RE: Exclusive NSA

RE: Exclusive NSA (Full Version)

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DesFIP -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 8:02:37 AM)
I will agree with Red that if you are not already in a committed relationship, where your emotional needs are met, the odds are high for you to then look for those needs to be met in the NSA. We have emotional needs. We need to figure out how they can be met. Not having them met and assuming that you won't expect this friend to be willing to meet them when you become more intimate/closer friends over time could well be a set up for a clusterfuck. And if it's an exclusive NSA, then the odds are that you will blur the line. You'll start going out to dinner before or the movies, not just sex but friendship.

MikeRaven -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 9:05:05 AM)
I've been exchanging interesting emails with someone. He said when he was in college him and his buddies would get drunk, or get high, or do some pills, and go to the bars to get laid. He found someone who he could fuck on a regular basis. She also enjoyed getting drunk and/or high. However, he said he could only be in that relationship if he was "under the influence" and the same with her. After about 3 months he ended the relationship, basically because he got bored with her. She freaked out and began to stalk him. I asked him, "Why do you need to be 'under the influence' to be in that relationship?" He said he could never be in one while sober. He has to drink/high/pills in order to be in a NSA relationship. I'm now of the belief that an exclusive NSA relationship (mostly just sex with minimal feelings with just one person) is possible if one is taking drugs. I don't know if these young people who tell me that they were in a relationship where they just messed around for a year and then moved on were on drugs or not. I definitely hear people on this post saying that it is possible to be in a LTR NSA relationship with minimal feelings. I also hear people saying that it's not possible.

Wayward5oul -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 9:41:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MikeRaven I'm now of the belief that an exclusive NSA relationship (mostly just sex with minimal feelings with just one person) is possible if one is taking drugs. You believe that now because one person that you have been exchanging messages with related that as their own experience? quote: ORIGINAL: MikeRaven I definitely hear people on this post saying that it is possible to be in a LTR NSA relationship with minimal feelings. I also hear people saying that it's not possible. For some people it is possible. For others it is not. Like anything in this world. There are nearly 7 billion people on this earth. Anyone who says there is one 'twue' way in anything is full of shit.

LadyPact -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 9:43:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MikeRaven She freaked out and began to stalk him. Yeah, well, stalkers are f^cked up people anyway. The drugs aren't a requirement for them to be like that. quote: I asked him, "Why do you need to be 'under the influence' to be in that relationship?" He said he could never be in one while sober. He has to drink/high/pills in order to be in a NSA relationship. I hate to break this to folks but a lot of people let their inhibitions and/or standards slide when they are toasted. Why do you think poppers were so big in kinkville back in the day? The 'don't drink before playing' mantra really is relatively new as far as the kink community goes. Leather BARS are actually bars and you can get just as ripped there as you can at any other bar. quote: I'm now of the belief that an exclusive NSA relationship (mostly just sex with minimal feelings with just one person) is possible if one is taking drugs. Please don't tell me this is a new revelation to you. Also, let's not go the 'all apples are fruits, so all fruits must be apples' way of thinking. Just because some people only engage in NSA when they are lit doesn't mean that the ONLY way people can engage in NSA is if they are lit. quote: I don't know if these young people who tell me that they were in a relationship where they just messed around for a year and then moved on were on drugs or not. Why would you assume that just because ONE case (the person who is emailing you) went that way that it would have to be examined for all of the others? Could it be? Yes. Could it not be? Yes. In other words, like most other things, the answer is some but not all. quote: I definitely hear people on this post saying that it is possible to be in a LTR NSA relationship with minimal feelings. I also hear people saying that it's not possible. That's because people are different. We're not all wired the same. We all have different opinions, cultural backgrounds, attitudes, and biases. That doesn't change just because we're talking about kink and sex rather than religion and politics. Just because something isn't my preferred method doesn't mean that it isn't great for somebody else and the way that I do things couldn't possibly work for the next person. There are over seven billion people on the planet. It would be silly to believe that we all think the same way.

LadyPact -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 9:44:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul There are nearly 7 billion people on this earth. Anyone who says there is one 'twue' way in anything is full of shit. I knew I liked you. [sm=oddballs.gif]

Lucylastic -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 9:49:15 AM)
seven billion people...seven billion unique points of view. I doubt anyone....has identical thoughts. I could have NSA relationships 30 plus years ago, and did, often...now its not an option for me at this age. I need more than lust. Altho lust is very important, I hate the thought of losing that..

Wayward5oul -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 10:06:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul There are nearly 7 billion people on this earth. Anyone who says there is one 'twue' way in anything is full of shit. I knew I liked you. [sm=oddballs.gif] Since you do, does that mean that everyone does? Ooh,[sm=dance-smiley03.gif] I feel special!

BitaTruble -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 10:18:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul Since you do, does that mean that everyone does? Ooh,[sm=dance-smiley03.gif] I feel special! I wouldn't say 'everyone' but wayward souls are pretty popular around joints like this.. I'd keep ya at least until you get another 60 posts under your belt. That's gonna make you a 666 poster and.. well.. we'll see what happens. [sm=evil.gif] Damn it.. I got all caught up in 666 and forgot to answer the actual OP. Exclusive and NSA - don't hold hands in my brain. Exclusive seems like a pretty big 'string' to me. [sm=doesnotcompute.png]

LadyPact -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 10:23:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul Since you do, does that mean that everyone does? Ooh,[sm=dance-smiley03.gif] I feel special! Hey, stop that. I could get off on having that kind of power. [sm=tongue_smiley55.gif]

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 10:39:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MikeRaven I'm now of the belief that an exclusive NSA relationship (mostly just sex with minimal feelings with just one person) is possible if one is taking drugs. I don't know if these young people who tell me that they were in a relationship where they just messed around for a year and then moved on were on drugs or not. I haven't taken drugs illegal in the US since moving here (8-ish? years ago), and I don't get drunk. It's not changed anything in any of my relationships. And I've never taken drugs or used alcohol to cope with any of the relationships I've had. Use of either has been only recreational, and was none related to the relationships themselves, NSA or otherwise.

Wayward5oul -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 3:19:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul Since you do, does that mean that everyone does? Ooh,[sm=dance-smiley03.gif] I feel special! I wouldn't say 'everyone' but wayward souls are pretty popular around joints like this.. I'd keep ya at least until you get another 60 posts under your belt. That's gonna make you a 666 poster and.. well.. we'll see what happens. Talk about motivation! [sm=angel.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble Damn it.. I got all caught up in 666 and forgot to answer the actual OP. Exclusive and NSA - don't hold hands in my brain. Exclusive seems like a pretty big 'string' to me. [sm=doesnotcompute.png] Yeah, an agreement to be exclusive is a string.

Wayward5oul -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 3:21:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul Since you do, does that mean that everyone does? Ooh,[sm=dance-smiley03.gif] I feel special! Hey, stop that. I could get off on having that kind of power. [sm=tongue_smiley55.gif] Sounds like a good kink to have![sm=banana.gif]

littleclip -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 6:49:53 PM)
in reply to nookienotes the nsa relationships have a limited to a set of boundaries where a full relationship has many different ones some that are not found yet so they take more conscious thought. with trust comes power as I trust my one completely she has complete power over me and can do as she will with me order me to suck another mans cock not as I want to but as she likes to see me do it each relationship is in its own right a new type of relationship and no one else can be exactly like it as they are not you. [sm=2cents.gif][sm=crop.gif]

BlueRoses1111 -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/17/2015 6:50:01 PM)
I really don't get exclusive nsa. It's as though all of these terms are meant to trick people into doing the same thing in the past "just fuck and hang out". I'm tired of the term constantly having to be redefined for what seems like a mostly female crowd. I gather since fuck buddy puts a bad taste in most women's mouths, the next was booty call, then friends with benefits has been ruined so now lets grab a new spin of exclusive nsa. I also don't see "ooh the kids are having a blast". These terms seems to get a new boost every 5 or 10 years. I mean did we really need monogamish? lol When I found out what that term meant I was like um ok so you cheat when you travel with permission? How is that monogamy? I just see that as married swinngers that swing alone vs as a team.

Greta75 -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/18/2015 11:25:26 PM)
The drugs thing is BS. I have never taken drug, gotten drunk or even smoked in my life. Sex is my drug! Who needs drugs when sex produces Happy Endorphins?

Greta75 -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/18/2015 11:27:50 PM)
quote: You'll start going out to dinner before or the movies, not just sex but friendship. All my non-exclusive NSA involves this, doing alot of other things together other than just sex. Because, the brain is the largest sex organ and needs to be stimulated for awesome sex later! I generally meet like-minded men who thinks the same. They love conversation, they love being intellectually stimulated, and it increases their sexual desire. Intellectual stimulation for me is key to making me lusting after a man, but not necessary to feel emotions. Emotions for me is developed when I find that a specific man has a spectacular character, and has nothing to do with me fucking him or not, or spending alot of time with him. I think it's most important to understand how yourself work and everyone process things differently. NSA is not for everyone. You really have to truly feel as a default in yourown personal make up that the best amazing sex has nothing to do with feelings of love, if you feel sex is better with love, then, NSA will be difficult for you. I personally have not experienced how sex is better with love. I never have great sex with men I love. So it's super crystal clear to me. Otherwise, I mean, it's not uncommon for me to hear from men that they have to end their NSA relationships when the woman start developing feelings. Of course the other way round has happened too. Hell, I even end friendships with men who start developing feelings for me, that I don't have sex with, because it starts getting uncomfortable, especially someone like me who have multiple lovers, that I tell them about and jealousy starts. And it starts because it'd be like, why are you fucking them and not fucking me? You know, even though I fuck, I still have the right to choose who I want to fuck right! But they get quite angry about it and I get uncomfortable, so I will start avoiding and ignoring them. I just got a simple policy that men are worth fucking if they make me happy and put a smile on my face. Keep it simple, and FBuddies relationships can bring you loads of smiles.

