Is it ok to be irritated? (Full Version)

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Maybeher -> Is it ok to be irritated? (7/16/2015 7:43:34 AM)

Or am I being juvenile? See, I put thought and effort into my profile and still I get asked what am I seeking by men who seem like great matches otherwise. I do know it's long so maybe that makes them not want to read it at all but if it's short o end up weeding through a lot of mumble jumble.

What type of profiles inspire Masters to read?
Why would a Master send messages expressing interest without reading to get an idea of what I'm looking for?
Should I do as i have and take it as a sign of Lack of effort or should I just be good and answer the question even though it makes me totally uninterested?

Thanks in advance



Miyani -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/16/2015 8:44:39 AM)

A couple of thoughts leading to the same conclusion:

If someone hasn't read my profile, they're just interested in my picture, not in me. If they were interested in me, they'd read my profile.
I look at the effort someone puts into getting to know me as an indication of the effort they'll put into being mine. If they expect me to do all the work (write out again what I've already clearly written out, so they don't have to go looking for it in an easy to find place), I have to assume that the relationship will continue the same way. I need an active, enthusiastic partner, who goes above and beyond for me.

It's always ok to have the feelings that you have, so no one can say that you're "wrong" to be irritated. Myself, I look at it as the first part of the weeding out process.
That said, in looking over your profile, you really don't talk a lot about what you want. You speak in generalities, and about what you aren't, but don't really lay out the kind of relationship or person you're hoping to find. Maybe a paragraph talking about what your ideal situation would be might help.



Maybeher -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/16/2015 9:14:02 AM)

Thanks good idea



sexyred1 -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/16/2015 10:18:26 AM)

I am irritated with a lot of the emails I get here.

I find men in general are very lazy online.

I weed out many of them by asking to speak on the phone. If I ever give anyone my number and they text instead of call, I am not interested.

Call me old fashioned, but I never got to know anyone via text.



EligibleOwner -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/16/2015 10:26:31 AM)

No, it's understandable to be irritated. I don't have to engage with men here, but from what women tell me, your experience is very, very common. Men just will be men, I think, and that means a lot of them will be both horny and lazy.

But in a sense they're doing you a favour, because they're easy to spot and dismiss. There are more serious men here, and you may just need patience to find them.



Maybeher -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/16/2015 12:50:15 PM)

I have told some doms they were lazy but that ends with them calling me a fake or a Domme. No, I just like effort
I have made the changes to my profile hope it updates soon but I'm calmed to see that I'm not the only one noticing the lack of effort.



NorthernGent -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/16/2015 1:27:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Maybeher

Or am I being juvenile? See, I put thought and effort into my profile and still I get asked what am I seeking by men who seem like great matches otherwise. I do know it's long so maybe that makes them not want to read it at all but if it's short o end up weeding through a lot of mumble jumble.

What type of profiles inspire Masters to read?
Why would a Master send messages expressing interest without reading to get an idea of what I'm looking for?
Should I do as i have and take it as a sign of Lack of effort or should I just be good and answer the question even though it makes me totally uninterested?

Thanks in advance


I for one couldn't care less what anyone has written in his/her profile.

They could write anything, cut and paste from anywhere.

My feeling is that I get a much better sense of someone when I read his/her posts in response to a topic. That's where I take notice, because of course you're getting a sense of how she carries herself in the area of social interaction; and of course her opinions.

In terms of being irritated? I think this one is a matter of personal taste.

I personally like partners who just go with the flow, easy come easy go type people. Others will see it differently. For me, someone gets irritated over a profile then that's a bad sign.

In the event I did read a profile in depth, I think I'd home in on similar interests so that could mean expressing your interests outside of BDSM would help.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/16/2015 2:23:04 PM)

What if the answer is: "No, it's not ok to be irritated."?

Would that change how you're feeling in any way?
If it would, you probably have some cognitive dissonance going on because you yourself deem it not ok to be irritated, in which case, you should probably stop it.
If it wouldn't, the question is rather irrelevant, isn't it?



Arturas -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/16/2015 9:17:36 PM)

FR

Life is too short to let such cmails irritate you. Only if you attach some significance to them should they drive your emotions in one direction or the other. Instead read. Laugh. Delete. Move on to better cmails. Now if you were still back in the AOL pay by the minute days then you might be justified in being really pissed.



IcarusBurning -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/19/2015 7:31:40 AM)

totally your call, i would say. personally if someone does not spare enough time to at least skim through my profile and see what i am into and what i am not, and addresses me like a blank slate, its usually quite a big turn-off for me. having said that, i would not say everyone is a red herring out there - only problem being that you have to sledge through tons of shit before hitting the diamond. thus, your call.



FrankAr -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/20/2015 2:08:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Maybeher

Or am I being juvenile? See, I put thought and effort into my profile and still I get asked what am I seeking by men who seem like great matches otherwise. I do know it's long so maybe that makes them not want to read it at all but if it's short o end up weeding through a lot of mumble jumble.

