A new year. Time to up your gameplan

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A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/24/2015 2:09:56 AM

LearnURplace

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Joined: 11/20/2015
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If you haven't found that soulmate yet, maybe it's because you are the same old you while everyone else is new. It's time to up your game a notch. Maybe your standards are too high but your will to explore is too low. If you want something, go get it. Hope doesn't pay the bills or fulfill desires. You have to work hard for anything that's worth holding onto. Einstein once quoted "If you do the same thing 50 times expecting a different result it's considered insanity.
Every 24 hrs you are another day older. You may not see it cause you see yourself in the mirror everyday. But one day you'll be asking yourself "where did my life and time go?" Why did every one I chose turn out to be the same kinda loser?
Give someone different a chance to be with you. Someone outside your norm of what you are use to. You maybe surprised what you might find. It maybe the love that you never thought you'd expect. It maybe someone that was right in front of you all along. All the while you've been sifting through stones you may have just missed the diamond in the rough.

Be smart. Be safe..it's key.
But most of all..live life before it passes you by.
Beauty fades.
Don't let what time you have fade with it
:)

Post #: 1

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/24/2015 6:15:03 AM

LadyPact

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Is it just me or does this whole thing scream "you should settle?"

Not something I'd advise folks to do but everybody's got their own ideas.

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RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/24/2015 7:53:10 AM

Cell

Posts: 409
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Yer. I was thinking that, but then the rest seemed to be pretty ok. I know people who have settled and are pretty unhappy. They may have been unhappy before, but now they,re unhappy with kids... so there's that. But on the other hand, I'm sure a lot of crazy cat ladies were eligible bits of tail once apon a time. Maybe they held out a bit too long? Too long can turn into too late if your not careful... So I duno. Maybe good advice for some people. Marry Christmas pplz, whatever the case may be. It can be a tuff time of year for some.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/24/2015 7:57:05 AM

NookieNotes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LearnURplace

Give someone different a chance to be with you. Someone outside your norm of what you are use to. You maybe surprised what you might find. It maybe the love that you never thought you'd expect. It maybe someone that was right in front of you all along.

This part is the meat of it, in my reading.

It screams, "people overlook me, and I don't know why... if they'd only give ME a chance!"

But, hey, I've been wrong before.

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RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/24/2015 8:26:33 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Is it just me or does this whole thing scream "you should settle?"

Not something I'd advise folks to do but everybody's got their own ideas.

I agree. Whenever anyone asks, incredulously, why I'm single, I simply point out that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the quality of men I encounter.

Settling might be ok depending on what you are settling for.

I could never settle for someone who didn't stimulate my brain or make my heart beat faster.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/24/2015 8:31:43 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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Just because people are older doesn't mean they're not eligible. Ageism at its finest.

And most older pet owning women I've known don't consider a pet a sorry settling instead of a partner. They're happy with companions who do know how to give them unconditional love.

Instead of the op's advice, I suggest being self aware. No settling, no wondering why you get refused by everyone you want. Of course, it requires hard work and can't be done overnight, I see why he prefers to whine that women turn him down for no reason when he's such a nice guy instead.

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RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/27/2015 10:56:23 AM

Bunnicula

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I'd agree with those who said 'don't settle'...and add 'for second best' because that's what it implies to me.

Also, I would encourage people NOT to start considering people who don't fit their search criteria - as you get older you know the kind of person that 'works' for you and what doesn't.

When I was looking I took a chance and went on a few dates with people I wouldn't ordinarily consider. After spending time with them I realised why I'd overlooked them in the first place - they just weren't compatible with my wants and needs.

Instead, I would advocate patience. Keep your standards high, your eyes sharp and just keep looking. It took me 8 years of sporadically dating 'kinky guys' to find Master. It was well worth the wait.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/27/2015 6:16:51 PM

JanahX

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No fucking way, if anything - I set my standards higher and expect better.

I'm awesome & so shouldn't be the person I'm with.

Set my standards lower... you gotta be outta your god-damned mind.

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RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/27/2015 7:14:05 PM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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Wrong. Start with a detailed list about yourself and be honest. Make a detailed list of what you want in partner. Make a top 10 list and then whittle it down to the 5 things that are the most important to you. (These are your core values) Don't settle for anybody that doesn't hit those top 5.

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RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/27/2015 7:18:13 PM

sattndoll

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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Upping my game doesn't include fooling people about what I want or who I am. We all have our own particular needs, opening my mind to someone else's Ideas is always good, but you can't fool yourself. If it's not in your nature then it would be settling, not my idea of uping my game... Be true to yourself, be patient, life happens when you least expect it.

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Post #: 10

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/27/2015 7:20:56 PM

LearnURplace

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Joined: 11/20/2015
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Nothing about what I wrote meant to settle or fooling people. It was primarily a different way of thinking for those who have not found success previously. You can stay in the same old rut or change up the game. Doesn't hurt, and if it doesn't work out and you quit trying you still have that bed/rut you can fall back into as time flies above you within the clouds of what could have been. When you find yourself counting the years of wait, despair and disappointment who then is the real fool?...bottom line.

