How important are practical types of service to Dominants?

How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 1:57:58 AM)
I am seeking friends only right now, but am contemplating how I want to re-write my profile in the future. I am wondering what people's reaction is when a submissive notes in a profile the types of practical service they can offer they feel they are good at doing. In my case, that would be things like cooking, housework, laundry, entertaining (planning parties, dinners), practical errands (grocery shopping), and a few other things. I am hesitant to list these things because I am afraid it will sound: 1) Boring 2) Like I am seeking marriage, which is not necessarily the case (that would depend, of course, on the person). I was married for 15 years, and am not really that anxious to do it right away, if ever, again. But am not ruling it out, either. I do feel I am good at doing those things, and did them for many years, and enjoy doing many, if not most of them. But - do these types of things even interest many Dominants? I am not "advertising" myself here - I am really just desiring an answer and am curious and would much appreciate helpful and-or honest comments. Of course I realize the person* is what matters most (at least to me they will) as well as what kid of "chemistry", sexual connection, and shared values people may have in common. But - then I hear talk from Dominants about "service" and wonder if people mostly refer here to sexual- bdsm activity types of service when they mention this, or are they talking about practical, everyday types of tasks (grocery shopping, etc.)? Does it matter if I list these things in a profile? Will this be seen as more of a detriment than an asset, overall, or is it "nuetral"? Are many people seeking this type of service? I know some say they are, but are they, really? (am asking not because I doubt anyone's veracity, but really would appreciate knowing). I think it might not matter, but - I also have a friend who, at the age of 30, has never done housework or cooked a meal, and learned only a few years ago how to do laundry (really). Wouldn't a submssive like this be a challenge for some Dominants in a 24-7 relationship, in some ways? (no slam to my friend, I am not going to date her, we are friends only). Just wondering. Thanks. - Susan

MzMinx -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 2:28:50 AM)
for me its not about a list ... but when a submissive explains why they enjoy something .. why they are good at it .. how it relates to their ideas and desires for bdsm (in all its varieties) .....in other words what makes it special to and about them so I get a better glympse of them as a person often its not what we say but how we say it.. how we show why its important to us that sends the message to the other reading it .... I love service orientated exchanges ... be they within a deeply comitted relationship ... or indeed as part of a mutual friendship between two, who just happen to be at other ends of the service spectrum the done for and the doer I enjoy hearing what a submissive is good at and what they take special pride in ... laughs I agree about your friend....... for example its no use asking a submissive to organise my wardrobe room if they are not good at organising... but if they are good at such and have a delight in say shoes, pantyhose and other such delights... then they will not only provide me with lovely service ... but will enjoy the whole process themselves.. but such details do not make my choice ,.,.. it is always the person themselves .... but interesting thoughtful ideas in a profile always catch my eye warm smile Mz Minx

SusanofO -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 2:40:44 AM)
Thanks for the reply, MzMinx. It is appreciated. - Susan

MzMinx -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 2:59:53 AM)
my pleasure smiles ... I always enjoy reading your posts .... you show a lovely clarity of thought and an interesting view point

iowastud -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 3:10:15 AM)
would love to see that in a profile susan.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 3:18:19 AM)
Susan.. I think all of those things are very important. For me... service means cooking, cleaning, running errands and that sort of thing. Personally, I have to be sure you are capable of doing laundry because I have so many articles of clothing that could be easily ruined if washed improperly. But I do understand what you are saying, so many times you see a profile that says service oriented and have to wonder what kind of service they are talking about. So in stating up front in your profile what "service" means to you would mean a lot, at least I think so anyway. The least amount left to the imagination the better the chance of someone writing to you that is seeking exactly what you have to offer. *Jewel*

SusanofO -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 3:22:33 AM)
Thank you for the compliment, folks, and the replies. And Jewel, I appreciate the way you suggested stating what service means to me - that's a good way to phrase it (and someone can always tell me what it means to them). Thanks. - Susan

twicehappy -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 3:54:12 AM)
Susan, before you write your profile sit down with a notepad and make a list of the things you can do, make 2 columns. In the first put your” normal" practical skills like the housewifely stuff, i.e. cooking, cleaning, etc. Then make a list of your other skills, even things that seem unimportant to you, things like can your grow vegetables, do you know how to do some handicrafts, are you good with tools, do you know massage, can you paint. I am not suggesting you list all of these in your profile though do use some, but pick and chose then keep your list handy for when you do start making contacts. I only listed the basic skills in my profile and while Scooter and Jewel value them (especially the fact that i can cook) some of the less common skills i possess they value more. I have pots of herbs all over the porch and i use them, they both love showing those off as well as my tomato "trees"(i have 2 yellow tomato plants in pots that are currently about 6 foot tall and 5 foot around and at last count between the two have produced 114 tomatoes) and telling people how great the food is that i seasoned with them. I can do electrical wiring, i do great landscaping, i can make almost anything out of stuff laying around, Jewel and i made beautiful custom curtain rods out of galvanized pipe, miss mixed paint, fancy buttons and beads we had laying around and we did not spend a penny yet we have already been asked where we got them. I can work on bikes, that one had Scooter prancing when Jewel's sister and brother in law came to visit. I was squatting in front of the bagger (Master's dresser Harley) grinding the fins clean prepping to repaint the motor when Scooter and the in law came out. The bro in law stood there looking amazed and Master finally grinned and told him i was his” detail work" specialist. Did i think either of these skills was amazing, no. Does my pair think they are wonderful, yes they do. So do that list, you might be surprised to discover those hidden talents you have picked up over the years that your ONE may find an asset.

