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LEARNING MALIGNANT SELF LOVE The SADISTIC NARCISSIST

"He spreads, he presses, thrusts, tears, all of his efforts are in
vain; in his fury the monster lashes out against the altar at
which he cannot speak his prayers; he strikes it, he pinches it,
he bites it; these brutalities are succeeded by renewed challenges;
the chastened flesh yields, the gate cedes, the ram bursts through;
terrible screams rise from my throat Never in my life have I
suffered so much.Inflamed by lust, the beast strikes with all his
force daring to mix love with these moments of cruelty, he fastens
his mouth to mine and wishes to inhale the sighs agony wrests from
me.."Justine Marquis de Sade"

The Sadistic Narcissist does not cater at all to his own needs. Contrary to
his reputation, the Sadistic Narcissist does not "love" himself in any true
sense of this loaded word.The sadistic narcissist feeds off other people who
hurl back at him an image that he projects to them. This is their
sole function in his world : to reflect his False Self, to admire
him, to applaud his actions, even to detest and fear him - in a
word, to assure him that he exists by giving him constant attention to
relent to the power.
Otherwise, the Sadistic narcissist feels that they have no right to tax his
time, energy, or emotions.People who suffer from Sadistic narcissism have a
sense of self-importance and no need for others to see such. They exaggerate
their actions and
talents and expect recognition from their managers and peers without
commensurate achievements. Preoccupied with finding a life of unlimited
success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love, they believe
themselves special and that they should only associate with other
special people - particularly high-status people or institutions.
They demand excessive admiration from both superiors and people
over whom they have power.Their sense of entitlement demands
favorable treatment and automatic compliance with expectations.
Interpersonally exploitive, they take advantage of others to
achieve their own ends usually in a painful manner. They lack empathy -
they cannot recognize
or identify with the feelings and needs of others emotionally
and can only identify with feelings physically. They envy others or believe that
others are envious of them and exhibit arrogant behaviors and
attitudes.The Sadistic narcissist is possessed of a revolving high then low
self-esteem based off of those peers around them. In public, the Sadistic
narcissist presents himself as the
quintessential winner. But deep inside, he judges himself to be a
good-for-nothing loser, a permanent, irreversible failure that nothing nor
anyone can change. He hates
himself for being so, and he constantly envies everyone around him
for various reasons and can take the smallest of negitive action
against him and blow it out of proportions because of the emotionally
disconected self. His discontent is often
transformed into depression which is well hidden from those around him.
Unable to love himself, the Sadistic narcissist
is unable to love another with out extream adoration present its either
all or nothing for him. He
regards and treats people as though they were objects: exploits
and discards them if they do not fit his mold. He mistreats people
around him by asserting his superiority at all times, by being
emotionally cold or absent, by constantly bickering, verbally
humiliating, incessantly (mostly unjustly) criticising, and by
actively rejecting or ignoring them, thus provoking uncertainty
which is a uncontrollable objectability with in the personality that
is a natural personalitly flaw. They tend to tell the stark truth even if it hurts.
The Sadistic narcissist's interpersonal relationships are deformed and sick
by societys measure and are usually on the outskirts of whats
deemed normal and are usually extream and not accepted by even those in
alternate living. Sadistic Narcissists actively encourage people to form
expectations only to disappoint and frustrate them later to tears. They
lack many skills due to the disabled brain function and tend to rely
on people around them to make up for these deficiencies or brush
them off as not nessisary.That people will obey him, cater to his
needs, and comply with his wishes is taken for granted by the
Sadistic narcissist, as a birth right. At times the Sadistic narcissist socially
isolates himself, exuding an air of superiority, expressing disdain,
or a patronising attitude that most will not understand and are afraid of.
At times he verbally lashes his nearest
and dearest and it takes sometimes years to retrain the brain to change
this trait. Yet the Sadistic narcissist expects total allegiance, loyalty,
and submissiveness in all circumstances regardless if it is socially or in
the workplace or home. Mostly, the Sadistic narcissist
prefers to be feared or admired rather than loved. He describes
himself as a "strong, no nonsense" man, who is able to successfully
weather extraordinary losses and exceptional defeats and to
recuperate. He expects other people to respect this image that he
projects or lives thru and to always respect his accomplishments. Thus,
the beneficiaries are objects, silent
