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So... - 7/7/2015 10:49:11 PM   
SadisticMiles


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/6/2015
Status: offline 		So aside from the fact that I've never had sex, what are some ways I can experience BDSM without just fucking the next available person I meet. I would love to go to an event sometime in the future, but I'm kinda strapped with school and all. Plus, I've only seen BDSM online through Kink and other erotica forums. No one I've met has every been into any type of BDSM. Considering where I live though it's not surprising.

<-- Also how do I change that picture of an ice cream cone on the side?

< Message edited by SadisticMiles -- 7/7/2015 10:50:03 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: So... - 7/7/2015 11:24:40 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hi, Miles.

1. BDSM is kinda correlated with sex sometimes but the two are pretty independent.

2. If you're a Dom, you control the scene. You want no sex, there will not be any sex. I play with all kinds of women, and they all know that our play will be nonsexual and they're cool with that. Nonsexual BDSM can involve bondage, spanking, staples, whips, etc.

3. Strapped? As in financial, or time?

4. Go to munches. You might have some trouble going to events since you're 19 - look for a TNG group near you.

5. Post more. The ice cream cone is only there for your first 30 or so posts.

Welcome!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SadisticMiles)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: So... - 7/8/2015 9:43:20 AM   
SadisticMiles


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/6/2015
Status: offline 		I think my biggest problem is just finding someone to experiment with. Like I mentioned, I live in a pretty conservative area. I had a crush on one of my friends but she wasn't comfortable with the whole trans thing, she still saw me as female. I still have fantasies about being with her, mostly because she's never had sex either and is really shy about the topic of sex, but that's never gonna happen.

Mostly financial, but right now I'm just looking for a partner. Mind you, I've never dated. Or had sex. So I'm kinda strapped with experience as well.

What are munches? I assume from the context it's like a gathering, but what are they specifically? And what's a TNG?

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: So... - 7/8/2015 6:11:54 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Your dilemma is not so different from vanilla folks looking for a date. The method is pretty much the same, the main difference being that you have one more facet of compatibility to take into account.

A munch is an informal, no-pressure meetup where kinky folks gather and hang out. There's one pretty much everywhere. This usually takes place at a restaurant/bar, or some other public place where there are vanillas and kids around. So no kinky attire, and no loudly declaring that you're there to find someone to whip. Or whatever your kink is. But if you want to find a partner, introducing yourself to the local scene is a good start, and that's the best way to go.

A TNG (The Next Generation) is like a munch, except for the younger crowd. Usual age range is 18-35, but each local group sets their own.

findamunch.com is a decent place to start if you want to look for one of these. Also join Fetlife, if you haven't already.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to SadisticMiles)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: So... - 7/8/2015 6:35:30 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		First of all, you do live in a great state. Two of my long term (10+ years) relationships with slaves were from Pennsylvania.

Second, your life is the sum of your choices. They don't have a lot of BDSM events, munches and parties during school hours. Although that is the excuse you tell yourself, don't try and sell it to us, we're smarter than that. Either make the time or not... but BDSM won't come to you. Like everything in life, you have to go get it yourself.

Third, if you want BDSM w/o sex, you won't find many people willing to travel and meet you if there is not going to be any intimacy or relationship potential for them. Your best bet is to go to a public play party and look for a submissive/pet seeking a top for the night. Lots of single subs looking for someone to play with at public dungeon parties, clubs and events.

Last, if you are going to be the Dominant one, the Top, you might wanna' read up (if you haven't already) on the topics that interest you. Here is a good list of books in this LINK.

So good luck to you

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to SadisticMiles)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: So... - 7/8/2015 7:07:56 PM   
SadisticMiles


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/6/2015
Status: offline 		Um, I wasn't trying to make an excuse but, okay. I meant that school is a priority so BDSM isn't at the top of the list right now. Plus I stated in my second post that my biggest problem is actually finding someone, and that I was strapped financially, so I'm almost always working or trying to find another job. And even though PA has places like Philly, it doesn't mean I can just up and leave to explore, I live with my parents for crying out loud who are both religious. And thanks for the clarification RockaRolla.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: So... - 7/8/2015 11:23:36 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		My bad, it sounded like you were making excuses for being shy. Munches are free except the cost of meal. That might be a way to meet people if your budget is thin.


quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMiles

Um, I wasn't trying to make an excuse but, okay. I meant that school is a priority so BDSM isn't at the top of the list right now. Plus I stated in my second post that my biggest problem is actually finding someone, and that I was strapped financially, so I'm almost always working or trying to find another job. And even though PA has places like Philly, it doesn't mean I can just up and leave to explore, I live with my parents for crying out loud who are both religious. And thanks for the clarification RockaRolla.



_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to SadisticMiles)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: So... - 7/9/2015 12:30:42 AM   
WellShinedBoots


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/5/2015
Status: offline 		Scenes without sex actually seem fairly common, at least at the parties I've been to. Spanking, Flogging, rope and suspension, fireplay and cupping, and all sorts of stuff work quite well without sex. Some do require bare skin though. If you're going to a party hoping for some pickup play, non-sex scenes are also much easier to negotiate with someone you've only recently met.

I'll second the munch suggestion. Don't focus too much on finding a partner right away. Look for people who do similar things to what you want to do and learn from them. As you connect with the local scene you'll probably start meeting people who are also looking.