SusanofO -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 3:56:20 AM)
I wonder if Dominants each have specific types of these kinds of services they might need from submissives, if they require this type of service? My guess is yes, and this may be what is partly (sometimes) meant by "training"? Geez it seems I am answering my own question here, but that doesn't mean I don't need feedback. I know people may say "well, we'll cross that road when we come to it", etc. but - it would be nice to know if a Dominant is going to require experience in a submissive at, say, power-washing a house, or wall-papering rooms? (both things which I have never, ever done before, but could learn). *Do Dominants feel it is necessary to list these "requirements" for submissives and-or slaves in their own profiles? (I do read Dominant profiles, but not as much as I used to - depends on my mood, I guess). - Susan

bandit25 -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 4:11:37 AM)
Susan, boy, this this post ever make me think. Unfortunately, I am more like your friend...lol. But, like twice, I am VERY crafty...not handy. Give me some supplies and I can make almost anything (decorative). It's true, tho, defining what service means to you would be an excellent idea.

MizSuz -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 4:12:20 AM)
Yes, some dominants find domestic service of value. Instead of a list, which I personally have an aversion to, why not just make a simple statement along the lines of "excels at, and enjoys, domestic service in many forms" or something to that effect?

feastie -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 4:12:47 AM)
I've always considered household chores to be part of life. I don't view them as extras to offer a dominant. I also don't believe that being dominant excuses one from chores. Everyone lives in the home, everyone works to maintain it is my philosophy, especially if both parties work outside the home as well. I have Thing One and Thing Two in my home for whom I must set an example. Just like I didn't want them growing up inside a marriage where there was no love, I don't want them growing up where only one person is responsible for all the chores. (I could have stayed with their father for that). They have chores they do as well. Yes, I do understand that many dominants don't pile all the work on the submissive, but there are plenty who do as well. So while you're expressing your list of practical skills, Susan, I would suggest you include how you feel about distribution of household chores.

SusanofO -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 4:15:00 AM)
Very, very good advice twicehappy, MisSuz, feastie and everyone thanks for the replies; it is good for me to hear and assimilate. Like you, feastie, even when I worked, I did most of everything (or hired someone else to do it) because my husband seemed to work 80 hour weeks, so it was practical (although he didn't really have to work 80 hour weeks, but chose to do that - but someone had to see the chores were done, and when it comes to doing things like roofing, even I am at a loss. So I do consider that kind of thing a "Dominant's domain" - I know nothing about roofing, or painting a garage, for instance, and can learn, but would rather someone else 1) Do it and 2) Learn about it. - Susan

twicehappy -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 4:16:27 AM)
I would say that most probably do not have specific skills as an absolute requirement but most would value some skills over others. If a dominant ran his own business someone with secretarial skills would be an asset. Scooter and Jewel ride and he enjoys building his own motorcycles so my skill at customizing and restoring bikes is an asset to them. This does not mean they would not have wanted me if i did not possess these skills it simply added to my value. I think the ability to learn would be the skill deemed most important followed by a willingness to do so. I read the doms list of skills when i was looking and i think that doms should list their skills also, after all we are looking for compatibility as well as they are. I prefer a man who is mechanically inclined, and love having someone i can talk cubic inches and S&S carbs with. I love working with my hands and would not be a good match for a suit and tie guy who hated getting greasy in the garage. That is why all in this house when speaking to someone new want to hear their vanilla interests long before kink is discussed. Somebody who has never ridden but is willing to try would be acceptable here, someone who knew how to ride or enjoyed it would be perfect but someone who was terrified of or who hated motorcycles would be a very bad match for us. Just as in vanilla dating we have to be able to enjoy each others hobbies and we must live and work together.

PlayfulOne -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 4:21:27 AM)
Susan, For me service is one of those areas where things just happen. My little one hates doing the laundry but it always gets done. She goes about doing the things which need to be done to keep the house up and running. She doesn't complain, she doesn't whine, it just gets done and because of that sometimes when I am here I jump in and help her. Those things aren't service to me they are simply what we do to keep the house functioning. I expect some degree of that from someone whether it is discussed, listed, or not. When I come in frazzled from dealing with an idiot customer, I sit down at the computer to try and clear my mind, and somethng to drink just magically appears next to me, thats service. She does things to make sure I am taken care of and she does them happily from her heart. That kind of service means more to me than anything. Sometimes I see profiles of submissives who have housework listed as a hard limit and I wonder what their house looks like. Maybe I am just off base but I assume someone takes care of their house, laundry, meals, etc as part of their normal life and would pitch in and do the same in my house. I would be interested in seeing whatever it is that you think makes you special. The skills you believe make you an asset along with the ones you wish to provide. K

