Wanderling
Posts: 39
Joined: 10/14/2015
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
Id be interested to know what you mean by doing things for someone...I have an idea, but your "thoughts" would give me an answer.
I'm sorry I didn't respond to this but I hadn't seen it when I responded to the other post from Bitatruble.
I think you'd disagree with my idea.
My "doing things" is, in many respects noble, but in sexual respects, it is very shallow.
I'm always helping others do things that I don't even do for myself.
For example, I have helped many people over the years prepare their taxes [H&R Block employees asked me to work for them when I took an elderly neighbor in one time, to "advise" them as their "tax lawyer", of which I am definitely not!]. Yet, I don't even do "my" taxes on time ever. I just file for an extension to - oh shit - missed it again!
Likewise, being in a drought, I don't water or mow my lawn or weed all that much, but I just got back from helping a divorced neighbor clear out all the Scotch Broom and Spanish Broom on her hillside since someone complained to the town who sent out the fire inspectors who gave her a fire ticket. So, I help others, before helping myself.
Friends of mine can recount countless times I've helped others on things that I should do myself, from working with plumbing to fixing their cars to helping them move to taking their kids to school to volunteering for a community event, etc. But, I don't do these things for myself yet I get a "kick" (somehow) out of helping others and being thanked for doing so.
I think the stuff above is noble but in sexual respects, I think that same "helping out" is rather shallow. It boils down to being naked in front of them and doing stuff for them that pleases them. I'm even embarrassed to mention this because it IS shallow. I don't really seek a R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P so I know it's shallow [abject apologies should be forthcoming soon].
Instead of a R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P, what I seek, shallow as it may seem to you and everyone else, is to do sexually related things for someone where she, somehow [magically?] derives pleasure from that. If it's crawling around naked on a leash, then that's what it is, but I would hope it would mean for example crawling around and eating whatever she puts in the dog bowl. Or serving her food bit by bit. Or suckling on her titties [yes, that means that I want to suckle her titties to make her happy but also to get my sexual urges satisfied]. Shallow. Shallow I am. Sexually bereft of relationship material.
I realize how shallow this is the moment I put it down in words. [I'm embarrassed to just admit it, out in the open.]
It's just P-L-A-Y that I want, which is the total polar opposite of R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P.
Yes, I feel guilty. I really do. I know it's not at all what women want. It's just what I want. So no wonder I'm looking.
I just want P-L-A-Y. And that's a dirty word I think to most women. And I do not blame them one bit.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
There is no "one twue" way for everyone. Anyone that tells you there is, is delusional.
Well there is the noble thing, which is to get married when you get her pregnant. And then there's the ignoble thing, which is to run away and get someone else pregnant. Lots of people do that (I don't but I'm just illustrating an idea).
The true way for me doesn't seem to be what most women want.
That doesn't make most women wrong. It just makes me want something they don't want.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
Finding someone is always hard.
I dont expect anyone to "get" my past relationship. It worked for 18 years and then it didnt. It wasnt a full time face to face BDSM relationship. Very few people Ive read over the years would be happy with the way my relationship ran. And I dont blame them, but it was amazing when it worked well.
I envy you. In a good way. Just finding someone who wants what you want is a dream unto itself.
Some people get that, and then something [God?] just takes it all away from them.
Why? I don't know. I think God is cruel.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
Now my ...needs/desires regarding BDSM have changed, thru necessary life changes. Finding what I need will happen or it wont.
Meantime, I read, I comment I learn, I laugh, I get crabby, and I enjoy the people here that post thought provoking stuff.
Yes! There is therapy in discussion. Even though we almost certainly differ in almost every respect, there is still therapy in discussing those feelings, emotions, and differences.
Yet, God is cruel nonetheless.
He giveth and he taketh away.
Sometimes, I think he does it just for his own amusement, but most of the time I think he is just an evil bastard.
Like the God in the old testament who teases men to kill their own sons or who extolls the virtue of warning to cut a baby in half just to find the true mother.
God is cruel. When we have relationships that work perfectly and for long periods of time, he smites us in some way, and takes all that away. Ask me how I know. I don't want to ever go through that again!
< Message edited by Wanderling -- 10/23/2015 12:18:00 PM >
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Elegant, Mature Mistress - Dublin/Anywhere - 
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