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Anxiety - 11/6/2015 4:24:45 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I haven't been participating in lifestyle activities for many years. After I stopped running a munch I pretty much dropped out to take care of my elderly parent until her death. I haven't played in years. Last Saturday I went to my first munch in my new location in southern CA. I have been here since July and it took me 3 months to gather my will to go for a coffee munch.
I almost backed out.
Part of me thinks I am too old for such things as kink.
But this has been part of my life from my first sexual encounter; longer if you count the years of priming.
Even if I never had sex again I am still twisted this way.
And the people with whom I have been the most at ease have been bent in the same general direction.

So I really am attempting to merge into this new environment but it is hard.
Today I have been on pins and needles all day because I plan to go to a flea market for kink so I can sell my unused corsets, cuffs, paddles and books. It just makes sense that I sell things I don't need and it would be nice to have extra money for the holidays. I have been psyching myself up to go and set up. But now, ANXIETY!

I have been pacing and racing, packing up my stuff and getting ready to drive all day. Anxious as all get out and it turns out the flea market is tomorrow. So, anxiety for nothing. But I still feel at odds.

Any suggestions out there for easing anxiety? Help.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

Post #: 1

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 5:17:44 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

Big hugs to you!

A friend once observed that butterflies are a sign of a healthy ecosystem. So when she has butterflies in the tummy, she regards it as confirmation that she's taking a healthy step outside her comfort zone.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 2

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 5:18:35 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

My condolences for the passing of your family member.

In ways, I kind of agree with you. I'm one of the relocation queens around here and I do think it gets a bit harder as you get older. Especially when you do have experience under your belt. In some ways, you get kind of tired of starting over again, even when you're not really new.

Are you doing other social things that would parallel? Not times you go out specifically with friends but places you're going for fun that you don't know anybody before you go? If you are just swap the kind of events in your mind.

If that doesn't work, try some distraction. Something that will make you stop thinking about it. That's a big one for me.

You're going to hate me for this one but fake it til you make it. Keep telling yourself that you're going to have a good time. Don't do the doubts.

You've never impressed me as a lack of determination kind of individual. I know if you set your mind to it, you will be able to go.

By the way, have a good time.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 3

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 5:27:53 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Do you do any meditation? They make meditation apps. The Man uses one to relax when he's too wired to sleep.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 5:34:48 PM

littleclip

Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline

how you breath helps a lot if you use your chest muscles then you are stimulating the fight or flight system if you use the diaphragm then its the parasympathetic or relax system that's stimulated doing a full min of belly breaths not fast but slow deep controlled pursing the lips on exhalation will calm the mind and body down its how the snipers are trained to breathe

_____________________________

currently owned by LadyAthena15805
i will always come to the call of those i love

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 8:13:51 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Ooo... scary as they are too me I wish these were butterflies! It feels more like hyena's in my chest.
I should mention that I have a tendency toward agoraphobia that I have mostly managed since I was 12.
In fact that was a huge factor in starting a munch group. I have learned I have to push myself beyond the fear to live more or less like a regular person.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 6

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 8:20:45 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dt5Qv9tUObI

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 7

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 8:24:12 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Oh I am pretty familiar with fake it till you make it. With the exception of a couple of friends and my daughters very few people know I am running scared every day. I DO eventually relax, it is is hard work to get to that point. And yes, as I have gotten older it is much harder.
There are many factors in play here.
One, I had to deal with the death of 3 close family members (sister, brother, mom) in 2014.
Two, I spent the last year since their deaths repairing, painting and selling my mothers home and doling out the proceeds to people who had no rights to the money (bad planning on my mothers part).
Three, moving 600 miles from my old life.
Four, and this one is tough, my adult daughters and I moved together, and while I love them, I can't hang out with them all the time. It gets expensive.
And finally five, I work online from home. Which means I really don't meet anyone. That is why I forced myself to do the coffee munch, and I will force myself back tomorrow morning.
I do have my suitcase of kinky items packed and ready to slip into my car tomorrow. I may have to spend all day in that area to make sure I attend that flea market at night.
Thanks for the wishes

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

My condolences for the passing of your family member.

In ways, I kind of agree with you. I'm one of the relocation queens around here and I do think it gets a bit harder as you get older. Especially when you do have experience under your belt. In some ways, you get kind of tired of starting over again, even when you're not really new.

Are you doing other social things that would parallel? Not times you go out specifically with friends but places you're going for fun that you don't know anybody before you go? If you are just swap the kind of events in your mind.

If that doesn't work, try some distraction. Something that will make you stop thinking about it. That's a big one for me.

You're going to hate me for this one but fake it til you make it. Keep telling yourself that you're going to have a good time. Don't do the doubts.

