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Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 5:43:29 PM   
SavageEu


Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline 		Comming from the dom side of things, see I even resisted the horrible 6th grade urge to spell the first word suggestively, I was wondering how many subs (I suppose this includes slaves though I am a little fuzzy on the exact difference that the words mean around here) acutally like being used.

Now I am not talking about just your Dom using you as (s)he wants so that you please them, that I can comprehend. But really being used but expecting no sign of caring at all toward you is what I am wondering about. I know a male switch who gets off multiple times at the mear thought of being abused. For him his ultimate fantasy is to be kidnapped by a mistress and used and abused against his will in elaborate sexual ways until he is dead. It does not seem to be about pleasing someone, in that you are making another happy, it seems like the abuse itself is what he craves. He hates the thought of her caring for him at all.

Is this just a more or less deranged view, which he freely admits, or is there a type of sub that likes that pure degredation? For me I always thought that part of the appeal of a D/s relationship is the control of another, as one who I hope writes back put it 'The white picket fence' mentality. Hell, Secretary is a great romance in my mind.

A lot of the profiles here suggest that most subs are looking for something like that, being used but cared for, or at the very least being cared about. Even some of the Gorean subs, which I have just recently looked into and I will have to get those books, seem to want a Master that cares for them.

Only one profile I have seen, if it is real, was basically asking for someone to be thier Master and whore them out and seemed to not really care what happened to themselves.

Am I just looking at the 'cute and fuzzy' side of D/s or is there a large segment of the subs with this type of mentality, wanting the use and abuse more than a relationship with thier Master?


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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 5:51:28 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		The "one" was a part of the group, but I will dare to say not the majority.  I believe most here cherish REAL relationships - feeling and all. 

< Message edited by babysburnin -- 7/18/2006 5:58:14 PM >

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-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 6:29:21 PM   
SavageEu


Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline 		My exposure is a bit different from many here and I am just getting into the.. uh mainstream BDSM, what a very odd statement. And since I tried to be a sub at one time and it felt all wrong, I have found that I do not understand a subs thinking a lot of the time. Which I is why I am glad there is a forum like this to tap into the unknown side of this for me. I had thought that most subs desire to serve and that is what drives them, but after talking with the guy I mentioned above and see a few similar things elsewhere I began to wonder if the usage itself might drive a lot more subs than I thought. 

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 7:04:50 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have done my share of being used without being cared about in my lifetime.  I hope to not live like that again.  It left me feeling empty and alone and depressed, over the long haul.  Master uses me as he wants - whether to enjoy himself with, and then telling me I was his good girl, or to simply fuck me and leave, leaving me to lay in a heap. I love all of it, yet I know I am cared for.  He might hand me off to someone I don't even know, who could not possibly care about me, but I know Master's love and that is what matters. 

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 7:07:56 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear SavageEu, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eye, there are several distinct elements to which "used" applies differently and perhaps un-equally.
 
You will come across those who freely toss about the desire to be 'used and abused.'  Most times I look into the profile and it is a role play fantasy and not really someone who cares about a relationship in general, other than making exciting scenes happen to feed the fantasy.
 
There are some who feel that this 'use and abuse' attitude and behavior towards them is normal, to which they base it upon BDSM or S&M novels, porn movies and the like.  In my mind's eye, I feel the urge to explore deeper with questions, as to establish if this is a niave thought, expectation and or attitude towards BDSM and or S&M or, the desire to experience this, to which might raise my personal concerns about self-esteem issues and or the unbroken cycle of abuse in prior relationships and or life before finding D/s, M/s, BDSM and or S&M.
 
Then, there are those who are in my mind's eye; that the "use" they seek is to have purpose--not being treated with disregard, without feeling, the lack of being able to feel safe, comforted, appreciated and desired as companion, the enhancement to the dominant's life and feel the love that is manifested in many ways that is personal to the slave/submissive; just as much as it is to the dominant.  The use in this case is positive as well as promoting freedom through service.
 
For my personal tastes, I do not seek individuals who desire me to cause them humiliation, abuse and use as to be in a manner that is risky to their well being and or mine.  Sadly, I find most that approach me for use and abuse, is an individual who just wants kinky rough sex.
Of course, it is amazing how many males become extremely excited about having their phallus tied into a bow-tie and stapled onto a butterfly board and hung like a trophy.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 7:12:16 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Wait!  He wants to be used until he's DEAD?  OK, that seems a bit extreme to me, but what the hell?  Um, count me out on this thread.

Oh, and btw...coming only has one "m".  Kudos on resisting the urge, but you might want to use spell check (not meant at all nastily). 

< Message edited by bandit25 -- 7/18/2006 7:13:46 PM >

(in reply to SavageEu)
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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 7:53:34 PM   
gypsyssoul


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
Status: offline
:: thinks how to answer
without humilating myself ..
 
 
perhaps its the fear ... of being hurt
i can take pain .. this i know .. but when it comes to being hurt
in my heart ... i guess i call a hard limit ..
being used and uncared about
might .. just might make them feel safe from
the emotional part
 
:: thinking i should have stuck with
that 5th thing ...
 
