RE: When you were a beginner

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: When you were a beginner

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: When you were a beginner

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: When you were a beginner - 11/26/2015 9:48:13 AM

sweetieDA

Posts: 129
Joined: 4/3/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

That Levee stockings are God's own gift to the thighs of women everywhere.

Obviously nobody ever introduced you to Wolford

Hmm, perhaps they suit thinner legs? Levee stockings have thick, soft, stretchy tops that make even the roundest pair of thighs look like sex incarnate, and they go up to a UK 36. They're the only stockings I know that don't roll down, dig in or vastly mislead purchasers about what size leg they will fit. I have literally never seen a kinky woman too fat to wear them, and I've seen a lot of fat kinky women :-)

< Message edited by sweetieDA -- 11/26/2015 9:51:12 AM >

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: When you were a beginner - 12/29/2015 8:12:26 AM

DocStrange

Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

what do you wish you had known?

My formal introduction to WIITWD was here.

When I was new here, it never occurred to me that many messages were copy and pasted.
I answered every one and everyone.

So knowing that would have been useful.

Too, I hadn't had much dating experience; most of my relationships were fairly long term. Very few were under 12 months, so while the advice to fall back on my previous dating experience is useful, it would not have helped me much.

What would have been useful to know for you personally?

When I got started in BDSM, the internet was not born yet. I got into BDSM around the age of 25. I wished I knew the Dommes and Dungeons existed. I probably would have got started much earlier (18?) LOL

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: When you were a beginner - 12/29/2015 8:44:22 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I wish I had been told that I wasn't obligated to answer every strange email that showed up. And let me assure you, they were very strange.

The knowledge that no response is a response would have saved me a lot of upset from various vitriol fueled idiots, not to mention that I would easily have foregone the experience of a long and detailed death threat which left me jumpy for weeks.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DocStrange)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: When you were a beginner - 12/29/2015 1:47:27 PM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline

HAK1M Your identity is hidden; a shifty caricature; as you sit in judgement of more than me, whist offering nothing...I went with semi colons this eve for thee. I am all for the apparent and transparency, in words that you will understand. Perhaps we are all that we can ever be and anything less would negate that.

as sweetieDa says That married and cheating men will always give you a good, guilty story that makes you feel sorry for them she forgot to include most women

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: When you were a beginner - 12/31/2015 3:01:18 AM

longwayhome

Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline

It wish I had understood the true nature of what I was experiencing early enough that I could have chosen a career path that did not make " respectability" so important. (Although it has to be said that that was partly made worse by the young me misunderstanding what a "permanent" commitment was, and thinking I would never have to open up sexually to another woman. Sadly a bit naive, I know)

I am anything but respectable. Being able to be publicly honest about that would have been liberating.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: When you were a beginner - 1/2/2016 5:52:47 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

Way back before the internet was available, I wish that I had known that even though I was straight and not a sadist, I was still part of this.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to longwayhome)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: When you were a beginner - 1/2/2016 7:13:30 PM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

That Levee stockings are God's own gift to the thighs of women everywhere.

Obviously nobody ever introduced you to Wolford

Hmm, perhaps they suit thinner legs? Levee stockings have thick, soft, stretchy tops that make even the roundest pair of thighs look like sex incarnate, and they go up to a UK 36. They're the only stockings I know that don't roll down, dig in or vastly mislead purchasers about what size leg they will fit. I have literally never seen a kinky woman too fat to wear them, and I've seen a lot of fat kinky women :-)

BLoody hell thank you!!! great link

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to sweetieDA)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: When you were a beginner - 1/2/2016 7:32:33 PM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

I wish I had dug deeper to find others instead of being just on the fringe> Altho, given that I found it online when my kids were early teens, I did a lot of research online before venturing out. I had a lot of kinky experiences thru relationships, but not relationship d/s. until 96-97.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Lucylastic)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: When you were a beginner - 1/2/2016 10:54:41 PM

HoneyBears

Posts: 337
Joined: 11/5/2013
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Way back before the internet was available, I wish that I had known that even though I was straight and not a sadist, I was still part of this.

