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Too many good messages - 9/13/2015 7:24:33 PM   
LadyBerry


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
Status: offline 		I realize this is kind of a "first world problem" to have, but I wanted to get some more experienced Dominants' perspectives on this. Since I joined Collarspace under a week ago, I have been getting a lot of messages. I expected this, but I didn't expect how many GOOD messages I would get. Maybe it's because the last time I tried Collarspace and people are sorting by "New users" or whatever, but I've been getting lots of heartfelt messages from submissives whom I would love to get to know better except I'm already talking to like 10 of their compatriots and I can't keep everyone straight and it's all a little overwhelming, especially for someone who doesn't get much attention in the vanilla scene. Then there are the very nice ones who definitely took the time to read my profile and sent thoughtful opening messages, but for one reason or another I can see that we wouldn't be compatible.

My question is: how does everyone deal with these situations? The first, I want to let them know that they have impressed me but I just can't handle talking to another person right now, but I'll keep their profile in my messages for when some of the others I'm talking to don't work out. The second, I want to encourage them because they took the right approach, and to not give up even though the odds are stacked against them. I know how discouraging constant rejection can be because I deal with it in the vanilla dating world.

Buuuuut...then I think about my personal policy on vanilla dating sites, which is that "No answer is an answer," where I do not respond to messages even to give them a polite rejection, because I've had people go completely off the handle at me for "thanks but no thanks".

I realize there's no easy answers and that everyone and every situation is different, I would just like to hear everyone's thoughts and perspectives.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Too many good messages - 9/13/2015 7:58:13 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline 		How I dealt with it?

I bought large index cards and wrote each guy's username on it, brief but memorable things about them, and positive things that would help remind me of who they are.

To cut down on how many index cards you have to keep reading to keep the guys straight, start asking the men to meet up with you somewhere for coffee, hopefully within the first week or two. Why waste time talking with some guy who won't ever show up to a meetup? Why waste the time of someone you'd never want to be with if you met them in person, and saw that something about them (looks, attitude, etc.) just totally turned you off of wanting to get to know them better? Mark on the cards what turned you off about each guy (misrepresenting themselves, stood you up, poor hygiene, total asshat, grabbed your butt, etc.) and review them if the man ever contacts you again. Some will keep contacting you every six months or so, thinking that you've forgotten about their bad behavior or whatever.

I would focus on arranging for meetups with men closer to where you live first, getting those over with, and then asking others farther away when they can meet up for coffee.

I knew someone who was madly in love with someone for four and a half months, from their daily letters and texting and phone calls. But the first meetup showed that the other person was misrepresenting themselves and that there was zero chance of any real time relationship working out. The other person was really into...just having online relationships.

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Too many good messages - 9/13/2015 10:09:20 PM   
LadyBerry


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
Status: offline 		Index cards are genius! Thanks for the idea.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Too many good messages - 9/13/2015 10:28:52 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry

My question is: how does everyone deal with these situations? The first, I want to let them know that they have impressed me but I just can't handle talking to another person right now, but I'll keep their profile in my messages for when some of the others I'm talking to don't work out. The second, I want to encourage them because they took the right approach, and to not give up even though the odds are stacked against them. I know how discouraging constant rejection can be because I deal with it in the vanilla dating world.

Buuuuut...then I think about my personal policy on vanilla dating sites, which is that "No answer is an answer," where I do not respond to messages even to give them a polite rejection, because I've had people go completely off the handle at me for "thanks but no thanks".

I realize there's no easy answers and that everyone and every situation is different, I would just like to hear everyone's thoughts and perspectives.



I can only offer advice from my own experience, obviously ...

I have two conditions which effect my memory; to the point where it resembles a sieve, I'm sure.

While index cards are a good idea, I tend to try to work smarter instead of harder. I'm assuming you're on a computer (desktop or laptop). Why not just use one of your text editors (Word, WordPad, Notepad, OpenOffice)?

You mentioned wanting to let people know that they've impressed you and I think that is über important and, if nothing else, you might cause a smile.

Personally, even the people in whom I have no romantic interest that send a really polite and thoughtful note get one, in return. While I understand "No answer is an answer", my Quixotic brain tells me that the way to eliminate the butt-hurt rejection hostility for everyone is to do my part to reduce the butt-hurt in the world.

It doesn't take a whole lot of time to type three sentences, but it does take a whole lot of courtesy and that speaks volumes.



Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 9/13/2015 10:39:14 PM >

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(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Too many good messages - 9/13/2015 10:44:06 PM   
LadyBerry


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I can only offer advice from my own experience, obviously ...
index cards are a good idea, I tend to try to work smarter instead of harder. I'm assuming your on a computer (desktop or laptop). Why not just use one of your text editors (Word, WordPad, Notepad, OpenOffice)?


I actually have an index card-like app on my phone, ha ha. I used it to great effect when memorizing Organic chemistry nomenclature, I've been working on committing the details about subs I want to remember to it.

quote:

Personally, even the people in whom I have no romantic interest that send a really polite and thoughtful note get one, in return. While I understand "No answer is an answer", my Quixotic brain tells me that the way to eliminate the butt-hurt rejection hostility for everyone is to do my part to reduce the butt-hurt in the world.

It doesn't take a whole lot of time to type three sentences, but it does take a whole lot of courtesy and that speaks volumes.



Michael[/color]



I guess what makes me nervous about it is my experiences on vanilla dating sites - I use the same picture of me on my bicycle there, and had someone who had sent a very nice message tell me he was going to run me over with his truck if he ever saw me riding around town because I told him I wasn't interested. That was when I stopped responding to people I wasn't interested in. But I guess my problem more is that I *am* interested in them, I've just got too many other irons in the fire to spend any time on them right now.

