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Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/1/2015 10:16:51 PM

Fitzpatricks

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/31/2015
Status: offline

I love my Master dearly. He and I are new to this Master/ sub. We were in a relationship that wasn't going well. I was very afraid and insecure with him. He started seeing another woman. He agreed to see me as his sub. Basically I want to show him my devotion, loyalty and love. Master wants me to be with another woman. His other woman. He said he loves me, not her. Things are a mess and I need help. How do I show him I am trustworthy? Loyal? Without it destroying me. Master has pushed all of my boundaries before, ie, photos, multiple toys, etc. Do I give up on the man I love or give up all my dignity? He knows it is hurting me. He says that gives him pleasure. I allow him to spank me, it makes me cry. I'm dying inside. Master said he doesn't even know if he will be with me in the end. Please help me. Anyone? Thank you !

Post #: 1

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/1/2015 10:58:09 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

That's not an easy situation to be in.

The first thing you should do is try to calm yourself so that you can give yourself, and the situation, the honesty and thought it deserves. Next, you need to look at what you want in this situation. If you want monogamy, then this isn't going to work on his terms because no matter how you fake it, you won't really be giving him yourself, you'll be giving him what he wants to see. you'll also make yourself miserable in the process.

If you make it past the hurdle of monogamy, then you have to ask yourself how you feel about the other person involved and about how she was brought into your dynamic. Do you like this other person? Trust her? Because something non-monogamous will require both. If you can't get along with "the other girl" or you don't trust her, or feel that the way she was brought in compromised you, then those are more hurdles you have to face.

If you can't be yourself and be happy in this new arrangement, then the only people getting something out of it are the other participants. That's great for them, not so great for you. The way you've brought this up points to ending it and moving on a lot more than it points to any happy reconciliation. My best advice is to ask for time to consider your own feelings and thoughts about this and let him respond. If he can't respect that, it's already over. I know you don't want to hear that, but the reality of the situation is that you can't be a good participant if you can't handle the facts of the matter, and more importantly, you can't be who you need to be.

Best of luck with this.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 2

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/1/2015 11:02:19 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

First, there is no way he is a Master. To be one requires considerable knowledge and ability. Let's recount what we know about him:

1. When your relationship went badly, he bailed and cheated.
2. He says he loves you and not her. But it sounds like he is trying to hurt you, and not in a good way.
3. He cheated on you. And now he is demanding you prove your trustworthiness to him. It should be the other way around.
4. Pushing boundaries can be a good thing, or it could be a bad thing. More info needed.
5. He says he doesn't want to commit to staying with you, but he demands proof of your devotion to him. No reciprocity.

Dump him. Like weeks ago.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 3

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/1/2015 11:07:36 PM

MiaCastle

Posts: 72
Joined: 5/4/2015
Status: offline

You do know that he can see your posts from the home page view of your profile don't you? There on your profile you will do anything and here, not so much. Cries for help like this at your age, always make me wonder how real it is or what game is being played.

I guess its late at night and you're looking for a knight.

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 4

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/1/2015 11:10:39 PM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

Second what darksteven said he soundd like a confused boy by what you wrote, not a man you look up to... prove your loyalty to someone worth it, who doesnt require of you what they themselves arent capable of.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/1/2015 11:23:14 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitzpatricks

I love my Master dearly. He and I are new to this Master/ sub. We were in a relationship that wasn't going well. I was very afraid and insecure with him. He started seeing another woman. He agreed to see me as his sub.

I won't assume that there was any dishonesty in this portion of the arrangement so, all I will add is that there are many people that think that a D/s relationship is better without emotional entanglements. So far, so good.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitzpatricks

Basically I want to show him my devotion, loyalty and love. Master wants me to be with another woman. His other woman.

I guess "devotion" and "loyalty" would be okay but it is psychologically impossible to (truly) love someone (or something) that does not return that emotion.

Then, there's the issue of "forced" (even if just coerced) sexuality. It's a bad and dangerous road to travel. To my mind, it is tantamount to emotional rape. If you've never been with a lady and never wanted to be, don't do it, just to make someone else happy because it will make you miserable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitzpatricks

He said he loves me, not her.

This is a problem for me. On the face of it, it sounds like a very simple attempt at emotional manipulation. Even if the statement is true, do you want to be with someone who has a "girlfriend" that he doesn't love? How manipulative is that shit?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitzpatricks

Things are a mess and I need help. How do I show him I am trustworthy? Loyal? Without it destroying me. Master has pushed all of my boundaries before, ie, photos, multiple toys, etc. Do I give up on the man I love or give up all my dignity?