You've never impressed me as a lack of determination kind of individual. I know if you set your mind to it, you will be able to go.

By the way, have a good time.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 8:26:06 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I have not tried meditation.
....unless you call being deep in shopping mode therapeutic.
I should look into it. I do recall when I was younger that dance helped. Maybe I will find a belly dancing class nearby.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Do you do any meditation? They make meditation apps. The Man uses one to relax when he's too wired to sleep.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 8:30:13 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Breathing is tough. Because of my life experiences I learned early on to breathe short and quiet, almost as if my mind is trying to shut off any sound of life. I take occasional deep slow breaths when I feel too tense. That does help.
It is hard to remember to breathe like that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleclip

how you breath helps a lot if you use your chest muscles then you are stimulating the fight or flight system if you use the diaphragm then its the parasympathetic or relax system that's stimulated doing a full min of belly breaths not fast but slow deep controlled pursing the lips on exhalation will calm the mind and body down its how the snipers are trained to breathe

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to littleclip)

Post #: 10

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 8:48:29 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Hmm.. another vote for meditation.
I will look into it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dt5Qv9tUObI

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 11

RE: Anxiety - 11/6/2015 11:46:30 PM

Bunnicula

Posts: 420
Joined: 4/7/2014
Status: offline

A third vote for meditation! I do tai chi which is intensely relaxing and allows my overactive mind to 'switch off' for a while and lowers anxiety levels. I also like to meditate too, for the same reason.

Also, when I was worried about an upcoming situation I would write down the worst thing that could happen (being realistic, of course!) and the best thing. Quite often seeing the 'worst' in writing makes it feel a lot less intimidating, and usually the actuality is somewhere in between.

For example - the worst things that could happen:

1. Nobody buys anything - you're no worse off than you were before
2. Nobody talks to you - you can smile at people and take a good book or music if it gets a bit quiet
3. You have to talk to someone and it's a bit scary - start with a smile. People often respond to smiles in a positive way. All you need to say is 'hello'.

These are off the top of my head - I'm sure you know your worries better. Think them through, write them down, do tai chi

_____________________________

"You are THE MAN!!" - some_random_internet_asshole
"You're not a very nice bunny" - some_random_internet_asshole's_sock

Wanna chocolate raisin?

Previously known as 'myotherself' or simply 'da bunny'

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 12

RE: Anxiety - 11/7/2015 4:25:57 AM

jadedblessing

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/25/2015
Status: offline

I find when i'm having anxiety or the start of a panic attack i pick up 5 lb. arm weights and use those for a few minutes and then the anxiety starts to subside....it's a quick fix..

(in reply to Bunnicula)

Post #: 13

RE: Anxiety - 11/7/2015 9:35:05 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Well if no one buys anything I still have a nice wardrobe for ren faires, I guess.
That part is ok.
Right now the coffee munch has started and I am still trying to get myself to go.
Instead I am stripping wall paper on a wall I plan to redo.
I think I might be able to get there in the last hour of the event.
I am a bit hesitant because this munch was people who have known each other for a long time. Because I am new I didn't have a lot of interaction last week. When I used hold munches I would make sure everyone met the others, had a chance to introduce themselves, and if I saw someone alone I would make sure they had some attention.
But... I am anal that way. The way I do things is not normal because I am not normal.
Here, things are different and I have to adapt.
I do try to talk but sometimes I feel like what I have to say is not that interesting. lol particularly when bodies lean back.

I am seriously considering taking a book with me tonight at the flea market. But, that would be rude.
So today I will make myself have coffee at a munch. And drive back again tonight and try to sell some corsets.
Maybe the purpose of anxiety is to force people out of their box.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

A third vote for meditation! I do tai chi which is intensely relaxing and allows my overactive mind to 'switch off' for a while and lowers anxiety levels. I also like to meditate too, for the same reason.

Also, when I was worried about an upcoming situation I would write down the worst thing that could happen (being realistic, of course!) and the best thing. Quite often seeing the 'worst' in writing makes it feel a lot less intimidating, and usually the actuality is somewhere in between.

For example - the worst things that could happen:

1. Nobody buys anything - you're no worse off than you were before
2. Nobody talks to you - you can smile at people and take a good book or music if it gets a bit quiet
3. You have to talk to someone and it's a bit scary - start with a smile. People often respond to smiles in a positive way. All you need to say is 'hello'.

