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RE: A true submissive ... - 1/3/2016 4:45:46 PM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: anotherlosersub

It is an intrinsic need that true masochists have.


So, I'm a fake masochist?


quote:

ORIGINAL: anotherlosersub

I suspect she is now passed menopause and just does not desire intimacy any more. We have no sex.


Sex isn't intimacy.



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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/3/2016 4:57:23 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		Hi ...man im sorry...that has to suck, has it been going on long? Im going thru menopause myself, I obviously(to me at least) havent gotton there yet, but I thought I had a few times. Its a nightmare on the hormones and libido.
While I have appreciated discussions about the dreaded menopause, its still something as a "society" is largely taboo, I know my hubby hates talking about menopause, or anything to do with periods and fibroids, and other girly part gore.

As for everything else.... Im not suggesting that you let her be, or to talk at her. There is obviously a lot more to the story, both in facts and sides. but Im not delving, I wish you luck.
Id honestly be asking more about what has turned her away, you suspect its menopause, but have you ever discussed the hormonal aspect?

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/3/2016 6:06:38 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: anotherlosersub
I suspect she is now passed menopause and just does not desire intimacy any more. We have no sex. She just kept putting me off until I quit asking.
We tried counselling with 2 different counselers. I do not blame myself because I have always been there for her and never was abusive or rude to her. I just try to take it as it is.

Aside from my personal belief that just not being rude or abusive to a spouse are far from the only reasons that they may not want to have sex, this is another thing to consider.

Yes, some women do lose at least some sexual drive from menopause. Yep, it's a hormone thing, which is a medical issue that doesn't relate to you as a person. In other words, not necessarily your fault.

Here's the kicker. Some women, if the sexual drive has decreased, may also not show signs of affection, if they are feeling they are being pressured about having sex. If every hug, kiss, or caress leads to the "when are we going to have sex" routine, those other signs of affection will drop off, too. Best way in the world for an s-type not to get a certain kind of play that's wanted? Start bugging me about it. (I'm not saying this is what you are doing. I am saying how I respond.) Want to find the way to get me not to want to have physical contact? Start being clingy. Whine about what's not happening? It will be not happening for a whole lot longer.

In this instance, I will say I don't think I'm alone in this aspect. I've been reading what Dominant women say on these issues from these boards for a long time. This comes up often and there have been various posts and threads about it.

Would your wife be willing to see her doctor/ob-gyn to see if there is a medical issue? It's not a guarantee but if it's on the right track, they might be able to help.



_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/3/2016 6:23:08 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: anotherlosersub
I suspect she is now passed menopause and just does not desire intimacy any more. We have no sex. She just kept putting me off until I quit asking.
We tried counselling with 2 different counselers. I do not blame myself because I have always been there for her and never was abusive or rude to her. I just try to take it as it is.

Aside from my personal belief that just not being rude or abusive to a spouse are far from the only reasons that they may not want to have sex, this is another thing to consider.

Yes, some women do lose at least some sexual drive from menopause. Yep, it's a hormone thing, which is a medical issue that doesn't relate to you as a person. In other words, not necessarily your fault.

Here's the kicker. Some women, if the sexual drive has decreased, may also not show signs of affection, if they are feeling they are being pressured about having sex. If every hug, kiss, or caress leads to the "when are we going to have sex" routine, those other signs of affection will drop off, too. Best way in the world for an s-type not to get a certain kind of play that's wanted? Start bugging me about it. (I'm not saying this is what you are doing. I am saying how I respond.) Want to find the way to get me not to want to have physical contact? Start being clingy. Whine about what's not happening? It will be not happening for a whole lot longer.

In this instance, I will say I don't think I'm alone in this aspect. I've been reading what Dominant women say on these issues from these boards for a long time. This comes up often and there have been various posts and threads about it.

Would your wife be willing to see her doctor/ob-gyn to see if there is a medical issue? It's not a guarantee but if it's on the right track, they might be able to help.



I can agree with this.

yep...I would want to get my libido sorted out....Im 53, the thought of no sex again is horrrifying. Let alone intimacy.
ALtho I know not all women feel like me.


_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

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Dont Hate Love

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/3/2016 11:49:54 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anotherlosersub
I suspect she is now passed menopause and just does not desire intimacy any more. We have no sex. She just kept putting me off until I quit asking.
We tried counselling with 2 different counselers. I do not blame myself because I have always been there for her and never was abusive or rude to her. I just try to take it as it is.


While there is no reason to BLAME yourself, I agree with LadyPact when she says, "Women cease sex, affection, etc when something is WRONG and it's usually something pretty big."

All this stuff is mental.