SusanofO -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 4:22:17 AM)
Thanks for the reply Playful One. I agree, I think of it as part of real normal life also (I don't know many who have servants, but know some who hire someone to come in and clean - but I have only done that once or twice in my my life; once for my mom's funeral when I had sudden guests from out of town, and one other time when I was very sick for weeks and the house was starting to look (I thought) pretty dirty. twicehappy: I definitely can learn and am willing to do many things, but there are some areas I still consider "manly territory" and really, roofing and outdoor back-breaking labor are two of those areas. I am a terrible typist, but am really a fast typist, lol!). [:D]Fortunately now, most conputer programs have spell-check. I also seem to excel at making a "silk purse out of a sow's ear". In my college days", I once lived in an apartment that seemed to be about the size of a large closet, that had been previously occupied by a tenant w/two dogs who doo-dooed all over the carpet and there were also oil stains everywhere (the previous tenant was a mechanic). The place was an absolute pit, but all I could afford at the time (plus I had two friends who lived upstairs - it was a large house). Within two months, I'd redecorated the entire place, had new carpet installed (inexpensively), and re-painted the kitchen so it had a "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" kind of feel (bright pink and yellow woodwork) - and glossed the brick on one wall w/clear polyurethane, had the bathroom wall-papered and painted it, and, if I do say so myself - the place looked great - all for less than $1,200. The landlord was stunned and did re-imburse me for most of the materials - and he raised the rent by $175 a month when I moved out, hehe. He also hit on me and wanted to trade rent for sex, (but that's another long, boring story)... - Susan

shivvy -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 5:54:31 AM)
hi ya Susan hunny, i'm a bit of a girlie girl, and i been brought up in a "traditional" household were me and my mum share all the domestic stuff, and my dad don't really do nuffin domestic, but he does do all the decorating (but neva the clearing up afterwards!) and i mow the lawn, and my mum looks after her flowers, but my dad does all the turning ova of the soil and stuff like that. i wash the car, but putting petrol in and windowscreen cleaner water and that kinda stuff kinda falls to my dad. (my dad can't even open the door to the washing machine) i spose we've always seperated stuff into pink and blue jobs, and my mum has tried to bring me up to make somebody a good wife. i have a 6 year old daughter, so i have experience in childcare too. i luv ironing (sad, i know, but i find it theraputic, and i luv seeing it all done) and i iron everything, including socks (i know[:(] ), and i have helped sand paper stuff when he's been decorating. like you, i would be willing to learn anything if it would help Master out, but there's somethings; like heavy work (i have stamina[;)] but i'm not physically strong, if that makes sence), wot i think should be Masters responsibility. nuffin to do with your question i know hun, but i just wanted to support you. luv, shiv xx

IronBear -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 5:59:23 AM)
Not sure about a BDSM relationship Susan, but if you were open to a Gorean collar then these things would be excelent listed in your profile.... Personally i like to see the practical aspects of when a sub/slave has to offer. It gives me a better and more rounded idea of her as a person.

SusanofO -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 6:01:02 AM)
Thanks for the feedback, Iron Bear - I appreciate knowing that. I have no for or against opinion on Gorean ways, I am open-minded and consider that just another way of bdsm life - there does seem to be more (perhaps, depending on who you talk to, I guess) emphasis in that life on formal types of service and protocol, which I think is interesting, but certainly not an area for those to judge who have not lived it) though they may have an opinion re: whether they'd think it was something they personally would like, or not). Hey there shivvy - I used to iron my husband's handkerchiefs (he took his shirts to the dry cleaners, though, because I like to iron but the cotton shirts never turned out the way he liked them, so that was his solution I guess). Yes, my mom did a great job at "wife stuff and the "pink" jobs - she never inquired about financial matters, although my dad probably would have told her if she'd asked; I think she 1) didn't care and thought it was boring and - 2) was afraid she might have to do some more of the investment-planning types of financial stuff if she learned it. But my dad didn't seem to care if she did or not. - Susan

shivvy -> RE: How important are practical types of service to Dominants? (7/17/2006 6:28:40 AM)
Hi ya Susan, my dad looks after all the money and pays the bills and stuff, and i have neva heard him discuss them with anybody, but if they talk about it in bed i dunno, but certainly my dad's the one with the cheque book and credit cards and stuff. the only financies i eva been involved with is my own, and i woz taught neva a lender or borrow be... and if i haven't got the cash in my purse for it, i can't have it, but if i really want it, to either save or wait for christmas or birthdays... but now i don't even look after my own financies. all my wages go into a savings account, coz me and Master are saving up for our own place, so He now pays my mum £200 a month housekeeping for me, and He just gives me £20 a week pocket money for cigarettes and bus fares and stuff. and all my child allowence for Kel now goes into a post office account, which we can't get access to until she's 18. Master pays for everything (like birthday presents for people and that) out of His salary, and if i run outta money, then i gotta ask Him for more and explain why. Coz He works in insurance and is really clever with money and stuff, i'm both happy and comfortable with Him looking after it. and it's kinda nice and comforting that He controls all the money, coz it's one less thing that i gotta worry about. hope you're keeping well hun. luv, shiv xx

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