There's also a lot of books available that cover different types of play, and with Kindle and such you can get many of them discretely if needed.





(in reply to SadisticMiles)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: So... - 7/9/2015 1:04:18 AM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		Actually, a lot of bdsm events can't allow sex because of local laws and codes around swinging establishments, brothels, etc. If there is a charge or fee and there is sexual activity, there are a lot of ways for a bdsm club to get closed down. Paper work, red tape, etc. The sex that does take place will usually take place at an after party in some ones home or between couples who know each other.

Munches are great because there is no pressure to play or engage in activities. I love going to classes and demos. I like dungeons but I have gotten strange looks for being more interested in being social than playing. My favorite events are cons because there are multiple classes, demos, play parties, meet-ups, games, vendors, all over a week-end. It is possible to get a lot of fun and learning in two or three days.

(in reply to WellShinedBoots)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: So... - 7/9/2015 8:23:30 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Go to munches. Usually in relatively casual restaurants so you can just get a soda and a burger.
Once you're known to the group, you can take workshops. Do that. Because now you don't know how to safely hurt someone. So taking a class in safe impact play or bondage will establish that you won't do any accidental harm.
Then go to play parties and offer up topping to people, even people you aren't interested as a sexual partner.

That will help you become good at topping and make people more interested in playing with you.

Many universities have groups for those interested in this. If yours does, join it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MoxieMcfly)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: So... - 7/9/2015 2:06:00 PM   
SadisticMiles


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/6/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

My bad, it sounded like you were making excuses for being shy. Munches are free except the cost of meal. That might be a way to meet people if your budget is thin.


quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMiles

Um, I wasn't trying to make an excuse but, okay. I meant that school is a priority so BDSM isn't at the top of the list right now. Plus I stated in my second post that my biggest problem is actually finding someone, and that I was strapped financially, so I'm almost always working or trying to find another job. And even though PA has places like Philly, it doesn't mean I can just up and leave to explore, I live with my parents for crying out loud who are both religious. And thanks for the clarification RockaRolla.



I can see why you thought that. In person I am reserved, not necessarily shy. But once I become close friends with someone, it's a free for all. I'll talk about anything and everything.

As far as topping goes, I am willing to participate in puppy play, hence why my profile pic is a German Shepherd puppy. I feel like that breed fits my personality very well. Plus it reminds me of playing pretend when I was little, even then I would pretend to be a dog.

As for the munch advice, I'll take a look and study up. Thanks guys.


(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: So... - 7/9/2015 8:52:45 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		FWIW I'm not into casual sex (including strapons or vibrators or pussy/penis play), but do sometimes engage in casual play. I'm primarily interested in exploring attraction and dynamic with a potential LTR partner, but have done some casual play occasionally with other people. It really hasn't been an issue, but you should discuss it with people before you do a scene with them.

(in reply to SadisticMiles)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: So... - 7/19/2015 7:45:33 AM   
IcarusBurning


Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline 		1. why this association of BDSM with sex? i dont deny sex is a pretty important part of BDSM, but then its a pretty important part of any relationship. BDSM is much more than that. why not spare some time to wisen up first?

2. do focus on school. education is super, super important.

3. people who walk and breathe around you may very well be into BDSM. BDSM enthusiasts dont live on a different planet - they are us, they are among us. we are not people to be locked up in a ghetto or displayed as exhibits in a museum. its just not the first (or second or third or seventh) a "normal" person will talk to you about.

4. define "experience BDSM". its DEFINITELY not fucking the next person you meet. how about this - put in a little effort, read through people's profiles, and find a couple of people you connect with (men, women, sub, dom whatever). share something with them. try to address what they might be stuck on. share your own fears and insecurities. you want to be a part of a community? that starts with being genuine and opening up to people. yes, at the risk of getting hurt. thats how you grow up. high time, now that school's about to end.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: So... - 8/9/2015 5:08:03 AM   
CapitanSpavento


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/8/2015
Status: offline 		Agree - munches are a great way to meet people and I can't recommend them enough. Free to enter, only pay for any drinks you have, just like any trip to a bar with friends.
TNG events are great too for young people, but do also try and get along to other "all age" events - you'll get to meet some far more experienced people too.

(in reply to IcarusBurning)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: So... - 8/14/2015 11:42:20 AM   
WickedestDesires


Posts: 70
Joined: 8/7/2015
Status: offline 		As above.
The secretary will give you an idea or 3. There is no sex in that film methinks. What you read online is your business but I tend to take most of that with a pinch of salt. Be careful not to become immersed in fictional narratives. Immersion in cheap chardonnay is acceptable, bad narratives not so much.

A munch will cost you an hour or two of your time they will not hold you prisoner. Entry is usually free.
Clubs will cost a little.
But It depends where they are in relation to you and whether you’re sociable, or not.
There may be an age requirement of 21 in particular countries.

(in reply to CapitanSpavento)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: So... - 8/14/2015 5:12:18 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMiles

even then I would pretend to be a dog.





Did you sit at the door waiting patiently to be taken for a walk? Woof!

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to SadisticMiles)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: So... - 8/18/2015 11:14:10 AM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline 		So?
Munches.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 17
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