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Gauge -> Goodbye My Dear Friend (8/13/2015 1:07:02 AM)
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My friends,
It is with a sad and heavy heart that I tell you why I have been absent from the boards.
Within the last 9 months I have alluded to a personal problem that has kept me from the boards. I did not want to be specific or explain it in detail because I did not want to sound like an alarmist. My best and most dear friend has been gravely ill over the last 9 months. In addition, earlier this year, my Dad died, I was by my Dad's side when he died. On August 6th my friend died. I spent ten of the longest days of my life by his side, doing what I promised him I would do, which was to stand by him. I did it... and it has taken every bit of strength from me so I could fulfill my promise to him.
To say that I hurt would only point out the inadequacy of the words necessary to express how I feel. Losing my Dad was difficult, losing my best friend not 8 months later to a long and complicated illness made things unbearable for me. The worst part has been that there have been extenuating circumstances for both my father and my friend that have made things even more difficult... if not unconscionable.
I'm not certain why I am posting this here, perhaps it is to put into words how I feel. Perhaps it is to inform those of you that have noticed my absence from the boards. Perhaps it is because I feel like I should say something to my extended family. Whatever the case is, and I assure you that I am not certain myself, here I am, explaining myself and paying tribute to two people that meant the very world to me. They made me who and what I am today. If you care to blame them for that, I am sure they would share a heartfelt laugh with you and let you know that in spite of their efforts, they could not save me from myself.
At the moment, I am not certain when I shall return to an active roll on the boards. It is not due to a lack of interest, it is because I need to heal. I've been going, basically non-stop since mid-December of last year. I am tired... bone weary tired. I am trying to muster the strength to do what I must for myself... I've had to stay strong and be a pillar to others, I have had to support others while it slowly eroded my own strength. I will be OK, there is no reason to be alarmed... I am a survivor, it is what I do. What has taken place this year has left a very big, scary gap in my life, and I am trying to wrap my head around it.
I have thought of you folks often, and I apologize for my silence during this time. I am not one to air my personal life more than is necessary. This is one time I will allow a peek behind the curtain, because I feel like I should, and because I am struggling and I can use support... no matter where it comes from.
I sincerely hope this post finds you well...
In the meantime, I grieve.
Gauge
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