a labor at direction. Although your reply leads me to wonder if you feel sub's do not deserve communication?

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 12:04:14 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Any Dom who knows what they are doing would have no problem answering questions from their sub. If anything, communication and clarification would be encouraged. It sounds to me like he is getting what he wants, but couldn't care less about your concerns.
It's been said a million times already: if it doesn't feel right to you, it probably isn't. Good luck.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 12:50:11 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think you must want to leave to make a mountain out of a mole hill like this...I mean are you a sub or what? If it truely bothered you and you really wanted to make this work you'ld have no trouble is communicating at a level you'ld both understand...Mike

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 1:04:43 PM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nvernilla

I think you must want to leave to make a mountain out of a mole hill like this...I mean are you a sub or what? If it truely bothered you and you really wanted to make this work you'ld have no trouble is communicating at a level you'ld both understand...Mike



Oh for heaven's sake.. Grow up!.. Communication is a two way street and the Dom/me has just as much responsibility as the submissive to keep it going effectively. Challenging a person's submissiveness just because they seek out understanding and clarification only serves to show your own ignorance and rigidity.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to Nvernilla)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 1:16:31 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 11:19:13 PM >

(in reply to MaitresseEden)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 1:24:56 PM   
mtsilence


Posts: 33
Joined: 8/29/2004
Status: offline 		Communications is a key to all relationships. If you are not getting answers, it cannot be part of training. If I had, had to bumble through learning what my Lord wanted from me, I would still be clueless. However, through open conversation and asking questions on BOTH sides we discovered what we were truthfully seeking. One does not learn in silence, unless of course you are learning about the importance of silence. However if they are daily and routine questions there should be no reason for silence. How would you like your eggs cooked My Lord? How May this girl serve My Lord? All need answers. Now granted after being trained that My Lord likes his eggs over medium, his coffee black and sweet. His toast toasted but without burns etc. I no longer ask him how he wants his breakfast. However, I do ask would you like ham, Bacon, or some other meat this morning My Lord? I do also ask him what type of toast.

Granted these are probably not the questions you are asking, but if they were you should get answers, since I cannot see any questions that should not be answered. I cannot explain your dwelling in silence.

I hope you manage to open some level of honest communications and get the answers you need in order to feel comfortable in your relationship. If not then may you find yourself released from it and able to seek a new and better situation.

Silence

(in reply to MaitresseEden)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 1:41:38 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Quivver,

First can you help me with this...
quote:

I am open minded, kinky and willing in the right hands, but also a very strong woman that knows what she wants.
...you are listed as a 40 year old MALE yet this is your profile narrative. Maybe this confusion alone causes the Dom in question to hesitate in responding.

Assuming the person you are referring to knows the answer to the male/female/other gender choice, their reason to not answer may be simple - He/She doesn't know the answer. And maybe they don't have the confidence to admit it.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 1:50:29 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver


Please bear with me, this is my first post. But is an issue I have struggled with especially of late. Communication being imperative in any interaction with others, how can someone that sees themselves as a sub get answers from one who is dominant in personality? Yes, I realize that is a silly question easily answered simply by asking questions. And although I have asked things, I get no replies, none. Almost like it's part of training, could it be? Yet I am asked to prove myself in limits I could be comfortable in if some of my questions were answered. This Dominant personality (I cant say Dom yet in this instance mostly due to the lack of Communication) did mention that he is Dom, but lacks communication skills. I have started to remove myself from this relationship due to this, Yet some mental tie still binds. Your Thoughts?



Miriam Webster says communication is : a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior <the function of pheromones in insect communication>; also : exchange of information b : personal rapport <a lack of communication between old and young persons>

What you are involved in is a one sided dialogue. That has its merits, if this fellow is a Dom who hopes to be successful, he better get some communication skills. How difficult is it to answer straight forward questions unless you are afraid of being caught in a lie. The one sidedness of this is a mile wide red flag. Run, do not walk away from someone who makes excuses for not being open and honest.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 1:53:06 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Lol. I have to agree with Mercnbeth on this one. What are you?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 2:26:28 PM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline 		Putting the question of Quivver's obvious confused gender issues aside for a moment, ... first off i have to say the following:

Geeeeez, Nvernilla?!? Why should one who is submissive be accused of being NOT submissive for the reason of A) not knowing how to read minds, or B) having no other way of knowing another's thoughts and having to guess or wonder, or C) BOTH A & B ??

Just as a person of a dominant personality type is not 'guaranteed' to have top level communication skills, "A submissive does not a mind reader make.". i am submissive, however, at the moment it was realized for myself that i AM i don't recall a crystal ball suddenly appearing out of thin air and landing in my upturned palms with my name embossed on it. Doms SHOULD be just as responsible for maintaining a good standard of communication as any sub should be.

Communication takes at least two peole to even exist, otherwise it's usually called 'talking to oneself' ... or at least it would sure as hell FEEL like it.

Okay, with that out of the way:

Quivver, i agree with Estring's ... & Ms. Eden's ... & Mercnbeth's take on ALL of this. ESPECIALLY the issues involving communication & the 'What ARE you" query.

_____________________________

Current imood of cynnacent1: [image]http://moods.imood.com/display/uname=cynnacent1/fg=339999ns=1/imood.gif[/image] Click the smiley to get your very own imood indicator.

(in reply to Nvernilla)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Communication - 11/28/2004 2:38:53 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Lol. I have to agree with Mercnbeth on this one. What are you?



Oh Boy, now that was Quite a silly Boo Boo. I am female, honestly I am. And I do appreciate all your thoughts. ( I fixed the profile and added a pic to prove it )
Thank You all. I do wish to find the correct approach and mend this if it is fixable from my end.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 13
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