Mercnbeth
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I appreciate that many, if not most, people arrive at CM early during their discovery of alternative “lifestyle” in general and specific BDSM practices. The availability of CM as a resource is invaluable. As long as you are conscious that many people representing themselves as “true” dominants and submissives are in actuality only “true” to their personal goal of finding someone to fuck emotionally, economically, mentally, and literally; you can get some good information. However, there is an inherent problem with this type of forum. Every question, and therefore every answer, is posted in a vacuum.
Perusing some recent threads on reoccurring themes I tried to remove myself from my perspective and view the question and the answer from the viewpoint of a novice. Doing so, I realized it’s a good thing that some people’s desire for this lifestyle is so strong because if anything is more confusing than the questions posed it’s the answers. It’s not a matter of the redundancy of subjects covered; it’s a matter of 180 degree opposing viewpoints both being “correct” with good supporting arguments.
I HATE when that happens! I’m adamant that there is a “right” answer; there is a “right” way. I believe that arbitrary or conflicting “right answers” are the result of not having enough information. Why can questions concerning a lifestyle relationship generate right answers in contradiction? Questions regarding trust and honor shouldn’t be contingent on perspective. Limits, the inclusion or exclusion of love or sex can’t and shouldn’t be argued when examples given come from personal experience. How is it that activities and protocol such as the need for written rules, or specificity within those rules such as third person speech attacked, generating the need for counter-attack?
Theoretically perspective shouldn’t matter if ultimately your goal is the same. Unless you are a one handed web surfer, you’re goal is to be in the company of another while enjoying some form or fashion of BDSM experience. If that goal is 24/7 or 2/365 it still falls under the definition of the word “relationship”.
I see the issue to be one similar to the old poem by John Saxe concerning six blind men describing an elephant. Having never seen one, the only thing they have is first hand perspective. The perspective is contingent upon the one part of the elephant they touch. They are all 100% correct and they are all 100% wrong. It seems to be the case on CM threads. Except in this case some people have actually seen the elephant, road on one, or maybe even owned one; becoming, of course, elephant experts. Instead of describing and addressing the point touched, their amplified response includes sage like wisdom such as; “Yes, a slave is distinct from a submissive in that their limits are defined by an owner. But of course they first need to be self aware. It goes without saying that they also should only relinquish responsibility to a person who has earned that degree of trust.” That may be 100% accurate regarding how beth and I define limits within our dynamic but it has the possibility of being 100% wrong regarding anyone else.
The reason why the elephant eventually dies may be directly attributed to the blind man perspective. Feed an elephant snake food because of its trunk and you’ll have an ex-elephant Elephants and relationships need appropriate care and feeding. Owning one before you’re ready won’t work. They don’t come with an owner’s manual, but you should write one for future reference when the novelty of having a new elephant evolves into the ‘fun’ of daily care and feeding. Once again be prepared for the scrutiny of other elephant owners. Your ‘fun’ can be defined by them as ‘work’. No challenge or point of ‘fact’ will change that perspective. Once you’ve bought into your elephant it’s better to be deaf and dumb to the criticism of the blind.
No matter how much background is supplied, questions about a relationship can only be answered in full context. As the questioner, appreciate you are only exposing a minuscule part of your elephant. As a commentator remember your elephant and mine only have the fact that we both own elephants in common. Attacking the question or response to only one part is wrong and usually leads to the wrong conclusion. You have to build your own version of the elephant. More important consider that even if you see and touch every inch of someone else’s elephant you are still not seeing the insides.
For those who may have attended US public school during the past 25 years this is the source document providing the inspiration of this post.
Blind Men and the Elephant (by John Godfrey Saxe)
It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind
The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
“God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!”
The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, “Ho! what have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me ’tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!”
The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
“I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant
Is very like a snake!”
The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
“What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain,” quoth he;
“ ‘Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!”
The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: “E’en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!”
The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
“I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant
Is very like a rope!”
And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!
Moral:
So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen.
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Blind People & the Elephant - 
Profile
RE: Blind People & the Elephant - 
Vendaval 
<wondering what seven people will come up with if blindfolded and touching a dancing banana> 
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