Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace

Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (Full Version)

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CuriousCouple674 -> Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/15/2015 10:49:44 PM)
It's probably been asked before, but is there a general order of whom seeks out whom? And who approaches whom? Is it generally accepted that the dominant message the subs? or vice verse? Curious as to whether my partner and I should be waiting for someone who wants a couple, or if we should be messaging everyone and hoping one of them takes interest?

angelikaJ -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/15/2015 10:53:44 PM)
Messaging everyone will get you quickly tagged by the automated system as sending too many messages. It is better to carefully review profiles to find women who are seeking a couple.

stef -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/15/2015 11:02:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousCouple674 It's probably been asked before, but is there a general order of whom seeks out whom? And who approaches whom? No. Whoever wants to approach, approaches. quote: Is it generally accepted that the dominant message the subs? or vice verse? No.

seekingreality -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/15/2015 11:22:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousCouple674 It's probably been asked before, but is there a general order of whom seeks out whom? And who approaches whom? Is it generally accepted that the dominant message the subs? or vice verse? Curious as to whether my partner and I should be waiting for someone who wants a couple, or if we should be messaging everyone and hoping one of them takes interest? There are no rules to life, except the rules of thermodynamics.

crumpets -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/16/2015 2:04:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousCouple674 whom seeks out whom? And who approaches whom? Personal pronouns all follow the same inviolable rule: [image]http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/who_vs_whom/who_vs_whom_1.png[/image] He seeks out him...She seeks out her...who seeks out whom. He approaches him...She approaches her...who approaches whom. quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousCouple674 Is it generally accepted that the dominant message the subs? or vice verse? It's generally accepted that the male customarily "approaches" the female, although Sadie Hawkins would likely beg to differ, especially in the case of couples approaching couples, in which case, I would think it customary (or at least more "comfortable") when the male half of the couple approaches his counterpart (and/or vice versa). quote: ORIGINAL: seekingreality Curious as to whether my partner and I should be waiting for someone who wants a couple, or if we should be messaging everyone and hoping one of them takes interest? In general, if someone wants a couple, it says so in their profile. Luckily, the "They are Seeking" search selection handles that situation well. quote: ORIGINAL: seekingreality There are no rules to life, except the rules of thermodynamics. And, the just as inviolably basic rules of grammar ... [image]http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/sites/default/files/styles/insert_large/public/images/183/Who_versus_Whom_Edited_620_380.png[/image]

crumpets -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/16/2015 2:18:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousCouple674 or if we should be messaging everyone and hoping one of them takes interest? I belatedly realized that the "everyone" here, may have simply meant "both", as in both the male and the female of any specific couple, as in: "or if we should be messaging [both] and hoping one of them takes interest?" It's hard to tell what you actually meant (as people have taken "everyone" to mean spamming the world, as I had initially assumed you meant, in the hopes of running into a couple in the process). Assuming you're simply asking whether it's customary to approach both partners at the same time, or just one, I would think you'd take your lead from them. That is, if you approach a heterosexual couple here on Collarspace, and the male half answers, then I would continue to converse with the male half until/unless the female half chimes in. Likewise, if you have moved the conversation to email, and if both halves of the couple are not cc'd, I'd stick with whatever contact custom the other party initially offered. Having said that egalitarian statement, in my experience with couples profile experiments, it's almost always the male half of the other couple who initially queries me (I never respond back because the profile is merely a passive experiment); however, a lot seems to depend on the way the profile is written (i.e., whether it's male-centric or female-centric seems to have an effect on this dynamic). Maybe I need to run a few more experimental tests though ... so I'd be curious to hear what "real" couples have to say about the rules of the dynamic.

LadyPact -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/16/2015 5:53:05 AM)
OK. I looked and y'all seem to be the brand new folks looking for fun at minimum and possibly something more of a poly relationship. Your profile doesn't say a whole heck of a lot about what you're actually looking for so most people are going to assuming that you're just looking for some fun and exploration. You're both bisexual, so I'm guessing that you are just as willing to meet men as women. For people contacting you, expect more men than women to respond to your profile. If you want interactions with women, you are going to have to do the contacting. Females in your age group, if they aren't into fin kink, have more than enough offers, so they don't have to use the additional time of contacting other people. Frankly, if I were a bisexual woman in my twenties, I wouldn't bother with this place at all. I'd be at the local tng group because I know how much I'd have my pick of anybody who came along. In your position, I'd do the contacting and I'd do it as a couple. Meaning even the emails you send out to the people you are interested in (don't just email everybody) I'd sign with both names, so people know that you are in this together. You already say you don't know much about the kink scene, so don't go trying to put on airs about it. Just be friendly to people without pressuring. Don't plaster the entire internet and don't contact folks that aren't specifically interested in couples. You'll get more of a response that way.

