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Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 2:09:39 PM   
maysubgirl


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline 		how does society views to slaves ... did you tell everyone that you are  slave ? how are you being treated by other peoples in societly ?my friends called me stupid

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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 2:19:48 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maysubgirl

how does society views to slaves ... did you tell everyone that you are slave ? how are you being treated by other peoples in societly ?my friends called me stupid


Unless you know your friends are cool with BDSM, why would you tell them about this part of your identity?

Do you consider it the same as being bi, gay, or straight? If so, I can fully see you wanting to share that with them IF that is the sort of information you share with friends at all. Depends on the friendship.

If you want to share this with friends, I think its wise to consider the language you use. Using a word like slave, a term that even in the "scene" can create very hostile and negative reactions, is sort of like tossing your friends into the deep end of a violent poool when they can't swim. Ease them into it, use language as they gain understanding.

And be honestly prepared for them to think you are silly, sick, or evil. They might not think any of these things but if you are prepared for it, then you can only be pleasantly surprised when they ask questions or just smile and say "cool".


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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 2:22:15 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		My friends view my choices as my choices. my one gf researched and learned about BDSM so she could understand it. She admits she can see why i'd be drawn to it but it's not for her.

All lot of non lifestyle people will view slaves or subs as weak and stupid women. Which really is sad. But that is because most people can't fathom why anyone would want to hand control of their life over to someone else. Most people view people in BDSM as just into freaky kinky sex like they see protrayed in movies etc.

For example, my mother says all bdsm'ers are freaks but tells me I need to find a nice mature man and i should have been married in the 1950's when the man was always incontrol LOL she doesn't realize that today that is part of bdsm for some people.

People that want to understand will ask questions and actually listen to the answers, other will have thier preconcieved notions and nothing will make them change their minds.

Personally I'd not worry what others think and just accept myself for who I am. For those that wont or can't understand I just don't discuss my life choices with them.

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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 2:24:38 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Tammyjo, yes, not something I'd be "sharing" with everyone I knew.
When I find a sub it will be "our little secret."

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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 2:25:21 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		people are very judgemental. I would not share my proclivities with many. the good friends I have that know about my interests are all vanilla and they do not approve, but they still love me.

I would not, however, share any of this with my family; they would never believe I was submissive anyway!

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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 2:37:00 PM   
eroticangel


Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		i have only told people on a need to know basis only.....so far i haven't felt as if my family need to know...i do have a few friends that know...and that is because they are true friends and love me for me...not for my personal choices.

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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 3:43:30 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't worry what others think about me. However I work on that same "need to know" basis. I don't see any need to rub anyone's face in my business. It is like the topic of another thread about hiding ones "tools of the trade", I don't freak out if someone sees a set of restraints setting out because they did not get put away. I just leave it up to them to either ignore it or ask me about it. People that know me tend to be used to my "diffferences" and do a good job of pretending they don't know, don't wanna know, and don't usually have the gonads to ask.


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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 3:45:27 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		what she said...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't worry what others think about me. However I work on that same "need to know" basis. I don't see any need to rub anyone's face in my business. It is like the topic of another thread about hiding ones "tools of the trade", I don't freak out if someone sees a set of restraints setting out because they did not get put away. I just leave it up to them to either ignore it or ask me about it. People that know me tend to be used to my "diffferences" and do a good job of pretending they don't know, don't wanna know, and don't usually have the gonads to ask.



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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 3:47:15 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I don't feel a need to tell anyone.  However, I don't bend over backwards to hide it either.  If someone expresses interest, there are ways to tentatively start a conversation and there are some people who are close to me who know or suspect.  I'm on a don't ask, don't tell policy.

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~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 4:04:34 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maysubgirl

how does society views to slaves ... did you tell everyone that you are  slave ? how are you being treated by other peoples in societly ?my friends called me stupid


When my kids say they intend to buy the new release by some band because it is "just sick", I know they mean it is good--especially because they usually download or share music for free unless it is extrordinary. My father, on the other hand, might hear them call it "sick" and wonder why his grandkids intend to throw good money at something that's diseased.

The word slave is like the word sick. It means radically different things to different people.

It seems very clear to me that the word slave means different things to different people even within the BDSM community, and I mean in some cases wildly different things.

I have never seen a conversation about BDSM slavery in a BDSM venue which used the word slave in the way it is commonly understood by people who don't do or study power exchange.

What I'm saying, maysubgirl, is that when you say the word "slave" to your friends I'm pretty certain they aren't thinking about the thing you're talking about at all, so their response isn't a response to your actual situation. It is basically just a confusion. I'm sorry they were carelessly unkind rather exploring this idea with you but what the hell, they're just people after all, not saints.

Imagine for a minute that all you ever knew the word slave to mean was the conventional idea represented by Africans kidnapped from their homeland and put to forced labor unto death with no personal rights. Now imagine that your friend says to you: "Hey guess what? I'm a slave now and it is really cool!"

Is there any chance you might think that your friend was acting less than brilliantly? I think it would be a fair response if that was where you were coming from.

I don't know you but I doubt that you're any stupider than me or your friends, who may be basically cool people who just don't happen to know enough about this stuff..

I hope you can make some new good, cool friends who already know what you're talking about so that you can share your thoughts and enthusiasm for BDSM slavery without ridicule. I hope you also find out that a couple of your friends--who aren't calling you stupid--are already kinky themselves and you can begin to share this stuf with them too, now that you both have the secret handshake.

Maybe some day you'll be able to educate some of these people who are now calling you stupid but I think you shouldn't woory too much about them right now. If you're kind of newly into this you already have a lot on your plate and frankly, some better things to do.

I hope you have lots of fun, challenging and rewarding experiences as you do them.

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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 6:44:41 PM   
faithNZ


Posts: 82
Joined: 11/28/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Virtually no one knows of this side of me - well, friends and family anyway.  Partially because I feel no need to tell them, and also because it's none of their business.

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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 7:41:03 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Almost all who know Master and i know we are kinky and rather strange, they know we venture into the BDSM world and have even seen some of our toys.  i have one nilla friend who actually asks about it and wants to know yet another who just shakes her head if the topic comes up and walks away, it squeeks her.  i would not want to live either of their lives i dont want to know what they do in their bedroom nor do they want to know what i do in my private space.  The one friend who honestly asks about it is curious and trying to sort out the mental aspect, she is in an unhappy marriage and sees Master and i and how we are both so well suited and content, never mind blissfully happy.

Great question

owned

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RE: Society and BDSM - 7/18/2006 8:58:31 PM   
MistressJan


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		A few close friends know about me.   I made the mistake of telling two of my closest friends in the beginning, and it was a disaster.  Next thing I knew, they were telling me I was crazy. 
My mother knows I am a Domme.  She does not understand it completely, but she knows, and is ok with it. 

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

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Profile   Post #: 13
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