UllrsIshtar
Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Transcender8
who's asking me what I'd like to do with her.
Be honest and tell her you're not sure, because you have little experience in this area. Your inclination may be to fudge the truth here, because you don't want to turn her off you, but don't.
It'll come back to bite you in the ass, when she finds out in short order by experiencing it that you don't know what you're talking about, and at that point, the lost trust won't be able to be recovered.
Emphasize all the things you've done to educate yourself on the subject instead, and that you want to take it slow to build both your own confidence level, as well as your mutual trust in each other.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Transcender8
As I don't have any BDSM toys yet, I'd be grateful for any impact play suggestions, or any article links,
on every day things at home, one can use if you're starting out doing impact play and you've established
limits.
A 'short' primer on impact play:
The first thing you should know is that you should avoid hitting the spine, the kidney area (side of the lower back), the belly and directly on joints. All these places can cause permanent injuries. It takes far less impact to rupture a kidney than you think it does, and anything with even a little bit of deep impact should be absolutely avoided in this area.
Fleshy parts of the body, and big muscle groups, such as the thighs, the butt, the upper back, and the upper arms are all relatively safe places to hit.
Every body part will have a different level of sensitivity, and so the same impact, with the same toy, will feel very very different on the ass than it will on the inner thighs (inner thighs tend to be very sensitive for most people). The only way you can figure out how a specific bottom reacts to specific type of toys in specific areas, is by experimenting in detail with them. As you get more experienced, you'll get a pretty good feel for what sort of stuff transfers over to different people, and what sort of stuff is highly individual, but even then there's not replacement to getting to know the body of every single person you ever play with all over again in the beginning.
Secondly, most type of impact play can be roughly divided into two categories as far as the sensations for the bottom go.
Stingy: which is a sharp, almost needle/knife like sensation, which when done with some force behind it (less than you'd think) can leave micro-abrasions on the skin, that register almost like a "burning" type pain. Sting will leave red marks, sometimes cuts, and welts, but will not tend to bruise.
Thuddy: this is a deep impact type pain, almost akin to a deep tissue massage, and can leave bruises. Even if not bruising, the pain will linger in the same kind of fashion a bruise will, and it can cause points under the skin that when compressed are painful even if there is no surface discoloration showing.
Most bottoms are very singular in which of those two sensations they like the best. If a person is a fan of thuddy, they tend to not like stingy very much, and vice versa.
Whether something is stingy or thuddy mostly depends on the implement you're using. As a general rule, thin, narrow objects such as canes and crops will be very stingy. This includes floggers which have thin, long falls, especially those made out of plastic/rubber materials because such materials will "grip" the skin. The same thing applies for paddles: thinner, lighter paddles, or those coated with some sort of rubber, will tend to be stingier.
On the reversed side, thicker, heavier materials tend to produce more thud. Especially thick, heavy floggers, with large broad falls, out of soft materials will be very thuddy. If the bottom likes thud, you'll be able to put some serious weight behind the swing with such floggers. Lined batons and other such implements will also tend to be thuddy, as well as some heavy paddles, especially if they're coated with a foam liner that doesn't grip the skin. Another thing that's very thuddy is closed fists, though when using closed first you should obviously be very careful to not do serious damage. For using fists, stick to the ass and thighs alone, especially at first.
Thirdly, most bottoms have something that's called the "sweetspot" on their ass. This is a spot, usually (but not always) located around the area where the thighs meet the ass, that feels especially good when its hit. If you want to make a bottom really happy, focusing a lot on their sweetspot will usually do the trick. The way to figure out where exactly somebody's sweetspot is is by either asking, or watching their reactions closely.
Fourth, almost all bottoms prefer starting impact play with a "warm up". A warm up is basically lighter play, that hits all the areas where you'll later want to play harder on. During the warm up, the point isn't so much to cause pain (even good pain) as to get the blood flowing to all the areas that are later going to be hit with harder impact. Doing this will both put your bottom into a headspace where they're more receptive for more pain, as well as get their endorphins flowing in such a way that they're physically able to take more.
If you're doing the warm up properly, you'll be able to feel their skin physically heating up to the touch, and often see it become all red and flustered.
Once you've got an even coating of 'heat' coming off the skin, you can slowly start increasing the intensity of what you're doing, both with heavier toys, as well as heavier swings.
Keep in mind that for some people the type of sensation they light changes completely once they're warmed up, and so it can be that a certain person prefers thud for warm up, and sting later, or the other way around. Again, the only way to really find out is to ask and to experiment.
Lastly, there tons of good toys you can pick up in the dollar store. Anything from kitchen spatulas and wooden spoons, to cutting boards with a handle, to pingpong paddles. Home improvement centers have wooden dowels in the trim section that serve well as canes (though stay away from bamboo, as it can split and splinter).
Another easy and cheap way to get started is by making your own rope floggers: http://sagacitygroup.net/knowledge/howto/ropeflogger
Rope floggers can be made in as little as 10 minutes, and allow you to really experiment with what kind of flogger you like to use (or your bottom likes to get). For less than $20, you can make a set of floggers that range from short and heavy, to long and thin, with both thin rope, as well as thick rope. You can use just about any rope on the planet, in any kind of combination, and end up with a very usable flogger which will teach you what you like, before dropping a bunch of money on expensive leather or rubber ones.
A good way to test new toys when you're trying to figure out what they feel like is by hitting your own (naked) calf with the toy, with about the strength you'd be using it with on your bottom. Although, there really is no substitute for having somebody else use the toy on your back to find out what it feels like. This does not have to be in the context of a "scene". A lot of kinksters will be happy to give you a few swings with a new toy without it having to mean that they're "dominating" you at all. If no other kinksters are available, asking your bottom herself to give you a few swings with a new toy because you want to make sure you know what it's like before using it on her, should increase her confidence in you, because it shows that you actually care about learning and about making sure she's safe. I personally NEVER use a toy on somebody else until I've gotten a couple swings of it on my own back to judge what it's like.
As a complete aside, I want to mention, because you list an interest in rope suspension on your profile, that rope suspension is one of THE most dangerous things kinksters every do. There are more accidents from rope bondage (and especially suspensions) gone wrong every year, than from most other types of play combined.
The injuries from rope bondage obviously included the rope snapping, and the bottom falling and getting dropped, but less obviously so rope can put serious compression on nerves on the arms, wrists, and legs that can cause permanent nerve damage in as little as 10 minutes.
When putting somebody in tight rope bondage that's constricting the nerves, you often will not be able to tell that something is wrong, until after it's already too late, and the damage is done. There will often be no warning in the form of discolored skin, hot or cold skin, or tingling or numbness until it's too late.
It's highly recommended that you take several classes on rope bondage, and start off with only floor work (no suspensions) before risking putting rope on anybody to learn. Rope seems innocent and easy, but it's really really dangerous when you don't have experienced people showing you what to watch out for.
< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 10/19/2015 3:18:42 PM >
_____________________________
I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for
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