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Mawine -> RE: Sub/Dom Contracts (8/24/2015 4:33:27 PM)
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I'm not a fan of contracts, as others have pointed out, if you are having good discussions about what you each expect and desire they don't seem to be necessary. I understand though that the talky bit can pull you out of the experience, the mood, the headspace, whatever you want to call it. Sitting down and saying 'I like this, I hate that', it's difficult and ruins the mood. Which, is why I tend to request that that bit be done in a vanilla atmosphere. Often it's over a coffee (in public or private), and definitely during the daytime. The conversation won't just cover my bondage likes and my pain thresholds, but might also stray into what movie I last watched and what books we have in common. Point is, that talk becomes part of the normal daily conversation between friends (or lovers, partners, colleagues, whatever) so that when you're ready for the submission it can freeflow a bit better.
That said, the aftercare is a huge opportunity too for such talk, but should cover more like what the session (or scene, or day, or week, or night, or whatever) was like, what worked, failed etc.
Of course if you are in a more long-term situation where there is a heavier emphasis on kink than vanilla life then perhaps you should try by discussing a phase in of an agreement. So for the first week you each agree to one rule or concession. Then build on it. Write down those items only if you feel you need to.
But, I haven't taken into account those who enjoy a contract as a way of feeling more controlled or owned. I also don't have the experience to weigh in on that. Perhaps someone else does?
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