Question about some people seeking...

Question about some people seeking... (Full Version)

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LadyConstanze -> Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 6:27:46 AM)
I saw some of the posts here but mainly they popped up on the other side (CS) on profiles when I log in (haven't set a search or anything) and I'm wondering a little bit... As an example plenty of women, males or couples are looking for house slaves, male and/or female, it's all about how the slave will live in their house and not leave it, then they all should be in a certain age range, where I go "Hold on, that's when people work..." I don't if I'm too rational for it, but a bunch of things just crossed my mind... - Most people work, how can you go to work if you aren't allowed to leave the house? - In case somebody gives up the job and career and moves in, what's going to happen if it doesn't work out? (A career break usually doesn't help if you're trying to get back to work) - Social security and retirement funds, are the new owners going to pick up the bill for that because if the slave isn't working... - How about medical bills and all that? I'm really wondering because most of them ask for somebody who's well adjusted, wouldn't a well adjusted person ask all those questions? In short, are those people just having a public fantasy (kind of like the guys who write to me that they want to live chained in my basement forever) or do they actually expect somebody to take all those risks?

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 6:49:45 AM)
Like most things, pets, kids, slaves, the idea of them are great, the reality is very different. I make no bones about the fact that my household is a working household... I do not allow for idle hands. So I don't get my inbox "Princessed" often, and it takes about a minute for them to realize that I'm not the frog they are looking for. Occasionally I'll get a princess that will scrutinize my profile and say all the right things. However, that always ends with me discovering their favorite animal is a grey hound so I stick them on one. I'm not a "this is my money, and your money is my money" person. I am 100% invested in anyone fortunate enough to cross my threshold and I will support them until they have enough money saved to buy a plane ticket. The plane ticket isn't a GTFO ticket, it's an emergency fund just in case they need to go to family/friends. After that, any and all money goes where it needs to go and I decide how much goes into savings, which is generally the lions share. I have a very comfortable life. Not because I have unlimited resources, but because I am exceptionally gifted with money management and follow the Tao of the Little Red hen.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 7:22:32 AM)
Hey whatever works for a person, it was just sparked off by a few mails of "I wanna live in your basement forever and be chained" and then seeing some of the searches, and being a practical person (without a basement) I was wondering, how that could actually work, somebody quitting their job and being without an income, it just doesn't seem very thought out, most people do have family, social commitments, sure I could feed somebody... From my understanding, you don't expect the person to just work in your household, which is pretty important because again, if things don't work out, they don't have that massive empty space on their resume which would be hard to explain. I'm more wondering about the couples or singles who want a person to just live in that bubble, like chained to the bed, doing household chores, not leaving the house... Let's say it works for 5 years or so, then master/mistress drops dead, where does that leave slave? Or the couple who gets the slave to relocate, then the chemistry isn't right and he or she is stranded somewhere without friends or a support system... I know I wouldn't ever make a good slave or sub, because I couldn't just ignore all the pesky facts of life.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 7:32:36 AM)
There are a lot of people that do not want to work. They think some 50 shades of wealthy D is going to pave their way in gold... we call those toothless waitstaff at some point. Aesthetic value is of a little value, that shit fades way too fast, and most reasonable people aren't looking for simple chattel, they are looking for devotion from someone worthy of sharing their life with. There are far too many illusions and an ocean of delusions about the lifestyle and I don't see the reality of the lifestyle sinking in to the masses until the reality of life impacts them.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 7:40:31 AM)
I have trouble understanding the not wanting to work mentality, I'd start climbing the walls, would possibly volunteer... But I always thought taking somebody on full time is kind of a responsibility, and that would extend to "What happens if we part ways..." kinda stuff, but maybe I do take commitments a bit too seriously for most of the fantasy warriors who think a bunk in a basement with chains is BDSM heaven... (until they need to see a dentist)