Anything that you think will "destroy" you should be avoided like the plague. Never, ever, EVER give up your dignity. It's almost irreplaceable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitzpatricks

He knows it is hurting me. He says that gives him pleasure. I allow him to spank me, it makes me cry. I'm dying inside. Master said he doesn't even know if he will be with me in the end. Please help me. Anyone? Thank you !

He knows he's hurting you yet he persists? Leave him in the dust.

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 6

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/2/2015 3:37:00 AM

sweetieDA

Posts: 129
Joined: 4/3/2015
Status: offline

It's sounds like a huge car crash. I would get out and look for a new relationship. This one seems damaged beyond reason.

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 7

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/2/2015 4:23:49 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitzpatricks

I love my Master dearly. He and I are new to this Master/ sub. We were in a relationship that wasn't going well. I was very afraid and insecure with him.

Hmm... no, if he's allowing you to feel afraid and insecure in the relationship, it's certainly not going well.

quote:

He started seeing another woman.

So, it seems you were right to feel insecure

quote:

He agreed to see me as his sub.

Did you beg him?

Do you feel as if he's doing you some kind of favour?

quote:

Basically I want to show him my devotion, loyalty and love.

Why? Has he shown you devotion, loyalty or love?

quote:

Master wants me to be with another woman. His other woman. He said he loves me, not her.

Well, we call all be pretty fucking certain that he's lying. He doesn't love you hon.

quote:

Things are a mess and I need help.

No, you need to get the fuck out

quote:

How do I show him I am trustworthy? Loyal? Without it destroying me.

What have you done that might make him wonder about your trustworthiness? Did you cheat?

quote:

Master has pushed all of my boundaries before, ie, photos, multiple toys, etc. Do I give up on the man I love or give up all my dignity?

If you ever have to make that kind of choice, the chances are that the feeling you have isn't "love" it's something much less pleasant.

quote:

He knows it is hurting me. He says that gives him pleasure. I allow him to spank me, it makes me cry. I'm dying inside. Master said he doesn't even know if he will be with me in the end. Please help me. Anyone? Thank you !

You're 42 years old. Read what you've written as if it was a story told by someone else.

What would you say to them?

This looks to me, and I'm very conscious that I don't have all the facts, like a really nasty, abusive relationship. It seems to me that your abuser is cynically trying to keep you in a state of weakness and humiliation.

It seems to me that you need to remember that you're worth way more than that, and tell the abusive little stain to fuck off.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 8

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/2/2015 5:37:22 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

From what little you have told us, your 'master' sounds like an unethical emotional sadist who will get more and more pleasure the more he hurts and humiliates and manipulates your feelings for him.

Please read and then reread the advice you have been given and

GET OUT NOW!!

Try to get far enough away he can't easily chase you. If he contacts you (and he will) refuse to have any contact -- online, over the phone, texts. Just block him.

Call your mom or whomever you need to and leave before he gets back from work. If he doesn't work today, do it tomorrow.

Don't tell him. No matter what you think, you don't owe him that.

If you manage to leave this SOB, and I hope you do, spend some time trying to figure out how you got yourself hooked up with such a man. Part of the blame for that is on you, too.

You have to own that and deal with it or the next so called master will be worse.

_____________________________

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 9

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/2/2015 6:25:37 AM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

From what little you have told us, your 'master' sounds like an unethical emotional sadist who will get more and more pleasure the more he hurts and humiliates and manipulates your feelings for him.

Please read and then reread the advice you have been given and

GET OUT NOW!!

Try to get far enough away he can't easily chase you. If he contacts you (and he will) refuse to have any contact -- online, over the phone, texts. Just block him.

Call your mom or whomever you need to and leave before he gets back from work. If he doesn't work today, do it tomorrow.

Don't tell him. No matter what you think, you don't owe him that.

If you manage to leave this SOB, and I hope you do, spend some time trying to figure out how you got yourself hooked up with such a man. Part of the blame for that is on you, too.

You have to own that and deal with it or the next so called master will be worse.

This

OP, do yourself an ever loving favour, get away and find peace. you are destroying yourself for what??
he isnt worthy of your loyalty or your devotion. He isnt worth the shoe leather to kick his ass
There are so many red flags in your post its like a red flag orgy of fuckuppery

I love my Master dearly. He and I are new to this Master/ sub. We were in a relationship that wasn't going well. I was very afraid and insecure with him. He started seeing another woman. He agreed to see me as his sub. Basically I want to show him my devotion, loyalty and love. Master wants me to be with another woman. His other woman. He said he loves me, not her. Things are a mess and I need help. How do I show him I am trustworthy? Loyal? Without it destroying me. Master has pushed all of my boundaries before, ie, photos, multiple toys, etc. Do I give up on the man I love or give up all my dignity? He knows it is hurting me. He says that gives him pleasure. I allow him to spank me, it makes me cry. I'm dying inside. Master said he doesn't even know if he will be with me in the end. Please help me. Anyone? Thank you !

