RE: emotional eating

RE: emotional eating (Full Version)

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Greta75 -> RE: emotional eating (12/2/2015 5:36:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelineRanger Whether or not you realized it, you just diagnosed the problem right here. The deeper question that you have to answer is why that void exists. I've already explained where the void came from. My issues with my parents that are unresolved. quote: And it is never wrong to get professional help when you can't solve a problem yourself. I have been seeing a therapist, I think I went through 4 in 7 years. The first 2 was a year + each. The last one lasted 3 years. I've been upset about my lack of control of eating for since a child, as I had the same problem throughout my entire life, I feel like I exercise more than most women my age growing up, but I am twice their size around here, it's been my biggest frustration. I don't believe it's because of my frame, because I do the fat analysis, and I'm at 34% fat content, which is quite unhealthy. It surprises me how firm and toned I look on the outside, but still big but how much fat is inside my body. I definitely tried some professional help, but I know also finding the right professional help is another challenge. quote: Feed your emotional needs in other ways. Usually they say, turn to exercise. I have no idea what other way. quote: So if you need to be told you are of value, put affirmations around the house. I have read about doing this. I even invested in a software in all my computers, as I spend majority of my time looking into a screen, to be flashing affirmations every seconds, hoping to instill subconscious thoughts into helping me with this issue. quote: Make sure most of that is low calorie, snack on carrots, cucumbers, raw bulk that fills you up without adding calories. I covered this. What happens is I will eat excessive amounts of these "healthy food", like cooking potfuls, it's ridiculous sometimes, and still feel emotional empty and in the end get defeated and add on more unhealthy food to feel full. quote: the extent you push your body to is extremely beyond the limits. Even for a professional athlete Being alot into endurance sports, I made alot of friends in endurance sport. I only do maximum full marathons. My friends all run 100km, 100 miles (160km), and their training is worst than what I do. They run marathons practically everyday. They gotta stress themselves with back to back endurance training all the time too, as if ya running 100miles, it takes usually 48 hours or even more. But the interesting part is, they are never hungry and they eat very little. I was frustrated why the same thing didn't happen to me. So actually compared to them who are the real amazing athletes, what I do is very little. Infact, it amazes me how little food they carry. When I run my full trail marathon, I carry alot of snacks. They often told me, I am carrying too much weight, too much supplies, should train to run all the way without needing to eat, should drop all the food. But trail marathons, only has supplies every 10km or 15km or so, and I usually get very hungry.

angelikaJ -> RE: emotional eating (12/3/2015 4:21:44 AM)
Take your time, Greta and try to find a counselor who both deals with compulsive behaviors and is proficient at Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I think it could help you a lot.

LadyConstanze -> RE: emotional eating (12/3/2015 5:24:42 AM)
Greta, some issues will always be unresolved with parents, while I love mine, they sometimes drive me bonkers, on some issues we will never ever see eye to eye and I just decided they are to set in their ways, I can't change them and it is not my job to change them, if they breach topics that will upset me, I learned to change the subject or remember that I have something important to do (living in different countries helps a lot) From your posts, a lot of what you do seems to be very compulsive, eating, sports, sex life, staring at the computer... I can only guess, but I think you know that you are looking for an emotional attachment, something to fill the void you are trying to fill with compulsive actions, something that will make you feel really good about yourself. Have you considered volunteering for a charity maybe? Even if you just do it for an hour or two a week, it might take your mind off dwelling on those issues you have with your parents and depending what you do, it might really really make you feel good about doing it. Or how do you feel about pets? Animals tend to give you pretty unconditional love, which seems to be what you are craving... Just as a few guesses.

JanahX -> RE: emotional eating (12/3/2015 3:01:09 PM)
I just take Adderall, Buspar and smoke. I do what I gotta do, you do what you gotta do. But I've always lived with the back story of: Who wants to live forever anyways? Damn - I can't believe I've made it THIS long.

Greta75 -> RE: emotional eating (12/3/2015 3:18:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Have you considered volunteering for a charity maybe? Even if you just do it for an hour or two a week, it might take your mind off dwelling on those issues you have with your parents and depending what you do, it might really really make you feel good about doing it. Or how do you feel about pets? Animals tend to give you pretty unconditional love, which seems to be what you are craving... I rescued 8 cats, well I rescued more than 8 but I kept 8 with me, the rest adopted out successfully. They are between 15 to 17 years with me now. I participate in cat charities, neutering strays, fostering for adoption, taking care of their medical out of my pocket etc. So yes, I tried to fill the void doing that. I connect better with animals than with humans, and I connect specifically closest to cats, so that's my choice of humane work. My cats actually fill the void quite well in the beginning, something to care and love for. And I can treat like my children. But as time goes by, it came back. But I can't live without them, they do fill up something. And I will always choose my cats over a man, if a man wants me to forsake my cats. Like no way ever. I have done it several times.

LadyConstanze -> RE: emotional eating (12/3/2015 3:27:50 PM)
I have cats and dogs, I love them both, though the cats just seem a bit more selfish "stroke me now, I want attention" while the dogs are totally and utterly devoted, but everybody has different needs... I was thinking maybe you could get into something where you work with humans, disabled children, the elderly, something like that, I don't know if it would help but you could get non-sexual appreciation from other people, which could replace what your parents withhold? Have you thought about writing them a letter and detailing exactly how you feel and how they make you feel? Don't send it, just write it down, get it out of your system... As a wild guess, you said you are of Chinese origin, there seems to be much more value on sons in that culture, could that be the issue your parents have? Whatever it is, the way they brought you up is THEIR issue, just maybe finding out why might put a few demons to rest?

Greta75 -> RE: emotional eating (12/3/2015 3:33:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I have cats and dogs, I love them both, though the cats just seem a bit more selfish "stroke me now, I want attention" while the dogs are totally and utterly devoted, but everybody has different needs... I can't relate to dog's attitude because you can beat them to death and they will still love you. That's way too unconditional for me and something I don't believe in. I like that I earn my cat's love and they love me because I treat them well and I deserved it. quote: I was thinking maybe you could get into something where you work with humans, disabled children, the elderly, something like that, I don't know if it would help but you could get non-sexual appreciation from other people, which could replace what your parents withhold? I am usually unable to connect with human beings, I often feel ostracized by them even if I am helping them out, I feel they will always turn against me, so it's very difficult for me to do charity work with humans. And then the politics even in charity work. When humans are involved, politicking, it's just, I don't fit in to all that drama. When I do my cat work, I do it individually, I learn what needs to be done and I can do it independently on my own accord. quote: Have you thought about writing them a letter and detailing exactly how you feel and how they make you feel? Don't send it, just write it down, get it out of your system... I have done more than that. I have confronted them face to face and told them all my grievances. They just look at me and tell me not to blame them for my own ineptitude. quote: As a wild guess, you said you are of Chinese origin, there seems to be much more value on sons in that culture, could that be the issue your parents have? Whatever it is, the way they brought you up is THEIR issue, just maybe finding out why might put a few demons to rest? Yes, on top of that, my birth brought shame to my family because of my gender. My mom was ostracised and blamed for giving birth to a female instead of a son. So yes, they have suffered giving birth to me and they blame me for it. My dad refused to even send my mom to the hospital or be present for my birth, he made her take a public bus when her water broke. But he made sure he personally drove my mom to the hospital and be there for my brother's birth. I know it's a cultural thingy. But it still sucks. Not all Chinese families are like that anymore these days. Most have evolved to love their children regardless of gender.

LadyConstanze -> RE: emotional eating (12/3/2015 4:47:45 PM)
I disagree with you on dogs, mine are rescues and I had to earn their trust and love, yes you can beat a dog and he will accept you as stronger, but that's not the same as love and a dog wanting to protect you out of love... I would do the damned letter, so you aren't interrupted by them and you get it off your chest, then go and burn the letter, let it go, sometimes visualizing something is important... The whole female thing, I get that to a degree, mom and dad are both from very old families with long long traditions and a focus on sons, so yeah, not being the son and being told you can't do something because you're not a boy, it wasn't pleasant but I do realize that they are the product of their upbringing, I can't change them but I can change things for myself and one thing I can do is not to dwell on it, it's what it is and I refuse to let it ruin my life and my future. Did your dad know that your mom was expecting a girl, did they do an ultrasound? Seriously, don't you think there is something really funny about the situation? And nope I am not making light of you, but we DO know and have known for ages that a man's sperm determines if it's a boy or a girl, and your dad blamed your mother because his sperm fathered a girl? Stupid! The way I see it, you can let it consume you and ruin your life and your interactions with others, or you can decide that your parents behaviour was hurtful, unjust and you are absolutely within your rights to resent them for being assholes, but you won't let them fuck up your life more. You're going to take all the anger and the hurt feelings, but them into a letter, well personally I then would put that letter into a pillow and beat the shit out of that pillow, and after that I would burn the letter in a bonfire, and then possibly tell them that unless they show you respect and treat you like you should be treated (not different than your brother) you won't have any interactions with them, for your own peace of mind, and if they are ready to apologize, they know where to find you. As long as you keep on carrying the anger and the frustration with you and always hope they might see the light, you will not be able to let go and it will consume you. I mean what do you have to lose? Worth a try?

