RE: Can o/l stuff work? (Full Version)

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subcheryl -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/8/2004 5:36:46 AM)

I am relatively new to lifestyle but would like to add my two cents worth if I may. Started out with masters or doms contacting me online what this mostly consisted of was them wanting me to preform online via webcam to their satisfaction, left me feeling dirty and used and unsatisfied, decided not to do this so redid my profile to discourage the wannabes and such. Wham out of no where my current sir hit on my profile and we are in a r/l relationship and I couldn't be happier. He is extremely sadistic and I am his match.LOL wasn't happy with o/l not fulfilling on my end and yes very lonely and frustrating. hope this makes sense.



MC2044 -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/10/2004 12:58:11 PM)

Your handle -- Insideyourmind -- and your statement do not seem to correlate, unless you are of the class who believe all reality is just a state of mind.

I've known subs for whom online connection was very real. They even feel joy or desolation based upon the online activity of their master. Online activity may not involve actual, physical contact between master and slave, but there is reality to the contact.



krikket -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/10/2004 1:15:08 PM)

i had a strictly on-line M/s relationship for 3 years, and at the time it worked beautifully. my only regret was that we weren't able to take it into our face to face lives (i refuse to say real life, because it was real, in more ways than i can tell). my biggest regret now is that too many dismiss what we had, and condemn me (and us) for it. i guess my feeling is that if it's all you can have, it's better than nothing. Please don't defile what we had without having been in our situation. There are as many types of relationships as there are people...just do what feels right to you and your partner.

jimini



Mercnbeth -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/10/2004 1:23:44 PM)

quote:

I've known subs for whom online connection was very real. They even feel joy or desolation based upon the online activity of their master. Online activity may not involve actual, physical contact between master and slave, but there is reality to the contact.


The question is "Can o/l work?". There is no scenario that it does. It's a distraction. As an exclusive practice and without intention of a real time meeting; at it's BEST, on-line is remote mutual masturbation. At it's worst, it's a waste of time and a self effacing rationalization of an existence that does not exist. Pervasive in it's addiction, on-line "reality" is only in the mind on the practitioner. The only real contact or touch is self induced.



MC2044 -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/10/2004 1:55:23 PM)

I like your exposition on "knowledge" versus "experience." I also think it helps point out the problem of the question, as it was asked. In asking if an online relationship will work, we must know what experience the party's are seeking.

For some the physical aspects of D/s are most important, but for others the mental aspects are more important. Many of us know the brain is the largest sex organ in the body, but it is still that feeling of physically controlling or being controlled that we seek. The physical control of a dom over a sub is very difficult when in an online relationship, and depends greatly upon trust. There is another aspect -- loneliness -- some have mentioned. This aspect is coupled with another, which I will call "togetherness."

"Togetherness" is a problem for anyone in a part-time or polygamous relationship. Many subs seek to be the sole slave of a dominant. They seek a monogamous relationship, often resulting in marriage. An online relationship by its very nature can only be a part-time relationship, even if the dom and sub concentrate only on each other. There can be no physical togetherness online. The dom can direct and the sub can execute physical activities, but the touch of one upon another cannot be felt. For many this lack of touch is such a barrier an online relationship eventually fails.

I think if one concentrates upon the mental aspects of a D/s relationship and can forgoe the actual touch of dom upon sub difficulty an online relationship presents, then an online relationship can work, but trust and dedication are paramont.



perverseangelic -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/10/2004 2:00:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

There is no scenario that it does. It's a distraction. As an exclusive practice and without intention of a real time meeting; at it's BEST, on-line is remote mutual masturbation


I think that you are very wrong here. An online relationship is like -any- relationship. It works if both parties invovled want it to work, and have the same expectations and a resonably similar level of commitment.

By the same token, I could say that a real life relationship never works, because at best it is mutual masturbation.

Not all types of relationships work for all people. Nor does the same type of relationship work for the same individual at every stage in his/her life. While it may not work in the same way as does a realtime relationship, it fufils the same need-the need to have a relationship with another individual with an element of power exchange. The -way- in which that need is filled is different from the way in which the need is filled in a realtime relationship. One needs to consider the fact that the way in which the need for power exchange is fufilled in real life relationships varies from relationship to relationship as well.




Mercnbeth -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/10/2004 2:10:10 PM)

quote:

real life relationship never works, because at best it is mutual masturbation.


