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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 4:22:34 AM

Lucylastic

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that reminds me, I have to buy one of your books:)
and I owe you mail:)

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 7:19:47 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kw1984

Hi all. I am very new to this lifestyle and I am pretty desperate to talk to someone about which route to go down. I think I am a male sub, well I know I'm male lol. I am loving the thought of being owned but nobody is willing to give me any infomation or direction. I've tried messaging female mistresses but to no avail. I was so excited when I joined as it was my first step toward what I have wanted for a long time. It felt like a release. Any advise would be great

Thanks all

1. Don't confuse being a sub, which is a relationship thing, with being a bottom, which is a play thing. A sub takes orders and obeys and pleases his Domme, while a bottom gets tied up, hit with things, etc.

2. "I am loving the thought of being owned" Being owned is simply being in a relationship. The other party's "mesh" with you determines how well it works.

3. "I've tried messaging female mistresses but to no avail." Help us out here. What did the messages look like?

Approach women (including Dommes) as people to improve chances of a reply. For example, when I first messaged NookieNotes above, I asked her some questions about writing and getting published, which I genuinely was curious about. And now, she's my girlfriend (but be careful about mentioning it to her because she doesn't know it yet).

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 8:21:24 AM

daniel1973

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You have to be kidding me!

"A sub takes orders and obeys and pleases"

So far so good, although I doubt that you could ever conceive of the honor that comes with that.

"his Domme"

Sure, everything else would be kinky, wouldn't it.

"while a bottom gets tied up, hit with things, etc."

You forgot to mention the awful things he gets stuck up his ass with and the phone calls from his mother.

2. "I am loving the thought of being owned" - "Being owned is simply being in a relationship."

Be in a relationship with me and after three days you may beg for mercy.

3. "I've tried messaging female mistresses but to no avail." Help us out here. What did the messages look like?

Probably not like yours.

< Message edited by daniel1973 -- 7/30/2015 8:36:21 AM >

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 8:39:11 AM

NookieNotes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

that reminds me, I have to buy one of your books:)
and I owe you mail:)

LOL! I don't sell to friends. Just tell me which you want. *smiles*

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Approach women (including Dommes) as people to improve chances of a reply. For example, when I first messaged NookieNotes above, I asked her some questions about writing and getting published, which I genuinely was curious about. And now, she's my girlfriend (but be careful about mentioning it to her because she doesn't know it yet).

*grins*

< Message edited by NookieNotes -- 7/30/2015 8:40:37 AM >

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 9:04:25 AM

daniel1973

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
LOL! I don't sell to friends. Just tell me which you want. *smiles*

May I have? (I can guarantee you that there's no other way I can get it and I won't share it with other people.)

I do, however, as a professional recommend against giving away your work product.

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Post #: 25

RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 9:16:17 AM

Moderator3

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Please keep in mind that everyone has an opinion and there is no right way for everyone. Suggestions on how to look at something, when asked, have been a large portion of what has benefited this message board and site users for many years. Sometimes there are disputes on how or why, but telling people that they are wrong based on your own or limited experiences, projecting or stating what they really mean and acting on a perception can be problematic. So far no one has taken that and created a big to do about it all, but they could. We allow snark and challenges. You can even heatedly debate. However, there is no one way and correcting others that haven't asked for instruction or correction will only lead to very disappointing experiences around here.

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 9:32:26 AM

daniel1973

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And what actually prompted this rant?

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 9:33:54 AM

Lucylastic

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Clueless people.

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 9:35:29 AM

Moderator3

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Perhaps there is a language barrier here. I have made room for that in all our communications and on the forum. Again you tell me how to do my job or criticize how it is being done. I cannot reach you anywhere we meet. That is not a rant. That is a moderator trying to keep the peace because she knows the forum and how people are holding back in regards to these things.

Now back to the topic please.

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 9:43:42 AM

daniel1973

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Read your PM already and get it when people say something nice about you.

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 9:49:51 AM

Moderator3

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There is something to get even when they say bad things about me.

It's a good thing I'm a big girl.

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 10:11:35 AM

daniel1973

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Just don't think that immature people will come forth if only the other ones don't manifest themselves. And, yes, as someone who has done it for money for over more than a decade (as a sideline to the more important stuff) I consider you a hobbyist at best.