These are off the top of my head - I'm sure you know your worries better. Think them through, write them down, do tai chi

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Bunnicula)

Post #: 14

RE: Anxiety - 11/7/2015 9:40:29 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: online

You just moved there very recently I think? Maybe you might need some time to get used to your new surroundings, rather than push yourself to attend events when you aren't "feeling it". I think if it were me (I'm introverted) I'd spend some time getting acquainted with the area and get to feel a little less like a stranger in a strange land before I pushed myself to meet new people. I'd also go for walks on the beaches in OB and La Jolla to alleviate anxiety :)

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 15

RE: Anxiety - 11/7/2015 10:11:46 AM

DocStrange

Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I haven't been participating in lifestyle activities for many years. After I stopped running a munch I pretty much dropped out to take care of my elderly parent until her death. I haven't played in years. Last Saturday I went to my first munch in my new location in southern CA. I have been here since July and it took me 3 months to gather my will to go for a coffee munch.
I almost backed out.
Part of me thinks I am too old for such things as kink.
But this has been part of my life from my first sexual encounter; longer if you count the years of priming.
Even if I never had sex again I am still twisted this way.
And the people with whom I have been the most at ease have been bent in the same general direction.

So I really am attempting to merge into this new environment but it is hard.
Today I have been on pins and needles all day because I plan to go to a flea market for kink so I can sell my unused corsets, cuffs, paddles and books. It just makes sense that I sell things I don't need and it would be nice to have extra money for the holidays. I have been psyching myself up to go and set up. But now, ANXIETY!

I have been pacing and racing, packing up my stuff and getting ready to drive all day. Anxious as all get out and it turns out the flea market is tomorrow. So, anxiety for nothing. But I still feel at odds.

Any suggestions out there for easing anxiety? Help.

First, you are never too old for kink. Kink is part of who you are whether or not you choose to be active in it or not. Do not let age rule who you are :)

I cannot answer on why you are anxious. I going to assume you are excited about the possibility of getting back into the lifestyle. But there is hesitation for some reason. So I would ask what is it that you are hesitant or afraid off? Once you answer that question you can better find a way to relieve the anxiety.

Last piece of advice is "Just Do It" like the Nike commercial says. Similar to being a kid and getting on the roller coaster ride. There is that excitement of wanting to ride the ride because you know it is fun. But then there is that fear of that big hill an drop. You do not loose that fear until you get on the ride and realize the thrill from the ride is what you wanted and the anxiety was all for not!

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 16

RE: Anxiety - 11/7/2015 1:58:29 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Yes I just moved here mid July.
My adult girls and I moved in together here in this new location. I lived here around 30 yrs ago and I love the ocean so when I had the opportunity to change my life I came here. When I was living here before, I lived in OB. People are different in beach towns, they smile, they say hello, they don't mind when you start conversations with them. And of course there is the appeal of the walks on the beach. Now I am inland by a good half hour.
Since moving here I have mostly hung out with my girls.
But I can't do that forever.
I need to meet other people or I may end up finding my apartment so safe that I stay inside, like my old agoraphobic days. This is my biggest fear. Even bigger than my fear of new situations.

So today I went to the munch. When I arrived people were well into conversation. There was no real opportunity for me to speak up and introduce myself to people I didn't meet last time. I tried to hang out longer than the meeting went on because many of them were going to head to lunch afterward, but it was like I wasn't there. They agreed on Thai food and gave the name of the place. I just didn't feel like I was part of it.

Tonight I will go to the flea market to sell the corsets if I can.
But I don't know if this community is for me in the long run.
at the moment I am not sure about anything here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

You just moved there very recently I think? Maybe you might need some time to get used to your new surroundings, rather than push yourself to attend events when you aren't "feeling it". I think if it were me (I'm introverted) I'd spend some time getting acquainted with the area and get to feel a little less like a stranger in a strange land before I pushed myself to meet new people. I'd also go for walks on the beaches in OB and La Jolla to alleviate anxiety :)

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 11/7/2015 1:59:13 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 17

RE: Anxiety - 11/7/2015 2:07:10 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: online

I lived in OB when I lived there a long time ago too. OB is a state of mind :)
The people at the munch you just went to sound like fucking assholes.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 18

RE: Anxiety - 11/7/2015 2:16:26 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Nah. I am sure they are nice. They seemed to be having a great time together.
I just think people have comfort zones they fall into and everything else is unnecessary.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I lived in OB when I lived there a long time ago too. OB is a state of mind :)
The people at the munch you just went to sound like fucking assholes.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 19

RE: Anxiety - 11/7/2015 6:49:49 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Get there early next time. That way you won't be trying to enter a conversation, you'll be helping start the conversation.

And since you're new to the area, ask them where their favorite restaurants/parks/bike paths/etc are. People will enjoy finding someone else who enjoys biking or taking dance classes. Because it's always easier to speak happily of something you enjoy.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 20

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