Awareness
Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: angeldmort
I read enough to know that all the frustrations I have are shared by almost every dominant woman on here. The "are dommes poor" thread has so many things in it that I've said word for word that it scares me a little and makes me wonder if it's really worth all the hassles of looking for a sub.
Today was yet another 'first meeting' that didn't happen, no show, no call, with a local sub who wrote me an actual letter, seemed intelligent, had a sense of humor, didn't hop into his laundry list of kinks and had actual non-kink interests. We emailed back and forth for the last couple/few weeks about all kinds of things - house renovations, pet fostering, etc. His last email response on Thursday was him saying he would bring the beer my partner likes when he came over. Low pressure, relaxed, friendly, and .... nothing since. Profile is still up, so that's something, I suppose.
This is following a string of them - I started to worry that maybe we are a jinx - one told me his grandmother had died so he was out of range to text, (turns out he was texting a findomme the whole time) etc, the next got stomach flu the morning he was supposed to drive over then had some strange depression and still wants to come play 'when he gets his head right' (had great references, but still) and then the one after that had his truck blow a bearing halfway here (and then his codependent anger issues surfaced during the week following so that went south fast.)
I am at the point now where I'm asking subs who write anything less than a stellar mail to send a donation to my favorite pet rescue before I invest a lot of time talking to them, but that scares almost everyone, even if they are somewhat serious. I've tried talking online to find compatibility. I've tried scheduling a quick first meeting so they don't feel I'm dragging it out. I've tried telling them to come do something useful and show their benefit. I've tried discussing the ways I feel I can improve their life. I have tried discussing long-term interaction, I've tried 'just come play.' I've tried friendly, I've tried cold and cruel and demanding, I've tried casual and detached, I've tried warm and playful. I've tried being understanding, firm, 'you're out!' and just telling them to go away when they chicken out.
We started into all this over 6 years ago, and have only had one person show up off the web. The local munch has earned a reputation for being really cliquish, and we haven't found much luck there either so we only go when we have someone to hang out with.
What do you do that works to get a sub to show up when they say they will? What do you do to sort out the time wasters quickly? I'm about burnt out here.
You have got to be fucking kidding me, right? I'm a heterosexual Dom, I'm not remotely your target group and even I can tell you what you're doing wrong.
A) Your profile portrays you as a whiner who can't cope with disappointment. You're claiming to be dominant then throwing a fucking tantrum in your profile? What's wrong with this picture?
B) You're restricting yourself to bisexual (or bicurious) subs who're into loony sex-magick and are prepared to accept being your footstool with nothing beyond a bit of sexual gratification for them (maybe). There's no potential relationship on offer because you're already committed.
C) "Living for" the SCA tells me you're not really comfortable with reality and feeds my perception of you as somewhat loony.
I can't speak for male sub demographics, but I've gotta figure you're really cutting your odds right down. Given the sheer numerical imbalance between femdommes and male subs, you have to be royally fucking up to get such a poor strike rate.
I suspect what happens is when subs actually start expending effort to meet you, they start to realise how little is on offer. And anyone with a decent level of self-respect is going to be cultivating multiple opportunities at the same time. Sounds like those opportunities end up looking like a better deal. Men would apparently rather pay a FinDomme for a guaranteed outcome than invest in hours of housework for you with the prospect of very little return.
Honestly, you just look like another woman who decided that playing Domme was a great way to get stuff for free. I don't really get the male sub mindset, but I do think someone would need a serious lack of self-respect to follow up on what you want. And the fact that they flake after weeks of discussions tells me that all you're apparently good for is getting them off while they fantasise during your chats but that the cold, hard reality you offer just isn't very attractive.
_____________________________
Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.
|
RE: Seeking advice on the No-Show problem - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread