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Time Apart - 7/17/2006 7:24:19 PM   
alandraofMists


Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		I have read some threads on here where the submissives/slaves express the hardships and negative feelings that come from missing their Dom/Master when They have to be separated because of work or travel.

The  question I have is:  When the Master/Top/ Dom has to go away for a week or two, whither it is work or travel that they are separated,   are there any feelings of gladness, feelings of enjoyment in the time apart, what are the upsides to being separated for periods of time?

Knight’s alandra
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Time Apart - 7/17/2006 7:30:48 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		Dear Alandra,

For me, the best part of being apart from my Master is all the wonderful thoughts and fantasies that drift through my mind, while I wait to see Him again.  I also enjoy it when I am able to send Him an e-mail or we IM each other and He insists that I tell Him a specific fantasy or heart's desire that I tell Him I feel to shy to express face-to-face.  He gets a kick out of my timidness at first, and then after a few probing questions on His part, my messages turn very specific and detailed.  Those things to me, are very sensual, and make the "reunion" all the more yummy. 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to alandraofMists)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/17/2006 7:33:27 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		ok I am in shock!!! the girl actually started a thread!!!  Just when you think you know someone and they go and surprize you

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to alandraofMists)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/17/2006 7:40:17 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		What a thought-provoking question!
I would imagine that some of the up-sides would be:

One could take on and possibly finish a project she had been neglecting (and present her accomplishment to her dom when he returned to show how productive she was while he was away).

One could have extra "me" time and do little things for herself that she might not get to do all the time such as have a night out with friends or a pedicure or massage.

One could get some serious cleaning done without having anyone else around to make dirty dishes or drop crumbs on the carpet or leave shoes and socks on the stairs :-).

One could use the event as inspiration to plan something special for her dom when he came home...like a special meal or something she made for him while he was away.

One could take the time to catch up on writing letters or making phone calls to friends...things that fall by the wayside sometimes when you are about the business of attending to another, or devote more time to a hobby she enjoys or even plan a day trip to somewhere her dom is really not interested in visiting.

I know that there are times, especially when we have become aware of emotional/relationship "issues" and are doing the work of that, that I crave some time to "just be". Time apart could be a time of renewal and personal meditation for either, or both people.

Sometimes there is just something soothing about the quiet of an empty house.

If she is used to getting up and seeing him off to work, she might get to sleep in on the days he is away! (and boy do I love sleep...)

Then there is always the homecoming to look forward to. Absence sometimes really does make the heart grow fonder.



_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to alandraofMists)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/17/2006 8:07:51 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists
The  question I have is:  When the Master/Top/ Dom has to go away for a week or two, whither it is work or travel that they are separated,   are there any feelings of gladness, feelings of enjoyment in the time apart, what are the upsides to being separated for periods of time?

Knight’s alandra

Yes actually there is.  And I think it's more common in poly relationships than monogamous.  We fianlly get some alone time!  Some relaxed me-time, some extra quiet time, time to finally finish taht other project you've been working on...just plain old TIME.

It is a mixed bag of course- you still miss them and the experiences together...but absolutely I get some happiness out of "time away."

Plus it gives you perspective.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to alandraofMists)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 4:47:13 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

what are the upsides to being separated for periods of time?

I'm still trying to figure that out alandra.   I'll be watching this post.

Happy Tuesday!

~smilezz~ 


_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to alandraofMists)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 6:38:54 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		As much as I miss Him when the Kaptin is gone, and as difficult as it was for us that first year after He went back on the road (we nearly split, it was so bad), I've learned to enjoy the time I spend home alone. 
 
When He is here, I want to be with Him, and that usually means we're off doing things, or when we're home, I'm just in the same room with Him, whether I'm doing anything productive or not (like right now, He's sitting behind me playing computer games while I'm reading CM, but we're together, and later we're going to a movie).  In fact, when He's home, it's rare that I do anything productive at all, unless we're working on a household project together.
 
When He's not here, I still want to be with Him, and I miss Him, but I have MUCH more time to get things done.  I have time to paint and do other projects around the house.  I partake in my needlework hobbies, which don't even get touched when He's home.  I'll spend two hours a day practicing my piano where, when He's here, it's rare that I even do a half hour.  I get to watch the things I want to watch on TV.
 