 


_____________________________

~~"I have always sought this other side, but like a flame I dare not touch, For like forbidden fruits of wild .. just one taste would be to much"...
~~ blessed be

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 8:02:09 PM   
SavageEu


Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline 		While I do try to spell properly, I am not always successful *Hunts around for spell check*.  Yes, that is his ultimate fantasy, he wants to die being used in some way. His personal favorite involves insects and hoses.. and really I would rather not go into it but its pretty bad. I know that he is the extreme but the general desire to used in a manner, as LadyHugs put it,  that is risky to thier well-being emotionally is what I was curious about. I suppose that 'self-destructive' is the only term that really gets to the heart of the matter.

Can a sub be happy as well as self-destructive by chooseing a Master that just uses her and humiliates her and she knows that her Master could care less if she lives or dies?

Can the use alone be enough for a sub to really get anything out of being in a relationship like that besides more ... damage?

Also something that LadyHugs brought to mind, do males seem to like this sort of use more than females? I know that  when my wife was a Pro-Dom she pretty much only had men that hired her and she felt nothing but contempt for them and they seemed to love it.

I know that at first it seems like a simple question, I mean really, who would willingly do that to themselves and see it as a positive thing. But then I like physical pain, I sat at my friends house the other day and whipping the palm of my hand with his crop until he told me it was annoying him. The pain hurt and still felt good (as many on here would probably agree) and I thought perhaps there is an emotional version of that. One that I do not understand but still exists.

I know that use, in and of itself, is not a negative thing. I have imagined using my former Pet in ways that would leave her weeping but still, there is that element of caring that personally I can not imagine missing from a D/s relationship. Atleast one that I would be part of.

So when I got onto the forums that was one thing that I really wondered about, that maybe the caring relatioship I was looking for was a lot rarer than I hoped. I guess it seems a bit silly now that I have looked around a bit that I thought there would be teeming oceans of subs that wanted to think thier Master only kept them around as meaningless playthings.


And as I read gypsysoul wrote as I was replying that makes a bit of sense, perhaps its not happyness but defense that might make someone want that. and I loved the way you type gypsysoul . Very poetic.


< Message edited by SavageEu -- 7/18/2006 8:05:15 PM >

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 8:06:46 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think the physical pain is easier to deal with than the emotional.  I have felt that way at times.. just beat the living tar out of me.. hurt me.. bruise me..and leave me the hell alone. 
 
Don't get the used till dead thing though.. that's a bit much..don't ya think?
 
~Andrea
 
 

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Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 8:11:29 PM   
SavageEu


Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline 		Well as far as my friends desires go, there are many things that are a bit much about him. Though one comical area is that he is completely homophobic yet for some reason he has this desire for me to use him. He is not quite right in the head. 

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 8:15:15 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		If you ask if I have the need or desire to be used as you describe above, used by an uncaring person that thinks of me as an object to sate their deviant desires without caring about me... NO, I do not have any desire to have that reality inflicted upon my body, mind and most importantly my soul...

That being said, I have had fantasies about such things that I find incredibly erotic. I would like my Daddy to explore them with me as long as it was just us two because I am safe with him. He would not hurt me. There is a big difference between living out a fantasy in a safe way and having your humanity taken from you. I can understand someone doing the reality of it, but I just couldn't.

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 8:24:12 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I guess my answer is, yes and no. I would like it, but would need to hear them say something like: "Now turn around and let me use you; you know that is really what your true purpose is, and you want that". Or, "Go ahead and let yourself be fully used, like a good girl". The words would indicate caring (to some degree) to me. I seem to need verbal something before it would happen. Otherwise, I am not sure I would love it (though I would not mind, perhaps even like it). 

To clarify my answer: Probabaly yes, not altogether sure. I am not sure where this comes from, I know I have a masochistic bent (but am not sure I am a masochist at all) and not sure degradation is the correct term I would prefer go along with the concept of being sexually used - although I would not want to be used until I was dead , for certain, and with no verbal contact, that's for sure. 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/18/2006 8:28:52 PM >

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 8:38:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I have done my share of being used without being cared about in my lifetime.  I hope to not live like that again.  It left me feeling empty and alone and depressed, over the long haul.  Master uses me as he wants - whether to enjoy himself with, and then telling me I was his good girl, or to simply fuck me and leave, leaving me to lay in a heap. I love all of it, yet I know I am cared for.  He might hand me off to someone I don't even know, who could not possibly care about me, but I know Master's love and that is what matters. 

Ditto pretty much.

I adore being used.  Ignore me, treat me like a maid you've never met, treat me like a quick hole you get to use for free and then never think upon again.  Degradation, humiliation, objectification, plain old treat me like a knick knack onthe shelf that you dust every few weeks....yeah I LOVE it.

But I wouldn't want it as the basis of a relationship, nor the foundations of a long term relationship.  While, like owned, I do love knowing that I simply am property, no matter what else may or may not arise, a full relationship for me goes beyond simply the objectification.

