Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are?

Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (Full Version)

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JanahX -> Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/16/2015 6:53:12 PM)
I have been running across a lot of Doms messaging me lately- who feel the need to describe and explain how dominant they are. Is one's self in a position to be telling strangers that they are dominant to them? I am fully aware of what position they are - as it states it in their profile and its either a Master or a Dominant. in other words it comes up in BLUE type. - If anything else needs to be detailed such as a daddy dom or a sadist - I understand that need for elaboration. (I completely separate this from dungeon doms and doms that are scene locals - that do announce it as they may want to list experience) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some examples would be - (taken straight from some profiles) I am an intelligent, well read, traveled & established, natural Dominant. Some points: Lawyer. Naturally dominant. I am a 44 year old extremely dominate owner/master I am an educated, intelligent dominant man I am mature, stable, honest and trustworthy Dominant male. I have been Dominant since birth How do they know they are dominant to me? Why would they announce it? In my experience - I have found the very OPPOSITE to be true. The only ones Ive ever curled around even remotely are the ones who never even mentioned the word - NOT ONCE. What is your take on this?

LadyConstanze -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/16/2015 6:55:30 PM)
I especially love the dominant since birth, I have the picture of a baby dominantly crying for the breast or the bottle in my head now, waaahhhhhhwaaaaahhhh

ChrchofDrk -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/16/2015 6:58:48 PM)
No. We just tell em we're the Pumpkin King and the subs can take it from there

OsideGirl -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/16/2015 8:36:43 PM)
Chest thumping.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/16/2015 8:55:07 PM)
Ever since a former mod who worked on the support side told me that a large percentage of "dominant" men here also have profiles as submissive men, I no longer believe anyone who says they're dominant. The proof is in the meeting I think. Of the handful I've met, I was far more dominant than all but one. I've come to think dominance in men is mostly wishful thinking. Mostly, not entirely. Except of course when they announce that they're "strict and demanding". Then of course I'm a believer.

OsideGirl -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/16/2015 9:34:17 PM)
i think people who have control issues want to be Dominant. It gives them a crutch for their issue. I haven't met a lot of men or women who are really alpha or a natural leader. But, that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there for them.

itsSIRtou -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/16/2015 9:53:02 PM)
From the number of sub/slave females who mention in their profile that they will not Dom sub males at all, there must be a large number of sub males who ask those sub females to Dom them anyway. I've seen in plenty of sub/slave female profiles,.... " No sub males" " I will not Dom anybody" So telling a sub/slave as part of a self description that they ARE Dom is probably a reaction to seeing those words in enough profiles. but I agree the "Dom from birth" one-liner is a laugher.... I can hear it now.... (think "stewie" from "family guy" ) "bitch! Give Me my nuk!" " waddya mean I cant have breakfast cuz the single tail left scaring on ur nipples from beddy-time?" "Just cuz u change My diaper does not mean Im not the Master of this house!!"

LadyPact -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/16/2015 11:04:40 PM)
As a different perspective, I actually do have it in the text of my profile. Something like "sadistic, Dominant, poly, who is a leather person". There are a few reasons for it. * I've gotten so used to doing that introduction at small munch groups. * I make the distinction between Dominant and top, even though I consider myself both. * Not everybody gets the concept that not all D/D couples engage in kink with each other or have at least one party who is a switch, sub, or bottom. When we meet people in real life, you'd be amazed at how many times MP has had to say 'not her sub'. Online, people erroneously assume that because I'm female, it must be me who switches or submits to him in our private life. That last one is the reason behind any times I've responded to an email and had to say something to the effect that I'm not a switch, I'm a Dominant. You know how it is because somebody new to BDSM stumbles onto this site. Many of them lack an education about anything alternative lifestyle related, make assumptions, and need to be taught that not all of their predetermined thoughts are correct. Don't know if that helps but that's some info on why I do it.

DarkSteven -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 12:01:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I especially love the dominant since birth, I have the picture of a baby dominantly crying for the breast or the bottle in my head now, waaahhhhhhwaaaaahhhh Actually, in my case, I WAS Dominant from birth. Instead of the doctor spanking me, I spanked the nurses.