Yes, I take full advantage of my alone time to do those things I know I SHOULD do, and to do those things I WANT to do. 

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to alandraofMists)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 6:47:46 AM   
hisforever


Posts: 81
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline 		I'm with heather on this one, NO ONE ELSE TO CLEAN UP AFTER!  I have a lot of cleaning to do when He is gone, because my house could be sparkly clean but when He gets home watch out!! tornado coming through!!!  He is only home on weekends, and most fridays, so any time spent with him isnt spent cleaning most of the time!

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 7:17:56 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I can se there is some upside for some when they are not with their Master/Dom  for me personally there is no upside though.  We don't get to spend as much time as we would like together so any time i can spend time with him is very precious.  I mean i do see him everyday and when i was away for 9 days it was very hard on me not seeing him.  So for me there is no upside for being apart.

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 7/18/2006 7:18:49 AM >

(in reply to hisforever)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 7:32:41 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists


The  question I have is:  When the Master/Top/ Dom has to go away for a week or two, whither it is work or travel that they are separated,   are there any feelings of gladness, feelings of enjoyment in the time apart, what are the upsides to being separated for periods of time?

Knight’s alandra


I go away next week for two days.  There will be a small period of lonliness because we have been together everyday now for so long.
Though, it is also necessary and we do need some time apart to reflect on ourselves and our situations.
It will also give us time to get things done that we haven't had time to do.  Little projects.  Well it will him, I'll just be at a boring convention.

(in reply to alandraofMists)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 9:30:06 AM   
Taylore


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists

I have read some threads on here where the submissives/slaves express the hardships and negative feelings that come from missing their Dom/Master when They have to be separated because of work or travel.

The  question I have is:  When the Master/Top/ Dom has to go away for a week or two, whither it is work or travel that they are separated,   are there any feelings of gladness, feelings of enjoyment in the time apart, what are the upsides to being separated for periods of time?

Knight’s alandra

Master and I do not actually live together; we are about 30 miles apart. Part of our agreement was that we both maintain our own place of residence. However, 90% of the time, Master stays with me at my apartment; with me sometimes going to stay at his house. There have been periods of time where we have not seen each other for a week, two; the longest being two months ( due to work issues with Master ). Those times though, that we do not see each other, I look at as my time. I spend it doing what I want to do ( shopping, redecorating, etc ). Though I miss him terribly when he is not here, I use the time to recenter myself, and pamper

_____________________________

Taylore

(in reply to alandraofMists)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 11:35:01 AM   
nstyslave


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		i concur, little one. When i was owned, and Master had to travel for extended periods of time, it was very hard. i did not see an upside to this either. But as they say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

~nsty

_____________________________

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 1:24:36 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists
...When the Master/Top/ Dom has to go away for a week or two, whither it is work or travel that they are separated,   are there any feelings of gladness...


No, quite the opposite (thankfully those occasions have been rare)!!!  this slave is very grateful that Master takes her along when He travels for business or pleasure.

quote:

... feelings of enjoyment in the time apart...


sure there are feelings of enjoyment through activities participated in when we are apart, but there is no joy gleaned from the simple separation, in and of itself....there is no looking forward to "alone time" for this slave.

quote:

...what are the upsides to being separated for periods of time?...


the only upside this slave can see is the flood of inspirational ideas that happens every time we are separated, the focus of those inspirations being how to make those times shorter, or negate the necessity of those times altogether!!!!

(in reply to alandraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 1:47:36 PM   
ravn


Posts: 328
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline 		I recently lost my Master for two weeks when He went to Seattle on business. It was HELL.
Although, through friends i came to realize that it was a perfect time to get to spend some time with my daughter, forget about making dinner every night and throw together something good tasting and probably not all too healthy- lol, and get a chance to do my nails and answer a long list of email that i had been ignoring for awhile.
So no, there are no real upsides to being apart- just opportunities to reclaim a few of the simpler things. Like- a long hot bubble bath. yummm


_____________________________

Masochism is a valuable job skill.
Chuck Palahniuk
Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
~Proverb ( bring on the tyranny!)

