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If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/17/2015 10:43:18 AM

notaBULL

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What is the necessity regarding BDSM?

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/21/2015 8:59:55 PM

J0K3ER

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quote:

ORIGINAL: notaBULL

What is the necessity regarding BDSM?

The question is a little ambiguous to me. But ok I will blame it on my comprehenssion skills.
BDSM is the practical framework that prescribes the natural trend of a selection of people with the exclusion of "findom" from this theory. The necessity lays in the trend itself, so it is based neither on conditions nor it is facultative.
But regarding findom and other perverted actions , they can't operate outside BDSM framework. And here where the necessity of BDSM is vital for muddying the waters. because asking for money would put them in the corresponding category, either prostitution or begging.

< Message edited by J0K3ER -- 10/21/2015 9:03:13 PM >

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/21/2015 10:24:14 PM

Bunnicula

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For me, it's having both people wanting to do it.

Otherwise it doesn't really work.

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/22/2015 3:11:12 PM

dreamlady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: notaBULL
What is the necessity regarding BDSM?

I personally don't believe there is any, but there are many who would disagree.

You are speaking of BDSM activities, are you not? As opposed to a D/s dynamic, where BDSM can be an expression of reinforcing these bonds, but is not a required component of D/s.

I would rephrase your question to "What is the necessity of kink?" or even "What is the necessity of a fetish?"

There are fetishists whose lives are ruled by their fetish urges and impulses.
Because it boils down to what turns people on, or what doesn't. There are some kinky folk who can't get excited without the B&D and/or the S&M, or the combination of both, or without the whole enchilada.
There are others, like myself, who can make do without BDSM, but would feel unfulfilled without having an intimate D/s relationship in place.

In that sense, life is a buffet.

DreamLady

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/22/2015 3:34:18 PM

ReMakeYou

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"Kink" and "BDSM" are not inventions. They're just things that get people off. The field of psychology still has no clue what specifically causes people to develop their own tastes.

The toys (and for broader definitions, protocols) you find in the scene are definitely inventions. Here, getting one's rocks off provides all the incentive you could look for.

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/22/2015 4:38:56 PM

J0K3ER

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

quote:

ORIGINAL: notaBULL
What is the necessity regarding BDSM?

I personally don't believe there is any, but there are many who would disagree.

You are speaking of BDSM activities, are you not? As opposed to a D/s dynamic, where BDSM can be an expression of reinforcing these bonds, but is not a required component of D/s.

I would rephrase your question to "What is the necessity of kink?" or even "What is the necessity of a fetish?"

There are fetishists whose lives are ruled by their fetish urges and impulses.
Because it boils down to what turns people on, or what doesn't. There are some kinky folk who can't get excited without the B&D and/or the S&M, or the combination of both, or without the whole enchilada.
There are others, like myself, who can make do without BDSM, but would feel unfulfilled without having an intimate D/s relationship in place.

In that sense, life is a buffet.

DreamLady

I agree dreamlady, BDSM is not required for the foundation of a D/s M & S power dynamic since both D/s and M&S they can be classified within the extension of BDSM , they are in fact standalone practice. So if the question here is " do I need BDSM "? The answer is no. Because the after math result I conclude that I personally not into the BD.rather than iam more into SM.
In my aftermath opinion this BDSM thing is a big big falsification that need to be sorted out and broke down to its main components and may be reorganized into separate categories that could make more sense. Like "findom" or Amazon hogs, do they they need to be included in BDSM?
N.B. Medusa, you stay out of this conversation unless you wanna burn your european ass. I got someone who can do that for me.

< Message edited by J0K3ER -- 10/22/2015 4:49:32 PM >

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/22/2015 11:28:16 PM

Wanderling

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I looked it up for you.

BDSM: Things You Need to Know

For example, On Communication Within a Dom/Sub Partnership
http://thejourneyofwill.blogspot.com/

Or, for example, Essential Rights for a Submissive Partner
http://thejourneyofwill.blogspot.com/2013/01/essential-rights-for-submissive-partner.html

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/23/2015 12:08:21 PM

sweetieDA

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Better sex.