witnesses to the Sadistic narcissist's grandiosity and magnanimity, the
audience in his one-man show. He is inhuman in that he needs no
one and nothing and he is superhuman in that he showers and shares
the cornucopia of his wealth or talents abundantly and unconditionally.
Even the Sadistic narcissist's abundant charity reflects his sickness.
Even so, the Sadistic narcissist is more likely to donate what he considers
to be the greatest gift of all himself, his time, his presence. He takes
great enjoyment and in extream cases sexual desire from the pain in others
be it emotional, physical, mentally provoked or spiritual.
Where other altruists contribute money he avails of his time and
of his knowledge. He needs to be in personal touch with those aided
by him, so as to be immediately rewarded for his efforts.
When the Sadistic narcissist volunteers he is at his best. He is often
cherished as a pillar of civic behaviour and a contributor to
community life and this is usually the only place other then when he is
into his Sadistic act will the public will see him. Thus, he is able to
act, win applause, and reap
Sadistic Narcissistic Supply and all with full legitimacy.We dealt until
now only with appearances. The Sadistic narcissist's behaviour is indicative
of a severe pathology which lies at the heart of his psyche and
which deforms almost all his mental processes. A permanent
dysfunction permeates and pervades all the strata of his mind and
all his interactions with others and with himself being a self hater.
What makes a Sadistic narcissist tick? What is his hidden psychodynamic
landscape like? It is a terrain guarded zealously by defence
mechanisms as old as the Sadistic narcissist himself. More than to others,
entrance to this territory is barred to the Sadistic narcissist himself.
Yet, to heal, however marginally, he needs this access most and learning
to communicate openly helps the Sadistic narcissist overcome his sickness.
Sadistic Narcissists are bred by other sadistic narcissists. To treat others as
objects, one must first be treated as such. To become a sadistic narcissist,
one must feel that one is nothing but an instrument used to satisfy
the needs of a meaningful (maybe the most meaningful) figure in his
life. One must feel that the only source of reliable, unconditional,
total love is himself. One must, thus, lose faith in the existence
or in the availability of other sources of emotional gratification.
This is where the pain for pleasure comes in and the boundaries pushed.
This is a sorry state to which the Sadistic narcissist is driven by long
years of denial of his separate existence and his breaking of boundaries, by a
volatile, or arbitrary milieu, and by constant emotional self-reliance.
The Sadistic narcissist not daring to face the imperfection of the
frustrating figures (usually, the parents), not able to direct his
aggression at it, resorts to destroying himself and taking the pain out
on others for release.The Sadistic narcissist thus
catches two birds with one stone of self-directed aggression: he
vindicates the meaningful figure and their negative judgement of
himself and he relieves his anxiety. Sadistic or Narcissistic parents tend to
perniciously mould their offspring in the formative years of early
infanthood, well into the sixth year of age.An adolescent, while
still applying the finishing touches to his or to her personality,
is already out of harm's way by turning their feelings in and locking them
away. The 10 year olds are more susceptible
to Sadistic narcissistic pathology, but not in the subtle irreversible
manner which is the precondition for the formation of a
Sadistic Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The seed of pathological
sadistic narcissism is planted earlier than that.Sadistic Narcissists are born to
narcissistic,sadistic, painful, depressive, obsessive-compulsive,passive-aggressive
and, in general, mentally and or emotionally disturbed parents. Alternatively, they
may be born into chaotic circumstances. Delinquent parents are not
the exclusive vehicle of deprivation. War, disease, famine, a
particularly nasty divorce, or sadistic peers and role models
Capricious behaviour and arbitrary judgement, contradicting
directives, or emotional absence are the elements which constitute
the sadistic narcissist's menacing, whimsically unexpected, dangerously
cruel world and treatment of others.In such a world, emotions are negatively rewarded.
The development of emotions requires long-term, repeated, and safe
interactions to overcome the sadistic narcissistic personality. Such
interactions call for stability, predictability and a lot of
goodwill on the behalf of those around the sadistic narcissism. When these
prerequisites are absent, the sadistic narcissist
prefers to escape into a world of his own making to minimise the
hurt and retreats prefering to be alone totally. Such a world combines an
"analytical ratio" coupled with
repressed emotions.This invented, highly elaborate has all the perks, universe is
not devoid of emotions. Quite the contrary: it is infused with them,
they colour every act, however automatic and basic. But they are
tagged differently in the brain. The sadistic narcissist does not lose his
ability to feel, he loses his ability to realise that he is feeling
