RE: When "Being forced" is your kink...

RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (Full Version)

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UllrsIshtar -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/24/2015 10:30:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic It strikes me as very possible that such a person might not get a very satisfying feeling of "being forced" to do something, if it is something they would happily or indifferently do anyway. This is incorrect, at least for me. I enjoy force because force entails a removal of my choice. He'll make me do it, whether or not I'd comply happily if he were to ask me instead. The part of force play that turns me on is the illusion that my consent is irrelevant. He doesn't care whether I want to or not, even to the point that he doesn't care that it's something I would happily do. All he's taking into account is that he wants to, with my desires not even being on his radar. Of course, that plays out differently when it's something that I would happily do, versus something that I really don't want to do, because the levels of coercion needed to get compliance differ between the two because I react differently, but in the end it's not so much my mindset about the action that's relevant, it's his mindset that my consent -in the moment- is irrelevant. quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic So I presume that, for such people, not everything they do not want to do qualifies as a hard limit. I don't do heavy force play with people with whom I've got hard limits. For more casual-ish style play, force play is always limited to stuff I do want to do. Primarily because of the risk to the Top in question. (Going to a place where I really don't want to do what he says in the moment, means that in the moment, I'm not consenting and would genuinely try to stop play if I could, which is incredibly risky for the Top involved, which is for casual-ish play, force play stays in the realm of stuff where, if he where to stop, I would again reaffirm consent in the moment and ask him to continue, which doesn't apply with stuff I genuinely don't want to do.) In situations where I engage in genuine force play of the category of stuff I really don't want to do, I don't have hard limits, because I don't engage in that type of play with people who do stuff with me that I'd find genuinely unacceptable. As such its sorta a matter of deferring to whatever hard limits he happens to have, which puts a lot of stuff that I genuinely would hate as well as a bunch of stuff where I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of being forced to do it, solidly on the table. Kana might become a notable exception to this if we end up playing some day, because one of my limits is "stuff that will likely leave permanent marks/scars" (a limit I have not so much because I care about those things btw, but because my current and potential future partners might find me less attractive over such marks). So if I end up playing with Kana, it'll be the first time where I engage in genuine force play but impose my hard limits over the hard limits of the Top in question. quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic For those who identify with this scenario... how would you describe the difference between something that you find distasteful or otherwise disagreeable, but that you like being forced to do (a soft limit, perhaps?) from something that you do not, by any means, want to do and consider a hard limit? In part I don't. I consider this type of play incredibly risky for both parties involved and as such accept that the situation might arise where I'm forced to do stuff that I would not want to do by any means and consider a hard limit. The risk of that happening is why I'm so careful with whom I engage in this type of play with, and why the threshold of doing so comes down to me feeling that he's got a solid enough understanding of who I am and what my motives are to predict where possible pitfalls might be even if I haven't specified all of them explicitly. The reason I expect him to be able to do a fair amount of predicting the pitfalls on his own is because there is no possible way to lay out ever specific instance of stuff that I don't want to do "by any means" versus stuff I don't want to do but would enjoy being forced to endure. I can lay out the broad strokes of what type of stuff falls into which category, and explain my motives for placing items in each respective category, but in the end there is no ability to come of up a master list of everything that is and forever will be off the table, at least not if he's got a somewhat active imagination. That's where his trust in me comes into play though... he needs to be able to trust in the fact that I understand that I'm asking him to engage in some very dangerous play, and that I understand that he's capable of genuinely making a mistake and doing so that would have been off the table, but wasn't technically communicated as such, due to a misunderstanding between us. He needs to be able to trust that in the event of something like that happening, and him completely unintentionally and inadvertently crossing that line between 'hot' and 'not' that I will be willing to work through it with him afterwards, instead of running to the cops and reporting him for being an abusive asshole, because a case he couldn't have predicted propped up. Force play is and always will be one of the only types of play where both parties at the same time are able to easily sustain incredible deep and lasting damage if stuff goes awry, unlike most play where that risk tends to be primarily on the bottom.