If you continue this path, what else will you destroy in your life to show him you love him...
He may think hes being all dominating and gettting what he wants which is fine if you want it too.
You obviously dont.
Only you have the power to change this, he maybe perfect for someone else, but ...it aint you.
Im not gonna put all the blame on him, because we only have your post to go on, but dont give up the rest of your life because you cant or wont say no.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 10

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/2/2015 7:32:32 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

And go get tested for stds. Because you don't know how many others he's cheated on you with, and you don't know if this one is clean.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Lucylastic)

Post #: 11

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/2/2015 3:48:59 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitzpatricks
.......started seeing another woman.
.......wants me to be with another woman.
...... said he loves me, not her.
.......He knows it is hurting me.
.......said he doesn't even know if he will be with me in the end.

Apparently neither you or him know how love works. So leave love out of it... if he is a good fuck, ride it till it dies. If you can't detach your heart from your pussy, then maybe you shouldn't trade your self esteem for a lay?

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 12

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/4/2015 3:35:38 PM

artemiss

Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

Take every reference to BDSM out of your post and replace it with its vanilla relationship equivalent.

Now imagine that your daughter came to you asking for advice on the situation.

Follow your own advice.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 13

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/5/2015 12:17:54 PM

IcarusBurning

Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline

I am not one to pass shallow judgements. But nevertheless

1. calm down.
2. based on the little bit you have described, I have two words for your master - suspicious & indecisive. None of these are good qualities in a man. Especially a dominant
3. i understand how it feels when you are in love with that someone. but just for a moment, push away your sub-feelings and ask yourself - are you not worth someone better? someone who would pay your affection back with his own?
4. i dont think you need to freak out about proving your devotion to someone who is two-timing between two ladies. and when one is so badly attached to him.

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 14

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/5/2015 7:23:29 PM

Wayward5oul

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

I think the continued posting here is falling on deaf ears. Reading the OP's profile on the other side, the most recent journal posts detail the efforts she is making to please her dom, including doing the things she states here that she doesn't want to.

OP, if you are still checking this thread, I hope you keep the words of advice in mind. They may not be what you want to hear right now, but that will not always be the case. Continue to seek help from others when you find yourself in a place where you are ready to accept advice and help.

(in reply to IcarusBurning)

Post #: 15

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/8/2015 4:01:24 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

She might not be lreading the post buut on the off chanch she is

You say this is desorying you then why do you even wnt to stay? He is hurting you in a bad way and i makes him happy. You don;t want to do this but you think you have to to make him happy. you DON;t leave now before it is too late.

I love my Master with all my heart we have been together almost 10 years. If he was trying to force me to do somethg tat was destroying me i would have to walk away.

You deserve better.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

Post #: 16

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 8/9/2015 3:25:41 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitzpatricks

He started seeing another woman. He agreed to see me as his sub.

When you say agreed, do you mean this took the form of hours of hard negotiation with him wavering as to whether he could possibly do this for you?

'Must have took a lot of soul-searching and hand-wringing to keep a second woman on the go!

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 17

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 9/14/2015 5:26:40 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

I feel very sad when I read things like this.

To OP.

The Tug of War of give and take in D/S is very complicated.

That's why I think compatibility certainly make things so much easier. Not all dominants require their subs to sleep with other women for example.

So the problem is, do you love him to the extent that you are able to just focus on his happiness and you can feel happy as long as he is happy?

Or do you need him to understand your reluctance to do certain things and do you need him to basically give up the things he loves that you do not love? And if he does, the big question is, will he be able to be happy with you?

From your first post, and I haven't read all the other subsequent ones. But I feel that your dominant is not going to bend for you. He has an idea of what you need to be to make him happy.

So really, if I were you, I'd leave him and find someone else more compatible, but I am not you and perhaps, you do feel you can be happy as long as he is happy, then your job is to just make him happy. If you cannot, then consider that maybe both of you are not suitable. If his willing to compromise with you, that will be the best scenario, but prepare for, if he does not, then, it's just up to you. You have to change if you truly feel he is the one.

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 18

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 2/5/2016 6:13:07 PM

Mastersmija

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/11/2014
Status: offline

He is not the only Dom in the world. Some actually want you to be happy a fulfilled with them.

Ask yourself what's next? When you have sex with this other girl and that is not enough...what's next? Then ask yourself how far are you willing to go? Having someone care for you is not dependent on how much you devalue yourself for them, is it?

And yes, get tested AND start protecting yourself.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 19

RE: Please! Any advice/ help! I'm desperate - 2/6/2016 12:13:05 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

(..........realised this is old.......)

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/6/2016 12:14:02 AM >

(in reply to Fitzpatricks)

Post #: 20

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