What type of profiles inspire Masters to read?
Why would a Master send messages expressing interest without reading to get an idea of what I'm looking for?
Should I do as i have and take it as a sign of Lack of effort or should I just be good and answer the question even though it makes me totally uninterested?

Thanks in advance


It should not be the length of the profile writing that you should be trying to cover, but what is inside the profile and also what type of picture the person has on the main pic. I can read through the main profile writing but sometimes it does become a bit whiney or just full of wind. With this I mean you should talk about yourself, not other previous Masters / Doms / Dommes that you have had, not talk about all the years of schooling you have had. Sometimes with all the tertiary education and all the books you can read in a library, does not match the beauty of just pulling over to the side of a road and watching the sun going down. You can never match the laughter you will get when someone just says something totally stupid and it can crack you up for hours on end and even 4 days later when you are sitting at the desk at work.

You can go on for hours about how many people you have submitted to, but to be honest who does give a crap. Person B might have touched a button on you that Person A can never, but Person A still can take the breath away.

With technology these days you can always keep the profile here short and sharp and sweet and then if you have weeded out the dickheads from here, maybe let them know about a website that you write on , and then they can read that to get a better insight into your mind. But to be honest it really does not matter how much you read of the person, and how many emails they send to you, the voice will always be IT with some people.

You hear that voice and it can make or break the relationship from there.

This is just my thoughts on a profile.

Frank Ar.



MariaB -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/20/2015 1:46:35 PM)

The problem with profiles that are too informative is, it informs the reader of what he needs to be before he corresponds. People here can be anyone you want them to be...just keep that in mind next time someone sounds too perfect.



MarcEsadrian -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/23/2015 10:10:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
The problem with profiles that are too informative is, it informs the reader of what he needs to be before he corresponds.


Absolutely, though I do think there is a way of providing depth to one's profile without serving up a helpful recipe to someone on how to game the person behind them. The trick is to be illustrative of scope, insight, and your personal flavor without handing over the contours of a personal Konami Code.



crazyml -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/24/2015 12:02:27 AM)

FWIW... here's my take...

Sure, it's "ok" to be irritated, but if you let it annoy you too much then you're likely to be in a state of constant annoyance.

While it's not unreasonable to want people to thoughtfully read a profile, it's unrealistic to expect that they will.

I'm with sexyred... I suspect that it might be a handy filtering tool, if you feel that the kind of guy who doesn't read a profile is unlikely to be the guy for you then it helps you weed those suckers out nice and early.



MrNiklas -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/24/2015 10:08:46 PM)


Yes, it is ok to be irritated, but you have to control your feelings.
So be irriated, and then ask for a chat on your knees infront of him
and explain how you feels.

A good Master will try to understand your feelings,
and teach you the right positive way to think.



sweetieDA -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/25/2015 1:17:19 AM)

Well you give married and cheating men the green flag, so maybe the people reading your profile think that you're open to persuasion or you don't have high standards?



DesFIP -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/25/2015 10:06:34 AM)

It's always fine to feel whatever emotion you feel. It's how you act upon them that matters.

With that said, what does being irritated give you? It doesn't change the kind of mail you're going to get. It doesn't make the guys who send you those emails feel ashamed. It doesn't change the situation or give you anything positive.

If you want to spend an hour a day ranting at idiots, that's your choice. Personally, I'd find it a waste of time.

All you can do is decide that you can't control yourself and therefore shouldn't have an online profile, or decide to simply block and delete and move on.



Wayward5oul -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/25/2015 11:27:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrNiklas


Yes, it is ok to be irritated, but you have to control your feelings.
So be irriated, and then ask for a chat on your knees infront of him
and explain how you feels.

A good Master will try to understand your feelings,
and teach you the right positive way to think.

But he is not her master. She is talking about men she has never met and the way they approach her when making first contact online.



Wayward5oul -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/25/2015 11:29:57 AM)

I haven't looked at your profile, but I will just tell you from experience, having been on vanilla and kinky sites long enough to believe this-some people are going to do this regardless of what you have or have not written on your profile. Be irritated all you want, but it won't make a bit of difference. And you will be irritated A LOT.

As others have said, consider it a good filtering tool. Delete and move on.



DesFIP -> RE: Is it ok to be irritated? (7/25/2015 2:40:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Maybeher

I have told some doms they were lazy but that ends with them calling me a fake or a Domme.


Here's your problem. Do not get into a discussion with people you already know you don't want to talk to.

You're allowed to think they're lazy.
They're allowed to think you aren't being a submissive.

You already know that your idea of submissive and theirs does not match.
You aren't going to convince them they're wrong and they aren't going to change your mind either.

Just block and ignore. But when you write back, to say anything, they think they have a foot in the door and they're going to be much more upset when you actively reject them instead of just ignoring them.

The odds of a man getting a response to an online ad here is 100 - 1. So why should they take all that time to write a thoughtful response when they probably won't get an answer anyway? From their point of view, they shouldn't. The odds are the same for them if they tailor a response to your profile or just send their standard email to new subs. Therefore what you consider lazy they consider not wasting time. Just move on.



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