strange disappearance

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IcarusBurning -> strange disappearance (7/19/2015 7:24:51 AM)
hey all! i hope everyone is keeping well, and of course eid mubarak. so i wanted to ask this out to the male masters here. i got in touch with this girl on here a couple of months ago. she is young, somewhat nervous, very sweet; a very typical little. we started the normal way - emailing each other, getting to know each other, our needs and wants and difficulties and insecurities. in fact i would say i was really touched by how much she opened up to me, how much she shared. over the course of the next few weeks, we voiced over skype and a couple of time i saw her over skype too - so i know for very sure she is not a fake. she was really fond and really attached to me - so much so that she would have trouble sleeping if she did not get to talk to me. i keep a rather busy work life, still i found time for her. she would cry if i scolded her, yearn for me when she was scared, laugh if i was tender with her and just melt when i said i was proud of her. all the good stuff. it was going well, and i looked forward to the next step. and then, of a sudden, one fine day she disappeared. from here. from skype. everywhere. for all practical purposes it would seem like she fell off the face of the earth. i am not one to be whiny here. but honestly, i am killed with concerns. did something happen to her? is she safe? is she happy? did someone find out and forbid her to talk to me? did she find someone else? did she fall ill.... i dont know if i am being foolishly emotional here, but i was genuinely worried for her, because i had grown to care for her wellbeing. i dont know what happened, i dont even know if i will ever be able to find out. i dont know how much time it will take for me to move on. but i would only ask this much - is it too much to ask for a sub to tell you "hey, you know what, this isnt working out - all the best!" ? barring the point that she fell severely ill or she is being prevented from talking, i find such behaviour really unacceptable. has this happened to you before? i have parted ways with a couple of subs before but we have tried to keep it as non-disruptive as possible. how do you parse something like this..? i apologize if i sound sentimental, but i'll be honest i dont have prior experience in dealing with "disappearance" of a non-fake person before, so some pointers might be helpful. keep rockin'

spellslave -> RE: strange disappearance (7/19/2015 8:00:42 AM)
I've had it happen outside of the BDSM sphere of things over the years, so it doesn't surprise me to hear that it happens within it as well. I just pick myself up and move on. If I hear back from them, so be it. If not, no skin off my nose.

Kirata -> RE: strange disappearance (7/19/2015 8:14:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning i am not one to be whiny here. but honestly, i am killed with concerns. did something happen to her? is she safe? is she happy? did someone find out and forbid her to talk to me? did she find someone else? did she fall ill.... i dont know if i am being foolishly emotional here, but i was genuinely worried for her, because i had grown to care for her wellbeing. i dont know what happened, i dont even know if i will ever be able to find out... Yeah, I've been there. And my advice is, don't even try to find out. She knows how to contact you. If she can't right now, then she will when she can. If she doesn't want to, and you manage to track her down somehow, the fact that you could and did will freak the shit out of her. So there's just no way out of this one. Live with it and move on as best you can. K.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: strange disappearance (7/19/2015 8:57:10 AM)
I've had it happen a couple times too. Usually they end up turning up again a few months/years later, with some lame excuse as to what happened, and then expect to pick up where you left off. After they pull that a few times, you end up finding out through various means and reading in between the lives that they have a perfectly safe and fine vanilla life, and love to dream about what could be, but can't/won't/are afraid to take that step into making it a reality. Usually when that's the case, you'll hear from them when their life is particularly shitty/rocky/unsatisfying at the moment while they disappear again when things level out for them. I've got one chick in particular who has been playing this game with me and my former Master for a good 10 years now. She's gone as far as faking her own death, having 'family' or 'friends' contact us to let us know. And then turns up under a different name later. We've gotten pretty good at spotting her early on (everybody has tells) so it's been a while since the last round. Of the handful of girls who have played that game with me, there's only one who eventually did take the leap and met me in person. Unfortunately once in person it turned out we weren't a match at all, but I hear she's actually in an offline M/s right now, and doing well. I wouldn't loose to much sleep over it if you can help yourself. It's probably nothing but the fact that her real life has her distracted/satisfied right now... and if it isn't, there is nothing you can do anyways unless she asks you for help.

IcarusBurning -> RE: strange disappearance (7/19/2015 9:52:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar I've had it happen a couple times too. Usually they end up turning up again a few months/years later, with some lame excuse as to what happened, and then expect to pick up where you left off. After they pull that a few times, you end up finding out through various means and reading in between the lives that they have a perfectly safe and fine vanilla life, and love to dream about what could be, but can't/won't/are afraid to take that step into making it a reality. Usually when that's the case, you'll hear from them when their life is particularly shitty/rocky/unsatisfying at the moment while they disappear again when things level out for them. I wouldn't loose to much sleep over it if you can help yourself. It's probably nothing but the fact that her real life has her distracted/satisfied right now... and if it isn't, there is nothing you can do anyways unless she asks you for help. thanks.. hurtful as it is (not from you personally of course) i think thats sensible advise backed by sensible logic

RemoteUser -> RE: strange disappearance (7/19/2015 9:59:29 PM)
Abrupt endings are usually instigated by fear, or having found something else. In either case, you can't own their fear and you can't fault them for finding something else - although courtesy would be nice, it's dying in this day and age. Some people think with their libido and throw social conventions to hell. Ask yourself if you'd want to be with someone like that. If they can't even grant you that basic courtesy, chances are, they wouldn't share your opinions on how to handle other situations either, and that's a compatibility issue. I've been there. It hurts because you had an image of who they were in your head. Their actions show something else, though, and that's what's going to count in the long run...whether you can rely on them to share your ideas of what's right and what's not. If you can't rely on them then it could be as much your image in your head of them, as the reality of their own social behaviours. That's not a nice lesson - and again, been there. But it's not a bad one, either. You should be wanted for who you are, and if you're not enough for them, then moving on can be for the best.

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