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 3:12:45 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists

I have read some threads on here where the submissives/slaves express the hardships and negative feelings that come from missing their Dom/Master when They have to be separated because of work or travel.

The  question I have is:  When the Master/Top/ Dom has to go away for a week or two, whither it is work or travel that they are separated,   are there any feelings of gladness, feelings of enjoyment in the time apart, what are the upsides to being separated for periods of time?

Knight’s alandra


My owner travels very frequently for business and pleasure. His travel for me is real reminder of my place. He doesn't often discuss where he is going, he rarely calls while he is away, and he rarely allows me to travel with him. It is a real reminder of his single/independent status to me.

The upsides for me I can clean anytime of day. He prefers the house silent or very close to silent. I can blast the stereo :). I use that time to re-group, sort of withdraw, and process some of our interactions. My kiddo and I get to do things we normally don't do..like have a pizza party and do fun..noisy things :). I read more, try new recipes, and sleep more.  I am a heavy emotional masochist, his going away and leaving me behind because I'm not his peer, hurts me..in a way that is so deeply pleasurable..it hits on my darker needs.

(in reply to alandraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 3:33:18 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I can really understand that emotional hurt you are talking about.  It reminds me much of the same - I am not his peer.  It hurts me yet I crave it.  There is something deeply significant for me about suffering for him.  It makes me feel securely in place.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 3:43:31 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I agree that it is time spent on projects that one can't do when He is here.  Of course, we don't live together, so I have a lot of alone time, but we are on IM for a couple (or more) hours just about every evening.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 5:19:47 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists
The  question I have is:  When the Master/Top/ Dom has to go away for a week or two, whither it is work or travel that they are separated,   are there any feelings of gladness, feelings of enjoyment in the time apart, what are the upsides to being separated for periods of time?


Mz Smartypants,

After more than 16 years of living together and rarely being apart, it is understandable that this time is not something that you are dreading.  I can see many reasons why you would be looking forward to this time apart. You will get to have some alone time to take care of you.  You will have uninterrupted time to take care of the things that you need and want to do, i.e. the house, family, friends.  You can get ready for our trip in August without him hovering and changing his mind a thousand times.  *g*

In some ways I am looking forward to it as well.  Even though he and I are already physically apart, I imagine there will be fewer opportunities for the interactions that we have now.  I will have more time to accomplish the things that he wants me to do, things that end up taking a backseat to his immediate desire to interact with me.

These next few months might also give you and I more opportunities to interact and strengthen our bond.  Of course, your personality will always look for the good in a situation, so I fully expected that you would find the positives and make the best of it.


your sis,

kyra

edited to add -  I forgot, you won't have to listen to him snore all night long  *eg*

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 7/18/2006 5:22:05 PM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to alandraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Time Apart - 7/18/2006 10:05:17 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		Rob used to work in the oilfeid and was gone for weeks at a time, I missed him and we spoke daily on the phone but 15 years married I'm pretty secure that he's not going to replace me if I'm not constantly at his side. We may not play in the BDSM context but he is my husband and best friend. In a way it was a mini vacation,  I could go out and be with my friends without feeling bad if he didn't want to go, he really doesn't mind ( he gets the tv remote to himself then *s*)   but there is always that feeling that I'm having more fun that he is.  
I can get little things done around the house(or even better I can ignore the little things that need doing around the house *g*) or sit and write for hours and hours on end.  I can also sit in my baggiest, comfy pajama's. spread myself out on the couch and watch whatever scary movie I want *s*
I know he is coming home, I know he loves me. That old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder isn't all that far from the truth. Besides, Quality time is always wayyyyy better than quantity time.


denika

< Message edited by denika -- 7/18/2006 10:06:37 PM >

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Time Apart - 7/19/2006 2:14:04 AM   
lolipop


Posts: 34
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		To justheather - your list really addressed most of my ideas, and showed me more I didn't think of, so thank you. :) PS: I looked at your profile, and your glasses look identical to mind. Random, but curious!

And to everyone else - I relate to a lot of what was said here. :) It's tough being away from your Master (especially if it's the first time, or a relatively fresh relationship), but it does have its upsides.

(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 20
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