Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

When "Being forced" is your kink...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> When "Being forced" is your kink... Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 11:41:03 AM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline 		For some submissives and slaves, being forced to do things is a weighty part of their kink.

It strikes me as very possible that such a person might not get a very satisfying feeling of "being forced" to do something, if it is something they would happily or indifferently do anyway. So I presume that, for such people, not everything they do not want to do qualifies as a hard limit.

For those who identify with this scenario... how would you describe the difference between something that you find distasteful or otherwise disagreeable, but that you like being forced to do (a soft limit, perhaps?) from something that you do not, by any means, want to do and consider a hard limit?

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 12:02:29 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		Good question!

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 12:08:47 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I think for me, the line in the sand would be: Would it harm me mentally or physically? Is it something that I find morally wrong? Which is pretty much how my hard limits are stated. Well...that and...Will it ruin the carpet?

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 9/23/2015 12:20:58 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 12:17:10 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline 		My "hard limits" are make-or-break deals within the relationship. That is to say, they are crossed, relationship is done. No playing around with them.

I don't have "soft limits". Sure, there are things that I like better than others- but everything that is not a "hard limit" is fair game. He knows what things I'd really prefer not to do, and will "force" me to do those, on occasion.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 1:49:48 PM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline 		For me, what seems to make the question tricky is that IF being forced is your kink, then it might spoil things for you to say "Ok, here are my hard limits, and everything else is ok".

Communication is always key, of course... but assuming you have good communication... IF you define your hard limits, is it reasonable to assume that anything not so defined, no matter how you plead or protest, is fair game?

As a Dom/Domme, there are lines you don't want to cross... but at the same time, you want to have the confidence and ability to take your sub/slave where they want to go... especially if boundary pushing and edgy play are their turn ons.

One person's mentally damaging activity can be another person's favorite kink... It seems to me that at that point, the communication becomes very important, but also very complicated.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 9/23/2015 1:53:15 PM >

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 2:05:54 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic


Communication is always key, of course... but assuming you have good communication... IF you define your hard limits, is it reasonable to assume that anything not so defined, no matter how you plead or protest, is fair game?



If you had good communication, why would anything like that be assumed?

For us, it was explicit. Anything outside of hard limits = free game. I guess I would think that if people are going through the trouble of setting out all of these things, that having to "assume" anything about it wouldn't be an issue.

(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 2:19:48 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic


Communication is always key, of course...


I think it's also having knowledge of your partner. Himself knows me so well that there are times that he knows I'll react badly to something even before I do.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 3:02:18 PM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic


Communication is always key, of course... but assuming you have good communication... IF you define your hard limits, is it reasonable to assume that anything not so defined, no matter how you plead or protest, is fair game?



If you had good communication, why would anything like that be assumed?

For us, it was explicit. Anything outside of hard limits = free game. I guess I would think that if people are going through the trouble of setting out all of these things, that having to "assume" anything about it wouldn't be an issue.



For the very reason that I indicated in the sentence before the one that you quoted. For someone who likes "being forced" actually telling someone that specific things that are not defined as hard limits are actually OK might rob them of the illusion of being forced.

Is that too abstruce?

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 4:05:04 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline 		"Being forced" is being put in quotes here for a reason, correct?

Without knowing what the lines are, how would someone make sure that consent would not be violated? There are things that I don't want to do, or like to do, that I have consented to do with him. (That is, they are not "hard limits" for me.) Our "force play" comes from those things. It is an illusion, which is why "force" is put in quotes.

(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 4:11:24 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		My hard limits are hard, untouchable. They are in place because I know myself very well. They are in place for everyone's safety.
Soft limits are there for people who I don't know well, or I know them well enough to know, I am NOT going there with them.

That said, I enjoy being forced. I love it when someone yanks me back by my hair and takes my mouth regardless of whether or not I want to be filled with cock. I like when I am flipped over the sofa, have my panties pulled off and having my partner enter me roughly. I may enjoy giving a bj, or being fucked but that is not the same as when I am forced into it. Forcing me because they can means that at some point I became OK with the abandonment of my soft limits for them. It means I am there for use regardless of what I had planned, and that is HOT.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/23/2015 4:38:24 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I think for me, the line in the sand would be: Would it harm me mentally or physically? Is it something that I find morally wrong? Which is pretty much how my hard limits are stated. Well...that and...Will it ruin the carpet?

Same here, except for the carpet bit. I had to let go of that limit. As well as not cracking the stained glass on the front door.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/24/2015 3:48:31 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		So, out of curiosity, who that is answering (aside from WaywardSoul, who already mentioned it) has a fetish for being forced?

I'm not saying others don't have a right to respond. I am curious about which responses are specifically from that perspective, though.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/24/2015 3:58:39 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I'm one of those people where the more "consensual non-consensual" it is, the more I enjoy it.

The problem is this. The big word is CONSENSUAL non-consensual.

So I don't really like to be force to do anything I don't enjoy.

I like to be force to do what I enjoy. But everything I enjoy just feels even better if it's "fake forced".

And i call it "fake forced" because I always have a safe word, so to me, it's up to me whether it's going too far or not.

I never like the "forced" to become a real "forced", because anything real would be rape. And I enjoy fake rape but not real rape.




< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/24/2015 4:00:16 AM >

(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/24/2015 4:03:14 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
For me, what seems to make the question tricky is that IF being forced is your kink, then it might spoil things for you to say "Ok, here are my hard limits, and everything else is ok".