Bhruic -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/25/2015 11:13:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic It strikes me as very possible that such a person might not get a very satisfying feeling of "being forced" to do something, if it is something they would happily or indifferently do anyway. This is incorrect, at least for me. I enjoy force because force entails a removal of my choice. He'll make me do it, whether or not I'd comply happily if he were to ask me instead. The part of force play that turns me on is the illusion that my consent is irrelevant. He doesn't care whether I want to or not, even to the point that he doesn't care that it's something I would happily do. All he's taking into account is that he wants to, with my desires not even being on his radar. Of course, that plays out differently when it's something that I would happily do, versus something that I really don't want to do, because the levels of coercion needed to get compliance differ between the two because I react differently, but in the end it's not so much my mindset about the action that's relevant, it's his mindset that my consent -in the moment- is irrelevant. It is unclear to me here how your comments illustrate my comment as "incorrect". What part do you consider incorrect? That it is possible that some people might not get off on being forced to do something they don't even have to be forced to do? quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic So I presume that, for such people, not everything they do not want to do qualifies as a hard limit. I don't do heavy force play with people with whom I've got hard limits. For more casual-ish style play, force play is always limited to stuff I do want to do. Primarily because of the risk to the Top in question. (Going to a place where I really don't want to do what he says in the moment, means that in the moment, I'm not consenting and would genuinely try to stop play if I could, which is incredibly risky for the Top involved, which is for casual-ish play, force play stays in the realm of stuff where, if he where to stop, I would again reaffirm consent in the moment and ask him to continue, which doesn't apply with stuff I genuinely don't want to do.) In situations where I engage in genuine force play of the category of stuff I really don't want to do, I don't have hard limits, because I don't engage in that type of play with people who do stuff with me that I'd find genuinely unacceptable. As such its sorta a matter of deferring to whatever hard limits he happens to have, which puts a lot of stuff that I genuinely would hate as well as a bunch of stuff where I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of being forced to do it, solidly on the table. Kana might become a notable exception to this if we end up playing some day, because one of my limits is "stuff that will likely leave permanent marks/scars" (a limit I have not so much because I care about those things btw, but because my current and potential future partners might find me less attractive over such marks). So if I end up playing with Kana, it'll be the first time where I engage in genuine force play but impose my hard limits over the hard limits of the Top in question. If I understand correctly, you are essentially saying here that you don't have hard limits in force play, because you only play with people who already instinctively know your hard limits, and will not approach them. Which is all well and good, but seems to me not relevant to the initial question. quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic For those who identify with this scenario... how would you describe the difference between something that you find distasteful or otherwise disagreeable, but that you like being forced to do (a soft limit, perhaps?) from something that you do not, by any means, want to do and consider a hard limit? In part I don't. I consider this type of play incredibly risky for both parties involved and as such accept that the situation might arise where I'm forced to do stuff that I would not want to do by any means and consider a hard limit. [snip] In your case this is understandable, because you do not (if I understood the above) express any hard limits. Even with discussion of hard limits, there may well be a situation that one is not aware is a hard limit, until one is faced with it. That is why - personally - I would not engage in force play without the establishment of a safe word, which seriously mitigates the risk you mention.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/25/2015 11:54:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic It strikes me as very possible that such a person might not get a very satisfying feeling of "being forced" to do something, if it is something they would happily or indifferently do anyway. This is incorrect, at least for me. I enjoy force because force entails a removal of my choice. He'll make me do it, whether or not I'd comply happily if he were to ask me instead. The part of force play that turns me on is the illusion that my consent is irrelevant. He doesn't care whether I want to or not, even to the point that he doesn't care that it's something I would happily do. All he's taking into account is that he wants to, with my desires not even being on his radar. Of course, that plays out differently when it's something that I would happily do, versus something that I really don't want to do, because the levels of coercion needed to get compliance differ between the two because I react differently, but in the end it's not so much my mindset about the action that's relevant, it's his mindset that my consent -in the moment- is irrelevant. It is unclear to me here how your comments illustrate my comment as "incorrect". What part do you consider incorrect? That it is possible that some people might not get off on being forced to do something they don't even have to be forced to do? It is incorrect -at least for me- that that the feeling of being forced is unsatisfying when it's something I'd happily do anyways. This is because, as I explained in my