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Kaliko -> RE: submissive behavior (7/16/2015 4:50:07 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kaliko
I need training, I guess, because not everything is as simple as "I do what he tells me to do." I like to think it is, but I've been humbled enough times by now to realize that no, I'm not as obedient as I wish I could claim to be.
Question for you personally Kaliko:
Would Awareness have been satisfied with you if you had been as perfect as you wish you could claim to be from the first day you met him, and the only thing he'd ever have to do was tell you what he wanted, for you to then flawlessly falling in line.
Is the part where he needs to train you to his standards (and also you being trainable) part of why Awareness enjoys keeping you around, or would he prefer you to have enough self-control to be flawless at him merely stipulating his desires?
That's probably more a question for Awareness than for me. So I asked him:
The very notion of 'flawless' is fraught with peril since it implies an achievable, objective standard of perfection - and as human beings we are manifestly imperfect.
A Dom has aspirational goals for his sub which are founded in his own aspirational goals for himself. His expectation and standards for her growth and behaviour are a reflection of his philosophy toward his own growth.
In real terms, nobody will set behavioural standards or goals for another which exceed their own. There is no rationale under which they would perceive the need to do so unless they're possessed of the kind of innate hypocrisy which is anathema to the strong-willed, self-aware individual.
As the Dom grows, so does his perception of what he deems appropriate for his sub. To a certain extent this is reflected in individual preference, but it's also a consequence of awareness of our own growth and the belief that we deserve people who can match us. We implicitly expect our subs to keep up with us, to continue to be worthy of us as we continue to grow.
Stagnation is certainly possible, however any interaction which experiences stagnation in one individual coupled with growth in the other is doomed to eventual dissolution. Those we outgrow are those we leave behind.
If Kaliko had already met my current standards, it would be unlikely she would have been as interested in me as she is. Because fundamentally subs are looking for men who can teach them, stretch them, challenge them. And it's not possible to find that in a man who doesn't perceive a need for you to grow. Women are hypergamous by nature. When it comes to men, they're always looking up, not down.
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