Perhaps you are just not doing the things she needs to get those juices flowing. Now, I say don't blame yourself, because if she is not communicating what those are, well, then... But she also may not know, exactly as well.

Here's the thing: 99% of couples that break up for lack of sex and affection from the lady, she is out being affectionate and sexual while dating within a year. It wasn't that she couldn't. It was that she was not being inspired.

That said, as a female dominant, one of the things I do in my relationship is teach my males to make me happy and get my juices flowing.

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(in reply to anotherlosersub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/4/2016 6:04:49 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think some of us are on the same wave-length here. It's always interesting to listen and discuss the differences between intimacy and sex. I find, more often than not, that women are the quicker to point out that they are not one and the same. (They sure aren't for me.) When a sexual relationship is going well, intimacy is a great path to get to the sex. However, when a sexual relationship is not going well, that's when intimacy can take on a whole new meaning. How that's going to be interpreted is going to have a lot to do with how it's perceived.

I can't say if als is interested in talking with people to see if there might be some with ideas here to possibly improve the situation or if it's time to throw in the towel. If it's the former, I'm sure some of us can give some perspectives.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/4/2016 9:31:13 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Some women, if the sexual drive has decreased, may also not show signs of affection, if they are feeling they are being pressured about having sex. If every hug, kiss, or caress leads to the "when are we going to have sex" routine, those other signs of affection will drop off, too.




I agree with this. I'll also say that not a lot of men understand how brutal peri-menopause can be. It's a lot more than hot flashes. And some of the issues make you feel decidedly un-sexy. Add a man there going "My dick! My dick! My dick!" and yeah....things are gonna go cold.

(And judging by the fact that he thinks that women "get past" menopause - he really has no idea what is going on with his wife)




< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/4/2016 9:58:16 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/6/2016 6:02:19 AM   
royalarchmason


Posts: 88
Joined: 12/30/2015
Status: offline 		I frankly, very much doubt that you will find one such mythical entity on this collarspace website!

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/6/2016 6:04:23 AM   
royalarchmason


Posts: 88
Joined: 12/30/2015
Status: offline 		So that is why you are such a mean sowerpuss and got dismissed as a moderator OsideGirl you are just to frigid and mean and loathe the male Penis and other Women having fun.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/6/2016 10:33:40 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: royalarchmason

OsideGirl you are just to frigid and mean and loathe the male Penis .


I'll be sure to M know that you think that I'm frigid and loathe his penis. Of course, since we had a rousing game of hide the sausage and 4 orgasms this morning...he most likely won't give a shit what some internet troll has to say.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to royalarchmason)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/6/2016 10:51:03 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Don't you find it cute how they think that their words shatter our world? Imagine the rage and anger if their words have no effect, how bad that must be for blood pressure issues...

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/6/2016 11:05:52 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Some women, if the sexual drive has decreased, may also not show signs of affection, if they are feeling they are being pressured about having sex. If every hug, kiss, or caress leads to the "when are we going to have sex" routine, those other signs of affection will drop off, too.




I agree with this. I'll also say that not a lot of men understand how brutal peri-menopause can be. It's a lot more than hot flashes. And some of the issues make you feel decidedly un-sexy. Add a man there going "My dick! My dick! My dick!" and yeah....things are gonna go cold.

(And judging by the fact that he thinks that women "get past" menopause - he really has no idea what is going on with his wife)




I know men/husbands/ as a rule really dont wanna discuss why waking up in a pool of your own "blood" a couple of days a month isnt fun. They think PMS is bad, wait till menopause!!!
My husband is probably as "understanding" as any woman deserves, hes been there for all of my menopause, childbirth, and raging endo and other icky issues. But it does squick him talking about bleeding, and I do a LOT Of it. Last month scared me.
He doesn't know how to help me, except buy me chocolate and cuddle me when I ask, he has researched it, but dealing with different hormones and the resulting imbalances have been confusing...for both of us.

But that aside, so many WOMEN dont know what is going on with themselves, let alone be able to express it to their spouse. Altho it is so much easier today with the interwebs, and new information to find people having the same issues and how to get the right help.
I know I dont want to be around myself let alone make anyone suffer, but the dog she just cuddles up against my poor tummy and lets me pet her.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: A true submissive ... - 1/6/2016 1:20:59 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Don't you find it cute how they think that their words shatter our world? Imagine the rage and anger if their words have no effect, how bad that must be for blood pressure issues...

It's quite entertaining to have some guy who is craving attention so badly that they create 100s of accounts throw out insults. Beyond my own lack of concern, I know that no one here takes him seriously either.

He clearly wants my attention since he keeps mentioning me by name and acting out like a naughty child.





< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/6/2016 1:46:11 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 33
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