Greta75 -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/18/2015 11:52:55 PM)
Why do ppl hate the term fuck buddy btw? I actually like the term the best. I don't mind being a fuck buddy to somebody. I mean, 'buddy' is a great word and it's a buddy I fuck. It implies you are fucking someone you genuine like as a friend. That sounds good to me. It's not derogatory at all.

NookieNotes -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/19/2015 7:14:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP And if it's an exclusive NSA, then the odds are that you will blur the line. You'll start going out to dinner before or the movies, not just sex but friendship. Um. Yeah. That's what most NSAs/FWBs ARE... Friends. That have sex. Not just booty calls. That's where I think many people are missing the point. I like/love the people I have sex with. I just don't necessarily want to go further into a relationship than I do with them, for whatever reason. Sometimes it's romantic incompatibility or scheduling, or whatever... It's still a relationship, just without strings that keep you from finding others IF YOU WISH. There is no promise of forever. quote: ORIGINAL: littleclip with trust comes power as I trust my one completely she has complete power over me and can do as she will with me order me to suck another mans cock not as I want to but as she likes to see me do it Now, you're specifically talking kink/power exchange relationships. Not all NSA are that. Many are vanilla. And the boundaries in any relationship can be complex or simple. One type of interpersonal relationship is not inherently more or less than another, except in our own minds. quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 I think it's most important to understand how yourself work and everyone process things differently. NSA is not for everyone. You really have to truly feel as a default in yourown personal make up that the best amazing sex has nothing to do with feelings of love, if you feel sex is better with love, then, NSA will be difficult for you. I personally have not experienced how sex is better with love. I never have great sex with men I love. I believe sex IS better with love. But it can be damn good with just friendship and mutual respect. quote: Hell, I even end friendships with men who start developing feelings for me, that I don't have sex with, because it starts getting uncomfortable I have done this, depending on how they comport themselves. I also have a lot of friends that REALLY REALLY want more, but they don't treat it like something they deserve to have that constrains me. quote: I just got a simple policy that men are worth fucking if they make me happy and put a smile on my face. Keep it simple, and FBuddies relationships can bring you loads of smiles. That is the minimum for being a part of my life. But if they do that AND they are amazingly sexy with loads of chemistry, well, then...

angelikaJ -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/19/2015 8:11:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 The problem is when you develop great sex with someone, feelings get involved. You know, those pesky things that women and men get. So nothing ever is just NSA. Someone always wants more. I understand that this is just your opinion. However, the moment someone uses the words always or never they are seeming to exclude the possibility for a different experience. For some people, the term NSA means no feelings involved. For some people, that is possible. For other people, it seems to mean feelings are present but both parties understand the relationship is limited... aka FWB/fuck-buddies, or a lover one has fond feelings for.

longwayhome -> RE: Exclusive NSA (10/22/2015 2:10:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 The problem is when you develop great sex with someone, feelings get involved. You know, those pesky things that women and men get. So nothing ever is just NSA. Someone always wants more. I understand that this is just your opinion. However, the moment someone uses the words always or never they are seeming to exclude the possibility for a different experience. For some people, the term NSA means no feelings involved. For some people, that is possible. For other people, it seems to mean feelings are present but both parties understand the relationship is limited... aka FWB/fuck-buddies, or a lover one has fond feelings for. Exactly. Your relationships are as you define them and what works for you. Friendship, respect and decency doesn't have to mean romantic love and a promise of forever. It's a contract you have with another human being. And like all contracts you should both understand and agree the terms, with changes agreed by both parties, and breaking the terms instead of giving notice terminating the contract regarded as unfair and dubious behaviour. For that reason the "no strings" bit seems a bit strange to me - there is always some kind of expectation, even if it is that you will not demand sexual exclusivity. If the relationship is a friendship, being a caring, loyal friend is important, even if you both agree there will be no "for ever". Having no long term relationship "string" attached isn't an excuse for being a crap friend. Equally placing a guilt trip on someone because you want more and that isn't what you agreed, is pretty poor behaviour from a friend. You have to be mature enough to call it a day without taking it out on your friend if you need more and they don't. NSAs, or in my case friendships involving sex but not boyfriend/girlfriend exclusivity or long term commitment, have both worked and not worked for me. They can be great or snarl up like any relationship. They are not inevitably doomed to failure any more than a traditional long term relationship. There are as many different relationship agreements as they are relationships. Many marriages fail because the two parties didn't understand what each other wanted or needed from the relationship. I don't see that other forms of relationship, including "NSAs", are any different. They are not for everyone but I certainly don't think they are inherently worse or more risky.

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