littleladybug -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 7:43:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I know I wouldn't ever make a good slave or sub, because I couldn't just ignore all the pesky facts of life. Most of the slaves and subs that I know don't "ignore all the pesky facts of life"- not in the least. They are very cognizant of self and get themselves into relationships where the "pesky facts of life" are all considered. I know several who do not work outside of the home, at their Dom or Master's request. This doesn't mean that they're chained in the basement, or some such fantasy. And it also doesn't mean that they haven't put their ducks in a row so they will be taken care of should something happen to their partner. If I were a betting person, I'd wager that the vast majority of "chained in the basement" scenarios don't make it past the internet.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 7:47:10 AM)
And that's just it. It's all good until the expenses set in. We really need to get RS in here, he can really tell people how the cow eats the cabbage when it comes to confinement.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 7:52:02 AM)
The subs and slaves I know are all pretty much grounded and level headed, and I would think that if it came to taking somebody on board, it would be what I'd want from a person, that they don't live in fantasy land, however those whole "Why can't we find anybody" complains and then you look and it seems so simple, the "Because you don't really offer anything" springs to mind. I tried to discuss it with one Dom who sent me a mail complaining about how fickle female slaves are, he can't find anybody and when I raised the question of how he plans to take care of her, all the details of pension plans, backup plan (he's 60+ but looking for half his age and the picture and job didn't make me think he was independently wealthy) and such, he was outraged and informed me a real slave would never ask for that and it goes against the grain of being a sub/slave. I thought that was a bit ridiculous. I don't have live in slaves or subs, I got 4 legged pets and they require quite a lot of thought and consideration, I would think a human pet would require even more.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 7:54:53 AM)
Hmmm... all my assets are going into a trust that will provide for anyone I attach to the trust. I don't know why people don't think about that shit.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 8:51:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant Hmmm... all my assets are going into a trust that will provide for anyone I attach to the trust. I don't know why people don't think about that shit. As I said, I tried to discuss that with "doomly Dom" and he was seriously outraged and informed me I simply do not have the mentality or know anything about owning slaves and he always knew women aren't dominant... I couldn't resist saying "Ah, and that is why you can't find a slave? Because you understand them so well?" Obviously his reply was a bunch of insults. I come from the place that a relationship is a relationship, however people structure the relationship is up to them, everybody has a different dynamic, but you do take your responsibility seriously. H and I even decided to change our will to make sure should we both die in a weird freak accident the cats and dogs are taken care of (whoever wants the houses has to take the zoo on board and care for them), shit happens and it's just part of the responsibility to care for your family, no matter if vanilla or BDSM.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 8:54:54 AM)
If the ban on ply-marriage ever gets lifted, I won't have to go the way of a trust... although I probably will anyway, just to make sure that the trust perpetuates well beyond me and them.