Same here. A lot of the porn containing BDSM elements featured an excessive amount of S&M.
It probably still does. There was (is?) not enough emphasis on D/s aside from unconvincing role play.
So both of us wish that we could have discovered sooner that BDSM is not all about sado-masochism.
Edginess is fine for some, but not for us, and there is no diehard recipe of ingredients any of us needs to follow, other than to follow your bliss.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

I wish I had dug deeper to find others instead of being just on the fringe> Altho, given that I found it online when my kids were early teens, I did a lot of research online before venturing out. I had a lot of kinky experiences thru relationships, but not relationship d/s. until 96-97.

Finding kindred spirits is the most difficult part, not settling for second and third best, and taking everything you hear, see and read with a grain of salt.

My sub is pain-averse, and we both believe this makes him more obedient and willing to learn how to please.
In other words, it comes perfectly natural to him once he knew he had found what he was looking for.
We have fun, and we have a very playful and teasing dynamic, regardless of how serious the situation.

Neither of us can imagine how stifling and stultifying it would have been if our D/s relationship had started out with a humiliation and punishment dynamic.
Personally, I wish I had known much sooner the difference between funishment and punishment.
It would have saved me from getting involved with bratty, passive-aggressive subs and bratty force-me-to-be-your-bitch switches.

-- Lisa & Cub

_____________________________

"The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart."-- J.G. Holland

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: When you were a beginner - 1/3/2016 3:39:04 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's funny (as in ironic) the way my thoughts drifted reading RS' and Cynthia's posts. For a good bit there, since I got my start in leather, I didn't really catch on as to why anyone would want to be anything else. Not the 'nillas, of course, but kink folks. Open mouth/insert foot didn't begin to cover it. I could have learned that lesson a bit sooner.

If I could take back exactly one night I went to the club so my path didn't go a certain way, I sure as hell would have done that. Had I known then what I know now, I'd have run back to Augusta from Atlanta that night as fast as my legs would have carried me.

The rest? I keep thinking back to a night I was talking with Axxxxx. (Can't use his name here due to forum guidelines, but most of the older posters would remember him.) He was the only guy I knew at the time who did this whole thing bass-ackward like I did. It wasn't that kink wasn't all over the net when we got started. We just didn't find that first. I don't regret not being on the net first, even with the wealth of information that was out there. Still, it was different. I think it was a different learning curve but that's not especially a bad thing. Even when I was told to sit down, shut up, and order a damn book to learn something.

I wasn't a sadist at first but when the time came, I think I had a ton of learning opportunities. I still look up to the people who taught me all of this stuff. I think I had it pretty good.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: When you were a beginner - 1/4/2016 2:34:11 PM

DocStrange

Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline

I stumbled into the world of BDSM by total accident. I knew nothing of BDSM at the time. I did not even know what a fetish was.

If you ever read a magazine like Popular Mechanics, in the last few pages of the magazine are these little box ads for all kinds of nifty gadgets and do it yourself projects. For some reason I always loved reading those ads. One day I picked up a sex magazine someone at work brought in. I looked at the last few pages by habit and found a bunch of ads just like in Popular Mechanics. But this time they were all sexual/adult clothing type ads. I remember reading an ad for rubber clothing. It has this nice busty woman wearing rubber clothes. She looked so sexy. Something clicked in my mind that day and I wrote down the information and sent away for their catalog.

Mind you at this point I still knew nothing of BDSM. The catalog came and I was totally amazed at all the clothing they made in rubber. All the articles in the catalog were vanilla type clothing. Bras, pants, tops, sleepwear, stockings, gloves etc. I always had like the look of leather, but that shiny rubber just turned me on for some reason, and I did not know why. I ordered a few items from the catalog. When the items came, so did another catalog with their BDSM like of rubber gear. That was the day I first learned of the BDSM world.

Even after finding out BDSM existed it took me several years to meet people who were into the BDSM scene. My lucky break came when I ran across a Domme who had a rubber fetish and was using sessions to work her way through nursing school. She knew all the local shops that sold gear and some bars there were known BDSM hangouts. By local, I mean her town. My town did not have anything like that.

I say lucky in the context that this Domme taught me so much and I had no clue at the time. She always took the time to talk to me before and after a session. She always asked "What did I like?, What did I not like? and why? Answering those questions were so hard back then. I knew I liked a lot of it but did not know why. She took the time to really help me dig into my feelings and understand what was driving my desires in BDSM.

What would I have like to know back then? How to access the BDSM world. It took me so long to figure that out! (this was all before the internet)

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 31