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Young and Living with the Rents - 7/10/2015 1:59:02 PM   
CharlieN


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/13/2015
Status: offline 		Given my situation, I currently live with my parents who are both religious and would most definitely not approve of BDSM. They don't believe gay/trans* is Godly. They aren't mean or anything, it's just what they believe and it's one area we don't see eye to eye. Having said that, I was wondering if any of you had watchful parents and if so, how did you explore BDSM without them finding out? I know my parents care and I appreciate that, but at the same time it restricts what I can do in my personal life. Like if they found out I've been writing BDSM based erotica for years they would flip. Any advice?

P.S. I'm SadisticMiles btw. When I first tried to sign up, my email was being weird so I had to use a different username. But Charlie has kinda established himself as a persona for my BDSM fantasies.

< Message edited by CharlieN -- 7/10/2015 2:00:31 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/10/2015 2:05:42 PM   
JVoV


Posts: 3664
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline 		Obviously, the top answer is going to be get your own place. Living on campus at a college is even more freedom than under your parents' roof.

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/10/2015 7:31:22 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I know this is going to be hard for you to understand, but it's the best I can do for you. Many young people have been in the similar position of wanting to pursue a lifestyle that the parents would not approve. Time will take care of your problem. Be patient. When the time is right you will be able to get involved in BDSM in all the ways you dream of at the moment.

Even at my age there can be probems. A few years ago I was married to someone who wasn't into all this. Except for being a member of online forums I couldn't pursue my interest because of his dislike for all this. In fact, a few days before he died he felt the need to out me to my sons. Well, he died and after a year of getting used to being just me the time was right. I attended munches. I attended events. Met a wonderful man who collared me a year after we met. Have lived happily ever after, but at one time it seemed as if my dreams would never come true.

< Message edited by peppermint -- 7/10/2015 7:34:05 PM >

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/10/2015 10:12:52 PM   
CharlieN


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/13/2015
Status: offline 		I am planning on living on campus, that's if I can come up with the money. I got accepted but I don't have nearly enough for what I need to attend, even if I get a loan. I do know that waiting will be the best, I just hate waiting, honestly, IMO that's the worst part about wanting something.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/10/2015 10:18:16 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN

I just hate waiting, honestly, IMO that's the worst part about wanting something.


Actually waiting can be the best part of wanting something. When you finally get it you appreciate it all that much more.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/11/2015 12:09:13 AM   
CharlieN


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/13/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint


quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN

I just hate waiting, honestly, IMO that's the worst part about wanting something.


Actually waiting can be the best part of wanting something. When you finally get it you appreciate it all that much more.

Hm, yeah that makes sense.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/11/2015 12:49:37 AM   
MiaCastle


Posts: 72
Joined: 5/4/2015
Status: offline 		It's their house, they rule. There comes a time when young adults need to find their own path. Education is very important. You have to weigh things out. A determined person will find what they want however they have to make it happen. Why not go get a job, find a cheap place to live and save your money so that you can go to collage without taking loans you will have to pay for later and have no way out of? Try trade school, make some bigger bucks and then go to school. Go to school, get a part time job, stick with your parents and learn patience.

All these things are ways that people have done this part of life. You create goals, make plans to meet them and you have to suffer for it sometimes, but it pays off. No one ever said life was easy and if they did, they were born with a golden spoon in their mouth and easy parents or they were lying. Its work being an adult. Its now your turn.

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/11/2015 4:43:09 PM   
CharlieN


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/13/2015
Status: offline 		I have two jobs, technically three. And I'm hoping to earn enough right now to go to college. The area I live in doesn't have cheap rentals, and yes, I've looked. The college I want to go to is only an hour away but it's still a considerable amount of money. I really don't want to wait any longer than I have to to go to school. Again BDSM is something I want to explore, but right now it's just not a priority; earning money for school is.

Thanks for the advice guys.

(in reply to MiaCastle)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/12/2015 5:17:05 AM   
LydiaInPA


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/13/2014
Status: offline 		Get your Gen Ed's out of the way at the local community college - classes are much cheaper and you most likely will qualify for financial aid. There are people there that will help you find the financial help you need.

Do well there. The financial aid for transferring to a 4 year college will come if you have the grades and get involved in what activities you can (things like student council and honors society are great for that and easy to get involved with).

Transfer to a state university if possible - in state tuition on a state university is far more affordable than out of state or private universities.

Keep a part time job (waiting tables somewhere decent is a great way to make money) while in school. Work 2 jobs in the summer.