LadyPact -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 9:32:27 AM)
I'm going to give this a shot. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I saw some of the posts here but mainly they popped up on the other side (CS) on profiles when I log in (haven't set a search or anything) and I'm wondering a little bit... As an example plenty of women, males or couples are looking for house slaves, male and/or female, it's all about how the slave will live in their house and not leave it, then they all should be in a certain age range, where I go "Hold on, that's when people work..." I have to pause right here. Of all of the people I know, not a single one is a 'never leave the house' type. While I do know some that are not employed at the M-type's request, there are still errands to run, things outside of the house that need to be done, social engagements to be maintained, and that's not even including the s-type's own hobbies and interests. If we're going to talk about healthy and well adjusted here, those things are a part of a person's life. quote: I don't if I'm too rational for it, but a bunch of things just crossed my mind... - Most people work, how can you go to work if you aren't allowed to leave the house? Some people don't and I can hang with that if that is what the M-type wants for the household. However, not all M-types are signing up to financially support the other person full time. I know some that their full time 'job' is working on a volunteer basis for large kink events, in the business of the M, or being the support person for the M person's career. quote: - In case somebody gives up the job and career and moves in, what's going to happen if it doesn't work out? (A career break usually doesn't help if you're trying to get back to work) The big factor on that one is the amount of time that a person doesn't have an employment record. Under a year doesn't tend to be a terrible hurdle and can easily be explained with a location change, raising children, lack of work in a person's field due to normal surges, and that kind of thing. A decade is something else entirely but some can still be overcome if there is a reasonable extenuating circumstances. (Children, caregiver for someone who was severely medically challenged, etc.) quote: - Social security and retirement funds, are the new owners going to pick up the bill for that because if the slave isn't working... - How about medical bills and all that? I'm assuming for both of these, you are specifically asking about those cases where we're not talking about people who would be entitled to these things because of a marriage. For example, I'm not an s-type, but as MP's spouse, my medical is pretty much for life at this point. I'm also entitled to certain benefits post retirement such as death benefits and that kind of thing. quote: I'm really wondering because most of them ask for somebody who's well adjusted, wouldn't a well adjusted person ask all those questions? Some do. Some don't. However, this isn't entirely different than if vanilla folks chose to marry or move in together. quote: In short, are those people just having a public fantasy (kind of like the guys who write to me that they want to live chained in my basement forever) or do they actually expect somebody to take all those risks? I think some people think it through more than others.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 10:07:09 AM)
I'm not talking about marriage, I'm specifically talking about D types, sometimes couples who want live-in slaves and subs, nowhere is anything mentioned about the benefits or being the spouse, etc. Most of the subs/slaves I know are quite successful in their own careers and wouldn't just give it up, there's nothing wrong if somebody does and it's basically the same support system as a conventional wife was in the 50's, but again, there are just practicalities a person would take into account and I recently stumbled across a FL group where there are just people complain about the lack of subservience in slaves/subs, mainly when they send them mails ordering them to submit or relocate and I was seriously thinking "What planet are they from?" Who on earth would expect a person to submit instantly without having met? For me a sub isn't my sub until we both decided he or she is, it doesn't work instantly like "send PM - sub now collared and owned..." I started looking (morbid curiosity) through the profiles of the D types complaining the loudest, and gosh, if my cat would wander into some of the homes, I'd Frontline the bugger straight away, some seem to be living in sheds or motorhomes and the word hoarders and messy spring to mind, I'm not saying that they are lesser people but they look like they hardly can afford the basics of life and then they expect somebody to give everything up and move in with them... It's just so unrealistic. Seriously, I'm not saying only somebody who owns their home deserves a sub, but this massive discrepancy of what they have to offer and what they expect another person to give up, that was what just made so little sense to me. And all the D/s couples I know, they all seem to have a life, some interests, and as I said to ET before, first and foremost it's a relationship, the balance of it might not be equal but hey, that's for the people entering it to decide, but to boil it all down to something that seems like a bad BDSM porn fantasy (the chained to the house shit) and then complain that there aren't any takers when you present yourself as basically some ungroomed person(s) in front of a room that looks like pest control should be called in and have nothing to offer than a weird fantasy, yet you expect somebody to give up their complete life. I seriously never looked at it much from the s side, I thought it's us D types who get all the weird mails (or males) but it seems that for female s-types it must be much much worse with all the instant dumdums out there.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 10:08:06 AM)
For me, it's a life time commitment, maybe not for others, but that's where I am going.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 10:17:02 AM)
I have one primary partner and non-sexual play partners, slightly different basics, but in case we'd be open to add a 3rd person or more, I would also think long term, would simply want that they are taken care off especially in case something doesn't work out. If somebody doesn't really have the option to leave you then their submission isn't really submission but "needs must"

crumpets -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 10:35:56 AM)
While I have absolutely no experience in the stay-at-home-all-the-time service sub, I, like the OP, can't imagine it actually working out in reality. There are just too many things that matter that need to be taken care of (some of which were nicely outlined by the OP, such as a 401K plan and medical benefits). However, having said that, I can imagine an "arrangement" where someone "lives for free" where the "rent" of a few thousand a month is offset by the service. Otherwise, one would still need to work to pay the various and sundry bills that occur in life. Since working would likely be a necessary condition for most of us, then the only way I see it working out is if one has the capacity to work from the home. So, if work-from-home is allowed, that covers a lot of things that were mentioned (pension, medical, bills, etc.); but still, it may not be wholly realistic because even people who work from home have to have outside meetings and conferences and the like.