OsideGirl -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/16/2015 8:27:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact In your position, I'd do the contacting and I'd do it as a couple. Meaning even the emails you send out to the people you are interested in (don't just email everybody) I'd sign with both names, so people know that you are in this together. From experience, I'm going to say it goes beyond that. The Dominant member of the couple controls what happens. In the case of BDSM, a submissive is literally putting their life into the hands of the Dominant. As a submissive, I want to talk to him. I want to know that he understands safety and that's he's not a freak. I have learned to not trust how a submissive describes and feels about the Dominant. They look through rose colored glasses. I was once targeted by a couple where the "Dominant" turned out to be a serial rapist (he's in prison for life) and the submissive was clueless about what he was doing (or who he was). He made her make contact with submissives that he would choose. He specifically targeted the SoCalSubFem room on AOL. Luckily for me, I wasn't interested or looking. Not so lucky for the 8 women he raped. So, I always tell Unicorns to make sure they talk to Dominant partner to try to figure out if S/he's decent.

CuriousCouple674 -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/16/2015 9:29:10 AM)
Wow thanks for all the responses everyone! Seriously it's incredibly helpful to get some legitimate feedback, even if it is learning about who and whom [:D]

sweetieDA -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/16/2015 9:57:24 AM)
There are literally thousands of couples waiting for a single, and very few singles looking for a couple. If you sit and wait, you'll be waiting forever.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/16/2015 10:32:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl So, I always tell Unicorns to make sure they talk to Dominant partner to try to figure out if S/he's decent. I totally agree with this, although I would add that it's important for the third party to get to know both of you equally and independent from each other, after the Dominant partner has been vetted, even if the third party is only going to be in a close relationship with one of you. I once made the mistake of only really getting to know the Dominant party, and only superficially getting to know the spouse, because my relationship was supposed to be primarily with him, while my relationship with her was going to be a platonic friendship. Big big big mistake.

crumpets -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/16/2015 10:53:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousCouple674 even if it is learning about who and whom [:D] And unicorns. If you didn't catch the "unicorn" word, there is an entire thread, somewhere, on what they are (as I didn't know what a unicorn was until I had read the thread). HINT: You and I both, are NOT unicorns! :)

slavemali -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/17/2015 8:26:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousCouple674 It's probably been asked before, but is there a general order of whom seeks out whom? And who approaches whom? Is it generally accepted that the dominant message the subs? or vice verse? Curious as to whether my partner and I should be waiting for someone who wants a couple, or if we should be messaging everyone and hoping one of them takes interest? Wow what a question.... assuming your looking, you don't have any relationship with anyone anyway. Don't buy into a system of proticols in your communications to others just because your the s in the D/s, relationship your looking for. Hope that helps explain no one here is anything other than a voice on the internet....

slavemali -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/17/2015 8:29:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crumpets quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousCouple674 even if it is learning about who and whom [:D] And unicorns. If you didn't catch the "unicorn" word, there is an entire thread, somewhere, on what they are (as I didn't know what a unicorn was until I had read the thread). HINT: You and I both, are NOT unicorns! :) Darn Crumpets and I don't have the time to waste looking this up... gee wish you had shared the definition....

LadyPact -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/17/2015 8:32:27 AM)
Now for the real question. Why is the male squirrel in tighty whities.

DesFIP -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/17/2015 1:37:00 PM)
http://www.unicorns-r-us.com/ The best intro to unicorn hunting I know of. But instead of looking online, you do far better to join your local community and make friends. If all you want is an interchangeable vagina to use, hire a sex worker.

DarkSteven -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/17/2015 2:29:33 PM)
I read your profile. You're a cute couple. But I kept wondering how stable you are. Hear me out, please. You're so young that you can't have been together long. Your profile says you're new to kink. And I get the feeling that you're brand new to poly as well. I suggest slowing down and not looking right now for full-blown kinky poly. Maybe try a swingers club without adding kink? Maybe go to a spanking or bondage party where you can get casual play?

LadyPact -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/17/2015 2:50:56 PM)
DS, except for one minor mention in the profile about how it 'could be' more, I don't think it's that big of a thing. They come across to me as a young couple that just want to go out and do something fun.

crumpets -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/17/2015 4:15:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Why is the male squirrel in tighty whities. Good question! The illustration shows that the "who" (the subject) is doing something to the "whom" (the object); but, I have to agree that the illustration would have had similar impact without the "tighty whities". Personally, rather than calculate the Subject:Object relationship, I prefer to use the simpler "Himlich Maneuver" as explained by the Grammar Girl in the youtube video below... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wiy7efyxAE Would you hypothetically restate the who/whom sentence with either "he" or "him"? If' the answer is "he", then it's "who"; if it's "him", then it's "whom". Simple. The beauty is that all of us already know how to use who:whom, simply because personal pronouns all follow the exact same rules.

LadyPact -> RE: Pertaining to Interactions on Collarspace (10/17/2015 4:18:52 PM)
You could have just went for the easy answer, as in, he's covering his nuts. [;)]

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