That never takes away my enjoyment. It increases my enjoyment to know that I am safe and the person playing is extremely clear about the parameters.

I actually haven't played rape with anybody since my x-dom, and damn it's been years. Precisely because I cannot trust the men to understand that even though I enjoy rape play, IT DOES NOT MEAN, I want to really get raped. Being forced to do anything I don't like is Real Rape to me.

My biggest fear is always when some guy start thinking in the lines of, "Oh she loves to be forced, so she's just pretending she hates this but she really wants it!" in respect of things I already told him I genuinely hate. When I explain force sex to men, I always tell them, I want to be forced on all the things I enjoy even if it's not forced. That's it.



< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/24/2015 4:04:46 AM >

(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/24/2015 4:04:38 AM   
captive4ever


Posts: 98
Joined: 8/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I'm one of those people where the more "consensual non-consensual" it is, the more I enjoy it.

The problem is this. The big word is CONSENSUAL non-consensual.

So I don't really like to be force to do anything I don't enjoy.

I like to be force to do what I enjoy. But everything I enjoy just feels even better if it's "fake forced".

And i call it "fake forced" because I always have a safe word, so to me, it's up to me whether it's going too far or not.

I never like the "forced" to become a real "forced", because anything real would be rape. And I enjoy fake rape but not real rape.





Isn't this the same as topping from the bottom? Please don't take this the wrong way, but if You only like to be forced to do this things you want to do anyway, what's the point? Surely this isn't being submissive.... I'm confused....

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/24/2015 4:06:04 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: captive4ever
Isn't this the same as topping from the bottom? Please don't take this the wrong way, but if You only like to be forced to do this things you want to do anyway, what's the point? Surely this isn't being submissive.... I'm confused....


I think the problem here is, I look for compatibility. Imagine if you are perfectly compatible with a dominant where everything he asks of you, that is a turn on, is what you enjoy. My x-D/S relationship was exactly like that, and we didn't even have to communicate with each other. All his likes are my likes. We fit perfectly. It only didn't work because I refuse to relocate.

Does this mean because I enjoy everything he commands of me, that I am less submissive?

A submissive can't be compatible with a dom who does things to her she enjoys?

I don't understand why people think submission MUST BE suffering or something. For others, it may be, but for me, it's about mutual complimentary love.

It's like, I love being humiliated and degraded in play. I love verbal abuse. It sexually excites me and makes me high. I meet a dominant who loves humiliating and degrading his submissive. We are perfect match. It's just like that! If the dom feels his pleasure lessens, because I enjoy it, then we got problems.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/24/2015 4:11:19 AM >

(in reply to captive4ever)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/24/2015 4:51:45 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: captive4ever


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I'm one of those people where the more "consensual non-consensual" it is, the more I enjoy it.

The problem is this. The big word is CONSENSUAL non-consensual.

So I don't really like to be force to do anything I don't enjoy.

I like to be force to do what I enjoy. But everything I enjoy just feels even better if it's "fake forced".

And i call it "fake forced" because I always have a safe word, so to me, it's up to me whether it's going too far or not.

I never like the "forced" to become a real "forced", because anything real would be rape. And I enjoy fake rape but not real rape.





Isn't this the same as topping from the bottom? Please don't take this the wrong way, but if You only like to be forced to do this things you want to do anyway, what's the point? Surely this isn't being submissive.... I'm confused....


I don't think so.
I think being forced to do things and engaging in Consentual Non-consent is all about headspace.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to captive4ever)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/24/2015 6:06:18 AM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Being forced isn't my sole kink, but it's something that's way up high on my list. To me, being forced is an ultimate sign of control and/or ownership.

When I met my first Domme, I was such a n00b that it didn't even occur to me to set hard limits, let alone soft limits. Fortunately, she wasn't interested in what would become my hard limits. But she violated the hell out of (what would have been) my soft limits, and most of that was in the form of being forced. It's one thing when your kinks are perfectly met. It's another when they're perfectly met when you didn't even know what they were.

I decided from that relationship forward that I wasn't going to breathe a word about soft limits, or even really think about them again. Surprise is a big element for me, and I'd much rather have a Domme surprise me with her commands than to try to tailor them to my kinks.

Now, did/do I find some of the being forced stuff distasteful, humiliating, or otherwise unpleasant? Certainly. But the giving up of control is a large part of the relationship to me.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/24/2015 7:16:54 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

So, out of curiosity, who that is answering (aside from WaywardSoul, who already mentioned it) has a fetish for being forced?



Yup, I love being "forced". Wouldn't call it a "fetish", but yes, it's certainly within the scope of what I absolutely enjoy in play.

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: When "Being forced" is your kink... - 9/24/2015 7:53:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		No it isn't topping from the bottom because you're just sharing information. Greta isn't coercing her partners to do this. She's just telling them what turns her on.

The other aspect of force is that sometimes I have asked for the appearance of consent to be taken from me because I know I'm not yet ready to do something on my own. So tie me up and do it to me. That allows me to put aside all mental considerations of the act and focus solely on the physical. Or to learn how he wants it so I don't worry that I'm doing it wrong the first few times. Because if my anxiety kicks in, all fun stops. This is a coping skill for me. And he knows it isn't a hard limit because I'm the one asking for the force play.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> When "Being forced" is your kink... Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094