But at least you are not alone by the glow of the computer screen. That's sad!



krikket -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/10/2004 10:12:19 PM)

i mean no disrespect, but i was wondering what you base your statements on. In other words, how long your own on-line relationship lasted before you decided that it wasn't real, that it was a big waste of time and that it was merely remote masterbation?

curious:
jimini


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

I've known subs for whom online connection was very real. They even feel joy or desolation based upon the online activity of their master. Online activity may not involve actual, physical contact between master and slave, but there is reality to the contact.


The question is "Can o/l work?". There is no scenario that it does. It's a distraction. As an exclusive practice and without intention of a real time meeting; at it's BEST, on-line is remote mutual masturbation. At it's worst, it's a waste of time and a self effacing rationalization of an existence that does not exist. Pervasive in it's addiction, on-line "reality" is only in the mind on the practitioner. The only real contact or touch is self induced.




perverseangelic -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/10/2004 11:16:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

real life relationship never works, because at best it is mutual masturbation.


But at least you are not alone by the glow of the computer screen. That's sad!



Why? For some, that's a turn on or a fetish. ~shrug~



proudsub -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/11/2004 12:01:25 AM)

quote:

how long your own on-line relationship lasted before you decided that it wasn't real, that it was a big waste of time and that it was merely remote masterbation?


Mine lasted 2 yrs. I never considered it a waste of time. I learned a lot from my online dom, in fact i learned most of what i know about bdsm from him. It was seldom "remote masturbation". It was an exploration and discovery of my submissive nature.[:)]



Mercnbeth -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/11/2004 9:38:52 AM)

quote:

how long your own on-line relationship lasted before you decided that it wasn't real, that it was a big waste of time and that it was merely remote masterbation?


Never. I never contemplated that a cyber role playing environment as an alternative to interacting in the real social world. Independent of those who use on-line as a education and remote 'get to know' process; it's intrinsic result is that you are alone at the end of it. If that's your personal goal - enjoy. If the afterglow of a computer screen is your after-glow cigarette - enjoy. If no matter how hard you believe you accepted reality is to sleep and wake up hugging a pillow - enjoy. I only request that when you speak or better yet, counsel others about being in the lifestyle, you honesty qualify your "experience" as being fanciful.

Again - the basic question was "Can o/l stuff work?" Man is by nature social. The physical companionship of another warm body is necessary for mental and physical health. On line excludes physical contact, ultimately in a healthy mind the fulfillment wanes.

It is EXTREAMLY difficult and often dangerous even contemplating meeting in real life. I just hope the rationalization of how difficult and dangerous it is not enough where on-line becomes your only world. It would be sad never to know how exciting and enjoyable living and loving in real time in this lifestyle.

And if it were truly the penultimate fulfilling relationship why the question at all? Where are the 500 similar threads regarding captioned "Can r/t stuff work?" Or, "I'm lonely in r/t and need help about getting into cyber."

Ultimately, it doesn't matter to me. Shout all you like if it helps. Are you trying to convince me it works or yourself?



sub4hire -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/11/2004 9:54:57 AM)

I have to agree with Perverse on this. A relationship "any" relationship will work anywhere if both parties want it to work. Yep, even online relationships are relationships.
No, you won't have someone to wrap their arms around you each night. You will miss out on all physical companionship. Are relationships all physical and no mental?
In my mind a relationship is more mental then it is physical. Is there anyone out there in the world who has the perfect one 24/7 365 days a year?
You can learn online, if I were not in the world yet. Online would teach me a lot. A lot of avoid but also a lot to try out when I found the right person.

If we were to assume online did not work at all. Then we would have to assume all of our soldiers in Iraq right now will get a divorce when they get back home.



Lawrence111 -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/11/2004 1:27:35 PM)

Great thread.

I have an essay that people have commented positively on, so with permission, I'll share the link for my "Moby Dick Theory Of Internet Relationships" here:

http://home.luna.nl/~laurenz/Moby_Dick.htm

Sincerely

Lawrence
Ithaca, NY



t22tango -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/11/2004 6:35:00 PM)

sub4hire,
You bring up a valid point. Online relationships are very real when they are between people that have spent real life time together. My spouse and I have been apart and the "online" relationship we have had is better than nothing, but doesn't meet the "cuddle-factor" of a real-life relationship. And it sucks. No sugar coating it. But some contact, via telephone, internet or letters, is better than nothing. Just my two cents...
~tango~



Nvernilla -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/11/2004 10:40:13 PM)

No its fake what can you truely share?



MrThorns -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (12/12/2004 9:31:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Nvernilla

No its fake what can you truely share?


I live 8,000 miles away from my daughter, but we talk every week over the phone. Is our relationship fake? We share jokes, talk about our days and continue to express our feelings with each other.

