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Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 3:23:30 PM

kitty333

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/19/2004
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I want to toss a question out there to see what other's think in regards to scene play. First let me say that I am a masochistic submissive who has enjoyed six years of awesome S/M play in which the 'play' has been strict S/M. When I say strict S/M I mean there was no sex involved, just pure unadulterated 'power'.. While I have totally enjoyed scene play I found myelf looking for something more. I'm currently exploring the world of D/s within a relationship. While the relationship is awesome I'm missing awesome 'play'..

To put it out there plain and simple... my partner considers scening as a prelude to sex. Once he gets off the scene, shortly thereafter, ends which usually leaves me hanging just before the threshold of ethereal bliss.

What are your thoughts? Do you consider scene play nothing more than a prelude to getting off? When I was engaged in nothing more than S/M scenes I missed the relationship and the awesome depth of trust between two.. but now I'm missing the 'high' of a great scene.. Am I asking too much?

kitty

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 4:22:18 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
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Midear Kitty-

I don't think it is too much to ask, though your question has made me wonder about my own work style in relationships.

I think that when private, I tend to stop- or at least pause, after sex, but I do tend to pick things up after a bit of a breather. A stright up SM scene, or something in a club, likely will find me driving a bit longer and harder than something in my home...

Excellent question- Welcome aboard

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 4:38:23 PM

MistressDREAD

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It is possible to find a total S/M partner that can satisfy the relationship needs as well. Keep lookin.

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 5:09:57 PM

kitty333

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Joined: 9/19/2004
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Thank you Lawrence, for your genuine response.
I want to explain in a little more detail what it's like as a bottom. When he's beating my ass with a cane I'm totall focused on absorbing the his strikes without tensing up and becoming anxious. He's back there working himself up to sexual climax.

When you scene in private do you concentrate on pain play one time and say, more sex play the next time?

I totally devour both, but just can't see how we are going to be able to balance both in one scene. For instance, it totally drives me over the edge to be tied up, tempted and teased and having all my orifices used and abused to the point of riding the edge and then being mercilessly pushed over that edge to a wild and crazy burst of OMG!!! But I also enjoy the endorphine high of pain..

Thanks for the encouragement to speak up and post and for the warm welcome.

Until next time,
kitty

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 5:14:32 PM

kitty333

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Hello Mistress Dread,

Thank you for your post.. I have several playmates that I could get my play fix on but am really hoping to work this out with my partner as we really are trying to work out a relationship.

Do you have an suggestions? He's new at Topping, started out as bottom and is totally open to discussion and altering his method/style in order to gain top results.

Appreciatively,
kitty

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 6:26:30 PM

happypervert

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From your description it sounds a lot like premature ejaculation. So what could he do about that? Maybe think about something else until you get where you want. Google ought to come up with some suggestions.

Just an idea.

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 6:51:07 PM

111597

Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2004
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I am in a Dominant/submissive relationship. We have intense scenes without sex. There is other things of course, but actual sexual intercourse is not an option at the moment. It is very possible to enjoy scening without sex. For me, it is all about the power exchange. I am not ready for a sexual commitment yet. I am ready for the Power Exchange. I love to scene without sex.
So, whether it is SM or D/s really does not matter. It is what you want. If you want a relationship with a commitment, you can find one within the lifestyle. SM and D/s are very close in theroy. No one is really right or wrong. What it boils down to is you. What do you need, and what do you want out of the relationship?

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 6:57:02 PM

Lordandmaster

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What exactly do you mean by "no sex"? No penetration?

To me, whipping someone who asks to be whipped is sexual even if I don't penetrate her.

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 9:53:29 PM

TaurusMCMLVIII

Posts: 88
Joined: 1/20/2004
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Your request is not unreasonable. Remember that variety is the spice of life. Perhaps you can discuss this with your Master. Alternate pure S/M sessions with sensual S/M sessions. Then throw in plain sensual sessions with relatively-minor S/M overtones. Personally I enjoy mixing pain with pleasure and having one play off the other. My submissive enjoys experience the ecstasy while still feeling the residual sting of pain.
Keep the lines of communication open and finding that balance that is right for you.

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/29/2004 11:35:11 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
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One of the things i constantly "fight" is that once I "getoff" I want to stop.. there has been only one person in my life that when I am with them i want to "continue" and the fact that I may have "gotten off" is more of a nusance.

That said...
I find that in a group "scene" or a party I do not have the "physical reactions that i thought I would have. and I tend to enjoy the scene as just that.
and I feed off the energy from others.
When I am alone with a single person then it is "me" getting off but only after the "scene" as such has ended.. and once we are cuddling or "coming down"

I beleave that even pain as in a flogging or caning has to include a phycical sexual componant. To allow the sub to enjoy the heightened emotions and feelings that have come to the surface. To have one without the other is missing something important.

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A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/30/2004 5:10:53 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
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From: Tidewater, VA
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quote:

I want to explain in a little more detail what it's like as a bottom. When he's beating my ass with a cane I'm totall focused on absorbing the his strikes without tensing up and becoming anxious. He's back there working himself up to sexual climax.

When you scene in private do you concentrate on pain play one time and say, more sex play the next time?

Midear Kitty-

that gives me a better idea of your issues with this- thank you. As others have noted, the line between Sm and sex is a bit blurry for me. When working in private, I am still focused on the SM, though there is going to be sex. As I think of it, the work is prone to be lighter in many cases, but not so much because I am in a hurry to get to the sex, but because If she got a 'Saturday-at-a-club' beating too often, bits of her body would likely start falling off.

Which is not to say that I don't from time to time, work as intensively at home as I do in a club, but just that my everyday/at home/relationship work is going to replace intensity with higher frequency.

Seems to me that in addition to his being new to being on top, you two are new as a couple, and will require some time and communication to find a style that will suit you both. Work at it, but give it time...

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Scene Play: Sex or No Sex - 11/30/2004 1:41:43 PM

Nvernilla

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Joined: 10/1/2004
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Gee kitty thanks! I've wondered this from the opposing end. All bdsm is so sexually charged to me that I would feel frustrated if no sex was involved. I know in club functions it must be devoid of sex for legal reasons.I just don't see how they just go home and sleep without bringing it to friuition. A very dear subfem friend of mine has told me she has done just that on numerous occasions. Will your Dom allow you to attend functions where the need for this will be sated? ...Mike

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