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first contact advice - 7/19/2015 1:01:39 PM   
masterstrong13


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/17/2015
Status: offline 		good evening subs and slaves
i am new to this site, and fairly new to the scene
i would like to ask from a slave/sub point of view, when recieving first contact from a Dom/Master what is most likely to get a response, and what is most likely not?
do you expect a dominant message from someone as first contact, or does the more vanilla approach work better at first, and then let the converstaion progress from there?
also what is likely to get your attention as far a D/M profile is concerned, in respect of content, expectations etc
obviously this is very different from a normal 'dating' site so the concept is a little different to what i am used to, for example having searched other Doms for inspiration, there seams to be an awful lot of cock picks...is this the norm?, do you really want to see that?
any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, and if you can give me feedback on my profile, too that would be great, thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 1:30:22 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline 		I don't know if this is all so different from a "normal dating site", depending on what you are looking for.

I found my partner on here, while I was just flipping through random profiles. What caught my eye was his profile pic-- of him on a hiking trail with his llama. Since I was looking for an LTR, seeing something other than his cock was a *good* thing. Seriously, his photo on there showed me a lot of what he was about-- non-kink wise.

I was the one who contacted him first, but I definitely would have responded had he done the initiating.

I think the first thing to think about is what sort of relationship you want. As I'm sure you know, they run the gamut. I don't think that it's a bad idea to "lead with the vanilla" if you're looking for a relationship. Of course, since you're on here, there's an understanding that there's some sort of kink in you. That discussion will come-- but why not take advantage in your profile of setting yourself out as a rounded individual?

(in reply to masterstrong13)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 2:51:34 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I know you are asking for s-type responses. But I'll toss this out there for you before a pile of submissives give you their versions of what it takes to be a knight in shining armor.

Don't be a wuss or quash the Domly things the PC vanilla world would normally dictate. But don't be rude! The "on your knees bitches" approach never gets a good response from real people. However, hang onto your leather attitude, be yourself . . . it is what submissives are attracted too in the first place. Be firm, but be polite and explore mutually interesting topics in your conversations.

He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command. – Niccolò Machiavelli

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 2:54:39 PM   
spellslave


Posts: 246
Joined: 7/16/2015
From: England
Status: offline 		I met my Master on Okcupid.

I also messaged him first. On the phone app, you swipe left to 'dismiss' or right to 'accept' (or the reverse). If you accidentally swipe the wrong way, you can 'shake' your phone to get it back. I do still joke to this day, as I accidentally swiped the wrong way with Master and had to shake to get him back! There was no mention of BDSM on his profile, but it was the combination of flattering and good quality images - and no dick pictures - when combined with a succinct yet quite descriptive personal summary that prompted me to message him.

So far as for what I'm looking for on CS/Fet' goes - friends and networking - I still prioritise vanilla interests over kink. After all, I want to be able to hold a conversation with the person on subjects outside of D/S. Again, high quality pictures help.

A week or so later and we met, a few weeks after that I moved in and... here we are!

_____________________________

Fetlife: spellslave

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 3:22:12 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline 		Hi masterstrong13!

I'm currently drenched with sweat and my master loves it, I don't so much. You see, what my dominant digs about me is not for me to decide.
Then again, Master knows how to make me happy like nobody else.

So, my advice would be, if at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again.


< Message edited by daniel1973 -- 7/19/2015 3:24:50 PM >

(in reply to masterstrong13)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 3:30:35 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I know you are asking for s-type responses. But I'll toss this out there for you before a pile of submissives give you their versions of what it takes to be a knight in shining armor.



Nice.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 3:38:06 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

The "on your knees bitches" approach never gets a good response from real people.


You're such a badass :-) "On you knees, boy!" is still one of my most favorite phantasies. Of course it doesn't work that way, though.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 5:21:37 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Lead with vanilla conversations. I need to know if we would be compatible as partners.

Don't make assumptions about subs.

Don't ask me my fantasies in the second email.

If we get along in email and exchange numbers, CALL, DO NOT TEXT.

Actually ask me about me, don't only discuss you.

Don't turn into a sniveling infant and get nasty if I determine we are not a match.

Ask me my name after telling me yours. It's astonishing how few do this.



< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 7/19/2015 5:22:40 PM >

(in reply to daniel1973)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 5:30:31 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


Ask me my name after telling me yours. It's astonishing how few do this.




Ah yes...

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Don't make assumptions about subs.



And yes again.

--

To the OP, what other Doms do (while it might be interesting to you) is not a template for *anything*.

Finding a compatible partner in this realm is really no different than any place else. Though the questions you ask may be different, you're still dealing with a human being at the other end. You may be surprised how far you get treating them as such.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 5:47:46 PM   
masterstrong13


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/17/2015
Status: offline 		Thank you for the advice people it's much appreciated

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 5:50:49 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Lead with vanilla conversations. I need to know if we would be compatible as partners.



Sorry, maybe that works most of the time ...
But in my case my dominant and I would have never ever been an item, both of us not gay and me not being terribly interested in being told what to do.

