Two questions (Full Version)

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heartfeltsub -> Two questions (9/12/2015 7:53:02 AM)

Although I have been part of this lifestyle for many years, I have recently been struck by a couple of questions. And they are as follows:

1.) What is usually meant when someone describes himself as a Daddy Dom? I realize that this probably means different things to different people, so I am looking for a variety of possible answers. When I read that term in a profile, I usually start thinking of someone who is into age play and ,as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse the idea of age play for me makes me very uncomfortable, I therefore do not respond to that profile. But I have recently started to wonder if that is what most who use that term really mean by it.

2.) The second question also comes from something that I have read in quite a number of profiles of Dominant men and that is this thought: 'I do to my sub what she wants me to do to her'. This is also a concept which puts me off. While as a human I, of course, sometimes want things done that I like, but,as a submissive, I want the Dominant that I serve to do what He wants even if it isn't something that I like. The sentiment that I mentioned makes me think that the person stating it is nothing more than a service Dominant and is not really in charge because they will only do what the submissive 'lets' them do. That idea is abhorrent to me as it seems to me as a direct contradiction to everything that I see D/s to be. So my question is, what is really meant by statements like that?

I thank you in advance for your answers and time in reading this post.

heartfelt



DesFIP -> RE: Two questions (9/12/2015 8:45:39 AM)

Usually Daddy dom may not involve much more than calling her 'good girl' and being a nurturing partner, rather than someone who describes themselves as strict, sadistic, etc.

As far as the second, I believe what they're trying to convey is that they won't break hard limits.
Beyond that, if what he likes is to see his sub blissfully floating and he knows wax play does that, then why shouldn't he choose to do that to her?

You seem to have bought into a belief that all subs are miserable and their partners want that. In most long term relationships that's the opposite of the truth. If a sub hates pain but loves submitting to it so her dom can enjoy himself, then he is doing to her what she wants done.

The problem here is that you're viewing acts instead of emoptions. Many doms are wedded to performing certain acts. You either are compatible with someone who does tons of caning or you aren't. But a great many are more about the responses they get. With one of them, it won't matter if he uses a flogger or rope or a cane, as long as your response to it is the one he was looking for.

I think most of us, doms and subs, are a mixture. We need or at least really want certain types of play but we're equally invested in having the appropriate emotional response at the end of the day.



BitaTruble -> RE: Two questions (9/12/2015 9:52:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub



1.) What is usually meant when someone describes himself as a Daddy Dom?


'Daddy' as a term for alternative living came about long after I became involved in authority based dynamics and seems to have been embraced by a whole
lot of folks according to the profiles which I read on the other side. It doesn't float my boat, but it seems to be kin to Knights and things of
that nature. More a nurture/rescue as opposed to one which is more power based with less, hmm, obligation I suppose. I think of
Daddy's as 'having' to do the stuff that Daddy's are 'supposed' to do while power based is more about a dominant doing what they can and want to
do because they have the power to make that happen. In a Daddy dynamic, I might try cajoling. In a power based dynamic it wouldn't even cross
my mind. So, motivation and mindset would appear to be affected simply by the terminology and what it means to me.

quote:



2.) The second question also comes from something that I have read in quite a number of profiles of Dominant men and that is this thought:
'I do to my sub what she wants me to do to her'.





My mind reads that as submissive, not dominant and that's the crux of it I suppose. Daddy's don't have to be dominant at all as a submissive could
fill that role perfectly well and that's just not for me.

I'm not sure I buy the premise though. Daddy wants a blow job and little girl isn't in the mood? Yeah. Okay. I'd rather ride my pony, thanks. ;P

I would make a horrible little girl.




heartfeltsub -> RE: Two questions (9/12/2015 10:10:05 AM)

Thank you for your reply. I do not believe that a submissive should be miserable, but I am one who needs to submit, who gets off on submission, even or maybe especially if it is not something that I personally like. In a relationship, if everything that occurs in that relationship is something that is either something that I enjoy or find really natural, it doesn't feel like submission to me. That is just how it hits me.

Thank you again for your reply.





heartfeltsub -> RE: Two questions (9/12/2015 10:12:59 AM)

Thank you Bita for your reply. I appreciate your thoughts and your input.


heartfelt



DesFIP -> RE: Two questions (9/12/2015 2:00:34 PM)

For me, there's lots of stuff I don't enjoy but have to do. Going to the auto parts store, attending his bowling league. But here play is something that we strive to satisfy both of us.

Sex has been called the glue that holds a marriage together and play for us is sexual. It's a time for connecting not distancing. But we're into bondage, not s & m and that frequently is the difference. I don't need to suffer, he doesn't get off on making me suffer.



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