< Message edited by LadyBerry -- 9/13/2015 11:04:44 PM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Too many good messages - 9/14/2015 12:30:48 AM   
NefertariReborn2


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/15/2013
Status: offline 		You can make notes about each of them right here in CS. There is a place for that under their profiles. You can add the ones you really want to get to know better to your favorites list. That way you don't have to keep looking for them. They're a in a nice list right here in CS.

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Too many good messages - 9/14/2015 3:32:24 PM   
LadyBerry


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn2

You can make notes about each of them right here in CS. There is a place for that under their profiles. You can add the ones you really want to get to know better to your favorites list. That way you don't have to keep looking for them. They're a in a nice list right here in CS.



That is even better. I'm c&p-ing bits of our correspondence that I want to remember in the notes field as well, so I can free up space in my inbox. Thank you!

(in reply to NefertariReborn2)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Too many good messages - 9/14/2015 3:49:14 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		EXCEL...make a chart with columns for their profile name(s), real names (when they give them), date first contacted, location, fetishes, and a column for your personal notes, etc., etc.

I too got completely bombarded My first few months, and even three years on (actually this week is the anniversary of My joining CS) I still get messages coming in waves, especially during holiday weekends.

Be sure to add them to "favorites" and Friends List, check and save messages to your outside email of those you are interviewing.

Good luck in your search!

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Too many good messages - 9/14/2015 4:08:31 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry


quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn2

You can make notes about each of them right here in CS. There is a place for that under their profiles. You can add the ones you really want to get to know better to your favorites list. That way you don't have to keep looking for them. They're a in a nice list right here in CS.



That is even better. I'm c&p-ing bits of our correspondence that I want to remember in the notes field as well, so I can free up space in my inbox. Thank you!

This is what I do. I paste snippets of messages, personal observations, and anything else that occurs to me in this space, and it is always there when I am getting ready to engage with them. I don't have to keep track of anything myself because it stays with their profile, not something that I have to maintain.

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Too many good messages - 9/14/2015 4:19:01 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		If you click view full profile you will notice just below the send message button there is this: Personal notes about this user (visible only to you):

You can makes notes here, about the individual that you might want to remember or keep fresh for future correspondence. It probably wouldn't hurt to keep ahold of those note cards though, because people hide their profiles and I imagine your notes about them are hidden too.

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Too many good messages - 9/14/2015 6:17:59 PM   
LadyBerry


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
Status: offline 		Of course count on the LCD to make me a liar...just got several rapidfire, barely literate requests for findomming, despite not mentioning it anywhere on my profile. WTF.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Too many good messages - 9/19/2015 6:04:55 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry

Of course count on the LCD to make me a liar...just got several rapidfire, barely literate requests for findomming, despite not mentioning it anywhere on my profile. WTF.

Then they complain there are TOO MANY finDommes...you'd think the finsubs would have plenty of finDomme choices without pestering a NON-fin Domme to finDomme them.

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Too many good messages - 9/20/2015 12:47:57 AM   
LadyBerry


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/7/2015
From: Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry

Of course count on the LCD to make me a liar...just got several rapidfire, barely literate requests for findomming, despite not mentioning it anywhere on my profile. WTF.

Then they complain there are TOO MANY finDommes...you'd think the finsubs would have plenty of finDomme choices without pestering a NON-fin Domme to finDomme them.


I'm imagining what would happen if I took them up on it..."Oh Mistress, show me what luxuries you are pampering yourself with with my money!"

"Well, I got this case of premium cat food at the corner pet mart..." *makes ducklips with the can at the webcam*

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Too many good messages - 9/20/2015 4:04:37 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry
I'm imagining what would happen if I took them up on it..."Oh Mistress, show me what luxuries you are pampering yourself with with my money!"

"Well, I got this case of premium cat food at the corner pet mart..." *makes ducklips with the can at the webcam*


*gigglesnorts*

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Too many good messages - 9/20/2015 4:35:38 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry


quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn2

You can make notes about each of them right here in CS. There is a place for that under their profiles. You can add the ones you really want to get to know better to your favorites list. That way you don't have to keep looking for them. They're a in a nice list right here in CS.



That is even better. I'm c&p-ing bits of our correspondence that I want to remember in the notes field as well, so I can free up space in my inbox. Thank you!

That is what I was going to suggest. On the profile view page there is a "Personal notes about this user (visible only to you)" tool. Sounds like something you can utilize.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Too many good messages - 9/22/2015 7:36:44 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry


quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBerry

Of course count on the LCD to make me a liar...just got several rapidfire, barely literate requests for findomming, despite not mentioning it anywhere on my profile. WTF.

Then they complain there are TOO MANY finDommes...you'd think the finsubs would have plenty of finDomme choices without pestering a NON-fin Domme to finDomme them.


I'm imagining what would happen if I took them up on it..."Oh Mistress, show me what luxuries you are pampering yourself with with my money!"

"Well, I got this case of premium cat food at the corner pet mart..." *makes ducklips with the can at the webcam*


LMAO!!!

(in reply to LadyBerry)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Too many good messages - 9/22/2015 1:05:15 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Nookie, thanks for making my day with the avatar!!!

_____________________________

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You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Too many good messages - 9/22/2015 1:45:43 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

Nookie, thanks for making my day with the avatar!!!


LOL! Anytime. Gender-bending for our FemDom retreat prom night! *smiles*

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 18
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