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 9:26:02 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		~grins~  Yep, you got it, lol.

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/18/2006 10:58:29 PM   
SavageEu


Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you girls for responding, I do love learning more about what makes people tick. 

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/19/2006 12:03:53 AM   
fullofgrace


Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I have done my share of being used without being cared about in my lifetime.  I hope to not live like that again.  It left me feeling empty and alone and depressed, over the long haul.  Master uses me as he wants - whether to enjoy himself with, and then telling me I was his good girl, or to simply fuck me and leave, leaving me to lay in a heap. I love all of it, yet I know I am cared for.  He might hand me off to someone I don't even know, who could not possibly care about me, but I know Master's love and that is what matters. 


it's like that for me as well. i have a history of trying to build relationships with people who could care less about my well-being or needs. He is not exactly good with physical affection or reassurance, things that i usually need within a relationship, but i am learning to adjust and to trust that He loves me no matter what. i can't relate to the situation described in the op's post...i mean, i love being used and treated as an object, but not to the point that it completely destroys any belief that the person using me cares for me in a relationship sense.


< Message edited by fullofgrace -- 7/19/2006 12:05:07 AM >

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/19/2006 12:28:14 AM   
SavageEu


Posts: 197
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline 		That I can understand that portion to a degree and I know that its almost just a semantic argument. As others like LuckyAlbatross and ownedgirlie  said I come a little closer to understanding by example. Much like the first time someone told me that serveing made them happy. It is almost an alien concept to me and so I want to learn.

Not to mention if I find my Pet and that is part of what fufills her I will understand her a bit better.

I could see part of the appeal as a momentary thing, I guess the part I get hung up on is imagining it not as a limited thing but as someone having a relationship built on it. Hah, maybe I am just not as cruel as I think I am :)

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/19/2006 12:31:36 AM   
shivvy


Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I have done my share of being used without being cared about in my lifetime.  I hope to not live like that again.  It left me feeling empty and alone and depressed, over the long haul.  Master uses me as he wants - whether to enjoy himself with, and then telling me I was his good girl, or to simply fuck me and leave, leaving me to lay in a heap. I love all of it, yet I know I am cared for.  He might hand me off to someone I don't even know, who could not possibly care about me, but I know Master's love and that is what matters. 

Ditto pretty much.

I adore being used.  Ignore me, treat me like a maid you've never met, treat me like a quick hole you get to use for free and then never think upon again.  Degradation, humiliation, objectification, plain old treat me like a knick knack onthe shelf that you dust every few weeks....yeah I LOVE it.

But I wouldn't want it as the basis of a relationship, nor the foundations of a long term relationship.  While, like owned, I do love knowing that I simply am property, no matter what else may or may not arise, a full relationship for me goes beyond simply the objectification.


Totally agree. i have no objections to being shared with people who i don't know, and who don't care about me, but i have always tried my best to be pleasing, coz i know my Master cares about me, and i want Him to be pleased with me. He is the person i luv, and who luvs me.. nobody else.

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/19/2006 12:51:52 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fullofgrace

it's like that for me as well. i have a history of trying to build relationships with people who could care less about my well-being or needs. He is not exactly good with physical affection or reassurance, things that i usually need within a relationship, but i am learning to adjust and to trust that He loves me no matter what. i can't relate to the situation described in the op's post...i mean, i love being used and treated as an object, but not to the point that it completely destroys any belief that the person using me cares for me in a relationship sense.


Master is not an affectionate type, either.  I struggled to work through that and am better for it now, so I do understand your words about that. 

The way I see it, any jerk on the street can treat me like a worthless whore and then leave. But my devotion is to Master.  I am safe with him (physically and emotionally) whether he treats me like a worthless whore or his sweet little girl.  He cares about my well being, so anything he does with or to me, he is going to be sure I can handle it and that I am not damaged by it.  Knowing and trusting that, he can use and abuse me all he wants.

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RE: Are there many who like to be used? - 7/20/2006 5:56:43 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I have done my share of being used without being cared about in my lifetime.  I hope to not live like that again.  It left me feeling empty and alone and depressed, over the long haul.  Master uses me as he wants - whether to enjoy himself with, and then telling me I was his good girl, or to simply fuck me and leave, leaving me to lay in a heap. I love all of it, yet I know I am cared for.  He might hand me off to someone I don't even know, who could not possibly care about me, but I know Master's love and that is what matters. 

Ditto pretty much.

I adore being used.  Ignore me, treat me like a maid you've never met, treat me like a quick hole you get to use for free and then never think upon again.  Degradation, humiliation, objectification, plain old treat me like a knick knack onthe shelf that you dust every few weeks....yeah I LOVE it.

But I wouldn't want it as the basis of a relationship, nor the foundations of a long term relationship.  While, like owned, I do love knowing that I simply am property, no matter what else may or may not arise, a full relationship for me goes beyond simply the objectification.


This is me too. I love it, love it, love it. I'm deeply cared for and well-kept, that helps when he is exceptionally cold and all about the *use*. It is the light that I can always see, no matter how dark he makes it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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