and to recognise his feelings as such which tends to make him look
hollow to others. When forced to communicate his emotions usually
by some kind of threat to his image or to his world, or
by a looming abandonment the sadistic narcissist uses an alienating and
alienated, "objective" language and person. He makes profligate use of this
emotionless speech also in therapy sessions, where direct contact
is made with his feelings. All this makes it difficult to penetrate
the impregnable: the sadistic narcissist's inner world.The sadistic narcissist himself
has limited access to it. Humans rely on communication to get to
know each other and they empathise through comparison. Communication
absent or lacking, we cannot truly feel the "humanness" of the
sadistic narcissist as most times his personna is well unattached.The sadistic
narcissist is, thus, often described by others as
"robotic", "machine-like", "inhuman", "emotionless", "android",
"vampire", "alien", "automatic", "mean", and so on. People
are deterred by the sadistic narcissist's emotional absence. They are wary
of him and keep their guard up at all times around such emotionally
void empty people.Certain sadistic narcissists are good at simulating emotions
and can easily mislead people around them. Yet, their true colours
are exposed when they lose interest in someone because he no
longer serves a sadistic narcissistic purpose. Then they no longer invest
energy in what, to others, comes naturally: emotional communication.
This is the essence of the sadistic narcissist's exploitativeness. To a
certain degree, we all exploit each other. But, the sadistic narcissist
abuses peoples emotions and thought processes. He misleads them into believing that they
mean something to him, that they are special and dear to him, and
that he cares about them. When they discover that it was all a
sham and a charade, they are devastated and he takes pleasure in such pains.
The sadistic narcissist's problem
is exacerbated by being constantly abandoned by those whom have been hurt by
his ways. It is a vicious cycle
the sadistic narcissist alienates people and they leave him. This, in turn,
convinces him that he was always right in thinking that people are
selfish and always prefer their self-interest to his welfare. His
antisocial and asocial behaviours are, thus, amplified, leading to
yet more serious emotional ruptures with his closest, nearest, and
dearest.This volatility erodes the sadistic narcissist's self-esteem,
self-image, and self-confidence which can be a dangerous situation. The
sadistic narcissist self-devalues and is reduced to depression and doubts and
can lash out. The sadistic narcissist is his own worst freind.The sadistic
narcissist does not realise his potentials because he needs to work with
others to do so and will always prefer being alone. But
he avoids getting involved in order to forestall pain and self-destruction that
he can see but does not accept.
The sadistic narcissist's schizoid reclusiveness is an act of self-preservation.
One can convincingly argue that the sadistic narcissist's self-destructive
streak is better manifested in the way he secures his self strokes.
The sadistic narcissist assumes that he is so unique that his uniqueness is
enough to establish his position as entitled to special treatment.
Some attributes of the sadistic narcissist are: dangerous, unpredictable,
verbally violent, deterring, businesslike, rich, well connected,
powerful, genius, innovator, revolutionary, reformer, non-conformist,
rebellious asexual, monkish, pervert, extreamist, author, intellectual,
bohemian, artist, commited family man, sage, experienced, stable,
and authoritative, charming. People feel that something is amiss
but they can't put their finger on it. So they keep their distance
from the sadistic narcissist, or abandon him altogether thus reinforcing
the Sadistic Narcissistic Cycle and, unwittingly, participating in it.JMO

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I will start with My self in the hopes that others whom have been diagnosed in the vanilla world will also share in that which makes them who they are so that others can look into our complexities and in those find familiarities that makes us all one kinkie, different, diversified family. Being who I am, I have removed the personal connection of My words in adding the word him for her.

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ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD
LEARNING MALIGNANT SELF LOVE The SADISTIC NARCISSIST

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ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD
Im sure that this is a sticky subject
for many to address but it is one such
that in a place like this needs to be
addressed as well for a full rounded
understanding of BDSM . D/s . Gor .
and All other Alternate ways of Lifestyle
and kinks. .

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Ive often wondered what would happen with these clients of the psychiatric services if they sought solace in the bdsm world, how that, as opposed to the plethora of drugs and therapies on offer compare in its management and suvival of.

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ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD