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NurseKitty -> brand new collar--now what? (new to BDSM) (7/16/2006 8:52:38 PM)
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I'm (relatively) brand new to bdsm, and am hoping to find a site where I can network with others that are willing to share their experience and their experiences. I know you don't need the former to have the latter.
My name is Shannon (this feels like the beginning of a 12-step program!) and to coin a cliche' (I don't really like cliche's) I was vanilla 'til I met my current Dom/boyfriend, just under 8 months ago. He's a bit older than I am (15 years) although since I'm in my 30's and He's in his 40's it doesn't really matter that much other than He's had a roughly 40 year head start on all things lifestyle/bdsm. I love Him more than I ever thought possible; this is the primary reason I was willing to expand my boundaries and look outside the conventional relationship realm.
We've had our ups and downs, probably due to my being an incredibly independent, headstrong, stubborn Irish woman (divorced, one child, single parent for 8 years, on my own, etc. etc. etc.) more than His lack of clarity as to what He wants from me as a sub and what He expects from Himself as a Dom. What has kept us together and seen us through is that we love each other on a level that transcends conscious thought or word.
I knew He wanted me to eventually be a 'collared submissive'; that's what led me to this site in the first place, about a month ago. What I didn't know is that He intended to present me with a collar for my birthday, which was last week. I can't even begin to express the emotions and thoughts I felt when I opened the box.....but the prevailing ones were "have I earned this?" and "can I live up to his expectations, am I strong enough?"
I don't know how unusual or common our situation is. I don't know how frequently a novice submissive is presented with a collar by her more experienced dom. I'm sure though, that novices on both sides of the equation (as well as some not-so-novices, I'd wager) have at one point or another been faced with feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. My hope is to counteract these by becoming more than adequate, much more than worthy. But considering how new I am to all of this, my goal is to create a network, a support group if you will (there goes that 12-step program again) to help see me through to my goal. That being said, any help would be appreciated, and I do mean any help even if it's just a show of support from someone who's in my same shoes (you poor bastard!). Thanks in advance!
Regards,
Shannon
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