reply, my level of satisfaction in being forced stems from his disregard for my level of consent, not from the level of distaste I have for the action. Whether I enjoy something or not doesn't impact the level of satisfaction I derive from force. That satisfaction is derived from his headspace instead, and therefore has little correlation to my personal feeling about the actions required. quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic So I presume that, for such people, not everything they do not want to do qualifies as a hard limit. I don't do heavy force play with people with whom I've got hard limits. For more casual-ish style play, force play is always limited to stuff I do want to do. Primarily because of the risk to the Top in question. (Going to a place where I really don't want to do what he says in the moment, means that in the moment, I'm not consenting and would genuinely try to stop play if I could, which is incredibly risky for the Top involved, which is for casual-ish play, force play stays in the realm of stuff where, if he where to stop, I would again reaffirm consent in the moment and ask him to continue, which doesn't apply with stuff I genuinely don't want to do.) In situations where I engage in genuine force play of the category of stuff I really don't want to do, I don't have hard limits, because I don't engage in that type of play with people who do stuff with me that I'd find genuinely unacceptable. As such its sorta a matter of deferring to whatever hard limits he happens to have, which puts a lot of stuff that I genuinely would hate as well as a bunch of stuff where I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of being forced to do it, solidly on the table. Kana might become a notable exception to this if we end up playing some day, because one of my limits is "stuff that will likely leave permanent marks/scars" (a limit I have not so much because I care about those things btw, but because my current and potential future partners might find me less attractive over such marks). So if I end up playing with Kana, it'll be the first time where I engage in genuine force play but impose my hard limits over the hard limits of the Top in question. If I understand correctly, you are essentially saying here that you don't have hard limits in force play, because you only play with people who already instinctively know your hard limits, and will not approach them. Yes. Though I don't ever sit down and define a list of "these are my hard limits" instead I get to know their hard limits, and if they are in line with mine, initiate discussions about force place. I consider it too dangerous to engage in genuine* force play with somebody who's natural and own hard limits are different from mine. Especially because mine can be essentially summed up to "no permanent physical alterations, no acts which blatantly invite law enforcement to get involved". Pretty much most everything else is on the table. genuine as defined by "actions that I do not want to do so badly that if given the option I would withdraw consent in the moment". quote:* ORIGINAL: Bhruic Which is all well and good, but seems to me not relevant to the initial question. It relates to the question because I indicated -sever times actually- that there are tons of things I genuinely don't want to do that are on the table for force play, and do not fall under the "hard limit" category. quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic For those who identify with this scenario... how would you describe the difference between something that you find distasteful or otherwise disagreeable, but that you like being forced to do (a soft limit, perhaps?) from something that you do not, by any means, want to do and consider a hard limit? In part I don't. I consider this type of play incredibly risky for both parties involved and as such accept that the situation might arise where I'm forced to do stuff that I would not want to do by any means and consider a hard limit. [snip] In your case this is understandable, because you do not (if I understood the above) express any hard limits. Even with discussion of hard limits, there may well be a situation that one is not aware is a hard limit, until one is faced with it. That is why - personally - I would not engage in force play without the establishment of a safe word, which seriously mitigates the risk you mention. The precise reason I -no longer- engage in hard limit discussion before engaging in force play is because how easy it is to miss stuff. I've had a case in the past where we had long -weeks long- discussion about hard limits, and I had a comprehensive defined list of stuff I marked "hard limit". Us both feeling confident that we understood each other proceeded, and the very first time we engaged in this type of play he hit one that we both had not realized might be an issue, and our entire carefully negotiated construct fell apart. I cannot, in any meaningful way, construct a list of every action imaginable that ought to be a hard limit. Doing so is entirely impractical because anybody with an ounce of creativity might unintentionally stumble into more, even if the list is a mile long. As such I no longer define a list of mine. Instead I get to know him, his interests and his motives, and judge from there. As far as safe words go, they are not possible for me during force play, because when engaging in genuine force play with me, you will get me to a point where -in the moment- I will withdraw consent if given the option. I will fight to get away, bite, kick, attack you, plead for you to stop, beg, make promises to entice you to stop, issue threats (including on occasion the threat that I'll call the cops after the act), I have passed out (removing the ability for continued consent by means of not calling a safe word), hell I've safe worded hundreds of times in scenes where we had actively negotiated the lack of a safe words in the idle hope that it might get him to stop. If I had a safe word, force play would be impossible, because when the going gets rough, safe wording would be the first thing I'd do.