< Message edited by LearnURplace -- 12/27/2015 7:27:29 PM >

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 11

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/27/2015 7:24:43 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
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quote:

Is it just me or does this whole thing scream "you should settle?"

It honestly didn't say that to me.

I did mildly marvel at how many cliches could be worked into a single post.

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it's never enough to keep up.

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Post #: 12

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/27/2015 7:37:21 PM

JVoV

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I don't see it as settling to go out and live a full life, while actively searching for your partner.

You won't find them watching Bob's Burgers for hours on Netflix.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 13

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/27/2015 8:36:36 PM

Greta75

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Joined: 2/6/2011
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Fr

Whatever methods work, most importantly is to feel like you got the best person in the world to be fair to the other person too, nobody likes to feel like, their partner has settled for them.

If you settle because you are afraid of fading beauty and getting too old, then make sure you can genuinely feel happy with second best.

I think the tone that sounds like settling is the part where the OP advised considering people you would never consider in the past.

I have often thought of that. One of my biggest filters that makes my pool of potentials shrink is my physical requirements are so specific. While I am not looking for a pretty face. I like large thighs and calves and the guy gotta be tall. There are alot of men who are tall, with big upper bodies, even ripped muscular ones, but usually their lower body is slim and not big, but it's rare to find men who have naturally large thighs and calves. For me, that's like such a big turn on. I think it's like men admiring boobs. I could admire legs all day if the guy got my ideal legs and love him in Berms and I love photographing his legs with mine.

I mean, if all one wants is just anybody to be a life partner, then, of course the search will be narrowed and would be super easy. I had someone who will make a picture perfect spouse to my friends and to my parents proposed to me last year after seeing me casually for 2 years, I never promise exclusivity to any man, and I turn it down due to sexual chemistry with him, I felt, wasn't quite right. I used to married to someone who was perfect for me outside the bedroom, but horrible sexual chemistry in bed. And this guy, would have been like, walking into Version 2.0 of my x-marriage.

Oh ya, I am looking for great sexual chemistry too on top of large legs, and then all the inner beauty combine. I've already decided, if I settle, I will not be happy regardless and then stuck to someone I feel like I have settled for, because I'm worried about my ticking clock. I thought about it in both circumstances, and I thought, both situations will not make me happy, so better choose single hood where at least you will have more freedom.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 12/27/2015 8:38:20 PM >

(in reply to JVoV)

Post #: 14

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/28/2015 10:32:24 AM

OsideGirl

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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LearnURplace

When you find yourself counting the years of wait, despair and disappointment who then is the real fool?...bottom line.

The fool is the person that settles for a relationship out of despair and disappointment.

I'm a happy, whole person whether I'm in a relationship or not. If you only value yourself based on being in a relationship, I would suggest counseling.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Post #: 15

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/28/2015 2:40:52 PM

Spiritedsub2

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The only people I know suffering despair and disappointment are the ones in relationships where they've settled.

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Post #: 16

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/28/2015 8:16:11 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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If you can't be happy and fulfilled by yourself, then you certainly don't have anything to offer an amazing partner. If you're full of despair and disappointment then you'll still be like that in a relationship.

Go fix your problems. Become that amazing person who other amazing people would want to be in a relationship with.

I don't need a man to be a self actualized human being. I was fine and happy being celibate for years until I decided I was ready to seek a partner.
That was 12 years ago and we're still together. I wonder how long the op has been with his partner, assuming he has one.

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Post #: 17

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/28/2015 8:31:02 PM

OsideGirl

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Joined: 7/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I wonder how long the op has been with his partner, assuming he has one.

The OP is transgendered and I suspect frustration from those less accepting is what prompted this post.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Post #: 18

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/29/2015 8:58:39 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Quite possibly. But declaring yourself to be filled with despair isn't going to fix the problem.

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Post #: 19

RE: A new year. Time to up your gameplan - 12/29/2015 3:27:06 PM

LearnURplace

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Joined: 11/20/2015
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I'm not at all frustrated. My life is awesome! I followed my own advice and found some beautiful loving people that I took a rare chance on and never regretted it. I think the point is being overlooked. It was created by the plethora of ones I found who wrote that they can not find what they were looking for. Stagnate profiles that have been here with still no success. The thread was simply created to offer up a different avenue of thinking, if in case you were stuck in a rut. In no way did I claim you HAD to be partnered, enslaved or a MUST do. Again..it was an option to look at if all else has failed. You can take it at face value or get so lost in it to the point of speculating how "you" read into it.
The main objective (again) was to take a chance to up your game in a mode of trying something different instead of expecting something extravagant from doing the same old thing. Which from what I've read, still hasn't worked. Remember, time is the factor. I'm very happy with myself and just thought I'd offer up a different option to try a new approach. Nothing more. If you're happy with how you are conducting your search, awesome..if not maybe try the suggestion. I was just trying to help~best wishes<3

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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