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/24/2015 2:47:30 AM

dreamlady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: J0K3ER

Like "findom" or Amazon hogs, do they they need to be included in BDSM?

You bring up a good point, because when everything starts going under the BDSM kink umbrella, then the not-so-into-BDSM D/s-ers get left standing out in the rain despite the fact that D/s is very much an established lifestyle practice.
Not that this has anything to do with D/s, but there are lifestyles which are not a part of BDSM -- even though there are many who consider poly, swinging, wife-swapping, and depending on how cuckolding manifests itself, as being kinky in nature in terms of not being the "norm."
In some cultures, polygamy is considered to be the social "norm" as long as the sanctity of marital commitment bonds is present; in others, there is no such regard for committed relationships, and it is not at all uncommon for a man to take a mistress discreetly.
My point being that societal "norms" are not what dictates whether a kink factor is present, and kink factor alone does not make it BDSM.

Rather than D/s being considered a subset of BDSM, it is more the other way around, with a leftover portion jutting out for those who practice BDSM as casual play partners sans D/s.
(I will forego digging up a diagram to use for illustrative purposes.)

If we break down the BDSM acronym, then you have Bondage, Discipline, SadoMasochism.
If it doesn't have to do with Bondage,
or Discipline,
or Sadomasochism,
then it ain't BDSM.

A veteran poster remarked fairly recently that it had taken a while for Age-players to get accepted into the BDSM lifestyle.
This is probably because I see the DaddyDom/little[or teen]girl and MommyDomme/little[or teen]boy dynamic as being a D/s-rooted relationship dynamic.
There is usually the overlap into the Discipline dimension, so. . . technically, I suppose you could call it BDSM. I wouldn't, unless there are BDSM practices taking place.

I'm willing to stand corrected, but the "D" in BDSM represents a kinkier version of just regular disciplinary correction, beyond the vanilla pale.
It's more about getting off on punishment & humiliation dynamics. Someone who doesn't get a kick out of being corrected with a glance, or getting a quick slap in the face, much less being chastised, is not practicing BDSM kink within the context of those types of interactions which I would characterize as more the D/s authority & control variety.

DreamLady

Edit - spelling

< Message edited by dreamlady -- 10/24/2015 2:53:17 AM >

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/24/2015 5:03:16 AM

zombiegurlsos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

For me, it's having both people wanting to do it.

Otherwise it doesn't really work.

Daaa Bunny has it down right, a findom may or may not have an enjoyment of BDSM, so their involvement is to me more prostitution than BDSM. A true follower of BDSM is not looking to be a host for a parasite or to be the parasite. If your a Findom, you should embrace the truth that you are a Pimp or Prositute....yuck! just my view, but a successful BDSM couple is those committed to each other first, while enjoying the benefits of BDSM.

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/24/2015 5:11:45 AM

zombiegurlsos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

quote:

ORIGINAL: J0K3ER

Like "findom" or Amazon hogs, do they they need to be included in BDSM?

But what is : A "veteran poster" remarked fairly recently that it had taken a while for Age-players to get accepted into the BDSM lifestyle.

Just because you lend out the password to your account and then accumulate 11,000 to 38,000 posts doesn't make you a veteran poster... maybe a veteran scammer....

and my opinion is that to be in the fold of BDSM this is what you live and breathe .... than it must fit the definition of BDSM... yes a cross dresser can embrace BDSM, but their involvement is not to imply that all cross dresser are into BDSM.

Thank You

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/24/2015 5:35:42 AM

dreamlady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos
But what is : A "veteran poster" remarked fairly recently that it had taken a while for Age-players to get accepted into the BDSM lifestyle.

Just because you lend out the password to your account and then accumulate 11,000 to 38,000 posts doesn't make you a veteran poster... maybe a veteran scammer....

and my opinion is that to be in the fold of BDSM this is what you live and breathe .... than it must fit the definition of BDSM... yes a cross dresser can embrace BDSM, but their involvement is not to imply that all cross dresser are into BDSM.

Thank You

I simply didn't want to name names or misquote by paraphrasing a poster who has been on these boards for many years. I think it was on a thread questioning whether Financial Domination has any BDSM legitimacy. And the person I had in mind is in no way, shape or form any kind of scammer, btw.

If you see BDSM as what you live and breathe, then you have answered the OP's question from your viewpoint.

Bringing up crossdressers is a good example of someone whose crossdressing is not a BDSM activity or practice in or of itself. Nor is it D/s.
Certainly, a crossdresser could be into BDSM or want to be involved in a D/s power exchange relationship.
Sometimes, a man will want to crossdress and/or want to be sissified and gets off on the idea of having somebody else (a Dominant) "force" him to do what he feels ashamed of doing on his own. (The same can be said for "forced" bi.)
Sometimes it's part of the gender-bending role play he wants while acting out a BDSM scene.
Those variables become ingredients. They aren't the staple of what a crossdresser is or is not.

DreamLady

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/24/2015 6:40:29 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: notaBULL

What is the necessity regarding BDSM?

BDSM gives me a stiffy. It's necessary that I do stuff that gives me a stiffy.

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/24/2015 7:16:33 AM

zombiegurlsos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos
But what is : A "veteran poster" remarked fairly recently that it had taken a while for Age-players to get accepted into the BDSM lifestyle.

Just because you lend out the password to your account and then accumulate 11,000 to 38,000 posts doesn't make you a veteran poster... maybe a veteran scammer....

and my opinion is that to be in the fold of BDSM this is what you live and breathe .... than it must fit the definition of BDSM... yes a cross dresser can embrace BDSM, but their involvement is not to imply that all cross dresser are into BDSM.

Thank You

I simply didn't want to name names or misquote by paraphrasing a poster who has been on these boards for many years. I think it was on a thread questioning whether Financial Domination has any BDSM legitimacy. And the person I had in mind is in no way, shape or form any kind of scammer, btw.

If you see BDSM as what you live and breathe, then you have answered the OP's question from your viewpoint.

Bringing up crossdressers is a good example of someone whose crossdressing is not a BDSM activity or practice in or of itself. Nor is it D/s.
Certainly, a crossdresser could be into BDSM or want to be involved in a D/s power exchange relationship.
Sometimes, a man will want to crossdress and/or want to be sissified and gets off on the idea of having somebody else (a Dominant) "force" him to do what he feels ashamed of doing on his own. (The same can be said for "forced" bi.)
Sometimes it's part of the gender-bending role play he wants while acting out a BDSM scene.
Those variables become ingredients. They aren't the staple of what a crossdresser is or is not.

DreamLady

Hey nice reply, your welcome.... your a good example of a poster that people would do well to read...

< Message edited by zombiegurlsos -- 10/24/2015 7:19:20 AM >

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/24/2015 9:26:36 AM

Bunnicula

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

For me, it's having both people wanting to do it.

Otherwise it doesn't really work.

Daaa Bunny has it down right, a findom may or may not have an enjoyment of BDSM, so their involvement is to me more prostitution than BDSM. A true follower of BDSM is not looking to be a host for a parasite or to be the parasite. If your a Findom, you should embrace the truth that you are a Pimp or Prositute....yuck! just my view, but a successful BDSM couple is those committed to each other first, while enjoying the benefits of BDSM.

To make it absolutely clear - I DID NOT bring up findommes or prodommes.

In fact, if both findomme and finsub want to do it, then that's all good. If prodomme and client want to do it, then that's all good too.

You call fins and pros whatever you want, I'll call them 'none of my business'.

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/24/2015 9:28:22 AM

MrRodgers

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Following up.

I regard what we do here as predominantly kinky, sexual, fetish pleasure(s). BDSM is initialism (not an acronym) for what are almost always but not in every case, 4 different kinky, sexual fetish pleasures. Engaging those pleasures usually but not always, requires one participant to be dominant and the other submissive.

So, asking about any of the above as it were, being a necessity, it a bit of a misnomer...[it] is a choice. The submissive person may engage in masochism simply at the pleasure of the sadist and still, may not be a masochist and the reverse may also be true.

Personally, I didn't start out those many years ago as a sadist but gave them the liberating agonies in the charity of my pain which didn't mean I was suddenly...a sadist.

So, none of the above is a necessity, they are in short...a pleasure, either for one or the other or both.

