CynthiaWVirginia
Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
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I've been keeping busy and trying not to think too much. I'm finding things that I thought were mailed out last year and I'm feeling embarrassed. Too much was going on this past year and a half and that's the only excuse I've got. (I was supposed to mail one person a cell phone and another person a box of yarn.)
I've really effed things up with my ex-husband and I don't even know if he will ever talk with me again. What did I do wrong? I told him that if his daughter is getting all tingly over girls then just let her be. Allow her to just be herself and let her find some nice woman to fall in love with and get married. What I said crashed hard into all of their religious beliefs. He told me, "Cynthia, if your son had grown up needing to steal cars, would you let him do this?!"
He's pissed off at me. No, I don't think they can "brainwash" her into into being het if she's gay. He knows that his wife told their daughter that she too preferred women but was able to get married to a man and have kids, so I told him that part of the reason why his wife hates his guts might be because she should have married a woman. That when I look around all I see is unhappiness and damaged lives by parents forcing gay kids to be het. I reminded him that Bo's parents had forced him to become heterosexual and to look how well that turned out for all his ex wives and girlfriends like me. I can't believe I managed to push him so far that our 32 year long friendship is damaged and might come to an end.
Since I had that surgery in October I've had lots of doctor appointments. They're still trying to get to the bottom of my bleeding problems. Some was/is from my bladder (diagnosed with interstitial cystitis), and since I'm still cranking out way to much blood there my urologist plans to do some other test soon. I hope it doesn't lead to another surgery, as last time I was screaming my head off for about two weeks every time I had to go pee, lol.
As for the other bleeding, I've had so many tests it's not funny. I even experienced a vaginal ultrasound and have had blood tests and x-rays, and my new gyn decided to get a colonoscopy out of the way before scheduling a uterine biopsy (told her heck no for doing that in an office, that I have to be knocked out). No new cancer is showing up anywhere so far. Oh, and she said that if it's hormonal (did I mention that my boobs have been OUCH DAMMIT! for weeks now?), she can't use hormones to correct it because of that time when I got blood clots in my lungs from going on a birth control pill. (I'm so tired of bleeding almost every day for the past 1 3/4 years that I could scream. The flow has increased and these past two weeks I've had cramps every day, aargh!)
My oncologist has jumped on the bandwagon (several days ago I went in for my routine port flush and blood work) and has scheduled me to have half a dozen areas scanned with a CT. I picked up my barium from the hospital the other day and it's gawdawful stuff, especially when they try to flavor it with something like coconut. When I get to the hospital they'll give me another huge bottle of it to drink but this time spiked with some nasty bitter dye. Years ago I reached a point where I couldn't keep this stuff down so we had to schedule MRI's...but guess who got too heavy (I've put on about 90 lbs since those blood clots made me lose 1/4 of my lungs) for the dratted machine?
I'm so disgusted over having been on a ketone producing diet last year (that usually works for me) for seven straight months (I stayed in medium to high ketosis) and I didn't lose any weight that I am considering getting a surgery (some kind of sleeve) that will make me lose 100 lbs in the first year. I've joined a group at Fet so I can read up on other people's experiences with it so I can come to a decision when all this bleeding drama is behind me.
I've picked up several bottoms and I'm enjoying myself. Am running from submissives and slaves though, as I have no business encouraging or establishing a D/s relationship with anyone until my own life is back in the order I want it to be in. Also, just the thought of taking any kind of leadership position in someone else's life right now makes me angry, distrustful, and commitment phobic.
I'm also laughing at myself because I still respond, like a shark when blood is tossed into the water, when anyone is trying to defer to my wishes. I've had to back away from the computer and "walk it off" for days at a time.
Yesterday at Walmart...I found another Pikachu hat and bought it! We found one last year and were unable to find a second one, in spite of my checking four Walmarts (Bluefield, Princeton, Logan, and Charleston) for the past year. This goes well with my new Pikachu mug (gifted to me by a friend). Yes, I might very well choose to sit in some fast food place this Halloween with my Pikachu hat on, wearing my Pikachu fingerless gloves, while drinking from my Pikachu mug. 
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