littleone35 -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/25/2015 12:19:53 PM)
Being forced is not my kink. I do have soft limits that i expect to be pushed. If Master tried to force me to do ssomthin that was a hard limit that would be it. My hard limits are deal breakers cross them and i am gone. If my soft limits are forced that is ok i expect and accept that. Matt's littleone

Missokyst -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/25/2015 1:01:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 Yeah,, what is with that idea? FUCK that shit. I did this because I enjoyed it. I may not have enjoyed all of it but dang it, I did it. Why on earth would I want to be with someone if I wasn't into them, or it, in some way? If this crazy notion below in red is the only way to define submission than it covers way too many people who do this only because they are forced into it, think kidnap victims or people born into slavery. I'll take blue please, count me as someone who submits because I like it. quote: ORIGINAL: captive4ever Isn't this the same as topping from the bottom? Please don't take this the wrong way, but if You only like to be forced to do this things you want to do anyway, what's the point? Surely this isn't being submissive.... I'm confused.... Does this mean because I enjoy everything he commands of me, that I am less submissive? A submissive can't be compatible with a dom who does things to her she enjoys? I don't understand why people think submission MUST BE suffering or something. For others, it may be, but for me, it's about mutual complimentary love.

DesFIP -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/26/2015 1:28:47 PM)
The other thing Bhruic doesn't understand about force play is that it's the physicality of it that's a turn on. So yeah, he wants a bj, he's going to get it anyway. But him grabbing me and pushing me down on his time and not mine is a turn on. Him pushing my head into place the second he wants it, is a demonstration of physical dominance. The mental stuff is good, knowing he's in charge, being able to depend on him to make the hard decisions. That's the basis of the relationship. But the physical stuff is hot. Shallow but true.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/26/2015 2:06:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP But the physical stuff is hot. Shallow but true. Not shallow at all, because it's a physical visible manifestation of what attracts you to him: his dominance and control. Submissive women being turned on by their man showing physically that they're dominant is exactly the same thing as a woman enjoying a man showing he loves her by bringing her flowers, or caring for her when she's sick, or giving her a back rub when she's tired, or taking her out to a nice dinner to enjoy her company. We don't need any of those things to proof that he's the guy we fell in love with when we intellectually already know that he is, but his actively, in a physical way, showing that he's the man we fell for reinforces the feelings we have. When he grabs you and pushes you down on his cock, all he's doing is bringing you flowers to show that he loves you for who you are. You're not shallow just because you enjoy your man bringing you flowers from time to time.

lthrpup -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/27/2015 12:29:47 PM)
I've been wondering lately about hard vs. soft limits not really describing me with enough nuance. Hard limits are deal breakers. Soft limits can be pushed or broken, sometimes with not much effort. There is something in between that I have come to think of as advanced. I don't know if would call them "advanced limits" or "advanced soft limits" or something else. They are close to hard limits but for the right person and in the right context I could do them. (Maybe I am describing things I could do only in subspace.) Although these things hold some fascination, I would gladly avoid them and be glad if they did not come up. Therefore, being led to them would be some variation on genuine "force."

Charles6682 -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/28/2015 11:25:02 AM)
I don't mind my limits being pushed. That's fine. However, I don't like to be "forced" to do something that is something I would not normally do.

sexyred1 -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/28/2015 1:00:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst My hard limits are hard, untouchable. They are in place because I know myself very well. They are in place for everyone's safety. Soft limits are there for people who I don't know well, or I know them well enough to know, I am NOT going there with them. That said, I enjoy being forced. I love it when someone yanks me back by my hair and takes my mouth regardless of whether or not I want to be filled with cock. I like when I am flipped over the sofa, have my panties pulled off and having my partner enter me roughly. I may enjoy giving a bj, or being fucked but that is not the same as when I am forced into it. Forcing me because they can means that at some point I became OK with the abandonment of my soft limits for them. It means I am there for use regardless of what I had planned, and that is HOT. This is true for me as well. The only issue I've had with liking "forced", was that my last partner tried to force my concrete hard limits on me under the guise of, "but you love feeling forced". I originally forgave this because as his first sub, I was thinking he just needed time to understand the psychology of what we do. Then I realized he wasn't dumb, just horribly selfish.