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/25/2015 9:05:22 AM

LuminousFire

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We all have desires; sometimes naughty, other times wicked, it is how we are wired. We are made exactly the way we are, there may obvious additional influences; upbringing, society, peers, too much bad porn - latter does that blow on the embers or throw gasoline on it..i am never sure most times.

PeonForHer actually answered this best thusfar but he should have added in a state of being/mind firstly, and then finished of with a running gag no matter how true

< Message edited by LuminousFire -- 10/25/2015 9:07:07 AM >

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/25/2015 10:10:26 AM

zombiegurlsos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

For me, it's having both people wanting to do it.

Otherwise it doesn't really work.

Daaa Bunny has it down right, a findom may or may not have an enjoyment of BDSM, so their involvement is to me more prostitution than BDSM. A true follower of BDSM is not looking to be a host for a parasite or to be the parasite. If your a Findom, you should embrace the truth that you are a Pimp or Prositute....yuck! just my view, but a successful BDSM couple is those committed to each other first, while enjoying the benefits of BDSM.

To make it absolutely clear - I DID NOT bring up findommes or prodommes.

In fact, if both findomme and finsub want to do it, then that's all good. If prodomme and client want to do it, then that's all good too.

You call fins and pros whatever you want, I'll call them 'none of my business'.

Daa zombiegurlsos did not mean to imply the bunny had said anything about findoms... that was all mine... thank you bunny...have a great day.... I will try to be more clear in the future.... well lets do it know

I congratulate the Bunny on This : For me, it's having both people wanting to do it ... I feel the same way.

I will also comment to my opinion on parasites, the bunny is not implemented in this opinion of mine...: a findom may or may not have an enjoyment of BDSM, so their involvement is to me more prostitution than BDSM. A true follower of BDSM is not looking to be a host for a parasite or to be the parasite. If your a Findom, you should embrace the truth that you are a Pimp or Prostitute....yuck! just my view, but a successful BDSM couple is those committed to each other first, while enjoying the benefits of BDSM.

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RE: If Necessity is the mother of all invention - 10/25/2015 10:40:49 AM

dreamlady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers
Following up.

I regard what we do here as predominantly kinky, sexual, fetish pleasure(s). BDSM is initialism (not an acronym) for what are almost always but not in every case, 4 different kinky, sexual fetish pleasures. Engaging those pleasures usually but not always, requires one participant to be dominant and the other submissive.

So, asking about any of the above as it were, being a necessity, it a bit of a misnomer...[it] is a choice. The submissive person may engage in masochism simply at the pleasure of the sadist and still, may not be a masochist and the reverse may also be true.

Personally, I didn't start out those many years ago as a sadist but gave them the liberating agonies in the charity of my pain which didn't mean I was suddenly...a sadist.

So, none of the above is a necessity, they are in short...a pleasure, either for one or the other or both.

I totally get what you're saying, I think. I can't really comment about the turning sadistic part, though, because I'm essentially not a sadist myself. (Pay no mind to the 17% scoring on the latest BDSM test I took recently; just a few months earlier it had been 0%.

)

Nevertheless, I lean towards the belief that if the seed potential did not exist, then one could not "become" sadistic or "become" masochistic.

There's a distinction to be made between a sadistic Top and a Dominant, and between a masochistic bottom and a submissive. They don't of necessity go hand in hand.
A slave could be a sadistic service Top to a masochistic Master or Mistress. In D/s terms the Owner is still the Dominant; the owned is still the submissive.

Btw, I've heard other Dominants say the same as you have, that they didn't seek to perform sadistic acts until they were matched up with submissives who were masochists.
My own admission is that I would have never dreamed of becoming a (mild) Humiliatrix if a long-time partner of mine had not desired to be sexually humiliated.
Conversely, I have heard numerous non-masochistic subs tell how they endured pain for the sake of pleasing a sadistic Dominant. Some ended up walking away once they realized that this isn't what they truly wanted from a D/s relationship dynamic. Others have resigned themselves into believing that ALL Dominants are sadistic, and that submitting to pain is a badge of the depth of their submission.

Thank you, zombiegurlsos, for your kinds words.

DreamLady

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