Greta75 -> RE: emotional eating (12/3/2015 5:16:10 PM)
quote: I disagree with you on dogs, mine are rescues and I had to earn their trust and love, yes you can beat a dog and he will accept you as stronger, but that's not the same as love and a dog wanting to protect you out of love... I have never worked with rescued dogs. But I have grown up with dogs as my mom likes having them and always kept them. I even had my own puppy, not by choice. My mom wanted a new dog, and used me as the excuse and claim it's my dog. I never bothered with that dog at all, I never fed it, took care of it, pet it, or spend any time with it or anything, but it seem to recognize me as who it's meant for and won't leave me alone. My x-dom dog was one of those hostile fighting breed, and that dog been with him and his mom for like more than 10 years, and he claim his dog was hostile to strangers. But his dog left both their sides to snuggle in bed with me, they were watching TV in living room, and I was just in the bedroom reading my book. Usually, I just find dogs just overly friendly, even when they aren't suppose to be. I like that my cats only exclusively give me attention and nobody else, and I am special to them. But of course, that's just my personal experience with dogs. I understand how cat works better and bond with them better. I just cannot understand how the dog works. I even consider my x-dom's dog disloyal for his actions. But maybe as I was the stranger, he was watching me on their behalf ha. But he didn't have to jump on bed and go inside the blankets and snuggle up to me. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Did your dad know that your mom was expecting a girl, did they do an ultrasound? The way my mom put it, they considered aborting me because I was a female, but she couldn't go through with it, because of her religious belief that, it would earn her a place in hell. So I believed they both considered aborting me as a solution to their problem of not wanting a female. My dad probably refused to be present for my birth when my mom refused to go through with the abortion. My parents have always been completely honest with me about how unwanted I was, and a liability to them like since a kid. My dad told me straight that he could have just threw me away in some garbage bin after I was born, but he actually bothered feeding and clothing me and educating me, so I should be damn grateful to him he bothered keeping me instead of whining to him about why does he not love me constantly. I questioned him alot as a kid. I have also often wondered IF my mom cheated on my dad, and I was not his child. But I am the splitting image of my dad. Anybody who sees us, can clearly see his my dad. quote: You're going to take all the anger and the hurt feelings, but them into a letter, well personally I then would put that letter into a pillow and beat the shit out of that pillow, and after that I would burn the letter in a bonfire, and then possibly tell them that unless they show you respect and treat you like you should be treated (not different than your brother) you won't have any interactions with them, for your own peace of mind, and if they are ready to apologize, they know where to find you. It's complicated not to have interaction with them, as I am close to my brother, who always tries to bring us together. And I do love my brother and will entertain him if he asks of me. And he does defend me alot against our parents. But I haven't done the burn the letter thingy, so I will try doing that to see how it makes me feel.

AAkasha -> RE: emotional eating (12/4/2015 11:57:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ Maybe this could be helpful? https://www.oa.org/newcomers/is-oa-for-you/ Thanks! I didn't know such thing exist. Will have a look. Greta, please do look into this. I have a very dear girlfriend that I would never look at and think "Oh she is really, really overweight or obese," but she has an emotional challenge with food. She tried all sorts of diets from vegan to raw, but would always just eat too much of whatever it was (even if healthy) and then get discouraged and add unhealthy food on top. It took trying a few different meetings to locate a group she liked, but she found so much to be rewarding. OA is not just people who are morbidly obese or binge eaters - it's all kinds of people who have challenges with food. It's a support system. Make friends and find people you can call BEFORE you start down a path, even if you call several people a day. Find someone you relate to and respect - that's what she did, and since then she's been feeling great. Akasha

Greta75 -> RE: emotional eating (12/5/2015 12:50:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha It took trying a few different meetings to locate a group she liked, but she found so much to be rewarding. OA is not just people who are morbidly obese or binge eaters - it's all kinds of people who have challenges with food. It's a support system. Make friends and find people you can call BEFORE you start down a path, even if you call several people a day. Find someone you relate to and respect - that's what she did, and since then she's been feeling great. Akasha Thanks for sharing a positive real life case. Sounds good! I will have a look at it.

LadyConstanze -> RE: emotional eating (12/5/2015 7:21:37 AM)
Not to jump the gun, but you said a few times that you have problems relating to other people, so I am wondering if a support group like that will help if you can't relate to the people there and wouldn't the logic step be to work on your problem with other people and how you relate to them, because then you might get more out of a support group instead of being distrustful of them and looking for politics and all that. I don't think your distrust of people and problem connecting on an emotional level and the emotional eating are 2 completely different problems, I honestly think they are somehow related and both go back to your relationship with your parents.

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