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CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles (10/6/2015 2:34:12 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sarzyness
I was browsing through profiles, having a look through peoples pics, when it occurred to me....
A lot of people are on here to look for a new partner.... so why on earth do they have pictures on their profile of them with their ex?!
Yeah they might want people to see what they're all about, but you don't see vanillas going on match.com with pictures of them and their ex laying about in bed or at the cinema.
Just seems crazy to me!
I didn't post any of him here at Collarspace, just at Fet, but yes I was guilty of leaving them up for several months after we broke up.
For people at Collarspace, one reason for not removing them is that few people use the search feature to look up their own complete profile to notice what's going on with it. Years have gone by before I've edited current (or past) profiles. I'm more likely to click edit journal, to make a new journal entry than anything else. (Ever notice that this site doesn't do an automatic update of one's age and that many people forget to do this for themselves?)
As for my Fet profile, during our four years together I told my ex to upload certain play pix I'd picked out the night before. He would add almost all pix I took during scenes to his profile but I was more sparing with adding pix to mine. When he added too much to mine, sometimes I'd delete them. He loved for people to look at his pix and hit the love button, and when people looked at my profile, they saw pix that led to his bonanza of pix in his profile.
To have easy access to my friend feed at Fet, I've set my desk top icon for this. When I click on my profile, I see my main pic. Any numbers after it just registers as numbers. Especially after we broke up. I had a lot on my mind and all the repercussions of his being immediately owned by someone else didn't sink in. Yes, I had advertised for more friendly bottoms...but these types of relationships do not take the place of a slave/lifemate. If I had been crazy enough to start looking for another slave virtually on the same day I broke up with my ex, yes, I probably would have cleaned up my profile pix from top to bottom to make it more appealing.
It took me several months before I could stop rehashing everything over and over again in my mind and notice things like pictures that needed to be deleted.
Within our munch groups, I've noticed that several people who have had someone "steal their sub"...have chosen to leave intimate pix up for months or years as a standing accusation, proof that the new relationship had started off in a dishonorable way. Yes, I think it makes them look bad but it serves the purpose of helping them to heal...and I figure that it's their business and none of mine.
As far as other pix go I have an opinion on that. For those of us who have scened with friends at play parties...if pix show skills and are a memory of fun times (and all involved have approved of the pic being posted), I see no harm in posting a beautiful rope pic or wax or marks from an impact or temporary piercing scene. I see a difference between posting pix of D/s f*ck scenes (sub on her knees giving blow job, etc.) and posting what I consider to be nonsexual pix.
At the same time...I will also confess that I have several bottoms and the pix I take are for their profiles only, if they wish/choose to post them. I get the feeling that posting everybody's in my own profile, even when asked to do so, could cause jealousy issues and unhealthy competition.
Men and women might be different about this issue. When I was with my ex and posted pix and was looking for some friendly bottoms...the pix motivated men into writing to me and asking if I'd do THAT to THEM. With women I've known over the years, if they saw pix of sex and BDSM scenes in a man's profile and he was looking for subs or play partners...they found pix with other women distasteful...and yep, they'd call him an assh*le or wanker and would block the man from sending them any more letters.
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