sexyred1 -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/28/2015 1:05:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lthrpup I've been wondering lately about hard vs. soft limits not really describing me with enough nuance. Hard limits are deal breakers. Soft limits can be pushed or broken, sometimes with not much effort. There is something in between that I have come to think of as advanced. I don't know if would call them "advanced limits" or "advanced soft limits" or something else. They are close to hard limits but for the right person and in the right context I could do them. (Maybe I am describing things I could do only in subspace.) Although these things hold some fascination, I would gladly avoid them and be glad if they did not come up. Therefore, being led to them would be some variation on genuine "force." The trick to advanced limits is, as you said, attempting them with the right person. I like your term, advanced limits, because there are really more intricacies than soft or hard.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/28/2015 1:17:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: lthrpup I've been wondering lately about hard vs. soft limits not really describing me with enough nuance. Hard limits are deal breakers. Soft limits can be pushed or broken, sometimes with not much effort. There is something in between that I have come to think of as advanced. I don't know if would call them "advanced limits" or "advanced soft limits" or something else. They are close to hard limits but for the right person and in the right context I could do them. (Maybe I am describing things I could do only in subspace.) Although these things hold some fascination, I would gladly avoid them and be glad if they did not come up. Therefore, being led to them would be some variation on genuine "force." The trick to advanced limits is, as you said, attempting them with the right person. I like your term, advanced limits, because there are really more intricacies than soft or hard. I agree, I like your term "advancing limits". I've always considered my limits contextual. They depend on the person, how well I know them, and how skilled they are. With the right person I don't need to maintain any hard limits, because I just know we're on the same page when it comes to our desires. However, going from the beginning of a relationship where I'm not comfortable doing a whole washlists of things with that person, to getting to the point that I can tell him: "you can do anything you want with me", takes time... and a lot of slowly advancing of what were previously hard limits (with that person).

Bhruic -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/28/2015 3:05:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic It is unclear to me here how your comments illustrate my comment as "incorrect". What part do you consider incorrect? That it is possible that some people might not get off on being forced to do something they don't even have to be forced to do? It is incorrect -at least for me- that that the feeling of being forced is unsatisfying when it's something I'd happily do anyways. This is because, as I explained in my reply, my level of satisfaction in being forced stems from his disregard for my level of consent, not from the level of distaste I have for the action. Whether I enjoy something or not doesn't impact the level of satisfaction I derive from force. That satisfaction is derived from his headspace instead, and therefore has little correlation to my personal feeling about the actions required. I understand what you are saying. I suspect it is not applicable to everyone though. For some that approach might be a bit too abstract. I generally understand the rest of your post as well, although it differs from my personal experience.

DesFIP -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/28/2015 3:22:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lthrpup I've been wondering lately about hard vs. soft limits not really describing me with enough nuance. Hard limits are deal breakers. Soft limits can be pushed or broken, sometimes with not much effort. There is something in between that I have come to think of as advanced. I don't know if would call them "advanced limits" or "advanced soft limits" or something else. They are close to hard limits but for the right person and in the right context I could do them. (Maybe I am describing things I could do only in subspace.) Although these things hold some fascination, I would gladly avoid them and be glad if they did not come up. Therefore, being led to them would be some variation on genuine "force." That's what I call a soft limit. Something that I possibly could do at the right time and place. But something I can't do now. Someone pushing my limits, breaking them? That's a reason to end the relationship. It shows they don't believe me. They don't trust me to know myself. It says they aren't seeing me, only a fantasy person they want to be with who I'm not and never will be. Think I have a silly limit? First respect it. Then say so. Ask me about it. Don't just assume that because this was something your ex loved, I ought to love it too. Because I'm not her, I'm me and if you can't see the difference then you aren't someone safe to be with.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/28/2015 4:29:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic I understand what you are saying. I suspect it is not applicable to everyone though. For some that approach might be a bit too abstract. I generally understand the rest of your post as well, although it differs from my personal experience. Yeah, all that is very me specific. Which is why I added -for me- several times. I'm a bit a of a freak when it comes to this sort of stuff, so I can't really speak well for the mainstream... Just throwing out a different perspective on this kinda stuff, not implying it applies to everybody.

DannyIsNotWelcom -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/28/2015 4:47:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic It strikes me as very possible that such a person might not get a very satisfying feeling of "being forced" to do something, if it is something they would happily or indifferently do anyway. So I presume that, for such people, not everything they do not want to do qualifies as a hard limit. We would have to disambiguate "being forced", physically or mentally? Personally, I consider myself a true slave because I can't tap out or run away from the situation but that is not because I'm chained up somewhere. From my perspective, if I weren't made to do things that, if left to my own devices, wouldn't do, or the other way round, not being allowed to do things that I would normally do, would simply feel like a waste of my submissiveness. It doesn't have to be very extreme though. On the one hand I remember a short story where the dominant shits in a bowl and instructs the submissive to get on his knees and eat it. Sub, shaking and quivering and close to tears proceeds to do that. Master yanks him away, hugs him and says "I would never do that to you." I've been in a similar situation, albeit with molded food. The sense of relief is quite extraordinary. On the other hand, I usually make myself a cup of coffee when I get up, unless my master says, "No, not today." Why not? Because Master says so, that's reason enough. Get it? I want to feel the hand on my shoulder. I don't want it to squeeze too hard.