I know that the dynamic is completely different, but a relationship is still a relationship, regardless of the distance between people.

~Thorns



sentinel2u -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (5/28/2007 1:04:04 PM)

I find your theory with "Moby Dick" book interesting and on the target. It rings "logical" because we all see and hear things differently. If we look at a piece of art, one will focus on colors, another on the contents or on the background and one will probably look at the technical side, how did this art come to life? What did the artist think about? Why are the objects placed in this particular position..etc etc.

Similary with music. One will focus on faster notes or slower ones. A person who likes piano will mostly hear those tones and saxophone lover will wait for that moment . And we will all experience the art and the music in our own way.

When it comes to online contacts and relationships , this isn't any different. First you are attracted to the way you read what the other person wrote on the screen or in email. There is "something" there. What is it? Most likely it is something that you recall from memory, it triggered it and it reminded you of an event or some person. And you become curious about the person, want to find out if the person you imagine will fit your mental picture. Then the communication starts and you either a) discover that the pieces of a puzzle don't match your picture or b) that it seems to fit perfectly. In the case a) you stop communication pretty fast. In the case b).... you try to communicate more.

And then what? 

It depends on the expecations of the people communicating and on honesty. If two people are honest it can develope into a desire and curiousity to take this further and meet in real life. It can work, as long as two people are open and say what they want, need and expect from it. If they have similar (or very close interests) then they move on to RT and continue the relationship.

If they continue to carry on this relationship online for a long time, well...this usually leads to disappointments. Because the more we talk online and the more we live our separate realities in our mind, we may travel farther away from the realistic selves. We may think that the person is everything we imagine him/her to be, the perfect match, compatible in too many ways to mention and incompatible in minor things. Why not meet?

What often happens when people meet is the dissappointment. You realize that the person truly was sincere and honest. You can see that the photos their shared are indeed their own. Maybe they were a little younger or a little thinner but basically they didn't lie to you. But, you don't like the way they talk, or you don't like their table manners or you don't like the way they dress or carry themselvs. Suddenly you see that this perfect dom from your dreams has dirty nails or hair sticking out of his ears or he talks too loudly and you start feeling embarrassed when you see few people turn toward your table. And what is that? Did he really wear red socks with that suit?  Etc..these are just some silly examples (taken from real life meeting experiences told by many ). And you realize that you have submitted to your own film, your own imagination.....your vision of a person you wished to see.

It can work. I had a great experience with one relationship that started online and carried on to real life time. I also realize that these aren't happening very often.

Bottom line, I would always suggest to my friends to try to meet the online partner as soon as they can. This can prevent many disappointments down the line.




ownedgirlie -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (5/28/2007 1:25:56 PM)

For some it does, for others it does not.  Some who have decided it does not work for them feel the need to define what works or does not work for all others.  Some who have decided it does work for them feel it ought to work for everyone.

And then there's the simple fact that we are all unique individuals with unique needs and desires, and hopefully most are open minded enough to accept that there is no cookie cutter approach to life. 

For me, "online" is not cybersex or role playing. It also does not constitute sitting at a computer all the time, as when we are physically separated I can carry my cell phone with me anywhere I go and stop whatever I am doing to melt to his voice.  I can journey into my mind and spirit at the direction and guidance from another whether in the same room or across the globe.  However, for me this does not complete a relationship.  I need to feel him, smell him, taste him, and offer myself to him physically as well as mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  My relationship, however, is not centered on sex.  So whether online or realtime, I'm not sure why people seem to immediately focus on the sexual aspect of the relationship, unless of course that is what their relationship is about.



MistressDarling -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (5/28/2007 3:19:47 PM)

My first Master was online. We were together for a year and it was wonderful! Unfortunately, our relationship ended before we got to meet. But I had so much fun.

As a previous poster stated, while the online stuff was fun, I could never go back to it. Feeling a man, his breath on my neck, his rough hands caressing my breasts, wins hands down to phone sex. LOL.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Can o/l stuff work? (5/28/2007 3:29:43 PM)

i would love to have Daddy 24/7 in a r/t relationship however certain circumstances keeps us apart and therefore we have an online D/s dynamic. just because we don't touch and feel each other like many of you do on a daily basis in your own relationship doesn't mean our relationship isn't real and/or is based on cybersex and mastrubation. you are so sorely wrong and incorrect ...and you'll never completely understand the connection Daddy and i feel.

yes, online relationships can work only if you and yours work at to make it work for you.  those in real time relationships should stop thumbing your noses down on us who opted for online because you really don't know the circumstances and reasons why those of us cannot have r/t like you.



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