NookieNotes -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 2:55:25 AM)
I say: quote: I am a primarily dominant woman. I do switch, and I enjoy it, with the right people. However, my energy is dominant, or alpha, if you prefer. I would never be a good "submissive" for anyone. I think this is important to clarify, so I put it out there. I do NOT send any messages at any time asserting my dominance. Why would I? That's silly.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 4:28:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl i think people who have control issues want to be Dominant. It gives them a crutch for their issue. I haven't met a lot of men or women who are really alpha or a natural leader. But, that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there for them. I don't think that it quite works like that all the time, I'm always suspicious if people are trying to be ueber dominant, they just come across as domineering and rude, I have a really low tolerance if they are trying to show "dominance" by treating waiters that manner. The amount of times some domly guy explained to me that I can't be a domme because I'm too polite or at a play party I don't order strangers around, ffs, I'm not dominant to the whole world and expect the whole world to jump, that would be delusional, I tend to reserve it for people who have agreed to enter a certain dynamic with me, and outside that and especially in public, there is nothing that would make people suspect of the dynamic, because again, 3rd parties aren't part of the dynamic and I'm not a fan of involving non-consenting bystanders, especially vanilla ones. I honestly couldn't handle anybody who expects micromanagement, it would drive me nuts and since BDSM is a game for adults, I prefer people who are adults. Sure some people might get off being treated like crap 24/7 (or fantasize about it), it's just not for me, if I do need a punching bag, I have one in the garage and when it's time for weird twisted fun aka BDSM, then I don't want the sniffeling worm but the willing volunteer. I'm sure it doesn't work like that for everybody, but "everybody" is not in my dynamic and I'm not forcing anybody to agree to the rules, they can take it or leave it.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 8:53:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I say: quote: I am a primarily dominant woman. I do switch, and I enjoy it, with the right people. However, my energy is dominant, or alpha, if you prefer. I would never be a good "submissive" for anyone. I think this is important to clarify, so I put it out there. I do NOT send any messages at any time asserting my dominance. Why would I? That's silly. FYI, men on the other side (and other site) who label themselves dominant do the above all the time.

OsideGirl -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 9:29:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl i think people who have control issues want to be Dominant. It gives them a crutch for their issue. I haven't met a lot of men or women who are really alpha or a natural leader. But, that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there for them. I don't think that it quite works like that all the time, I'm always suspicious if people are trying to be ueber dominant, they just come across as domineering and rude, I have a really low tolerance if they are trying to show "dominance" by treating waiters that manner. I see that as a result of insecurity and control issues. It tends to manifest as domineering rather than dominant. Abusers tend to be insecure and take out their anger about feeling that way on those around them. quote: The amount of times some domly guy explained to me that I can't be a domme because I'm too polite One of the things that is always interesting to watch is how M operates. He is polite, he is friendly. Strangers open his doors and give way to him without even realizing why they do it. What ever group his is in, will start following his lead within a short period. He doesn't need to announce that he's an alpha and the only time you'll really get to see the gruff side is if you decide to cross him. quote: I'm not dominant to the whole world I can't tell you how many guys approach women expecting the women to behave submissively to a stranger simply because that stranger has labeled himself "Dominant". It's one of the things that makes novice women submissives a target....because they really want to be a part of this world and will believe it when someone tells them so. quote: I honestly couldn't handle anybody who expects micromanagement, it would drive me nuts and since BDSM is a game for adults, I prefer people who are adults. Our view is that my role is to make his life easier, not harder. quote: Sure some people might get off being treated like crap 24/7 (or fantasize about it) I think the majority of the people with those fantasies would be miserable if they actually got what they say they want.

JanahX -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 9:39:20 AM)
= Fast Reply = I think I'm the one who would determine if the person who is stating (he) is dominant to me - through his profile claim, is indeed so. Hell, Ive had conversations with guys from the other side who Im pretty sure had an I.Q. in the Forrest Gump range that think they know what is what and think that I'm beneath them because they "think" they are superior in all, because I'm listed as a sub. These type of people are SADLY mistaken. Ive also had many many (guys) that tell me they've been in the lifestyle for years and years and yet dont know the difference between a Master, Dominant and Top. The way I know if someone is truly dominant to me is that I will admire and respect them not only INSIDE the bedroom but OUTSIDE as well. These type of people can curl me around their little finger without so much as trying. They dont have to tell me they are dominant - Ive made them so by responding to them as such. Without a submissive - they are nothing but legends in their own minds. Please note - this is just my view on a personal/private relationship level. I do not include people that are publicly involved in the community, poly, scene level, or dungeons in this view. As I am fully aware that this must be conducted on a completely different level.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 10:20:07 AM)
I'm always amazed that people who clearly have massive deficiencies in their lives, no selfcontrol and are extremely limited in a number of ways, expect that others hand over control over their lives, subs aren't stupid or suicidal, I'm not saying TPE is wrong, but a lot of profiles, male of female who expect it seem to expect it right off the bat, I can't imagine that anybody with 2 working brain cells would give a complete stranger complete control over their lives, I really hope people have some instincts regarding self-preservation...

littleladybug -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 10:24:58 AM)
I am personally leery of the use of terms such as "alpha" or "natural leader". I put these terms in the same category as "slave heart" and "dominant/submissive from birth". Ok, that's great that you consider yourself as (or having) these things. What do you think that should mean to me? Frankly, I don't care if others think that a person is the "domliest dom ever to walk the face of the earth" and that other people follow him or look up to him. At the end of it all, what matter is how we connect, and what he inspires in me.

