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Help, I am a little confused - 9/28/2015 7:56:32 PM   
armyprincess


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/28/2015
Status: offline 		Hello all
I am new here and a little confused. I know that all Dom's are different so no worries there, but I have a question?
I been with my Daddy Dom for a little while now and I do have some rules that he has put forth, but I am confused because I work all day
and when I come home the house is clean and reorganized. I do everything he asks, I make him dinner etc. Don't get me wrong I think it is awesome, but I am confused because this doesn't seem to be a typical Dom/Sub relationship.

can you all help me understand what I maybe missing or misunderstanding.
Thank you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/28/2015 8:02:07 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		A gentle suggestion?
Have you asked him about it and mentioned your feelings of confusion?
It sounds as though you really don't know what is expected of you?

Every relationship is made up of the people in it.
No two dynamics will be the same.

It doesn't really matter how typical your relationship is or even seems.
What matters is whether or not it is working for both of you.


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

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(in reply to armyprincess)
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RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/28/2015 8:12:08 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
There are some dominants that recognize that while it's great to have someone at their beck-and-call, it also means that sitting on their ass, like a lump on a log means that their lady (submissive) has to pick up his slack.

That's valid but it also means that his lady will have less quality time to spend with him.

I'm, essentially, retired. My lady works between nine and ten hours per day (her job sucks ass [and not in that fun, friendly, sexual way]). For the most part, I cook. I clean. I take care of the mutt. I take care of the aquariums. I take care of trips to the garage for the cars.

She does the laundry and the shopping because I just can't stand that shit (I used to pay for drop-off service, back in the day) and I've even helped with the laundry and done the marketing, on occasion.

I do what I can do to maximize our "down time" together.

While others may disagree, I don't see this as making me any less dominant. The main reason being: if I say: "I'm not going to do this, anymore.", she wouldn't bat an eyelash.



Michael

_____________________________

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RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/28/2015 8:17:11 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		Are you looking for less work?

Or more kinky play?

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/28/2015 8:25:08 PM   
armyprincess


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/28/2015
Status: offline 		so everybody understands my work week, I get up at 4-4:30 am every morning to get to work on time and to avoid traffic, I get home anywhere between 4-5pm depending on traffic and and If i caught the train on time. I maybe tried but When I get home its all about him pleasing him and doing what he requires.

Are you looking for less work? NO

Or more kinky play? kinky is always good since he is my first Dom.
I am thankful but surprised more then anything. OH and the sex is awesome

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/28/2015 8:43:08 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		I don't understand what you mean by, "doesn't seem to be a typical Dom/Sub relationship". What do you envision a typical Dom/sub relationship to be?
There is no rule book as to how D/s relationships work. They are whatever the two people involved agree it should be.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to armyprincess)
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RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/28/2015 8:45:33 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		Yes, it sounds like a pretty typical relationship.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/28/2015 8:49:59 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: armyprincess

Hello all
I am new here and a little confused. I know that all Dom's are different so no worries there, but I have a question?
I been with my Daddy Dom for a little while now and I do have some rules that he has put forth, but I am confused because I work all day
and when I come home the house is clean and reorganized. I do everything he asks, I make him dinner etc. Don't get me wrong I think it is awesome, but I am confused because this doesn't seem to be a typical Dom/Sub relationship.

can you all help me understand what I maybe missing or misunderstanding.
Thank you


He is cleaning because he wants to do so. i know that in your heart you think that should be your job..but actually it's only your job if he says so. If you really want him to hold the reins...let them go and try not to cringe if he offers you a soda or something..serve his desires, his needs, his whims..he will let you know what those are so..just listen to him. He is developing 'normal' for the two of you.


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to armyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/28/2015 11:10:07 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: armyprincess

I am thankful but surprised more then anything. OH and the sex is awesome


It is typical if you didn't get a jerk as a dominant. So don't worry about it and enjoy yourself with him. He sounds like a good guy.