Missokyst -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/28/2015 4:56:27 PM)
Umm, yeah, I have had people try to break (or "push" in their vernacular) the hard limits under that guise. Big mistake. No one exits bondage as quickly as I can. Or can fall out of subspace just as easily as I fall in. When I say for everyone's safety I mean that literally. I have very little regard for causing myself injury while in the action of making sure they feel my pain. Bodies have gone flying. My temper is slow and even until something ignites it, then it is no holds barred. quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst My hard limits are hard, untouchable. They are in place because I know myself very well. They are in place for everyone's safety. Soft limits are there for people who I don't know well, or I know them well enough to know, I am NOT going there with them. That said, I enjoy being forced. I love it when someone yanks me back by my hair and takes my mouth regardless of whether or not I want to be filled with cock. I like when I am flipped over the sofa, have my panties pulled off and having my partner enter me roughly. I may enjoy giving a bj, or being fucked but that is not the same as when I am forced into it. Forcing me because they can means that at some point I became OK with the abandonment of my soft limits for them. It means I am there for use regardless of what I had planned, and that is HOT. This is true for me as well. The only issue I've had with liking "forced", was that my last partner tried to force my concrete hard limits on me under the guise of, "but you love feeling forced". I originally forgave this because as his first sub, I was thinking he just needed time to understand the psychology of what we do. Then I realized he wasn't dumb, just horribly selfish.

alien8 -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/29/2015 5:17:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic For the very reason that I indicated in the sentence before the one that you quoted. For someone who likes "being forced" actually telling someone that specific things that are not defined as hard limits are actually OK might rob them of the illusion of being forced. That's a reasonable question, but I think you're overthinking the issue. I mean, when you watch a movie you know it's not real, but if the story and performance and technical elements are good you get completely wrapped up in it anyway, or at least most people do. If you ride a roller coaster you know that you're not in any real danger because they run the thing 30 times a day an may have been doing it for years without a single injury, but the ride itself can still be scary and thrilling. When you hear someone sing your favorite song you might know that they are engaged in a performance rather than expressing a pure spontaneous emotion, and that a famous singer has engaged in that performance hundreds or thousands of times and may not feel the song as s/he did when writing it, or maybe did not even write it her/himself, and is not swept away by the emotion the same way people in the audience are. But none of that prevents listeners from enjoying a great performance on an emotional level. So maybe someone who is being 'forced' really does want to do whatever-it-is but needs to feel that someone (preferably someone trustworthy) is pushing them into it 'for their own good' or whatever, or just needs a safe context in which to express fear, anxiety or whatever emotion instead of 'keeping cool' or 'maintaining a positive attitude' or whatever mental block might get in the way of that.

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/29/2015 7:30:58 PM)
I don't think that being forced is my kink... For me, it is all about the other person..how deep my connection, my respect for them. The more I trust someone, look up to them, want to please them the further I push myself. If you look at my list of "likes" and "dislikes" you will see that there is definitely more of the latter. The thing for me is that I might not LIKE much but there is LITTLE that I won't do for the right person

DerangedUnit -> RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... (9/30/2015 9:56:26 AM)
I guess... its not really a kink in that I dont seek it out. But I dont seek anything out. I have to focus really rrally hard to make myself be interested in anything, it's easier if other people try to make me do things.... then I decide what its worth to fight against. If im not willing to brrak something to avoid it..... guess I wanna do it. Sex for instance though, I would never instigate, id never say I want it, sometimes I end up really liking it but if that person asked me if I wanted to do it again.... id say no, id fight it all over again. Dont like the fighting persay, its just something to do I guess. "If they want it bad enough they'll make me" I'll always try my hardest to avoid it. Eventually I might get used to it and stop fighting so much but given the option id still say no. Its one of those things... the second anyone asks me "do you want to" I feel like I need to puke

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