Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom?

Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (Full Version)

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CharlieN -> Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/11/2015 12:15:37 AM)
The reason I ask is because I'm still a virgin. I've mentioned before that instinctively I feel like a top and would only sub as a pup. In any other situation though I would be a dom. In this community there's an underlying agreement that you must earn your title and I haven't even dated.

MiaCastle -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/11/2015 1:39:04 AM)
You can call yourself anything that you want, but I recommend being comfortable with yourself and owning it. No one else determines who and what you are and if they do, I would wonder why. When you are loyal to who you are, you don't worry so much about other peoples expectations unless they are important to you. Be the person you want to be. As far as I know, there is no expectation by everyone that does what we do, for you to have that university of domhood.

aldompdx -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/11/2015 8:51:56 PM)
Titles are what other's give you. Labels are how you and others compartmentalize or limit yourself. Control and mastery is first of yourself. As the above respondent advises, be true to yourself, with awareness of self.

crazyml -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/12/2015 10:56:58 AM)
Well, the fact that you're asking the question is a pretty good sign I reckon. If you're looking to be the dominant person in a relationship, the I'd say label yourself as Dom, but be upfront about your experiences and realistic about what you can offer. We all started out with no experience after all.

NookieNotes -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/13/2015 3:34:31 AM)
If you want to, sure. I am dominant. I label myself on another site as "kinkster,' because I prefer not to be pigeon-holed. But realize a label is only as good as the person/actions backing it up.

DarkSteven -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/13/2015 5:50:03 AM)
Giving yourself a label that describes you is fine. Trying to change yourself to fit the label (Doms do this, so I have to do it as well) is not.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/14/2015 11:21:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CharlieN The reason I ask is because I'm still a virgin. I've mentioned before that instinctively I feel like a top and would only sub as a pup. In any other situation though I would be a dom. In this community there's an underlying agreement that you must earn your title and I haven't even dated. When Hardy Haberman is asked where he got his cap . . . he replies, "at the leather shop like everyone else". I love that guy, he is so politically incorrect. God bless the pomp and circumstance of a group of friends giving a leather cap or a Master giving a harness or vest to a subordinate but . . . none of that is recognized outside that small social group. There is no official registry. The esteem you hold in the community is by reputation only and "titles" are self appointed. If you are a virgin to all this, do you really know what you are if you haven't tried anything yet? Don't get me wrong, I feel that labels are important to give people a general impression of who or what you are. But there is nothing wrong with being an explorer who has yet to discover themselves yet. Seems like you also like to switch . . . good luck sorting it all out.

daniel1973 -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/14/2015 2:08:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml label yourself as Dom, but be upfront about your experiences I'd like to add: Maybe it works for the OP as it did for me: I teamed up with a buddy with the same level of experience, namely zero, to experiment a little from time to time. Nowadays I call him "Sir" and he meticulously whips my ass if I forget to stand at attention when he talks to me (to mention one of the more harmless things we do on a permanent basis). In between: a long period of trial and error, experiments, comparing experiences, negotiating boundaries, discussing rights and duties, etc.

DesFIP -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/14/2015 7:26:57 PM)
No, you don't have to try things out to know they won't work for you. I've never tried sex with another woman, because I've always known that I'm straight. I've never bothered to go for therapy for gender dysmorphia because I've always known I'm a cisgender female. I will say though, that just because you're a top, doesn't mean you're also dominant. The two terms are not the same. If you want to be taken seriously, then I would suggest taking some workshops. And just because you've never dated in the past doesn't mean you can't start now.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/14/2015 7:34:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CharlieN The reason I ask is because I'm still a virgin. I've mentioned before that instinctively I feel like a top and would only sub as a pup. In any other situation though I would be a dom. In this community there's an underlying agreement that you must earn your title and I haven't even dated. It's wrong to label yourself a '67 Chrysler.

daniel1973 -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/15/2015 12:52:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP No, you don't have to try things out to know they won't work for you. That is true as long as you have at least a vague idea of what it is going to be like. I don't have to sample my master's excrement in order to know that I will puke should he make me swallow it (which he will never do, bless him!) My point is that in this particular corner imagination and reality can be vastly different. If you had asked me ten years ago if I could enjoy being beaten I would have answered "Hell, no! What are you thinking! Beating people is always wrong!" Yet here I am, a few nice ones from Master with his belt are enough to make my day.

CharlieN -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/16/2015 9:18:34 PM)
Thanks for the advice guys. You're right ResidentSadist, I am a switch in the sense I would love to try puppy play. I think it would also depend on how the partner behaves, mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone, so it would be hard for me to be submissive to someone I don't think deserves it.

daniel1973 -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/16/2015 10:16:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CharlieN mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone, so it would be hard for me to be submissive That's the spirit! I don't let myself be bossed around either. But when my master says "jump" guess what I do, which makes it especially valuable to him. You seem like the romantic kind. Go find your soulmate, he/she (you'd be surprised!) is somewhere out there.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/16/2015 10:35:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CharlieN ... mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone ... There used to be a company (now, out of business) that used to specialize in celebrity-endorsed products. Their Chuck Norris toilet paper failed for just the same reason you state; it was rough, tough, and didn't take shit off of anyone. Michael

DerangedUnit -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/16/2015 11:04:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CharlieN Thanks for the advice guys. You're right ResidentSadist, I am a switch in the sense I would love to try puppy play. I think it would also depend on how the partner behaves, mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone, so it would be hard for me to be submissive to someone I don't think deserves it. If you don't take shit from anyone just find someone who isn't full of shit.... I've seen equal number doms and subs who had no clue how to exist without trying to manipulate someone else.... you'll run into that everywhere.

NookieNotes -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/17/2015 4:34:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit quote: ORIGINAL: CharlieN Thanks for the advice guys. You're right ResidentSadist, I am a switch in the sense I would love to try puppy play. I think it would also depend on how the partner behaves, mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone, so it would be hard for me to be submissive to someone I don't think deserves it. If you don't take shit from anyone just find someone who isn't full of shit.... I've seen equal number doms and subs who had no clue how to exist without trying to manipulate someone else.... you'll run into that everywhere. This. My Pet is an amazing submissive, and doesn't take shit from people. But he doesn't have to. I would never give him shit. I value him enough to give him all the best I have.

MarcEsadrian -> RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? (7/23/2015 10:19:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CharlieN The reason I ask is because I'm still a virgin. I've mentioned before that instinctively I feel like a top and would only sub as a pup. In any other situation though I would be a dom. In this community there's an underlying agreement that you must earn your title and I haven't even dated. You have to "earn your title," eh? Perhaps personally, but that's where it ends in my book. And as as far when it's wrong to label yourself a dom, I'd say almost always, as the word is a bit of a caricature unto itself these days.

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