(in reply to armyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/29/2015 1:58:34 AM   
dreamlady


Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: armyprincess

I am new here and a little confused. I know that all Dom's are different so no worries there, but I have a question?
I been with my Daddy Dom for a little while now and I do have some rules that he has put forth, but I am confused because I work all day
and when I come home the house is clean and reorganized. I do everything he asks, I make him dinner etc. Don't get me wrong I think it is awesome, but I am confused because this doesn't seem to be a typical Dom/Sub relationship.

can you all help me understand what I maybe missing or misunderstanding.


Wow, you are confused because your Master is not an asshat Dom?
That he doesn't sit on his butt all day like a lazy slob and expect you to constantly pick up after him when you get home from putting in a full day at work. . .
That it isn't all about him, and that he treats you with consideration?
Count your lucky stars, because this isn't about Dominance and submission -- it's about having a decent man to share your life with.

I'm not belittling you, but there are quite a few submissives I run into who believe they must wait upon their Owner hand & foot and perform every single domestic task without fail.
And yes, there are Owners who want that type of service-oriented sub as more of a servant than as a life partner, or who think they are too good, high & mighty to "stoop" to doing any "menial" tasks.
Face it, there are some lazy-ass Dominants around who think that just because they have Topping skills, they are entitled to throw their weight around like a despotic potentate and not lift a finger to pitch in.

Now personally, I don't enjoy cleaning, and don't particularly care for doing the shopping either. But I see my sub as my partner, not as my (unpaid, income-generating) servant. I also happen to enjoy cooking, not just the meal planning aspect.
(Plus I'm picky about how I like things to be done and put away, especially laundry, and I have learned over the years to be as self-sufficient as I can without being overly dependent upon others.)
I find it more relaxing to be the passenger than the driver, and driving tends to make me tense, so my man can do the lion's share of that while I do the trip planning and *backseat* driving.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I do what I can do to maximize our "down time" together.

Exactly this. Having more quality time to spend together means more to me, as well as ensuring that my partner can give me the undivided attention and focus that I expect of him whenever I require it.

DreamLady

(in reply to armyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/29/2015 9:43:22 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: armyprincess
Don't get me wrong I think it is awesome, but I am confused because this doesn't seem to be a typical Dom/Sub relationship.



A lot of Dominant men place a higher priority on "spending time with her" than on "having her clean the house". Thus, when time is limited, this can translate in one of two ways: A) he's a slob, and doesn't care much about a clean house, so he just leaves it dirty and doesn't clean it himself nor has her clean it; B) he likes a clean house, but realizes that if she does it he won't get to spend time with her because she'll be too busy, so instead he cleans it himself.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to armyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/29/2015 10:28:26 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


A lot of Dominant men place a higher priority on "spending time with her" than on "having her clean the house".


This is His Tallness' view. He'd rather have time spent cuddling on the couch than having me somewhere else in house, but not with him. The most expedient way to achieve that is for both of us to chip in and do what is needed.


_____________________________

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(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/29/2015 11:19:13 AM   
armyprincess


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/28/2015
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone, I guess from my pass relationships that were all vanilla I got use to not having help to clean or cook. I am very grateful that he helps me.
It just took me by surprise because I am not use to it.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/29/2015 11:47:17 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: armyprincess

Thanks everyone, I guess from my pass relationships that were all vanilla I got use to not having help to clean or cook. I am very grateful that he helps me.
It just took me by surprise because I am not use to it.


I don't think this is a vanilla issue. I have never dated a man who does not clean and cook. Vanilla or Dominant. My x-dom loved to cook for me and he for some strange reason loves to do laundry. One of my current vanilla lovers loves to iron. And my vanilla x-husband, did all the housework and cooking in the house, really.

It's more on the type of man issue. I'm the incapable of housework type, so I tend to attract men who does it. Men who want domestically capable women wouldn't like me. Usually the men I date are like, they don't need me to do any housework or cooking as they are more than capable to do it themselves.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/29/2015 11:51:44 AM >

(in reply to armyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/29/2015 12:08:07 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: armyprincess

Thanks everyone, I guess from my pass relationships that were all vanilla I got use to not having help to clean or cook. I am very grateful that he helps me.
It just took me by surprise because I am not use to it.



