How to train a women with sub tendencies?

How to train a women with sub tendencies? (Full Version)

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capu5761 -> How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 6:13:33 PM)
How did most of the female subs and slave get started? I have been a Dom for close to a decade now and have recently started speaking again with my ex-wife long distance. When we were married I was not in the lifestyle and was unaware of her sub tendencies. That being said she now knows I am a Dom and this seems to interest her and I have had an interested in rekindling our relationship. Over the last decade I have had several subs and slave some for extended periods of time but I never turned them into subs or slaves. There was some training to fine tune them to my liking bet never from vanilla woman to sub/slave. If we do rekindle our relationship I was hoping to get some suggestions on how to progress with this. She has an interest in being lightly tied up or play cuffs, maybe a blindfold and possible some play spanking. All of this is easy but not sure how to encourage her to continue to expand her boundaries. Of course this will not be an overnight event it will take time and open communication. I have plenty of time she will not return to my area until around May of 2016 and I would not implement anything until we have reconnected.

JVoV -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 6:25:52 PM)
You'll probably have to deprogram her from 50 Shades. But be honest about what you enjoy. Be inquisitive about what she enjoys. Recommend books or blogs for her to read.

dcnovice -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 6:57:30 PM)
quote: You'll probably have to deprogram her from 50 Shades. This might help. [image]http://lolworthy.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/50-nerds-of-grey-twitter-1-400x209.jpg[/image]

OsideGirl -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 7:05:05 PM)
Why do some people think kinky sex is training?

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 8:57:13 PM)
How do you train a woman??? WITH COOKIES, of course!!! Bacon can also be used but marmite and peas would probably cause said woman to bite...so....don't use marmite and pea cookies

capu5761 -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 9:35:17 PM)
ok maybe training was not the right term in this instance. How can I encourage her to continue down the path without freaking her out.

capu5761 -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 9:36:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JVoV You'll probably have to deprogram her from 50 Shades. But be honest about what you enjoy. Be inquisitive about what she enjoys. Recommend books or blogs for her to read. Well luckily I do not think she has seen the movie and I know for sure she has not read the book.

capu5761 -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 9:38:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Why do some people think kinky sex is training? ok maybe training was not the right term in this instance. How can I encourage her to continue down the path without freaking her out.

OsideGirl -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 9:39:14 PM)
Let her move at her own pace. Let her express her curiosity. Don't push too hard. Resident Sadist has a book list tagged in his signature line. Get her some reading material. There's a BDSM checklist. Let her go through and check off things that intrigue her.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/5/2015 11:03:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: capu5761 Well luckily I do not think she has seen the movie and I know for sure she has not read the book. By actually controlling (dominating) her and the situation, instead of being driven by your own desires. But that I mean: You're a guy, you're a Dom, you have ideas, fantasies, desires, lusts, kinks, perversions that you want to be able to indulge in with her. However, now is not the time for any of those. Because chances are, that your ideas are WAY ahead of hers. If you're going to push her on what you want to be able to do with her as her Dom, you're going to shut her down, before you've got a chance to get to any of them, and it's going to be a really negative situations for both of you. So step back from your own desires for a moment, and come up with a plan instead. You've got her to point A, you want her to go to point Z (the land of your fantasies). To do that, you need to get her through the entire alphabet first. So talk to her, go through a kink check list with her, find out where her fantasies are, what her idea of kink is, what turns her on, what scares her. Now you know what she likes, what she wants to try, what she fantasies about, so give her a LITTLE bit of that. Tease her a little, feel her out, be very focused on sticking exactly to what she likes. Make sure, above all else, that whatever it is you try on her is a POSITIVE experience for her. Resist the temptation to push her any harder than to a place where you know, for a fact, without a doubt, that it's going to be 100% of the way a positive experience for her, even if that means that you don't get to do anything at all you like to do. You've got her at B now. She liked it, and she's going to want more. So the next time, you still focus super heavy on her, and making sure she has a good time, but you try something new, something she hasn't done before but has mentioned she also likes. Something small. You talk to her a lot again, figure out how it went, what she liked, what she didn't like. And you go again, just a little bit further, still focusing on what she likes, but pushing the stuff she likes a little more, into more things, new things. By the time you get to M or so, you slowly start introducing some of the stuff you like to do, but she's never really mentioned before. Small steps, still mostly focused on her, still mostly catering to what she likes, and she wants, regardless of your own desires, but with a little tiny bit of yours thrown in. If you can manage to be patient enough to actually have a plan, and stick to that plan, and to build your plan around making sure that she feels happy, and safe, and positive about you introducing new things, you'll get her there. But in order to do so, you need to actually control the situations, Dominate, in the sense that you're controlling yourself and your urges in order to teach her she's safe, and not ever let your dick lead the way. It's a tall order, but it can be done... if you've got the self-control to pull it off.

shiftyw -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/6/2015 6:27:03 AM)
This is from the other side of the kneel. By my Top/my man wasn't in BDSM at all. I expressed my interest. Then I let him tell me what he wanted or would be excited and enthusiastic about exploring. Now he has the reins in that part of our life. It took a good deal of time. And honestly we go slowly and explore new stuff still, five years later. Go slow with someone new. Let her desires guide you at least to start.

DarkSteven -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/6/2015 12:33:47 PM)
Ask her what she thinks she'd like about subbing. Tell her what you'd like about Domming.