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 2:35:20 PM

Wayward5oul

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 2:43:09 PM

RockaRolla

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Doesn't matter how tough or smart we want to be, we'll often run into situations where we just can't get our way.
Happens a lot here, and some new posters just don't get it when they find themselves on the wrong side of authority.

Another tip, assuming OP is still here:
Don't make the mistake of assuming submission means you never have a say. That goes for in or out of a relationship. Right now, as you're not in a relationship it seems you're trying to find a Domme to steer you into what she wants, with no mind to what you need. It's a common mistake.

You need to figure out what you want out of D/s, and what that means for you. No Domme can help you there.
Read a lot, research, and take your time.

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 3:41:04 PM

Lucylastic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Doesn't matter how tough or smart we want to be, we'll often run into situations where we just can't get our way.
Happens a lot here, and some new posters just don't get it when they find themselves on the wrong side of authority.

Another tip, assuming OP is still here:
Don't make the mistake of assuming submission means you never have a say. That goes for in or out of a relationship. Right now, as you're not in a relationship it seems you're trying to find a Domme to steer you into what she wants, with no mind to what you need. It's a common mistake.

You need to figure out what you want out of D/s, and what that means for you. No Domme can help you there.
Read a lot, research, and take your time.

this...this..this

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 3:49:22 PM

daniel1973

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Another tip, assuming OP is still here:

One never knows does one :-)

quote:

Don't make the mistake of assuming submission means you never have a say.

Yes and no. I would say don't be overly ambitious. I submit to my master in a kind of totality that even a short while ago I would have considered neither practical nor desirable.
But even before, we were able to find a way to have fun together.

As an example, in the beginning I was always able to call it quits when I wanted to - even when restrained. Master and I don't use safe words, "thank you but I've had enough" pretty much did the trick.
Things progressed and I tried to hang in there for as long as I could, Master having learned to give me a break when I actually needed one.
In the end it became clear that it was over when he said it was over, no need to talk about it.

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 4:26:56 PM

RockaRolla

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You and your master have an ongoing relationship though, and I assume that took lots of time getting to know each other and negotiating. Very different from what OP's going through. But not really, because you did still have a say in how things progressed and could back out at any time up to the point where you gave up that option.

What I was talking about above was akin to sub guys messaging a Domme with no clear direction for the conversation. They just put themselves out there and wait for her to take the lead, hoping that'll lead to a fulfilling relationship in which she makes him what he wants. It almost never works that way. Most people tend not to want a blank slate, D/s dynamic or no.

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RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 4:57:05 PM

daniel1973

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That's exactly what I wanted to say, RockaRolla, what people often describe what they want is indeed what I practise (so it is possible that your dream will come true) but it took years and years to get there.
So I want to say to fellow subbies: curb your enthusiasm, if you don't get owned just yet you can still have fun.
But in the end someone has to train them, so I think looking for someone to do just that is not completely unrealistic.

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Post #: 38

RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/30/2015 5:32:41 PM

daniel1973

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Side note:

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla
But not really, because you did still have a say in how things progressed and could back out at any time up to the point where you gave up that option.

I can still pull the emergency brake (responsible adult and all that) but otherwise I didn't give up the option to back out, I forfeited it, if you wish, but at some point I was just made aware of the fact that it was no longer available.
Scary enough at first, I was familiar with my master's style (he's the kind that likes to make his slave sweat and doesn't take no for an answer) but all day every day?
On the other hand it was like being made a part of a secret society, who doesn't like that?

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Post #: 39

RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/31/2015 5:06:02 AM

NookieNotes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
LOL! I don't sell to friends. Just tell me which you want. *smiles*

May I have? (I can guarantee you that there's no other way I can get it and I won't share it with other people.)

I do, however, as a professional recommend against giving away your work product.

I prefer my way of doing things. Which is, if I have a good, friendly relationship with someone, I prefer to give them my products, as part of an ongoing getting-to-know-you conversation. I often do get benefits in exchange, such as reviews, feedback, even new ideas and questions to ponder.

There are billions more non-friends in the world. I'm not really cutting out my primary market.

At this point, I have not known you long enough, nor engaged you well enough to consider you a friend. That may change, and if it does, the offer may come.

*smiles*

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