While I agree with Greta that this isn't necessarily a Dominant versus vanilla guy thing (because there are vanilla guys who do help), what you'll find is that Dominant men tend to be very good at achieving the goals they've set for themselves.

Thus, a Dominant man who's goal is to spend time with you, will make sure that this can happen, either by helping out or not caring as much about the state of the house (and ordering you to not care either, which can be really hard on submissives who do like a clean house).

On the other hand, when a Dominant man's goal is to have a clean house so he can sit on his ass and play video games all night, while you cater on him hand and foot, he also tends to also be very good at achieving that goal, and will do exactly that, expecting you to do everything else.

You got a guy who's goal is to spend time with you. Enjoy it, and don't worry too much about how he goes about achieving that goal, or if you should be doing more for him, or if it's not very submissive if he's cleaning the house... he's got his goal... and he's got it covered on how he's achieving that goal.

If you want to feel more submissive, because you feel you ought to be doing more to serve him, which you currently can't do by cleaning the house because he's decided he's going to help on that, then serve in a way that meets his goal: spend quality time with him at night.

Find ways to make sure that the time he's made for you both to spend together is more pleasing to him, whatever way that is (massaging him, cooking a nice meal for him, finding a nice movie for you both to watch together cuddled up, dressing up a little slutty/sexy/pretty after you come home from work, flirting with him, making sure he's got his favorite snacks/beer, whatever it is that's going to make his nights better).
Serve him, not by cleaning like you're used to, but by making the most of the free time you now have because he didn't want you to spend it cleaning.




_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to armyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/29/2015 6:13:27 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: armyprincess

so everybody understands my work week, I get up at 4-4:30 am every morning to get to work on time and to avoid traffic, I get home anywhere between 4-5pm depending on traffic and and If i caught the train on time. I maybe tried but When I get home its all about him pleasing him and doing what he requires.

Are you looking for less work? NO

Or more kinky play? kinky is always good since he is my first Dom.
I am thankful but surprised more then anything. OH and the sex is awesome


What are the hours of his work week?

(in reply to armyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/29/2015 6:35:55 PM   
AQRMZ


Posts: 147
Joined: 10/12/2013
Status: offline 		see post below

< Message edited by AQRMZ -- 9/29/2015 6:39:12 PM >

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Help, I am a little confused - 9/29/2015 6:38:20 PM   
AQRMZ


Posts: 147
Joined: 10/12/2013
Status: offline 		IN REPLY TO THE OP -- your other post "question for The Dom/masters "

"good Morning

I have a question that is important to me and I would like your thoughts on the matter.

In my relationship I am the Sub. The question I have is this morning my Daddy/master need the car to go take care of one thing. I gave him permission to take my car. You see we had a talk last night about my car because I had things that needed to be taken care of military wise this morning and he can not get on base.
After he finished the one thing he needed to do, he was going to come back and give me back the car so I could take care of what I needed to take care of before I get in trouble with my command.
Long story short he finish what he needed to do called me and told me that he was at his fishing spot and was fishing. I reminded him that he just fucked me over on what I needed to get done and he goes you can call them.
Now he called and told me he will not be back until after 1230pm.

Does My Daddy/Master have a right to fuck my life up and career because he feels like it?

(sorry this is a really sore point with me because I could lose my rank over this) "

*****************J*****************

I read your other form post, copied above, where he took your car and went fishin' and you could not go to your duty station, and darlin' I am just shakin' my head here. Good luck cause you are gonna need all the luck you can get. He is not a DOM or a MASTER he is a loser, his actions prove it and he is gonna ruin your life in uniform and out. He should be looking out for you not screwing over you.

I am a vet, enlisted, USAF and hon. disch.

I feel sorry for you and also for the folks that depend on you in your military unit.


< Message edited by AQRMZ -- 9/29/2015 6:41:24 PM >

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 18
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