Do all of the above and you will graduate with minimal debt.

As far as your personal life....don't sweat it so much right now.

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/12/2015 2:41:34 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Do your parents not respect your privacy?
Do they demand your computer passwords?
Do they insist on knowing where you are all the time?

Or can you send a quick text saying you met a friend and are staying over instead of driving late at night?

My daughter went away to school. My son stayed at home till senior year. As long as he followed house rules: don't drink milk from the carton, don't drink and drive, don't leave dirty plates in his room, I gave him his privacy. But if I had to go through it to get plates back, to clean up garbage, then anything left out was going to be seen. The more mature he became in handling these responsibilities, the less I invaded his privacy.

Are you doing your own laundry or do you still expect your mother to strip the bed and collect clothes from around the room?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LydiaInPA)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/12/2015 11:13:37 PM   
CharlieN


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/13/2015
Status: offline 		I do my own laundry, buy my own food, pay my own health bills, take turns cleaning the bathroom, and clean whatever else my mom tells me. I know I'm young at 19 but I'm not an imbecilic parasite. As far as community college goes I really just want to get away. I did a semester of military school and had an emotional breakdown in late January. I spent the couple months after cleaning up my mental fortitude. I decided to transfer to Temple and got in but now I'm trying to figure out how to pay it. Practically speaking I do worry, but spiritually speaking I have no anxiety whatsoever (by spiritual I mean that I believe in God).

I've also come to realize that really what I'm trying to ask is how did you deal with your parents when they found out you like BDSM? I'm not blatantly going to tell my parents what I'm sexually into, but at the same time I don't want to lie to them every time I want to go to a munch.

At this point I can see that waiting to get out of the house is the best option.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/13/2015 11:04:34 AM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Why do you have to explain to them what a munch is? Why can't you say you're going out that night/hanging out with friends?

No, definitely no need to explain what you like sexually. But you don't need to explain that you're meeting people in a BDSM-charged setting either.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/13/2015 3:36:42 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Tell them you're staying late to watch the Owls basketball game. Or grabbing a cheesesteak with college friends.

Even if you're commuting to school, you will be out of the house early and back late. You'll stay at the library to study for exams. They will get used to not knowing your new friends or what you're doing all the time.

I imagine the fact that you just had an emotionally traumatic experience is going to make them hover. My oldest has a genetic mood disorder. I've had to learn how to slowly let go while worrying tremendously on my own. I suggest that you think of their questioning as them worrying about you. And instead of answering questions about what you're doing, address the underlying concern. Give your mother a hug, tell her you appreciate her care and concern, but you're doing just fine now. And that if you have a problem, she'll be the first person you call. And that you appreciate her letting you spread your wings and try to fly solo again.

As far as my kids sex lives? I don't want to know details. I do want to know that they respect their partners and their partners respect them. That they are practicing safe sex and are knowledgeable about stds. And that they feel free to talk to their partners and ask for what they need. My mantra about that is that if you can't talk to someone about sex, then you shouldn't be having it with them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to RockaRolla)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/14/2015 7:10:54 AM   
disgaldrar


Posts: 37
Joined: 6/28/2015
Status: offline 		My parents were relatively accepting of it (I was 17 when I first got started dabbling with my first boyfriend), even if they did raise a few eyebrows at the books I was purchasing. Trying to actively hide things will only make it more likely that they are found - your parents were once your age trying to hide things as well, after all. I just got lucky that mine are quite comfortable with me being involved in the lifestyle even if they do not know entirely to what extent because they know I'm safety-minded and not easily taken for a fool.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Young and Living with the Rents - 7/14/2015 7:43:50 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN

Given my situation, I currently live with my parents who are both religious and would most definitely not approve of BDSM. They don't believe gay/trans* is Godly. They aren't mean or anything, it's just what they believe and it's one area we don't see eye to eye. Having said that, I was wondering if any of you had watchful parents and if so, how did you explore BDSM without them finding out? I know my parents care and I appreciate that, but at the same time it restricts what I can do in my personal life. Like if they found out I've been writing BDSM based erotica for years they would flip. Any advice?

P.S. I'm SadisticMiles btw. When I first tried to sign up, my email was being weird so I had to use a different username. But Charlie has kinda established himself as a persona for my BDSM fantasies.


Charlie...there is only one person in charge of your life....what you do with it, in it and for it.

You.

Your parents created you.

After that...it's (always) entirely been up to you.

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 15
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