OsideGirl -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 11:05:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I'm not saying TPE is wrong, but a lot of profiles, male of female who expect it seem to expect it right off the bat, I can't imagine that anybody with 2 working brain cells would give a complete stranger complete control over their lives, I really hope people have some instincts regarding self-preservation... Even as TPE as we are...M has never attempted to be the decision maker where my business is concerned. He admits that he doesn't understand the inner workings of what I do. But as they say, a good manager doesn't know how to do every job, he knows how to delegate to those that do know job. So, while I may ask for advice, he leaves those decisions up to me. I have a friend who is a psychologist with a private practice, owns her own home, etc, etc and was surprised at how many guys thought she should give up all control to them.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 11:27:30 AM)
I wouldn't ever assume to tell somebody who's obviously skilled at what they do how to do their job, H and I have a business together but 2 different branches, what he does and what I do usually don't overlap apart from a very few rare (and lucrative) exceptions, there's no TPE involved, I'm happy if he invests our money because he's good at that and it's just not something that I have patience for, I enjoy making money because it is a thrill, but then I kinda lose interest, so he's just better suited. I hardly ever look at profiles, because I'm not "looking" but sometimes on the other side they pop up randomly if I log in, last one I remember was some guy, he seemed clinically obese and the picture, it just looked like he was sitting in a dumpster after a bomb hit it (to be honest first I thought it was a joke profile), the profile itself, barely literate, looking for a slave and TPE, he would take control over her life, her money, her food, and a bunch of drivel how strict and superior he is. He might have endocrine issues and know everything about healthy food (though I do doubt it) I'm not a manic dust chaser (not with 5 pets) but the place looked so horrible that the RSPCA would possibly remove even wild rats and raccoons due to unsuitability and animal cruelty. Though in all fairness I have also seen some self proclaimed goddesses who are like that and expect men to just apply and hand over power of attorney. Seriously, even if I'd be a sub, if anybody would wanted to control my finances, that person would have to show me that they're damned good at it, if TPE works for couples, great, but to expect anybody to enter a TPE relationship to an unknown person on the internet, ffs... Though the scary thing is, for a while I kept getting scans of passports from guys, seemed to have been some weird fashion a few years back and detailed info about their work, they don't know me from Adam, I could be a blackmailer, how on earth would they know? Is it some sick thrill to play with your existence?

LadyPact -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/17/2015 12:15:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX = Fast Reply = I think I'm the one who would determine if the person who is stating (he) is dominant to me - through his profile claim, is indeed so. Hell, Ive had conversations with guys from the other side who Im pretty sure had an I.Q. in the Forrest Gump range that think they know what is what and think that I'm beneath them because they "think" they are superior in all, because I'm listed as a sub. These type of people are SADLY mistaken. Ive also had many many (guys) that tell me they've been in the lifestyle for years and years and yet dont know the difference between a Master, Dominant and Top. The way I know if someone is truly dominant to me is that I will admire and respect them not only INSIDE the bedroom but OUTSIDE as well. These type of people can curl me around their little finger without so much as trying. They dont have to tell me they are dominant - Ive made them so by responding to them as such. Without a submissive - they are nothing but legends in their own minds. Please note - this is just my view on a personal/private relationship level. I do not include people that are publicly involved in the community, poly, scene level, or dungeons in this view. As I am fully aware that this must be conducted on a completely different level. Totally get it. The profile thing, I'll give people some room about. It wasn't long back that the black and white site added even more choices in roles so people could more adequately find the right fit. Here? You can't really do that, so people have to pick from the menu and then explain themselves. I said the same thing on another thread and the same is true on my side of the slash. How many folks do you see identify themselves as a top or bedroom Dominant on their profile? Many don't, even though in some cases, it might be much more accurate. For email, especially what I'm hearing, probably not? (This happens on the other side in the cases of some s-types when writing female D-types.) I think you are looking for the vibe, rather than proclamations. The man will have to have a certain effect on you, most likely in person, with the way you interact. Anybody can tell you they are the Domliest Dom or the most subbiest of subs. It's like the old saying about being a lady. If you are having to tell people you are one, you're probably not. Funny trivia about this. I do see people who have submissive personalities AND folks who choose to be submissive in a specific relationship to a person. (Neither is better than the other. Just different descriptors.) Best detection system for submissive personalities? My little grey cat. She is not fond of D-types, (except HER family) vanillas, or even submissives due to relationships. Submissive personality types? She's loving on them in no time. One in less than fifteen minutes. I turned around, she's letting this person CARRY her from the staircase. Maybe I should start taking the cat to munches.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Do dominants have to explain to subs how dominant they are? (12/18/2015 2:28:30 PM)
We are apparent from the beginning till the end times ...all people are...socks/fakes/liars who make up the vast bulk of these sites. None of my kind have ever mailed you, nor your kind ever mine..are you sitting in judgement of my kind..or eg ..socks/fakes/liars who make up the vast bulk of these sites.

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