DesFIP -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/6/2015 8:59:52 PM)
Ask her what kind of play interests her. Don't assume that she'll want to do much more than that. Some people are always looking for something newer and others enjoy the familiarity. We're into bondage. Beyond a little light spanking, we've never gotten into impact play.

sexyred1 -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/6/2015 11:56:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: capu5761 ok maybe training was not the right term in this instance. How can I encourage her to continue down the path without freaking her out. I know for a fact, that if a woman is interesting in becoming self aware and is very attracted to a man she trusts, not that much encouragement is needed. In your case, however, since she is an ex wife, there is obviously a reason you split. So don't go into this thinking your original issues are magically solved by kink.

DesFIP -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/7/2015 9:21:43 AM)
But sometimes the results of being self aware is knowing that you don't want to try much kink. However, an ex wife? Have you solved the problems that caused you to split before. If not, it won't work this time either.

capu5761 -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/7/2015 5:30:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: capu5761 Well luckily I do not think she has seen the movie and I know for sure she has not read the book. By actually controlling (dominating) her and the situation, instead of being driven by your own desires. But that I mean: You're a guy, you're a Dom, you have ideas, fantasies, desires, lusts, kinks, perversions that you want to be able to indulge in with her. However, now is not the time for any of those. Because chances are, that your ideas are WAY ahead of hers. If you're going to push her on what you want to be able to do with her as her Dom, you're going to shut her down, before you've got a chance to get to any of them, and it's going to be a really negative situations for both of you. So step back from your own desires for a moment, and come up with a plan instead. You've got her to point A, you want her to go to point Z (the land of your fantasies). To do that, you need to get her through the entire alphabet first. So talk to her, go through a kink check list with her, find out where her fantasies are, what her idea of kink is, what turns her on, what scares her. Now you know what she likes, what she wants to try, what she fantasies about, so give her a LITTLE bit of that. Tease her a little, feel her out, be very focused on sticking exactly to what she likes. Make sure, above all else, that whatever it is you try on her is a POSITIVE experience for her. Resist the temptation to push her any harder than to a place where you know, for a fact, without a doubt, that it's going to be 100% of the way a positive experience for her, even if that means that you don't get to do anything at all you like to do. You've got her at B now. She liked it, and she's going to want more. So the next time, you still focus super heavy on her, and making sure she has a good time, but you try something new, something she hasn't done before but has mentioned she also likes. Something small. You talk to her a lot again, figure out how it went, what she liked, what she didn't like. And you go again, just a little bit further, still focusing on what she likes, but pushing the stuff she likes a little more, into more things, new things. By the time you get to M or so, you slowly start introducing some of the stuff you like to do, but she's never really mentioned before. Small steps, still mostly focused on her, still mostly catering to what she likes, and she wants, regardless of your own desires, but with a little tiny bit of yours thrown in. If you can manage to be patient enough to actually have a plan, and stick to that plan, and to build your plan around making sure that she feels happy, and safe, and positive about you introducing new things, you'll get her there. But in order to do so, you need to actually control the situations, Dominate, in the sense that you're controlling yourself and your urges in order to teach her she's safe, and not ever let your dick lead the way. It's a tall order, but it can be done... if you've got the self-control to pull it off. This is along the lines of what I was expecting to do. I definitely have no intention of rushing her in any way and want to make it as pleasurable for her so she will come back for more and more. I like your idea of having her look over a list and check off the things she likes. That way I am not bringing it up nor am I suggestion she try this or that kink.

capu5761 -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/7/2015 5:35:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Ask her what she thinks she'd like about subbing. Tell her what you'd like about Domming. I don't even want to bring up the idea of Dom/sub at first. I think in time she will be a full sub but at this point I think she would find the idea scary. That being said I can say for sure she has sub tendencies and did when we were married in our early 20's but I had no experience so her submissive nature when unnoticed by me. I also feel on some level this was a reason our marriage fell apart at the time.

capu5761 -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/7/2015 5:42:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP But sometimes the results of being self aware is knowing that you don't want to try much kink. However, an ex wife? Have you solved the problems that caused you to split before. If not, it won't work this time either. Yes to put it in plain English I was too submissive at the time and let her walk all over me. I was so happy to have a wife and someone to come home to that I let her do whatever she wanted and never put my foot down. She was very submissive and I did not have the slightest clue. Now I know better and have already told her that if we rekindle this relationship it will not be the same way it was before.

capu5761 -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/7/2015 5:50:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: capu5761 ok maybe training was not the right term in this instance. How can I encourage her to continue down the path without freaking her out. I know for a fact, that if a woman is interesting in becoming self aware and is very attracted to a man she trusts, not that much encouragement is needed. In your case, however, since she is an ex wife, there is obviously a reason you split. So don't go into this thinking your original issues are magically solved by kink. Oh I wont. I am fully aware that some of our original issues may crop up but a big thing besides my lack of dominance at the time was that we got married way to young. We were both 20, I was in the Army, and we are just 2 stupid kids. I do have to agree with you that when a women is attractive to a man she trusts it does not take much encouragement. When we were together and she was deeply in love with me she did start to get a bit freaky. She has suggested a 3-some with one of her girlfriends, she got her first sex toy, some taboo role-playing, etc So if things work out I need to build that trust with her and give her positive reinforcement whenever possible.

sweetieDA -> RE: How to train a women with sub tendencies? (10/8/2015 11:49:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Why do some people think kinky sex is training? For the same reason that some people think sex and fetishes are nothing to do with BDSM....

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