LadyPact -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 10:46:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I seriously never looked at it much from the s side, I thought it's us D types who get all the weird mails (or males) but it seems that for female s-types it must be much much worse with all the instant dumdums out there. No. I think we all get our share of weird emails. I often feel very bad for the female s-types because they get their own version of crud. Based on what I know of male s-types, there aren't all that many single, female D-types breaking down their doors and/or couples propositioning them for relocation out of nowhere. If there were, there wouldn't be so many threads complaining about fin kink. In my opinion, it is the person who moves that takes the risk. There are no guarantees. Just because we put fancy labels on these things doesn't mean that there aren't situations that don't work out and people need to be practical about that.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 10:52:35 AM)
I know couples who do live the lifestyle pretty much but in most cases both do work and they don't really flaunt the whole D/s thing to the world. I mean you could take the rent free thing further and if say they are serving a couple, the couple could pay them a wage that would go into all those plans, which possibly would be the ideal situation and if it suits them all, it could be a cool arrangement, I have to find the group again on FL, stumbled across it because I looked at a profile who sent me a message and he had posted there, it was so much talk about what the sub/slave would have as duties and a few things were straight out of fantasy wank land, yet none about just normal practical stuff, i.e. who'd pick up bills, and clicking through the profile pics was a bit like a horror show. I actually once asked myself "Ok dude, where are you going to keep that slave? If that is your bedroom, shouldn't you get rid of the broken chairs, old mattresses, the towers of old papers and cardboard boxes and what looks like 10 years worth of washing...."

LadyPact -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 11:00:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crumpets However, having said that, I can imagine an "arrangement" where someone "lives for free" where the "rent" of a few thousand a month is offset by the service. Unless there are multiple preschool aged little people in the home, a person in the home who needs full time medical care, or someone would be needed as a full time personal research assistant, I would love to know what an additional adult is going to do that is worth a few thousand a month. quote: So, if work-from-home is allowed, that covers a lot of things that were mentioned (pension, medical, bills, etc.); but still, it may not be wholly realistic because even people who work from home have to have outside meetings and conferences and the like. Some people do have in home careers that work from anywhere with little travel required. If that is somebody's position, that's wonderful because it makes them a better candidate for relocation. If a person's job security works no matter where they happen to be hanging their hat, they aren't giving up their ability to their financial needs, so if things don't work out, they aren't in a terrible position.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Question about some people seeking... (12/1/2015 11:47:48 AM)
FR~ Just to throw another hat into the ring.... I think there is a real and fundamental difference between a stay-at-home style s-type based in the US and those seeking the same here in the UK/EU. For those in the US, there are all sorts of pitfalls and costs involved in keeping someone at home. If nothing else, there is the cost of healthcare and various other incidentals that a lot of those involved just don't seem to think about. Over the pond, and especially in the UK, it is perfectly feasible to have an extra person living at home with virtually no cost at all. That person can claim benefits (which include a small income, all healthcare costs etc) and the only thing needing to be covered is what they eat. And let's face it, it doesn't cost much to feed an extra mouth if the D is also claiming part of their income. They wouldn't need to worry about any other costs that would otherwise be applicable in the US. So for us in the UK, having a dedicated live-in sub/slave is really easy and affordable whether the D's are working or not. But I wouldn't seek someone wanting to be a gimp or chained up all day. I don't see any advantage in keeping those types of people. [sm=2cents.gif]

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