I still don't get why we function that well together.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 5:52:08 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		I'm a little different than most chicks on this:

- Take charge from the first moment. This doesn't mean be rude and entitled, but take the lead nonetheless.

- Show me that you have a plan. In life, for yourself, for what you want a chick for, for what you want a relationship to be. It's nice that you want a gall at your beck and call to suck your dick whenever the mood strikes you, or that you want somebody to live your sadistic fantasies out on. But how are you planning on getting us there? What about the other 23 hours of the day?

- Show me that you have a clear drive to protect and provide. I don't date boys who don't take care of their toys.

- Show me that you understand why I need to be in a BDSM relationship. That you grok, fully, what I'm looking to get out of this. I will never need you if you don't understand why I need to need you.

- Talk about your past experiences, and mistakes and what you learned from them. If you're not man enough to admit that you've made mistake, or haven't learned anything from them, I'm not interested. I'm more than willing to be a labrat, but not if you don't advance and improve.

- Show me that your standards, goals, ambitions, willpower, self-discipline and patience are greater than mine. I still have not yet figured out how to submit to somebody who isn't actually my superior.

- Explain to me how my life would be better with you, than it would be if I where on my own. If you're not improving my life somehow, I'm not sure why it is that I'm supposed to give up my freedom to place it in your hands. It seems like a raw deal at that point.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 6:09:12 PM   
JVoV


Posts: 3657
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline 		In so many ways, I'm glad I deal with guys.

If I see someone interesting viewing my profile, I can say "Nice ass", and it be enough to spark a conversation.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 6:14:04 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterstrong13
do you expect a dominant message from someone as first contact, or does the more vanilla approach work better at first, and then let the converstaion progress from there?

I don't appreciate someone coming at me in an aggressive, rude manner, which is what the vast majority of domasses on here do. But as a submissive woman, I do want to know that whoever I am potentially talking with is a dominant man. Be polite yet confident. Show that you are thinking with something other than your dick by talking about something you saw in their profile that interested you. This is not a 'dial-a-sub' hotline, but a lot of men on here treat it as such.
quote:


also what is likely to get your attention as far a D/M profile is concerned, in respect of content, expectations etc

Someone who shows me something of their personality with their profile, not the standard fantasyland that is described in lots of profiles here. Show that you are a human being, and a genuine person, interested in meeting another genuine person. Don't be generic. Sift through some dom profiles on here, and read them. When something makes you roll your eyes or o 'ugh', make note of that and don't do that. When something stands out to you in a positive way, ask why. That may help you to decide what to include in your profile.
quote:


obviously this is very different from a normal 'dating' site so the concept is a little different to what i am used to, for example having searched other Doms for inspiration, there seams to be an awful lot of cock picks...is this the norm?, do you really want to see that?

I look at the pics that someone uses as an indicator of what they want people to think of them. Lots of people don't use pics of themselves on here, and understandably so. But they will use something that resonates with them in other ways. A comedic meme, a quote that expresses something that they feel, etc.

With this in mind, when I see someone using a pic of their dick, I tend to think they are a dick.


In addition, when it comes to profiles, that is a first impression. So go back and double-check grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. I haven't looked at your profile yet, so I don't know if those are errors that you yourself have made, but I can tell you that it is rampant on here, and gives a bad impression.


(in reply to masterstrong13)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 6:16:53 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JVoV

In so many ways, I'm glad I deal with guys.

If I see someone interesting viewing my profile, I can say "Nice ass", and it be enough to spark a conversation.


I already know that I have a nice ass. Tell me something that I don't know.

(in reply to JVoV)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 6:18:28 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

I still have not yet figured out how to submit to somebody who isn't actually my superior.


My master knows me better than I do. But, then again, how high is the possibility to find someone like that?
My take is that the hard way to learn is always the best one. Submit to someone who is kind of a good person but does not know how to lead you.
If you can do that you can proudly present yourself to the one who doesn't understand it either.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 6:21:42 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JVoV

In so many ways, I'm glad I deal with guys.

If I see someone interesting viewing my profile, I can say "Nice ass", and it be enough to spark a conversation.


That would be enough to spark up a conversation with me too, if it wasn't for the fact that I know from experience that the 'conversation' that would ensue would be along the lines of: "hay bby u wnt t suck mi cck?"

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to JVoV)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 6:22:02 PM   
JVoV


Posts: 3657
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline 		Always wear pantyhose under leather pants? Aside from providing a lining for sweat, it gives an amazing feel on the balls.

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 6:23:37 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

Submit to someone who is kind of a good person but does not know how to lead you.



Why on Earth would I want to do something like that?

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to daniel1973)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: first contact advice - 7/19/2015 6:29:21 PM   
JVoV


Posts: 3657
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: JVoV

In so many ways, I'm glad I deal with guys.

If I see someone interesting viewing my profile, I can say "Nice ass", and it be enough to spark a conversation.


That would be enough to spark up a conversation with me too, if it wasn't for the fact that I know from experience that the 'conversation' that would ensue would be along the lines of: "hay bby u wnt t suck mi cck?"


The follow-up should be more engaging, granted. But there are some asses out there that give me a lesbionic hard-on, where all the blood in my body rushes to my tongue.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 20
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