RE: Does It Seem Like Everyone Has Ulterior Motives In Relationships?

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RE: Does It Seem Like Everyone Has Ulterior Motives In ... - 8/8/2015 8:45:08 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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I define 'ulterior motive' as having a hidden agenda.

It's been my experience that yes, an awful lot of the population of anywhere has ulterior motives in what they do and how they interact with others.

It appears to be part of being human.

It doesn't have to do with sex, or money, or promoting one's business. It could be something simple like companionship.

But, I'd like to turn this around and ask: Why are you asking these questions? What is it about YOU that attracts these types of women? Because that is an issue you need to address. You can't do anything about some random domme's motivations. You can only deal with your own.

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RE: Does It Seem Like Everyone Has Ulterior Motives In ... - 8/8/2015 9:06:46 PM

TimYearneau

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I define 'ulterior motive' as having a hidden agenda.

It's been my experience that yes, an awful lot of the population of anywhere has ulterior motives in what they do and how they interact with others.

It appears to be part of being human.

It doesn't have to do with sex, or money, or promoting one's business. It could be something simple like companionship.

But, I'd like to turn this around and ask: Why are you asking these questions? What is it about YOU that attracts these types of women? Because that is an issue you need to address. You can't do anything about some random domme's motivations. You can only deal with your own.

I understand the concept that we attract certain people for a reason. But I would like to challenge that belief. If a woman says, "I go on dating sites and all I meet are men who want sex." You could say, "Why are you attracting those type of men?" However, what if that's just what is out there? She isn't "attracting" those type of men it's just what's there. What if most people have a "hidden agenda?" So one isn't attracting that; it's just what is out there. And I completely understand that not everyone is like that. Another analogy is if one lives in Japan. A person says, "All I meet are Japanese people." That person isn't attracting Japanese people, it's just what's there And sure, there are people who aren't Japanese. I know that analogies aren't always a good comparison but I'm hoping to make a point. I would love to hear your opinion.

< Message edited by TimYearneau -- 8/8/2015 9:09:02 PM >

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RE: Does It Seem Like Everyone Has Ulterior Motives In ... - 8/8/2015 9:08:00 PM

DerangedUnit

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I dont think it's ulterior I think people have motives. Period.

almost everyone wants one specific thing out of a relationship. To secure their own future.

People look for someone they can depend on when they get old... whether this is a good or bad thing depends on what you want

Personally I dont want someone sizing me up for what they can get out of me when im 60, and likewise I dont do that with others. But that wouldn't work for traditional relationships where people depend on each other. If you are putting your happiness in someone else's hands you want surety that they will be able to handle it.

I think that when women say men have ulterior motives they aren't speaking in the context of a relationship but in the context of trying to avoid a relationship. They mean that men will say/do anything to "hit it and split it" ... a problem that is solved easily by keeping your legs shut.

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RE: Does It Seem Like Everyone Has Ulterior Motives In ... - 8/9/2015 6:17:56 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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Your response is nothing but yet another long drawn out explanation for how ALL dominant women are poor, using subs for their own end, money hungry, whatever.

Don't you get it?

Dominant females are like any other group of people -- comprised of a lot of very different humans. And like all humans, though there have many commonalities, they have many differences. It's what makes the world go round.

Do you *really* think all females dommes come out of some domme cookie cutter factory -- each one processed the same?

Why?

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RE: Does It Seem Like Everyone Has Ulterior Motives In ... - 8/9/2015 6:30:20 PM

NookieNotes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TimYearneau

I understand the concept that we attract certain people for a reason. But I would like to challenge that belief. If a woman says, "I go on dating sites and all I meet are men who want sex." You could say, "Why are you attracting those type of men?" However, what if that's just what is out there? She isn't "attracting" those type of men it's just what's there.

Except that there are quite a few women here who do not accept money for their dominance. Responding to you. So it's a moot point that you're making.

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RE: Does It Seem Like Everyone Has Ulterior Motives In ... - 8/10/2015 1:37:51 AM

spellslave

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Ulterior motives seem like too much effort to me, more so regarding personal relationships than any other part of my life. I don't see the point in scheming, planning or going behind someone's back when it inevitably, eventually, will backfire in some way or another. Probably rather a naive viewpoint but, that's how I've operated for the years I've been active/around thus far so, I see no reason to suddenly change.

In the cases that the OP presented;
a) If promoting her business is one of the duties that she decides that her submissives should do, then as the Dominant in that particular dynamic, surely that is up to her to set unless it was negotiated and agreed as a no-go before hand. Personally, if I was hypothetically visiting a Domme for sessions, I'd have no issues doing discreet advertising.

b) Did you discuss bringing in others as a no-go before the session started?

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RE: Does It Seem Like Everyone Has Ulterior Motives In ... - 8/10/2015 4:28:38 AM

NookieNotes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spellslave
b) Did you discuss bringing in others as a no-go before the session started?

From my perspective, as a dominant VERY into consent, I would always get consent first on things like including others, rather than assume that because it wasn't stated as a hard limit, it's allowed.

Now, that consent may be in the form of many talks of fantasy, and not an actual, I'm bringing someone by at 7pm this evening to use and abuse you...

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RE: Does It Seem Like Everyone Has Ulterior Motives In ... - 8/14/2015 8:30:03 AM

MatureSpaiosexul

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If you do not think you attract things, I would say you have a poor grasp on reality. I find women who meet horrible guys, control them and come out fine and others who have been raped numerous times. In my work as a psychotherapist, I have gotten them to "clear out" that attraction, never raped again.

Now sound like this Domme who oddly Dommed from the top (OMG how horrible) just did it a bit roughly and you didn't like the rough. Had she been more subtle, manipulative, deceptive, she likely would have succeeded.

I sent a sub out once on a mission to get advice from lawyers on being a Pro-masochist. She ended up with incredible advice, two judges, 7 lawyers, an accountant, two cops, a retired cop and about 20 other businessmen as clients.

She never asked them to be clients, just happened to hit a bunch of men who wanted to whip a girl and were willing to pay.

I know the PC is negotiate, and I do, just not like a lawyer. I tend to negotiate in the now and people walk because it does not match their needs, so stay and do things they never imagined and would never agreed to if we "talked about it" but loved what happened and wanted more.

Some Dommes have a style there subs can't get enough of and can be pushed to do things, others not so much.

Why am I wearing this Pink shirt as a dom? I mean pink is so gay and girly, but six women said it matched my skin and made me look more handsome. Am I arguing? No, I am wearing a pink shirt.

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